Rather snooty capt: "Good morning tower BirdseedXXX requesting the information"

TWR: "Good morning BirdseedXXX, surface wind light and variable, Runway in use is 23, temperature +15, dew point +5, QNH 1016.

Rather snooty capt: "Can you be a bit more specific about the wind tower?"

TWR: "Certainly, 270 to 090, 1 knot gusting 2"!

flowman:D

A few years ago I was trundling along from Swansea to Popham

Cardiff Tower - G-xxxx pass your message

Moi - CDF Tower G-xxxx Piper Cub enroute Swansea to Popham at 2,000 ft on QNH 999 Currently North abeam you, transiting to the East of your zone.

Cardiff Tower - G-xxxx, F-27 traffic leaving Cardiff ahead of you climbing to FL 20 or whatever level. Can you route behind?

Moi - I'm in a Cub Cardiff...........

At JNB this week at NTW B722 to DBN on GMC freq was told that his FPL was filed incorrectly as a B732 and asked to check with his ops if they had refiled
reply "Ground we can go down on 2 engines then if that will speed things up"

ATC: "American Two-Twenty, Eneey, meeny, miney, moe, how do you hear my radio?"

:D

Heard over the airwaves in Med region, just after a light a/c landed on a very busy day.....

'XXXXXX make a 360 and backtrack, expedite' :confused:

I overheard this conversation one late night while over the Med west of Crete:

Athinai Control: Airline XXX you are cleared direct to ABC point.

Airline XXX: standby please

Athinai Control: Don't you have a map?

:D :D :D

Hope it's not on the previous pages yet.

Over Germany:

Aircraft: " Rhein goodmorning, abc123, out of 190 for 230, looking for 270."

Rhein ctl:" goodmorning abc123, It should be some"v"ere between 26 and 280."

Cruising round the WILLO hold one fine afternoon not so long ago, a UK charter 737 checks in:

ABC123 - "Afternoon *** this is ABC123 descending FL110 to HOLLY."
ATC - "ABC123 roger, route HOLLY, WILLO to hold."
ABC123 - "Roger, Hollow Willy to hold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

How we laughed!!!!!!!
:p

Non ATC but Kinda Funny....

Same pilot as mentioned earlier ( Fast Taxi )

Pilot again taxiing like a demon to the hold for departure in an ATR

For some reason has to stop suddenly. Enter stewardess who was doing the demonstration against the cockpit door.

Now spreadeagle on the centre console Pilot looks down cooly asks " Suppose a blow job is out of the question ..? " And then continues to taxi.....

:D :D :D :D :D

Cruising eastbound through Maastricht towards Germany:-

Maastricht Controller - "Route ABC - DEF - GHI due to military activity. Don't worry, they're not at war, they're only practising.."



:eek: :D :eek:

A/field somewhere in Lincolnshire:

"Heli C/s you're clear to land on the testicles...

"I mean spectacles..."

Ballsy move!!
:D

Heard yesterday on Manchester Arrival ATIS at about 1030z

"This is Manchester Arrival information Delta.....

and then in the background someone loudly shouts:

"F*CK OFF"

The guy reading the ATIS just carries on....very professional!

Anyone else hear it?

Fam-flying in the jumpseat of a Swissair Airbus 310 a few years ago , enroute Geneva to Manchester and over Paris approaching the Channel . There was a lot of babble in French on the frequency and after a couple of minutes of this I heard "Speak English you lot" !!!

Funnies
 

Hi all,

ATC tx to a fighter jet displaying at an airshow:

"fastjet XXX, be advised, there's smoke coming from the back of your aircra .... ah, disregard, I see you've already ejected"

Heard a few months ago late evening --scheduled airline heading for LGW just passing BARLU
Good evening again ladies and gentlemen, we are just beginning our descent into London Gatwick where the weather is good a lovely clear evening 10degCelcius and we are landing into Gatwick from the east--SUDDEN SILENCE
ATC---THAT WAS LOVELY GB**** NOW GO AND TELL IT TO YOUR PASSENGERS!!!!

Heard several years ago on the ATIS:

"Manchester Information No Bananas, Time xxxx, Runway in use....."

Never heard an explanation.

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7.Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers..."

:D

Track V two nights ago - another American asking for a ride report asked if anyone had any nibbles yet.......... Sorry, couldn't resist saying that we had peanuts and pretzels if that was OK.

CharleyB
Similar vein...
Qantas B747 taxies at Manch...Ladies and Gentlemen,etc,etc. When "advised" of his faux pas, he replied "B*gger, that's the FIRST time in 27 years of flying":D
we aim to please, it keeps the cleaners happy

Many moons ago from a friend at LATCC having trouble with a transitting IL-18:


LATCC: Socialist 007: Do you have transponder on board?

007: Negative, only agricultural equipment..............!