Now that's bloody funny!!!!!!! I cracked up!!! :ok: :)

Qn A-model Jetranger (i.e. underpowered at best of times) without a rotor brake (i.e. wait for ages for everything to stop spinning on shutdown) at a South of England aerodrome, on their Air Day, on the hottest day of the year (even less power !).

Calling for start, having been turned down on several occasions due to various things:

"XXX Tower - JetRanger would like to request callsign change to 'Optimist' and then request a start".

Les West Eye Test
 

Heathrow Director - that's a goodun, never knew that happened! I'll mention it to Les when I see him next (son of Les) :ok:

Bren, the name is familiar, but can't place him.

Wish I'd thought of that on my last medical though

happened today a small cherokee with student pilot just after touchdown

ATC: 9***** where are you parking?
9****: I don't know, just to tie up. anywhere
ATC: 9***** taxi to anywhere

on starting again
"Tower 9***** is at anywhere request taxi to active"

"SWR123 is requesting FL250 only for the cruise. Do you accept him at this level, it
 

lucky u for getting away scotfree:D:D

Listeining to that it is hardly surprising that US controllers complain about foreign pilots not understanding them!

Beaver and Basset-much loved old aircraft!
 

Female controller somewhere in the south.
On landline to me (for traffic info).... "Has anyone seen my Beaver"????

Was on a quiet friday afternoon and the speaker was on--much laughter was heard from the approach room!!

Also a landline call from approach to tower...
Whats the Basset doing ??
tower replies........ All sorts!!!

They dont make um like that any more lol:D

"X, Stand Y, Request push and start"

"X, Push and start approved, stand Y"

"Push and start approved, we may be a little slow pushing back, it's a women tug driver, X"

:}

spent the last 3 days (on and off) reading all 52 pages and ive had some good laughs! Of course it would only be 32 pages if there werent 15 reposts of the Frankfurt 1944 joke and the scottish air traffic controllers video!!!!

Looking forward to posting some of my own experiences in a few months when I start training!

Keep it up guys and gals :ok:


JB

thanks guys some really funny stuff
keep them coming:D

Heard recently at work:

Pilot: "Good morning XXXX Approach, XXX with you level 160. Request your latest surface data please?"

App/Twr: "XXX, XXXX Approach good morning. Descend to 7000', QNH 1013. Current surface data; (controller procedes to read out the METAR)

Once the acft had landed and off loaded pax, etc. The pilot called for start again.

Pilot: "XXXX Twr, XXX requesting start and your latest surface data please?"

Stumped, the cotroller turned to me to confirm the ATIS was working. And yes, the ATIS was fully fuctional.

Twr: "XXX, are you not picking up the ATIS?"

Pilot: "Oh:ooh:...haven't tried that one yet:rolleyes:!"

LOL .. Good stuff.. :ok: kepp them coming.

Blackwater
 

In the old days reporting points had real names! In Eire we had Eagle Island and another on a route was Blackwater.

A/C report 'Flightxxx reporting over Eagle Island time yy Fl330 next position Blackwater'

Controller 'Roger Flight xxx next report passing Blackwater'

Flightxxx ' Mister if I pass blackwater I'll holler'

Happened to me a number of years ago. I was posted at a quiet procedural station.

Pilot: first contact "TWR.......... er... Reportmy postion"

Me: "Last caller say your callsign"

Pilot: "Er ..ABC, request my position"

I explained that as a procedural staion I was unable to see him on radar however I'd give the nearby sector a call and see if they could and get back to him.

Me: "ABC, adjacent sector advises they have to on radar 25nm SE of my field, 5 500feet... Do you need some assistance?"

Pilot: "copied..."

DEAD SILENCE

Pilot: "TWR, report YOUR position!"

I had to bite my tongue...

I can see the chimneys
 

overheard on radio several years ago, a PPL doing a jaunt around the area after requesting clearance back to Dublin airport and answering a query re his location by saying he was overhead Dublin port and lining up for RW34.
(The 'chimneys' are in Dublin port and are a marker for RW34.)
ATC; Have you the chimneys in sight?
PPL; I have the 2 chimneys in sight.
ATC then got him to do 2 right turns and announced 'Those chimneys you see are the Drogheda Cement works'
( Drogheda cement works is 50 odd km north of Dublin and their chimneys are about 200m shorter and 80m wider than the power station in Dublin port)

Aircraft X calls for push at lgw.

told to hold by atc for a 737 with a tech prob, 737 says he needs 30 secs to clear it.

about a minute latter,

aircraft X calls up once again "im not been funny but how much longer do i need to wait"

737 "about 10 seconds"

airline x eventually cleared to push, but moans "that was 5 minutes we have been waiting"

unknown (prob airline x) - lots of moaning

unknown "someone needs a cuddle!"

ATC Training
 

Pilot: "Praha Radar, BAW1023 requesting further descent!"
ATC: "BAW1023, expect TCAS descent in 2 minutes."

A light aircraft inbound, IFR, to Rand Airport, south west of Johannesburg Intl.

Hoping that he would see the field and continue his descent VFR, clear of the final approach vectoring area for Jo'burg, I ask him ...

"ZS-xxx, what are your in flight conditions?"

A/C responds, "Everything is hunky dory thank you"
:ugh:

Friends, I thought that 1st of April was a few weeks ago.

http://blog.wired.com/cars/2008/05/swiss-man-strap.html

I can recall the voice of an instructor:
"What is the name of this separation, sir?"