Got a new one for you which I guarantee is true. Back in the mid 1970s a Lufthansa 737 had a special logo applied with a large number 250 (or similar) on the fuselage to commemorate the 250th (or so) anniversary of something or other which was a big deal in Germany at the time (I am sure someone can fill in the right number but it is not important). On Heathrow Ground a curious controller asked, "Lufthansa 232 what does the big number on the side of the aircraft signify?". Before Lufthansa could respond the pilot of another aircraft using a strong 'mock German' accent replied, "Schpittfiers". Lufthansa 232 remained silent!

this little chesnut from a a cheery american private jet

Ground: reads clearance...squawk 0345 QNH 1028"

Pilot: reads it back

few minutes later

"er ground, im having a few problems over here, i cant seem to get 1028 set in my box, its just not accepting it"

god knows what he had his altimeter set to!

Sometime last year I had a Jersey 146 on freq inbound to EGKK. I'm paraphrasing but the conversation went something like this...
"London, BEE123, can you clear something up for us, was that American which just passed above us left to right a 777?"
(I had already thrown the strip and hadn't got a clue)
"BEE123 affirm"
(I then got curious as to what the type was and to tell the truth I felt a bit guilty for just fobbing him off so I dug out out the strip)
"BEE123 actually I was wrong it was a 767"
"Ah ok, thanks London, it seems your aircraft recognition is as bad as mine"
"BEE123, my aircraft recognition from here is shocking. You all just look like green dots to me."
BEE123 - "Ah yes, I see your point. Silly me."
Made me chuckle anyway....

Priority vs eternity
 

CFC1 (canforce one) the plane that carries the Canadian prime minister is coming back to the national capital.
Arrival controller is vectoring him in sequence.
After receiving a vector that puts him number 3 or 4 the pilot adds to his readback:

CFC1: do you know we have the prime minister on board?
ARR: Does the prime minister want to live?

Funny ATC
 

Nmber two into CGN/EDDK last night.
Beautiful clear still evening.
We had no FMC wind readout.
Number one asked for a wind check.

Tower - "Variable at One Gusting Two." :}

Had us chuckling all the way down.

CY&B

Just heard on Manchester
Good evening London UPS*** decending blah blah
ATC Good evening UPS*** right frequency wrong centre we are Manchester
UPS*** Oh good evening Manchester
ATC My collegue has just suggested I call you Fed Ex
UPS*** silent!


Ian

Mumbai
 

"A!"
I was landing in Mumbai da odder night an when we taxi to da terminal I see someting on da taxiway, so I say to da odder guy: "A! Look, it's a dog on da taxiway!"
E said: "Dat's not a dog, dat's a goat!"
So I call to da tower: "Ground, (Airline callsign), dere is a goat on taxiway Alpha going twards da terminal right down da centerline!"
Da controller reply, in heavy Indian haccent: "Very well, follow the goat to the termnal."

...only in India.

troff were you flying a charter to some gangsta rap convention in Mumbai by any chance ? :)

Heard a few months ago in the London TMA:

ATC: "ABC123, ... uhh.. disregard."
reply: "Disregarding, ABC123!"

:E

Guilty, but I didn't think it was that funny. Glad some one did:ok:

Scottish
 

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=MeI154gaWL4

If this has already been posted I will get my coat!

Grab yer coat Tubby. :8

Heard last night (November 5th) going into Edinburgh, strong Irish accent.

a/c Edinburgh approach, is there something on tonight there seems to be a lot of fireworks.
(No reply)
a/c Edinburgh approach xxx123
ATC Go Ahead
a/c We were wondering if there was something going on tonight as there seems to be a lot of fireworks.
ATC (well controlled voice) Yes its guy fawkes night!

There was a lot of fireworks. I think atc, like us thought the first time of asking was tongue in cheek.

Told to me by an ex Donaldson 707 driver, who was somewhere over Pakistan.

D.31 you are cleared to Flight Level 33
Ah, this is D.31. Didn't you just clear the Aeroflot to that level??????
[Very sombre Pakistani accented ATC voice] Oh, God. Not another day like yesterday.!!!!!

yesterday on LAM,

speedbird 123: ' London any chance of a quicke tonight?'
me: ' not with me but i'll ask director see what they can offer you....'

:p

During flight inspection of the Brisbane 19 ILS last week the calibration aircraft had to complete an approach and then fly at 50' along the centerline to the opposite threshold. All of the traffic was opposite direction on 01. Just after the calibration aircraft was cleared for the run a Qantas 767 called ready.

Tower: "QF767 hold short 01, traffic is calibration aircraft, king air, overflying runway at 50 feet, 19 direction"
QF767: "Wicked"

Barely readable aircraft checks in on freq.

Trainee: "Callsign, readability ZERO, route direct XXX"

Begs the question how our trainee knew who was calling in the first place!

If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate.

WW:)

Somewhere over SE Oz

A/C: Can you confirm our landing time of 41? The flight attendant doesn't believe us.
ATC: You can tell her from me, landing time 41!
A/C: Thanks.
ATC: If you're after something later i'm sure we can organise that..
A/C: Nah not at all!

I vaguely remember a long time ago some Yank aircrafts had "PussyXX" as their callsigns... Guess you can imagine the laughs we had when we saw that!