UAE is United Arab Emirates Airlines

..

HLX, former Excellence has been re-named: Yellow Cap.

...

ATC: Yellow Cab like the taxis in New York?

HLX: *hmpf*

As far as I know, there is no national United Arab Emirates airline..... Different airliens are owned by the different emirates..

The Emirates story

Thats what I thought... I love how they represent the UAE when infact, it was fully funded and started by Dubai!

My brother was so bad at geography class in school we were amazed he could find his way home.:}

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dubai

?? What's the relevance?

FYI, I was born and brought up in Dubai so I know my geography of the Middle-East pretty well..

CFI Humour
 

Heard by me at EGTB (Booker) Yep we have three letter ICAO too.
CFI walks in clubhouse after fliight and asks the receptionists:
"When XXXXXXX arrives can you ask him to pop in for a chat. Just interested to know where exactly the word Bol****s appears in the Radio Telephony Manual".
Was going to stay and watch the discussion, but I have never been a supporter of blood sports.

A few years ago I was working on EGKK ground. Aircraft landed with an awkward callsign. I stumbled over it on my first transmission, pilot responded, " yes sorry bit of a mouthful isn't it"

My instant reply, " funny the wife said that just last night!!!!" Stunned silence on the frequency followed by lots of stifled giggles from both me and the pilots!!!

Any post by Chickenlittle:\

This prooves nothing really goes on here at Ronaldsway:

Ground: Tower, just to let you know there appears to be a dead rat inbetween the apron and taxiway charlie

Tower: Have you tried the kiss of life?

TWR: G-ABCD do you have Hotel on board?

G-ACBD: No, we're staying with friends!

A lady rang the airport complaints desk after a practice div and low go-around by a Tornado F3 and said, "My pussy's just climbed up the wall!"

I would have been tempted to answer, "Madam, some women would be grateful for that experience!"

PIK
 

Heard at PIK while holding for departure about 5 years ago.

KLM 777 training, making some fairly wide right hand circuits on 31.

RSC177 Sea King inbound from the north at about 500ft, to land on the H to the north of the runway.

KLM calls downwind at about the same time as the Sea King. ATC tells KLM to call on final and the Sea King to report final to the H. After about 30 seconds of silence a concerned KLM calls up asking for the circuit position of the RSC as they cannot see him. ATC reply "He is downwind also but will be coming inside you".:E

On a not very crowded spanish airport (to be honest, one plane and one controller on the whole airspace). A local carrier plane slowly begins to taxi.

ATC: "xxx, ready to copy?
XXX: "Affirm, go ahead!"
ATC: "Okay, copy a hundred times "I will not taxi without being instructed to do so"

...

...

XXX: "Sorry Sir. We forgot you were there:* "

.

"Oscar Yankee x x x", Cessna 152, on a solo navigation, one person on board...( :hmm: )

quote:
As far as I know, there is no national United Arab Emirates airline..... Different airliens are owned by the different emirates..

Etihad is the national carrier. Emirates were prevented from calling themselves Dubai Airlines by the government to present a more united front to the world................ Apparently.

Many years ago I was being checked out on the Seaford Military position at LATCC. I had under my control a formation of 8 USAF F4s which I was trying to hand to the French Military (those that have done it will understand both the complexity and uncertainity of this mission) when the French, completely unnanounced,presented me with an opposite direction same level formation of 6 USAF F111s. Having ascertained they would miss, but not by much, I geared my self up to transmit the necessary traffic information when my boss, who was examining me, switch the microphone to his side & transmitted:

"All Americans look left and wave"

Made me laugh so years later, when I was an examiner, I found myself screening a nervous young controller who had 2 Finningly ac about to pass close to each other at the same level. Before he could transmit traffic information I nonchalantly switched the mike and transmitted:

"All Finningly ac look left and wave"

Theres was a short pause before one the ac replied "We're India Mike Charlie"

Bonnet de douche!;)

I heard this the other day on the Lake Mead CTAF...two helicopters returning to Las Vegas from the Grand Canyon...

Helicopter xxx: Helicopter yyy, I'm at your seven o'clock, one mile... it looks like you're faster than me, I'll maintain visual separation.

A/C: "And how many miles for us?"
ATC: "27... hmm.. to be honest, three-zero."

Heard last week north of POL with moderate turbulence at a number of levels:

AAA123: Scottish, we're in moderate turbulence at 230, any reports from higher?

Scottish: BBB345 how's the ride at 270?

BBB345: Don't know, haven't tried it... :}


Well it made me laugh anyway!

About 20 Years ago, during a down turn in the oil industry, there were 6 or 7 drilling rigs "parked" quite close to the shore off Aberdeen. The Helicopter Companies regularly sent their crews out to these rigs for night deck-landing practice. One particular evening one of these helis was doing that for what seemed like hours and we always got them to call "letting down" and "lifting off" each time. Having done this with this particular heli umpteen times during that stint I eventually got my phrases muddled and asked him to report "Letting Off" ... :rolleyes:

DD

A few weeks ago in the sandpit, an Emirates flight came on frequency, an Airbus A330-200 according to the strip...

UAExxx: "Dubai, UAExxx, Airbus 345 [A340-500] passing BUBIN descending 10 thousand, speed 230"

Dubai ARR: "UAExxx, report your passing altitude and just confirm the aircraft type."

UAExxx: "Uh, yes, we're actually a 332."

Dubai ARR: "Did you count the throttles or is there a placard somewhere?"

Just to clarify, it's to differentiate between 2 PoB Dual and 2 PoB without an instructor. Granted, the 1 PoB solo is a bit daft!

Heard from the same training association last week:
Pilot: "Tower, can you please confirm the position of the Cessna on finals?"
Tower: "Uh.....yes."
:ugh:

On tuesday I was passing Cranfield under a FIS. The pilot of an aircraft that just landed advised ATC that there was a pheasant standing on the runway, right on the centre line.

ATC responded by telling the aircraft on finals to go around due to an obstruction on the runway.

I was very, very tempted to ask if they had any "pheasant pluckers" at Cranfield.

But I resisted, as I wasn't sure I wouldn't get tongue tied. :p

Was asked by a "local tower" to transmit the following to a departing HS125 2 days ago.......

"Message from the operator - please return asap as you have forgotten yr passengers"

Of course, the freq was busy and some sniggering was heard.

Female pilot called up the other day using callsign BRT45JB but my FPS had the callsign as BRT45BJ.

"British four five julliet bravo, just confirm your callsign is julliet bravo and not bravo julliet?" I asked.

"We're definately JB",she said.

"Roger, I was expecting a BJ", I innocently replied, to much laughter on the R/T.

The penny didn't drop for a couple of minutes!

A/C1: "...and may we vacate runway via ZG?"
TWR: "Approved."
A/C1:"Via ZG, xxx."
A/C2: "And may we vacate via ZD, yyy?"
TWR: "Approved."
A/C2: "Thanks"
--
A/C2 passes ZD and calls tower: "...ZD, may we vacate via ZG?"
TWR: "Approved, but if you want you may backtrack and vacate via ZD..." :)

We have a superstore about 1 mile from the threshold -

G-XX short finals for 06 just overhead Tesco's

ATC: G-XX Cleared to land Rwy 06 wind 040/05, you couldn't pick me up a sandwich could you?

Passing New York up on way home from Cancun a couple of nights ago.

"New York, This is Turkish 2 Heavy, climbing 270."

Ok, I didn't say any thing, no one did, but I was Sooo tempted to say something about cutting down on the kebabs etc.

Once heard about a student at my old school who, when approaching Lakenheath / Mildenhall, was asked to squawk. This completely threw him, as he'd never been shown how to even use the transponder ! He ended up telling the controller that he would like to penetrate him ! It might be one of those myths, but it made me laugh !

AlanM - was that a business airfield west of OCK or somewhere near BIG? Brilliant!

One heard a few years ago:

"Unknown traffic, 1 o'clock, two miles, no height information...."

After a few seconds:

"Roger, is it a helicopter?"

...think about it....:)

Simmilar setup. Norwegian regional airport, very close to the Russian border early 90s when atc was run by the CAA, and controllers worked 24hr shifts (!!!!) :suspect: due to staff shortage. Midnight, controller hoping there will be no tfc that night so he can sleep last 6 hrs. WIF DHC6 is inbound and is cleared for ils etc etc to report est. Some time after that the controller nods off (!)

Perhaps 20 min later he awakes to se DHC6 parked at the terminal.

Now our 'hero' is innovative, and when the captain on the DHC6 is checking into the hotel later on he is handed a note by the clerk.

"WIF123 you are cleared to land RWY24 and taxi to stand 1" :D

Grummanaa

Wouldn't be London Sarfend would it?

This is funny

http://home.online.no/~chainly/JFKGround.mp3

Already been raised here, I hope he was just having an off-day, otherwise he's in the wrong job

AC: Delivery good morning, xyz123, ready for start-up

DEL: xyz123 you are number 142 for departure, expect start-up in about 2 1/2 hours

AC: ...confirm 2 1/2 hours, xyz123...?

DEL: xyz123, affirm, that's correct!

AC: in this case cancel the good morning, xyz123.

:)

About 6 years ago when I was working on my PPL at a class C field in Florida-
My instructor and I prepare to taxi out for some practice landings at about 0600 local.
"good morning xxx ground, yyy at R3 with information golf, request closed traffic on 7R"
(slight delay)
"NO CLOSED TRAFFIC UNTIL MORAL IMPROVES".....several very long seconds of silence followed by "good morning" and the requested clearance, and laughter on both sides...


Another time, cleared to land with the advisory "traffic on the runway is a turtle crossing right to left, advise in sight"....

UK Navy helo inbound the field, is told to join RIGHT downwind.

He (SK4 from a Somerset airbase) then duly crosses the extended and joins LEFT downwind.

*Sigh*

After a slight b@llocking about what window the RWY should appear in when on RIGHT downwind, a unknown voice pipes up:

"...you should try starboard next time......" :D :D :D

There was a RAF C130 present as well....... :E :E

Heard last night on London ATCC 134.9
 

Busy frequency full of mainly Easyjets and a couple of Speedbirds...

(Female Pilot) Speedbird: London, Speedbird *** climbing flight level 130 heading zero nine zero

London ATC: Station calling London - are you an Easy?

(Female Pilot) Speedbird: (Indignation in voice) London are you calling me EASY?!

London ATC: I promise I would never call you that madam! Presume then you are Speedbird ***!

(Female Pilot) Speedbird: Yes - that's a relief! Speedbird ***

Well I found it funny!:)