ATC Humour (Merged)
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ATCA landlines our office: "Can you send one of the guys out for a thingumybob"
Our Dispatcher: "A what?"
ATCA: "You know... a thingumybob"
A couple of minutes later one of the vehicles is out
Ops1: "Ground, Ops 1"
GND: "Ops 1, ground"
Ops1: "Ground, Ops 1. I've been asked to come out for a 'Thingumybob'. What sort of 'Thingumybob' would you like?"
GND: "Ooooh well a runway check thingumybob would be nice please"
Our Dispatcher: "A what?"
ATCA: "You know... a thingumybob"
A couple of minutes later one of the vehicles is out
Ops1: "Ground, Ops 1"
GND: "Ops 1, ground"
Ops1: "Ground, Ops 1. I've been asked to come out for a 'Thingumybob'. What sort of 'Thingumybob' would you like?"
GND: "Ooooh well a runway check thingumybob would be nice please"
ATC Humour
Edinburgh 1973
Round about 1800 the ATC vehicle is dispatched to the local fish & chip shop for the ATCO/ATCAS' teas.
Oops we forgot to ask the APP what his order was. No problem, the ATC vehicle has R/T on 118.7 (TWR freq.)
We call the vehicle. It hasn't got to the shop yet, so we ask for a fish supper for the APP.
As soon as the order is given up comes "Albion XXX"( BAW Trident on finals 13), "make that another fish supper & a sausage supper".
Can't remember if we got those for the crew.
Round about 1800 the ATC vehicle is dispatched to the local fish & chip shop for the ATCO/ATCAS' teas.
Oops we forgot to ask the APP what his order was. No problem, the ATC vehicle has R/T on 118.7 (TWR freq.)
We call the vehicle. It hasn't got to the shop yet, so we ask for a fish supper for the APP.
As soon as the order is given up comes "Albion XXX"( BAW Trident on finals 13), "make that another fish supper & a sausage supper".
Can't remember if we got those for the crew.
It always puts a smile on my face when I get to say "go ahead Batman". Also, turning to a colleague and saying "wait a minute, Gotham needs me" when GTHxxx calls is quite enjoyable. Always wondered if the 2 companies have anything to do with eachother
'Nightingale 9' was an American MD80 medivac operating in the Middle East during the first Gulf War. One of her pilots, a woman, was not having any joy
getting a response from a Muslim accented controller. After several fruitless calls an Amercan male voice (in another US aircraft) chipped in with -
"XXX do you read Nightingale 9?"
That resulted in the controller saying to Nightingale 9 -
"Have your captain call me."
Nightingale 9 responds -
"I am the captain arsehole . Now speak to me."
getting a response from a Muslim accented controller. After several fruitless calls an Amercan male voice (in another US aircraft) chipped in with -
"XXX do you read Nightingale 9?"
That resulted in the controller saying to Nightingale 9 -
"Have your captain call me."
Nightingale 9 responds -
"I am the captain arsehole . Now speak to me."
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Gotham is a splendid village in Nottinghamshire, just north of the 'EME' NDB.
It was the headquarters of the much-loved, and highly-dependable 'South Notts Bus Company'.
It was the headquarters of the much-loved, and highly-dependable 'South Notts Bus Company'.
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The "COTAM" callsign covers all French Air Force Military Airlift Command flights (no matter the aircraft type). The acronym stands for Commandement du Transport Aérien Militaire.
Cheers
Cheers
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My flight training happened at a small airfield where the only runway was 17/35 which had exits only at the southern end. So when 35 was in use, planes landing had to backtrack all the way down to exit. To complicate matters, we also had a rule prohibiting students from doing solo touch and gos. So the circuit was often hell for all involved, with students landing, backtracking, lining up again and taking off. One of the students was notorious for taxiing at snail's pace, and with four others in the circuit along with him (and with the aforementioned rules), go-arounds were frequent. One evening, he had already caused four go-arounds in half an hour. I was number 2 behind an aircraft on finals, and our hero was backtracking after landing. ATC asked him to expedite so he could clear the guy on finals, and the call was acknowledged. At which point, a frustrated voice came over the radio.. "Oh what's the f***ing point? He's gonna add 10 rpm."
Number 1 did not have to go around that time
Number 1 did not have to go around that time
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Severe Icing
Happened yesterday at a dual runway airport in the South of England:
Me (Final Director): "We've had reports of severe icing at your altitude - are you getting any?"
Pilot: "Not even enough to make a Margarita!"
Me (Final Director): "We've had reports of severe icing at your altitude - are you getting any?"
Pilot: "Not even enough to make a Margarita!"
Apologies, only just discovered this thread and haven't time to start from the beginning right now, so I'm probably repeating old stories ?
Many, many, years ago a colleague was flying from Nairobi to Heathrow, close to Paris and that VOR spelled with all the vowels at least twice, and totally unpronouncable to all but the French. Something like Rambouilliet?
Radio quiet, until interrupted by - and here you must insert your own Aussie accent - quote " Paris Control ( or whatever it was, memory escapes me) this is Qantas 9, over Deejonn at one two, flt. level 330, estimating Ramb.....er, estimating Rambber ..... estimating Rambollox at four seven". " Er.. zaygenn Qantas?" "Jeez, I just told you, over Deejonn at one two, flt. level 330, estimating Rambollox at four seven."
And a very British voice came right back and said .." that's right Cobber, you tell them."
and the PanAm Captain who asked for a lower altitude due turbulence, and ATC asked him what sort of turbulence he was experiencing (light,moderate or severe, he meant) and PanAm replied with " well, I don't rightly know what sort of turbulence you might call it, but I've got white caps on my coffee ! "
Heard something similar at LAX, where a controller was talking very quickly, eventually an American pilot said, in that Southern Drawl, 'Say, Loss Angelees Tower do you'all hear how slow ah tawk ? Waal, that's how slow ah think - say aggen, slooowwwly.
Sorry, looking back that seems to be a recurring theme !
LAX to LHR, Polar Route, approaching the Canadian border we heard this ( edited ) ... a/c XXX cleared as filed, maintain 350, omit position reports and at time 35 contact Salt Lake Centre on 133.5. a/c acknowledged. Shortly after - XXX you still with me - Yup. You bound for Vegas ? - Yup. You a 10? (meaning DC-10 ) - Yup. Didn't know your outfit flew 10's - Do now. Waal, I guess your passengers need a DC-10 to carry home all their winnings? - Nope,our passengers can carry home all their winnings in a Cessna 152 !
( I got an AvWeb hat for that, as they published it in their Short Final section ! my 15 minutes of fame !! )
Many, many, years ago a colleague was flying from Nairobi to Heathrow, close to Paris and that VOR spelled with all the vowels at least twice, and totally unpronouncable to all but the French. Something like Rambouilliet?
Radio quiet, until interrupted by - and here you must insert your own Aussie accent - quote " Paris Control ( or whatever it was, memory escapes me) this is Qantas 9, over Deejonn at one two, flt. level 330, estimating Ramb.....er, estimating Rambber ..... estimating Rambollox at four seven". " Er.. zaygenn Qantas?" "Jeez, I just told you, over Deejonn at one two, flt. level 330, estimating Rambollox at four seven."
And a very British voice came right back and said .." that's right Cobber, you tell them."
We've had reports of severe icing at your altitude - are you getting any?" Pilot: "Not even enough to make a Margarita!"
Training at Latcc, Busy holding in the morning and having rattled off a diversion route to egcc, the reply in a wonderful southern drawl " can you say again after leave MERLY? Iwrite about as slow as I talk"
Sorry, looking back that seems to be a recurring theme !
LAX to LHR, Polar Route, approaching the Canadian border we heard this ( edited ) ... a/c XXX cleared as filed, maintain 350, omit position reports and at time 35 contact Salt Lake Centre on 133.5. a/c acknowledged. Shortly after - XXX you still with me - Yup. You bound for Vegas ? - Yup. You a 10? (meaning DC-10 ) - Yup. Didn't know your outfit flew 10's - Do now. Waal, I guess your passengers need a DC-10 to carry home all their winnings? - Nope,our passengers can carry home all their winnings in a Cessna 152 !
( I got an AvWeb hat for that, as they published it in their Short Final section ! my 15 minutes of fame !! )
Last edited by ExSp33db1rd; 9th Feb 2014 at 01:25.
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(On approach): SPEEDBIRD 123, you can roll to the end if you want.
(After landing): SPEEDBIRD 123, follow the greens to stand. Thought you were going to roll further than that...
BA123: Sorry, my first officer doesn't do anything I tell him...
(After landing): SPEEDBIRD 123, follow the greens to stand. Thought you were going to roll further than that...
BA123: Sorry, my first officer doesn't do anything I tell him...
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Fursty ferret. Brilliant. Reminds me of one of Chris Wren's cartoons in Flight many moons ago. Timid looking captain and a bossy looking F/O alongside who is saying: "Well, are you going to trust me or those instruments." (Wonder what happened to Chris Wren?)
E A 'Chris' Wren - 1909-1982
The Aeroplane artist Chris Wren was the envy of Flight magazine. His column Wroundabout and the
aerodynamic animation of his aircraft caricatures, which somehow looked more real than the originals, and his wartime "Oddentifications" won him an enormous international aviation fan club. In fact it was because of Wren that Flight started its enormously popular page Straight and Level. The Empire Test Pilots School mess is filled with his drawings of the hundreds of international pilots who have attended it over the years. He died at the 1982 ETPS annual dinner—an occasion he would never miss—at a youthful 73 and at the height of his powers.
He was a direct descendant of another Wren, one Christopher,
whose mark upon the English landscape and London architecture in particular, is profound, and timeless. The latter day Wren, in his own right, deserves a lasting place in the annals to which he contributed so magnificently, so wittily and so unstintingly.
One May morning in 1974 I had the rare honour of having Chris seated in the RH drivers seat of the Queenair from Alice Springs to VRD . (So he could connect there with a Darwin flight). His conversation about his long close involvement with aviation luminaries right across the board in the UK was nothing short of spell binding.
The Aeroplane artist Chris Wren was the envy of Flight magazine. His column Wroundabout and the
aerodynamic animation of his aircraft caricatures, which somehow looked more real than the originals, and his wartime "Oddentifications" won him an enormous international aviation fan club. In fact it was because of Wren that Flight started its enormously popular page Straight and Level. The Empire Test Pilots School mess is filled with his drawings of the hundreds of international pilots who have attended it over the years. He died at the 1982 ETPS annual dinner—an occasion he would never miss—at a youthful 73 and at the height of his powers.
He was a direct descendant of another Wren, one Christopher,
whose mark upon the English landscape and London architecture in particular, is profound, and timeless. The latter day Wren, in his own right, deserves a lasting place in the annals to which he contributed so magnificently, so wittily and so unstintingly.
One May morning in 1974 I had the rare honour of having Chris seated in the RH drivers seat of the Queenair from Alice Springs to VRD . (So he could connect there with a Darwin flight). His conversation about his long close involvement with aviation luminaries right across the board in the UK was nothing short of spell binding.
Last edited by Fantome; 1st Mar 2014 at 20:26.
A curious thing that CW collapsed and died at a ceremonial dinner,
in that that was exactly what happened to Charles Lindbergh's
longtime aviator associate, John Grierson, who was delivering a memorial
address in honour of the late CAL, when his ticker too failed him.
John Grierson's book "I Remember Lindbergh" is a very good read.
Grierson was a notable test pilot, having flown, among others types , the Gloster E28/39. Like CAL he was highly articulate, a born writer, both cultured and sensitive. The sort that are loved and revered long after their death.
(Any Moorabbin folk who might like to see some of Chris Wren's work, go to Rolfe Aviation and ask Graham in the office if you may have a look at the Chris Wren cartoons pasted up in the lunch room.)
in that that was exactly what happened to Charles Lindbergh's
longtime aviator associate, John Grierson, who was delivering a memorial
address in honour of the late CAL, when his ticker too failed him.
John Grierson's book "I Remember Lindbergh" is a very good read.
Grierson was a notable test pilot, having flown, among others types , the Gloster E28/39. Like CAL he was highly articulate, a born writer, both cultured and sensitive. The sort that are loved and revered long after their death.
(Any Moorabbin folk who might like to see some of Chris Wren's work, go to Rolfe Aviation and ask Graham in the office if you may have a look at the Chris Wren cartoons pasted up in the lunch room.)
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These are true: first happened to, and second heard by, me.
I'm having a flying lesson and landing at EGTE one glorious, peaceful, sunny, dead-calm Devon evening in the club C152. I am still very low hours, and enjoying myself greatly. I remember dimly being told that on finals when cleared to land one does not give a read-back of the wind.
ME: November Foxtrot turning finals.
TOWER: November Foxtrot is cleared to land runway 26. The wind is calm.
ME: November Foxtrot is cleared to land. Thanks for the weather.
TOWER: (in a heavy RAF drawl) Don't mention it, old boy. We had nothing to do with it. We rather like it ourselves, actually.....
______
A year or two later, I retired from my position at the university and my colleagues gave me a scanner as a good-bye present. I went back to live in my home town, Cape Town, after over thirty years exile. The rugby boycott of South Africa was over. One night I was lying in bed listening to FACT Tower on my scanner. The Springboks had just beaten the Lions something glorious (or horrible, depending on your point of view) earlier that day.
Speedbird xxx had just taken off and was heading north in the climb.
FACT: Speedbird xxx is cleared for Heathrow..... radar service terminates....Change to Oceanic at something decimal something. Good night. Enjoy your flight.
SPEEDBIRD xxx (in a RAF accent you could break a rock on): Change to Oceanic etc etc. Thank you..... see you next week.
UNKNOWN A/C (in a slow South African accent that could also break a rock): Yeah..... and bring a blerry rugby ball, hey?
SPEEDBIRD xxx (sadly, in said accent) Owch...
I'm having a flying lesson and landing at EGTE one glorious, peaceful, sunny, dead-calm Devon evening in the club C152. I am still very low hours, and enjoying myself greatly. I remember dimly being told that on finals when cleared to land one does not give a read-back of the wind.
ME: November Foxtrot turning finals.
TOWER: November Foxtrot is cleared to land runway 26. The wind is calm.
ME: November Foxtrot is cleared to land. Thanks for the weather.
TOWER: (in a heavy RAF drawl) Don't mention it, old boy. We had nothing to do with it. We rather like it ourselves, actually.....
______
A year or two later, I retired from my position at the university and my colleagues gave me a scanner as a good-bye present. I went back to live in my home town, Cape Town, after over thirty years exile. The rugby boycott of South Africa was over. One night I was lying in bed listening to FACT Tower on my scanner. The Springboks had just beaten the Lions something glorious (or horrible, depending on your point of view) earlier that day.
Speedbird xxx had just taken off and was heading north in the climb.
FACT: Speedbird xxx is cleared for Heathrow..... radar service terminates....Change to Oceanic at something decimal something. Good night. Enjoy your flight.
SPEEDBIRD xxx (in a RAF accent you could break a rock on): Change to Oceanic etc etc. Thank you..... see you next week.
UNKNOWN A/C (in a slow South African accent that could also break a rock): Yeah..... and bring a blerry rugby ball, hey?
SPEEDBIRD xxx (sadly, in said accent) Owch...
Last edited by Connetts; 2nd Apr 2014 at 11:59. Reason: Typing error