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ATC Humour (Merged)

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ATC Humour (Merged)

Old 22nd Jul 2002, 21:52
  #81 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: Suffolk
Age: 63
Posts: 97

Seem to remember the BA Sheds were called Conservatories cos they were too posh to be Sheds...

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Old 22nd Jul 2002, 22:46
  #82 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 120
Landing aircraft at Aberdeen on spotting the new fluorescent pink windsock,

"Nice windsock - where did you get it - Dorothy Perkins?"
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 08:48
  #83 (permalink)  

More than just an ATCO
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Up someone's nose
Age: 73
Posts: 1,768
Done to death but one of the best, Aberdeen and the Effing Danair.
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 10:40
  #84 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Essex, UK
Age: 34
Posts: 83
I suggest you lot check out www.aviationhumour.co.uk . Theres some really funny stuff on there.
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 11:47
  #85 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: England
Posts: 32
Done by myself on Hurn wings once. Brest asked me if I had received the estimate on so and so and without thinking I replied "Affirm Brest"
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 11:50
  #86 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 1999
Location: London
Posts: 199
without thinking? You used to LIVE for a chance to say that!!!!!
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 23:09
  #87 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: a fence in the sun
Posts: 182
On the Shed topic...

It's the EFIS 360 which is the 'conservatory', surely (it's a 'glass' shed).

The speedbrake is, rightly, for our c**k-ups not anyone else's - that's why it's the 'lever of shame'.

Now, anyone going to recount the 'Coming over DODSI' story?
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Old 24th Jul 2002, 07:39
  #88 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 269
Heard recently at PF on RT a midland F100 coming in to land of an evening, controller said BMA1536 just gonna turn the lights down a little for you, the BMA replied yes thank you turn the lights down make it all nice and romantic.

Deeko01 is offline  
Old 24th Jul 2002, 19:32
  #89 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: LSZH
Posts: 26
geneva tower

...once a female trainee wanted to say "line-up behind landing fokker", and she ended saying "line-up behind f**king lander"....

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Old 25th Jul 2002, 14:29
  #90 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: By the big Teapot
Posts: 328
BA ATP on short final with BA 737 at the holding point.....
Me: 'Speedbird XXX after the landing ATP line up runway 24'

SpeedbirdXXX: 'After the landing Skoda line up 24'

ATP: 'Whatdayamean, two screws are better than a blow job anyday'

Spiney Norman is offline  
Old 26th Jul 2002, 10:39
  #91 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Berkshire, UK
Age: 77
Posts: 8,268
Here's one from long ago... maybe someone older than me can confirm or deny it..??

What we now know as LTCC (ex-LATCC) used to be the Southern Air Traffic Control Centre in a building on the north side of Heathrow. The name was written on the side in huge letters. At the time the Centre Superintendant was one Len Winter.

Some work was going on requiring the temporary removal of the name letters.. and Len came to work one day to find 50 juggernauts queued up outside SATCC. Some wag on a night duty had put some of the letters back.. to read LEN'S CAFE!
Old 27th Jul 2002, 19:45
  #92 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Near Stalyvegas
Age: 76
Posts: 2,023

A/c told to "Line up after the landing Shed" Was [Gently] reminded,
"Sir, We are a Super" Shed
we aim to please, it keeps the cleaners happy

Last edited by chiglet; 28th Jul 2002 at 16:53.
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Old 28th Jul 2002, 01:08
  #93 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northern Parts
Posts: 7

Heard on 126.65 just prior to an incident occuring.....

"Speedbird 123..can we route direct DCS?.............

ATCO........"Speedbird 123 can you ask me an easier one...preferably one on sport????????"

Looked good in the transcript!!!!!!!!
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Old 28th Jul 2002, 13:39
  #94 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2000
Posts: 17
You have to credit our American cousins with a quick wit. This is an oldy but definately a goldie -

us pilot: "London xxx, may we route direct Stabbs?"
atc: "xxx roger, direct routing approved. Oh by the way it's Saint Abbs."

.......... short but obviously thoughtful pause .........

us pilot: "London xxx we have a further request."
atc: "xxx go ahead."
us pilot: "After Saint Abbs may we route direct Saint Rumble?"

What a beauty
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Old 28th Jul 2002, 18:42
  #95 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: England
Posts: 510
I've heard that an Indian Training Manual on the correct use of English RT uses the following as an example of poor RT:

Pilot (presumably American): "Stove pipe five in the slot, boots on and laced, ready to bounce and blow"

Controller: "You got the nod to hit the sod"

It amused me anyway.
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Old 28th Jul 2002, 19:16
  #96 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Berkshire, UK
Age: 77
Posts: 8,268
Thinks: I'll bet there are a fair few people reading this thread who are thinking...... I was involved in the REAL story, and that's not it!!!!
Old 28th Jul 2002, 20:58
  #97 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: 30 West
Age: 63
Posts: 926

Approaching BHD northbound one sleepy morning, I heard a TWA inbound from the Atlantic cleared by a squeaky lady controller direct to DIKAS.

"Say what Ma'am"

was the reply
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Old 30th Jul 2002, 20:55
  #98 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Uk
Posts: 9
Another oldie but goldie, supposedly true....

Some years ago at Gatwick several aircraft have started but, for whatever reason, there is a delay in issuing any taxy clearances. Eventually a Luftie is given taxy, before the pilot can acknowledge a very clipped British accent is heard proclaiming that BA*** had started first and demanding to know why they had'nt been given clearance first. This time before the Controller can reply the Luftie Capt. says " because ve ver up very early zis morning und put our towels on zer runway first!"
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Old 30th Jul 2002, 22:43
  #99 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Zummerset
Posts: 137
This has reminded me of something I heard once over France. An (unknown) American airline asked ATC if they could route direct to Rambouillet...."may we route direct RAM-BULLIT"

France ATC: "Would that be ROM-BWEE-AY monsieur?"

Pilot: "No sir, it says RAM-BULLIT on my flight plan"

Made me chuckle!
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Old 31st Jul 2002, 09:59
  #100 (permalink)  
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Sunny Scotland
Posts: 206
"DLHxxx What is your requested level today"....

short pause....

"Ve Vill Ask de qvestions"

I nearly fell of my chair!
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