ATC Humour (Merged)
Time merchant
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 352
Likes: 0
From: Belgium
Rather snooty capt: "Good morning tower BirdseedXXX requesting the information"
TWR: "Good morning BirdseedXXX, surface wind light and variable, Runway in use is 23, temperature +15, dew point +5, QNH 1016.
Rather snooty capt: "Can you be a bit more specific about the wind tower?"
TWR: "Certainly, 270 to 090, 1 knot gusting 2"!
flowman
TWR: "Good morning BirdseedXXX, surface wind light and variable, Runway in use is 23, temperature +15, dew point +5, QNH 1016.
Rather snooty capt: "Can you be a bit more specific about the wind tower?"
TWR: "Certainly, 270 to 090, 1 knot gusting 2"!
flowman
Last edited by flowman; 14th November 2002 at 16:57.
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,681
Likes: 10
From: Just South of the last ice sheet
A few years ago I was trundling along from Swansea to Popham
Cardiff Tower - G-xxxx pass your message
Moi - CDF Tower G-xxxx Piper Cub enroute Swansea to Popham at 2,000 ft on QNH 999 Currently North abeam you, transiting to the East of your zone.
Cardiff Tower - G-xxxx, F-27 traffic leaving Cardiff ahead of you climbing to FL 20 or whatever level. Can you route behind?
Moi - I'm in a Cub Cardiff...........
Cardiff Tower - G-xxxx pass your message
Moi - CDF Tower G-xxxx Piper Cub enroute Swansea to Popham at 2,000 ft on QNH 999 Currently North abeam you, transiting to the East of your zone.
Cardiff Tower - G-xxxx, F-27 traffic leaving Cardiff ahead of you climbing to FL 20 or whatever level. Can you route behind?
Moi - I'm in a Cub Cardiff...........
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 141
Likes: 0
From: Muscat
At JNB this week at NTW B722 to DBN on GMC freq was told that his FPL was filed incorrectly as a B732 and asked to check with his ops if they had refiled
reply "Ground we can go down on 2 engines then if that will speed things up"
reply "Ground we can go down on 2 engines then if that will speed things up"
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 896
Likes: 0
From: US
I overheard this conversation one late night while over the Med west of Crete:
Athinai Control: Airline XXX you are cleared direct to ABC point.
Airline XXX: standby please
Athinai Control: Don't you have a map?
Athinai Control: Airline XXX you are cleared direct to ABC point.
Airline XXX: standby please
Athinai Control: Don't you have a map?
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 98
Likes: 0
From: earth
Hope it's not on the previous pages yet.
Over Germany:
Aircraft: " Rhein goodmorning, abc123, out of 190 for 230, looking for 270."
Rhein ctl:" goodmorning abc123, It should be some"v"ere between 26 and 280."
Over Germany:
Aircraft: " Rhein goodmorning, abc123, out of 190 for 230, looking for 270."
Rhein ctl:" goodmorning abc123, It should be some"v"ere between 26 and 280."
Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 125
Likes: 0
From: UK
Cruising round the WILLO hold one fine afternoon not so long ago, a UK charter 737 checks in:
ABC123 - "Afternoon *** this is ABC123 descending FL110 to HOLLY."
ATC - "ABC123 roger, route HOLLY, WILLO to hold."
ABC123 - "Roger, Hollow Willy to hold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How we laughed!!!!!!!
ABC123 - "Afternoon *** this is ABC123 descending FL110 to HOLLY."
ATC - "ABC123 roger, route HOLLY, WILLO to hold."
ABC123 - "Roger, Hollow Willy to hold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How we laughed!!!!!!!
Mess Your Passage
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 313
Likes: 0
From: Temporarily Unaware......
Non ATC but Kinda Funny....
Same pilot as mentioned earlier ( Fast Taxi )
Pilot again taxiing like a demon to the hold for departure in an ATR
For some reason has to stop suddenly. Enter stewardess who was doing the demonstration against the cockpit door.
Now spreadeagle on the centre console Pilot looks down cooly asks " Suppose a blow job is out of the question ..? " And then continues to taxi.....
Same pilot as mentioned earlier ( Fast Taxi )
Pilot again taxiing like a demon to the hold for departure in an ATR
For some reason has to stop suddenly. Enter stewardess who was doing the demonstration against the cockpit door.
Now spreadeagle on the centre console Pilot looks down cooly asks " Suppose a blow job is out of the question ..? " And then continues to taxi.....
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 138
Likes: 0
From: Zummerset
Heard yesterday on Manchester Arrival ATIS at about 1030z
"This is Manchester Arrival information Delta.....
and then in the background someone loudly shouts:
"F*CK OFF"
The guy reading the ATIS just carries on....very professional!
Anyone else hear it?
"This is Manchester Arrival information Delta.....
and then in the background someone loudly shouts:
"F*CK OFF"
The guy reading the ATIS just carries on....very professional!
Anyone else hear it?
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 499
Likes: 7
From: Back on The Island.
Fam-flying in the jumpseat of a Swissair Airbus 310 a few years ago , enroute Geneva to Manchester and over Paris approaching the Channel . There was a lot of babble in French on the frequency and after a couple of minutes of this I heard "Speak English you lot" !!!
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 573
Likes: 44
From: Near Gatwick
Heard a few months ago late evening --scheduled airline heading for LGW just passing BARLU
Good evening again ladies and gentlemen, we are just beginning our descent into London Gatwick where the weather is good a lovely clear evening 10degCelcius and we are landing into Gatwick from the east--SUDDEN SILENCE
ATC---THAT WAS LOVELY GB**** NOW GO AND TELL IT TO YOUR PASSENGERS!!!!
Good evening again ladies and gentlemen, we are just beginning our descent into London Gatwick where the weather is good a lovely clear evening 10degCelcius and we are landing into Gatwick from the east--SUDDEN SILENCE
ATC---THAT WAS LOVELY GB**** NOW GO AND TELL IT TO YOUR PASSENGERS!!!!
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 25
Likes: 0
From: Maryland, USA
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7.Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers..."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7.Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers..."
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,020
Likes: 0
From: Near Stalyvegas
CharleyB
Similar vein...
Qantas B747 taxies at Manch...Ladies and Gentlemen,etc,etc. When "advised" of his faux pas, he replied "B*gger, that's the FIRST time in 27 years of flying"
we aim to please, it keeps the cleaners happy
Similar vein...
Qantas B747 taxies at Manch...Ladies and Gentlemen,etc,etc. When "advised" of his faux pas, he replied "B*gger, that's the FIRST time in 27 years of flying"
we aim to please, it keeps the cleaners happy
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 295
Likes: 0
From: Frankfurt/Main
Many moons ago from a friend at LATCC having trouble with a transitting IL-18:
LATCC: Socialist 007: Do you have transponder on board?
007: Negative, only agricultural equipment..............!
LATCC: Socialist 007: Do you have transponder on board?
007: Negative, only agricultural equipment..............!