ATC Humour (Merged)

[Alvin]

Heard a good one during training. 'Helicopter XXX cleared hover taxi to dispersal and caution pedestrians', Readback ' Cleared hover taxi to dispersal and Roger the Pedestrians'

[Select Zone Five]

About a month ago I heard a private aircraft request transit though the overhead of a local airfield. It was granted by the female ATCO with an instruction to report overhead.

When the ATCO requested the a/c position a few minutes later, I was rather bemused to hear the male GA pilot reporting overhead as follows.

"I'm coming across you now"...with no callsigns and less than standard RT phraseology, I wasn't sure if this was my dirty mind or the pilot having a giggle...

[chiglet]

One from t'other day
Gxxxx O/H John Lennon [Squeek] a/f
Gxxxx, Manc Apc, "Can I take some photies of J L Intl please?"
Manch Apc, "Gxx, have you got a camera?"
Gxx, "Yes"
Manch Apc, "Well carry on then"

we aim to please, it keeps the cleaners happy

[StuckMic_com]

Pilot: "How far behind traffic are we?"
ATC: "Three miles."
Pilot: "That doesn't look like three miles to us!"
ATC: "You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you ... that's three miles."

[peter1m]

overheard at Birmingham international

Tower: "Report passing 2000"
A/C "Passed 2000 some time ago"
Tower "We have had our weetabix today haven't we"

Well, it lightened the day for a while...

[radar707]

One from EGPF the other day. controller dealing with 7600 just transferred to discreet frequency, using speechless code:

"G-XX Glasgow, are you on this, once for yes, twice for no"

Much laughing and falling off chairs all around

[Mister Geezer]

A few years ago a BA 757 is taxying out at ABZ to head off to LHR. Male Capt and a Female F/O who was doing the R/T.

ATC: Speedbird XXX, your clearance?

BA 757: Standby (The transmission was rather garbled, since the F/O was eating some peanuts!)

Then after a short pause the F/O asks for the clearance.

BA 757: Speedbird XXX, go ahead with the clearance.... Sorry about that I had the Captain's Nuts in my mouth!

[Flash0710]

Select zone,

Was it EGKB.....?

I always enjoy winding up a vertain " F" ATCO there..........!

Edited coz it said FATCO....... OOOOOOOPPPPSSSS...!

[Piper Warrior Pilot]

BA Pilot - Speedbird XXX long finals

ATC - Roger Speedbird XXX, i had you in at number 1 but now you're number two to the fokker 100

BA Pilot - OOO you big bully

[NavCant]

Just last week:

"Cessna 172 calling, say again your callsign and type of aircraft."

[Piper Warrior Pilot]

At the weekend:-

Aircraft - XXX Tower G-XXXX on the 26th october 2002 at 2:20pm radio check and taxi instructions.

Surely there is no need for a calender check as well

[Select Zone Five]

Flash0710, indeed it was EGKB! Nice one, it did make me laugh...zero reaction from the tower, very professional

[Fortyodd]

A few years ago, a colleague of mine was teaching Gazelle to Army Student pilots at Middle Wallop. On one of the night navigation sorties, the route would take them out along the South coast and away from the more well known ATC lands. Here the students would be introduced to the services that could be offered by London Information. Earlier in the sortie the student had discovered that his PTT switch had a tendency to stick in and it was fast approaching the annoying stage. His opening call went as follows:
"London Information, Good evening, Army Air XXX, (then, discovering his switch had stuck again) "Aw you C**t!"
The totally unflustered reply came back "Army Air XXX, Good evening to you - you B@stard!"

[fly bhoy]

Dunno details or whether its true or not but this made me laugh!!

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint, we have digital watches!"

and another:-

One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. You make one more landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one."

FB

[Flash0710]

A Classic from a BA ex jet jock on ATR's renowned for "excessive" Taxi speed.

Taxing out

Gatwick Ground... " Flyer XXXX er you are taxing too fast

Capt " We're the boys!

My hero..

[StuckMic_com]

Cockpit: "The first officer says he's got the runway in sight."
ATC: "Roger, the first officer's cleared for a visual approach runway 27Right ... you continue on that 180 heading and descend to three thousand."

[andrijander]

Heard yesterday afternoon...and still laughing!!

---Atc : PGTxxx (inb EHAM) descend fl 260 to cross N**** fl 280 or below

---Freq blocked by two stations

---Atc : that was blocked...Pgtxxx can you confirm descending fl 260 to cross N**** fl 280 or below?

---Pgtxxx : (the pilot suonded pretty busy)that's...er...that's conffirmative!

we missed the next two calls...just laughing too loud

[Airbus Unplugged]

Situation: Military base near Wittering, small white exec jet taxying for take off. Air Officer Commanding at the controls.

Tower: ASCOT 1234, from the supervisor, you're taxying too fast

ASCOT: From the AOC, I'll taxy as fast as I bloody well like

[contact_tower]

Happened to me some weeks ago...

F-16 fighter crossing my (Bardufoss/ENDU) CTR (class D) and i give traffic information about a P-28.......

TWR: "Leo 23, traffic one Piper Archer overhead Solbergfjord 3.000 ft"

F-16: "Leo 23- WILCO!"

Wondered a bit about his intentions........

[Select Zone Five]

I heard this today...

Aircraft: Callsign 123 for pushback please

London Control: I'd love to give you that but this is the London TMA and you're on the ground...