You Know You Are In Africa When.....
Nigerian In Law
I recall that radio exchange, it bacame famous ! I suspect we know each other; in Nigeria for 23 years with Bristow. Warri, Port Harcourt, Eket, Calabar, Lagos, Bauchi, Gombe, Jos. It certainly is an adjustment being back in Northampton full time; the only true chaos I get now is all the rushing ignorant drivers !
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Cheltenham
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Here's another one
Me: Sitting on the tarmac at PH airport. Rotor running.
Anon (someone obviously checking his radio was working): "whistle whistle"
ATC: (Aggressively). "Stop that whistling!"
Anon: "whistle whistle"
ATC: "STOP THAT WHISTLING!"
Anon: "whistle whistle"
ATC: "JULIET INDIA. (Me) IS THAT YOU WHISTLING?"
Me: "Er Nope. Not me"
ATC then proceeds to accuse everyone on the ATC frequency for whistling.
American Voice (DC3 overhead). "Hey Jim? Is that you whistling?"
Other American voice: "No not me Gerry"
And this goes on for some time. In the end, ATC, who is by now shouting and bounding round the control tower like a Gibbon in a cage:
"I TELL YOU THAT IF I FIND THE PERSON WHISTLING I AM GOING TO HAVE HIM ARRESTED AND CHARGED FOR, etc, etc......
Long pause. Then "whistle whistle"
By this time I am doubled up with mirth in my cockpit and incapable of speech.
Ah happy memories.
Anon (someone obviously checking his radio was working): "whistle whistle"
ATC: (Aggressively). "Stop that whistling!"
Anon: "whistle whistle"
ATC: "STOP THAT WHISTLING!"
Anon: "whistle whistle"
ATC: "JULIET INDIA. (Me) IS THAT YOU WHISTLING?"
Me: "Er Nope. Not me"
ATC then proceeds to accuse everyone on the ATC frequency for whistling.
American Voice (DC3 overhead). "Hey Jim? Is that you whistling?"
Other American voice: "No not me Gerry"
And this goes on for some time. In the end, ATC, who is by now shouting and bounding round the control tower like a Gibbon in a cage:
"I TELL YOU THAT IF I FIND THE PERSON WHISTLING I AM GOING TO HAVE HIM ARRESTED AND CHARGED FOR, etc, etc......
Long pause. Then "whistle whistle"
By this time I am doubled up with mirth in my cockpit and incapable of speech.
Ah happy memories.
Nigerian In Law
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
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An old story.
Many years ago during a long, boring military exercise in foul weather "somewhere in Northumberland" and I was the RAF radio operator sat in the back of a LWB Land-Rover acting as one of a large number of outstations in a British army network. It was dark o'clock and all was quiet until someone came up on the network said "I'm bored and I want to go home. I'm not a happy bear."
Another station on the net said "I'm bored too and I'm not a happy bear either."
Several other outstations came up on the net with similar comments about not being a happy bear.
After a while Control came up on the net and gave a long, rambling diatribe about sticking to radio discipline, etc.
As soon as he had finished someone transmitted "He's not a happy bear is he?"
Umpteen other outstations coming on air to agree followed by an irate Control saying "Station who made that transmission, identify yourself."
Unidentified station "I'm not a stupid bear."
Followed by almost every other station sending similar messages.
Many years ago during a long, boring military exercise in foul weather "somewhere in Northumberland" and I was the RAF radio operator sat in the back of a LWB Land-Rover acting as one of a large number of outstations in a British army network. It was dark o'clock and all was quiet until someone came up on the network said "I'm bored and I want to go home. I'm not a happy bear."
Another station on the net said "I'm bored too and I'm not a happy bear either."
Several other outstations came up on the net with similar comments about not being a happy bear.
After a while Control came up on the net and gave a long, rambling diatribe about sticking to radio discipline, etc.
As soon as he had finished someone transmitted "He's not a happy bear is he?"
Umpteen other outstations coming on air to agree followed by an irate Control saying "Station who made that transmission, identify yourself."
Unidentified station "I'm not a stupid bear."
Followed by almost every other station sending similar messages.
Immigration: "Welcome Captain, I see you have an expired re-entry pass. That is a problem, but I think we can sort it out."
Me: "there is an in-date re-entry stamp on the next page"
Immigration: Angrily. "But you have an expired re-entry pass right here! That is the problem!"
Me: "there is an in-date re-entry stamp on the next page"
Immigration: Angrily. "But you have an expired re-entry pass right here! That is the problem!"
Nigerian In Law
I'm Old, But Not That Old ?!
Going back a good few years but does anyone remember the two warehouse that were built by the road between the Escravos hangar and the accommodation camp that were about 60 foot tall and 20 foot wide (or some ridiculous dimension)? Believe it may have been down to someone locally mixing up imperial and metric units (believe the plans were sent from Gulf Oil HQ in the States in feet and inches).
Nigerian In Law
I arrived in Warri in January 92 and did my initial Night Base Check at Escravos. Can't remember them being there then, but I wasn't looking for them ! I was based at Escravos variously during the 90s (full time 98-99) and they definitely weren't there then.
The original CP from the 60s was still there, a very tall Austrian guy who had an outrageous amount of hours on the 206. Also an Irishman (his name was Sean Dignam I think), who had also been there forever.
The original CP from the 60s was still there, a very tall Austrian guy who had an outrageous amount of hours on the 206. Also an Irishman (his name was Sean Dignam I think), who had also been there forever.
Nigerian In Law
I used to love catching the bus from the accommodation to the PAAN office; no doors, no windows and a maximum speed of walking pace ! I wasn't PAAN so I got a room to myself (that used to p**s the guys off) but as I was there for night standbys and "heavy" crew changes in a 212, OKAN, MEJI etc, I used to be sent back to Warri during the day.
The issue of the solo room was quickly forgotten when, after a couple of discreet requests, I started bring in booze. Everyone else used to be searched, but as a pilot I never was. A few evenings in Sean's room imbibing with various people soon endeared me.
Another name was Jim Sims, he later went to Bristow Eket. And there was a British guy called Chris who had white hair and a goatie.
The issue of the solo room was quickly forgotten when, after a couple of discreet requests, I started bring in booze. Everyone else used to be searched, but as a pilot I never was. A few evenings in Sean's room imbibing with various people soon endeared me.
Another name was Jim Sims, he later went to Bristow Eket. And there was a British guy called Chris who had white hair and a goatie.
Nigerian In Law
Booze was rationed to the onshore guys, 2 cans a day. But pilots were excluded. They used to go out through the side fence and imbibe at Mama Lulu's in the evening. I couldn't as I was always on night standby.
When Escravos only had 206's Shell Warri eventually supplied a 212 with two crew for night standby.
After the days work for Shell the a/c was flown to Escravos.
On the way in during the late afternoon and back in the morning flow station crew changes were carried out.
We were told not to land at any other places except what was on the flightplan.
The reason being that the local crews could be from an other tribe/village and there would immediately be a fist fight or worse on the helipad or on board the a/c.
The accommodation were during my time worn out containers with holes, cracks & tears everywhere. Right next to the water, mosquitos and all those other nice creepy crawlers.
The food was ok, but don't think you could ever smuggle out a cookie or two!
And yes, the bus ride was "different"!
After the days work for Shell the a/c was flown to Escravos.
On the way in during the late afternoon and back in the morning flow station crew changes were carried out.
We were told not to land at any other places except what was on the flightplan.
The reason being that the local crews could be from an other tribe/village and there would immediately be a fist fight or worse on the helipad or on board the a/c.
The accommodation were during my time worn out containers with holes, cracks & tears everywhere. Right next to the water, mosquitos and all those other nice creepy crawlers.
The food was ok, but don't think you could ever smuggle out a cookie or two!
And yes, the bus ride was "different"!
Last edited by Good Vibs; 25th Oct 2017 at 19:38.
Nigerian In Law
You were unlucky; I was the first 212 Captain there and it was nothing like that. The co-pilots used to change every week (rotators out of Eket, all good guys) and we always stayed on the top floor of the accommodation. We did crew changes in the mornings but not in the afternoons and never stayed during the day beyond about 10:00. We always went back to Warri.
Maybe things ahd changed (as they often do) by the time you got there.
Maybe things ahd changed (as they often do) by the time you got there.
Nigerian In Law
Hope you're well GV. Maybe; I was in WT 92-96, PH Aker 96-98, Sumburgh (Shetlands) for 8 months, Shell PH for 1 tour, Escravos 98-99, WA for 1 tour, Bauchi for 6 months, Calabar 99-06, PH NAF 06-07, Eket 07-09, back to PH NAF 09-12, a bout of cancer 12-14, Lagos for 10 months then PH Agip until I called it a day. Potted history 
During that time I married (and was divorced from) a Nigerian lady, had some excellent experiences and some awful ones !
During that time I married (and was divorced from) a Nigerian lady, had some excellent experiences and some awful ones !
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I had a friend who was chopped from pilot training in the Royal Marines in the early 1960s. He managed to get a CPL(H) afterwards and to build up his hours accepted a job as a pilot in Escravos flying Bell 47Js on fixed floats. There was no 100 hours a month limit in those days and in 3 years he flew more than 3,500 hours! He always said that flying in the front there with the instrument cluster off to one side made flying interesting during harmattan and they always flew as low as possible. How different things have become in 50 years even in Nigeria. He was also the only pilot I had met who had the Djinn on his UK licence, having done crop spraying in it in UK.