SHFNI Stories!
Bertie B, me and MC doing some RUC VCP's in the yellows. Land on with BB' feet up in the LHS, climb away, they think the RHS is the only seat occupied. Mark has tied green comms cord to the yaw (rudder to me now) pedals and proceeds to 'fly the a/c with them, talking to me on the i/c. I then unstrap, and climb down whilst BB flies the a/c unseen from below, minus the ASE yaw channel. Mark makes a grand job of flying the cling on, then hands control to one of the coppers whilst I go down the back and disappear behind the curtain in the radio bay..the RUC chap is a reluctant pilot and his colleagues aren't too happy with his attempts...we landed in a field and they disembarked rather rapidly....
Last edited by Hueymeister; 25th Dec 2009 at 16:41.
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Ah, the fence at Y453 with the boss. He looked across and said "well it's faaackin lucky you didn't do it cos you'd be right in the ****", then simply smiled his enigmatic smile and no more was said!
The previous boss giving the entire squadron a stand up bollocking for a litany of offenses (border crossings, cups of tea spilled over centre consoles, certain display pilot's tailstrike from a level quickstop!!)
Same boss then a few days later is temporarily unsure of his position rather close to the proximity of the ROI. Announces, "er we have might just have nipped across the border I think"; crewman A*** T*** calmly adds "yeah boss, about 2 miles ago!"
V***e A***a for doing a two year tour and having no entries in his bar book!
Zero speed spirals which simultaneously illuminated all four oil captions briefly.
Explaining to a visiting engineer on the FAC that his fatigue life planning example for the Wessex didn't very accurately reflect the way it was really operated (ie pull to max torque and leave it there for 2 days). Forced them to re-write the entire planning schedule - did anyone ever tell the Chileans when we flogged them?
M**e D*****s being regarded by the RAF flight safety team as the biggest single FS hazard in the entire RAF - we all knew that anyway.
The previous boss giving the entire squadron a stand up bollocking for a litany of offenses (border crossings, cups of tea spilled over centre consoles, certain display pilot's tailstrike from a level quickstop!!)
Same boss then a few days later is temporarily unsure of his position rather close to the proximity of the ROI. Announces, "er we have might just have nipped across the border I think"; crewman A*** T*** calmly adds "yeah boss, about 2 miles ago!"
V***e A***a for doing a two year tour and having no entries in his bar book!
Zero speed spirals which simultaneously illuminated all four oil captions briefly.
Explaining to a visiting engineer on the FAC that his fatigue life planning example for the Wessex didn't very accurately reflect the way it was really operated (ie pull to max torque and leave it there for 2 days). Forced them to re-write the entire planning schedule - did anyone ever tell the Chileans when we flogged them?
M**e D*****s being regarded by the RAF flight safety team as the biggest single FS hazard in the entire RAF - we all knew that anyway.
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Explaining to a visiting engineer on the FAC that his fatigue life planning example for the Wessex didn't very accurately reflect the way it was really operated (ie pull to max torque and leave it there for 2 days). Forced them to re-write the entire planning schedule
Do any of you old-and-bold Wessex peeps know what became of the quiet, unassuming Scottish Wessex pilot who came to hold with us on the VC10K and to help out as an Ops chap?
His name?
Oh yes....
Scott Weir.....
A good job that there weren't too may ex-shiny 'Route Queens' to enjoy his quiet, genteel manner! Heart of gold - but add beer and stir and he could be, shall we say, 'rather high spirited'!
His name?
Oh yes....
Scott Weir.....
A good job that there weren't too may ex-shiny 'Route Queens' to enjoy his quiet, genteel manner! Heart of gold - but add beer and stir and he could be, shall we say, 'rather high spirited'!
Saw 3.8 many times but the best was big M*** S***g***m who did it with his left boot trying to get into Foxfield sangar in a gale.
Scotty flashing his cock at two wives at a sportswear party (one was mine, the other the wife of the next ACAS!!!!)
The J** Ch*****r memorial trench at Auchnacloy, the F**ms**n-W*****ms memorial trench near Newtonhamilton, Nobby's 'unlucky' tipstrike at Cookstown.
D*** R**c****e driving me back to the patch, pissed after happy hour and handbrake turning across my lawn and the next door neighbours to drop me off.
Nobby dropping a thunderflash into one of those tall, black metal ashtrays with a chrome lid - black tube turned inside out but chrome top took a pint glass out of D*nc** Wh**h**'s hand.
Plasticuffing OCGD to the railings in the bar after raiding his room because he turned left after coming out of a dining in night instead of going to the bar.
Scotty flashing his cock at two wives at a sportswear party (one was mine, the other the wife of the next ACAS!!!!)
The J** Ch*****r memorial trench at Auchnacloy, the F**ms**n-W*****ms memorial trench near Newtonhamilton, Nobby's 'unlucky' tipstrike at Cookstown.
D*** R**c****e driving me back to the patch, pissed after happy hour and handbrake turning across my lawn and the next door neighbours to drop me off.
Nobby dropping a thunderflash into one of those tall, black metal ashtrays with a chrome lid - black tube turned inside out but chrome top took a pint glass out of D*nc** Wh**h**'s hand.
Plasticuffing OCGD to the railings in the bar after raiding his room because he turned left after coming out of a dining in night instead of going to the bar.
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Swift Reminiscences
Arriving for the first time in Feb and not actually seeing the sun for 3 whole weeks.
Picking R** M*****'s Walter out of a field outside Derry after he and C***s had sawn their way through the power lines over the Foyle on Polling Day.
Seeing M**e L****'s face when we fitted a new tailcone badged as 'B' to said Walter a few weeks later, and being asked, quite pointedly, if this was some kind of joke.
Realising shortly afterwards that M**e L***d had crashed 'B' some years beforehand.
Being witness to the Great Santini's application of 'Just Culture' after another Walter/Power Lines interface problem in Co Tyrone - 'Some F"Ł$%^'s going to pay for this!'.
Wally Wilson - top bloke.
S**n G**l's stoicism in the face of my attempts at hovering, after being hauled out of bed to crew for DB and I for my last in-Province trip.
The Swift.
Picking R** M*****'s Walter out of a field outside Derry after he and C***s had sawn their way through the power lines over the Foyle on Polling Day.
Seeing M**e L****'s face when we fitted a new tailcone badged as 'B' to said Walter a few weeks later, and being asked, quite pointedly, if this was some kind of joke.
Realising shortly afterwards that M**e L***d had crashed 'B' some years beforehand.
Being witness to the Great Santini's application of 'Just Culture' after another Walter/Power Lines interface problem in Co Tyrone - 'Some F"Ł$%^'s going to pay for this!'.
Wally Wilson - top bloke.
S**n G**l's stoicism in the face of my attempts at hovering, after being hauled out of bed to crew for DB and I for my last in-Province trip.
The Swift.
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The unfortunate JCB incident
I was fortunate enough to have the room right above the main entrance to the OM, which came with a very small balcony overlooking the Station Commanders parking space.
One afternoon, during a very lively balcony party, someone (Scotty) decided that he would attempt to hot-wire the JCB digger that was parked down the road. It was duly delivered, after a few laps of the roundabout, and parked up proudly in the forbidden slot. All was going well until some bright spark (Scotty) decided to spice things up a bit by taking the digger on a tour of the station with a drivepast of the main entrance. Two in the raised front loader, sitting space shuttle style, one squatting in the rear scoop and sundry hangers-on clutching onto the cabin. Off they went at high speed down the road, beer glassses flying to applause from the balcony. On their return, apparantly unscathed, more merryment, and loud abuse, as the Military Police turn up to inspect the crime scene with notebooks and pencils poised.
Why oh why a number of 'revelers' were unable to contain themselves, and chose that moment to relieve themselves onto the developing scene below, I will never know. Later, someone, coming to terms with the potential enormity of the situation, decided that it would be circumspect to return the offending digger, and forget (deny) that the whole, unfortunate, event ever took place. Well, it was only fair, since Scotty had stolen the thing, that he should take it back. I don't think any of us imagined that the police would be lying in wait, just out of sight, in an ambush.
I'm not sure if poor old Scotty is the only officer ever to be challenged with the words "stand still or I'll fire"...
To be continued...............
One afternoon, during a very lively balcony party, someone (Scotty) decided that he would attempt to hot-wire the JCB digger that was parked down the road. It was duly delivered, after a few laps of the roundabout, and parked up proudly in the forbidden slot. All was going well until some bright spark (Scotty) decided to spice things up a bit by taking the digger on a tour of the station with a drivepast of the main entrance. Two in the raised front loader, sitting space shuttle style, one squatting in the rear scoop and sundry hangers-on clutching onto the cabin. Off they went at high speed down the road, beer glassses flying to applause from the balcony. On their return, apparantly unscathed, more merryment, and loud abuse, as the Military Police turn up to inspect the crime scene with notebooks and pencils poised.
Why oh why a number of 'revelers' were unable to contain themselves, and chose that moment to relieve themselves onto the developing scene below, I will never know. Later, someone, coming to terms with the potential enormity of the situation, decided that it would be circumspect to return the offending digger, and forget (deny) that the whole, unfortunate, event ever took place. Well, it was only fair, since Scotty had stolen the thing, that he should take it back. I don't think any of us imagined that the police would be lying in wait, just out of sight, in an ambush.
I'm not sure if poor old Scotty is the only officer ever to be challenged with the words "stand still or I'll fire"...
To be continued...............
Last edited by PushCentreCommand; 21st Dec 2009 at 09:43.
Jerome 'borrowing' a mini road roller after an afternoon's quiet imbibing at the Swift and the RAF police's attempts at stopping him...
Mess Cannons...shooting the Staish in the arse at point blank range in the bar...
'Crashing' at Castlederg....
Seeing 16,000 ft between V813 and G100...'anyone feel dizzy - just let me know'...took forever to get down as the Nr was so lively
POD falling asleep down in South Fermanagh..then waking up to tell me where the border was..how did he do that?
Burying Gibbo under many bergans as we flopped into a bog, down wind, out of power, options, skill, experience and luck..sorry mate..only to drag you across a police boat rail on my Far East tour...I'm not sure who I was more afraid of.. you or your better half..
Climbing up the Norwegian step to knock on the window at Scotty....2000ft above Glasgow....
Loosing a tooth 'bunt somersaulting' down the back of a Walter, having had a 'trg day' at the Donaghadee life boat station...mostly involving many, many guinessesssssssss...didn't feel a thing !
Mess Cannons...shooting the Staish in the arse at point blank range in the bar...
'Crashing' at Castlederg....
Seeing 16,000 ft between V813 and G100...'anyone feel dizzy - just let me know'...took forever to get down as the Nr was so lively
POD falling asleep down in South Fermanagh..then waking up to tell me where the border was..how did he do that?
Burying Gibbo under many bergans as we flopped into a bog, down wind, out of power, options, skill, experience and luck..sorry mate..only to drag you across a police boat rail on my Far East tour...I'm not sure who I was more afraid of.. you or your better half..
Climbing up the Norwegian step to knock on the window at Scotty....2000ft above Glasgow....
Loosing a tooth 'bunt somersaulting' down the back of a Walter, having had a 'trg day' at the Donaghadee life boat station...mostly involving many, many guinessesssssssss...didn't feel a thing !
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Patches
Bertie B, me and Mark Culmer doing some RUC VCP's in the yellows.
Best one was when A*** Mc***** (future Boss), D*** W******* and ? made the front page of the Belfast News Letter after a shabby-weather medevac from Rathlin Island. Photo (not mine) caption gravely recorded that the crew's ids couldn't be published as one was a local. Guess who'd forgotten to remove their (readable) name?
Wasn't D*** or the loadie. D'oh.
POD falling asleep down in South Fermanagh..
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Early 70s.
Anyone remember two TWA pilots who went down town for a party, were lifted by the IRA, and whose photographs were on the next morning's front page of the Belfast Telegraph?
They were sent home safely.
Anyone remember two TWA pilots who went down town for a party, were lifted by the IRA, and whose photographs were on the next morning's front page of the Belfast Telegraph?
They were sent home safely.
Thread Starter
"Nobby" Where do I start? Oh I see you all already have!!!
Great bloke, good scrapes.
Nearly "scored a goal" with him in the Wessex, landing on the sports pitch at 'Derry!
Locked the wheels on the mud, then unlocked them rolling thro' a puddle - amazing how much muddy water that throws over the crewman! Bas88rd!
Scott who?!
lsh
Great bloke, good scrapes.
Nearly "scored a goal" with him in the Wessex, landing on the sports pitch at 'Derry!
Locked the wheels on the mud, then unlocked them rolling thro' a puddle - amazing how much muddy water that throws over the crewman! Bas88rd!
Scott who?!
lsh
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230 Execs circa '95:
Who knows.
Red nose.
F**k knows.
Brown nose.
Navy executing Tigs, and recording the subsequent OCs chat for all to share.
The street Cortina being rolled at a Mess BBQ with petrol gushing out over M*** O'L.... whilst he was smoking a fag. 'Seafuryfan' inventing 7 a day before anyone had ever thought of 5! The 'Street' could probably hold a thread of its own.
Who knows.
Red nose.
F**k knows.
Brown nose.
Navy executing Tigs, and recording the subsequent OCs chat for all to share.
The street Cortina being rolled at a Mess BBQ with petrol gushing out over M*** O'L.... whilst he was smoking a fag. 'Seafuryfan' inventing 7 a day before anyone had ever thought of 5! The 'Street' could probably hold a thread of its own.
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Posting pics
Have pics but don't know how to post them, any help?
Copy & paste this link
Register for free at Photobucket.com
into the Firefox toolbar, complete the photobucket reg page and store the images there. Clicking on the the yellow box fourth from the right on this form or your reply thread invites you to enter the pbucket url which identifies each of your photos - paste that in and it appears. I post them at c. 1800x1100x300dpi and limit the resolution to give a c.300KB image. That fills the page fairly well and I might go smaller for the next ones.
There are probably other photo host sites, but this seems a secure, reliable one - I've no commercial or other interests in it.
Hope this helps,
PhPh.
Last edited by PhamousPhotographer; 21st Dec 2009 at 17:10. Reason: Just to add quote
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As much fun as this thread is, we have reached a point to reflect. Telling breathalyser failing stories could be front page Sun stuff. Some stories must stay under the rules. Also think carefully with names and now we are talking photos. Some people still live in the community out there, my company provides pilots to the police and they live locally. I for one, do not want my photo out in cyberspace whilst in NI. The 'war' is still going on, despite what Nu Labour say. The latest stories are about shoulder launched SAMs being deployed against police helicopters. Please please keep the stories, but THINK!!
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Then there was T*pper N*xon, hard night on Extreme-Pimms, flew the DTF down to XMG and back, pranged the blue bomber on the way back to the bar and failed a breathalyser! Urinal Jerkoff (God bless ‘im, RIP) arranged to pay his fine out of sqn funds, Hurrah!
Not forgetting Sh*gger Sm*ff, caught prodding the NAAFI bint on the billiard table with her hairbrush up his a**e.
Last but not least Ginge Squared, ropin down at Y434, bee-zeds sans t/w, blames it on below stairs and walks!
PS Whatever happened to No-Balls Mowgli, the Sri Lankan JEngEss?
PPS Sorry jayteeto, I was feeling left out of pprune's version of Armstrong & Miller.
I made it all up.
Not forgetting Sh*gger Sm*ff, caught prodding the NAAFI bint on the billiard table with her hairbrush up his a**e.
Last but not least Ginge Squared, ropin down at Y434, bee-zeds sans t/w, blames it on below stairs and walks!
PS Whatever happened to No-Balls Mowgli, the Sri Lankan JEngEss?
Telling breathalyser failing stories could be front page Sun stuff.
PPS Sorry jayteeto, I was feeling left out of pprune's version of Armstrong & Miller.
I made it all up.
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The Mill
Over the 'garden'
Shawbury during the final retirement formation round robin
Put away at the end of it all!
Apologies if not come out right but first time pic posting
Have more if anyone is interested, thanks phamousphoto.
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On The Water
VERTREPing the Navy in Carlingford (?) Loch
As much fun as this thread is, we have reached a point to reflect. …….. and now we are talking photos.
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Then there was T*pper N*xon, hard night on Extreme-Pimms, flew the DTF down to XMG and back, pranged the blue bomber on the way back to the bar and failed a breathalyser! Urinal Jerkoff (God bless ‘im, RIP) arranged to pay his fine out of sqn funds, Hurrah!
Not forgetting Sh*gger Sm*ff, caught prodding the NAAFI bint on the billiard table with her hairbrush up his a**e.
Last but not least Ginge Squared, ropin down at Y434, bee-zeds sans t/w, blames it on below stairs and walks!
PS Whatever happened to No-Balls Mowgli, the Sri Lankan JEngEss?
Not forgetting Sh*gger Sm*ff, caught prodding the NAAFI bint on the billiard table with her hairbrush up his a**e.
Last but not least Ginge Squared, ropin down at Y434, bee-zeds sans t/w, blames it on below stairs and walks!
PS Whatever happened to No-Balls Mowgli, the Sri Lankan JEngEss?
I think you'd have enjoyed yourself in NI thoroughly.
But some of the stories are worse than fiction - vis the crewman who was caught having a w**k in the aircrew bedroom in the Bessbrook Mill - nothing wrong in that per se - but it was at night, on standby for an op and with 3 other blokes trying to sleep in the same room!!