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ATC Issues A place where pilots may enter the 'lions den' that is Air Traffic Control in complete safety and find out the answers to all those obscure topics which you always wanted to know the answer to but were afraid to ask.


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Old 22nd Jul 2002, 21:52   #81 (permalink)
 
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Cool

Seem to remember the BA Sheds were called Conservatories cos they were too posh to be Sheds...

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Old 22nd Jul 2002, 22:46   #82 (permalink)
Tee
 
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Landing aircraft at Aberdeen on spotting the new fluorescent pink windsock,

"Nice windsock - where did you get it - Dorothy Perkins?"
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 08:48   #83 (permalink)

More than just an ATCO
 
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Done to death but one of the best, Aberdeen and the Effing Danair.
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 10:40   #84 (permalink)
 
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I suggest you lot check out www.aviationhumour.co.uk . Theres some really funny stuff on there.
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 11:47   #85 (permalink)
 
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Done by myself on Hurn wings once. Brest asked me if I had received the estimate on so and so and without thinking I replied "Affirm Brest"
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 11:50   #86 (permalink)
 
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without thinking? You used to LIVE for a chance to say that!!!!!
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Old 23rd Jul 2002, 23:09   #87 (permalink)
 
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On the Shed topic...

It's the EFIS 360 which is the 'conservatory', surely (it's a 'glass' shed).

The speedbrake is, rightly, for our c**k-ups not anyone else's - that's why it's the 'lever of shame'.

Now, anyone going to recount the 'Coming over DODSI' story?
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Old 24th Jul 2002, 07:39   #88 (permalink)
 
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Heard recently at PF on RT a midland F100 coming in to land of an evening, controller said BMA1536 just gonna turn the lights down a little for you, the BMA replied yes thank you turn the lights down make it all nice and romantic.

Classic!
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Old 24th Jul 2002, 19:32   #89 (permalink)
 
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geneva tower

...once a female trainee wanted to say "line-up behind landing fokker", and she ended saying "line-up behind f**king lander"....

cheers
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Old 25th Jul 2002, 14:29   #90 (permalink)
 
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BA ATP on short final with BA 737 at the holding point.....
Me: 'Speedbird XXX after the landing ATP line up runway 24'

SpeedbirdXXX: 'After the landing Skoda line up 24'

ATP: 'Whatdayamean, two screws are better than a blow job anyday'

Spiney
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Old 26th Jul 2002, 10:39   #91 (permalink)
 
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Here's one from long ago... maybe someone older than me can confirm or deny it..??

What we now know as LTCC (ex-LATCC) used to be the Southern Air Traffic Control Centre in a building on the north side of Heathrow. The name was written on the side in huge letters. At the time the Centre Superintendant was one Len Winter.

Some work was going on requiring the temporary removal of the name letters.. and Len came to work one day to find 50 juggernauts queued up outside SATCC. Some wag on a night duty had put some of the letters back.. to read LEN'S CAFE!
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Old 27th Jul 2002, 19:45   #92 (permalink)
 
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sheds

A/c told to "Line up after the landing Shed" Was [Gently] reminded,
"Sir, We are a Super" Shed
we aim to please, it keeps the cleaners happy

Last edited by chiglet; 28th Jul 2002 at 16:53.
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Old 28th Jul 2002, 01:08   #93 (permalink)
 
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Cool

Heard on 126.65 just prior to an incident occuring.....

"Speedbird 123..can we route direct DCS?.............

ATCO........"Speedbird 123 can you ask me an easier one...preferably one on sport????????"

Looked good in the transcript!!!!!!!!
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Old 28th Jul 2002, 13:39   #94 (permalink)
 
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You have to credit our American cousins with a quick wit. This is an oldy but definately a goldie -

us pilot: "London xxx, may we route direct Stabbs?"
atc: "xxx roger, direct routing approved. Oh by the way it's Saint Abbs."

.......... short but obviously thoughtful pause .........

us pilot: "London xxx we have a further request."
atc: "xxx go ahead."
us pilot: "After Saint Abbs may we route direct Saint Rumble?"

What a beauty
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Old 28th Jul 2002, 18:42   #95 (permalink)
 
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I've heard that an Indian Training Manual on the correct use of English RT uses the following as an example of poor RT:

Pilot (presumably American): "Stove pipe five in the slot, boots on and laced, ready to bounce and blow"

Controller: "You got the nod to hit the sod"

It amused me anyway.
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Old 28th Jul 2002, 19:16   #96 (permalink)
 
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Thinks: I'll bet there are a fair few people reading this thread who are thinking...... I was involved in the REAL story, and that's not it!!!!
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Old 28th Jul 2002, 20:58   #97 (permalink)
 
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Talking

Approaching BHD northbound one sleepy morning, I heard a TWA inbound from the Atlantic cleared by a squeaky lady controller direct to DIKAS.

"Say what Ma'am"

was the reply
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Old 30th Jul 2002, 20:55   #98 (permalink)
 
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Another oldie but goldie, supposedly true....

Some years ago at Gatwick several aircraft have started but, for whatever reason, there is a delay in issuing any taxy clearances. Eventually a Luftie is given taxy, before the pilot can acknowledge a very clipped British accent is heard proclaiming that BA*** had started first and demanding to know why they had'nt been given clearance first. This time before the Controller can reply the Luftie Capt. says " because ve ver up very early zis morning und put our towels on zer runway first!"
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Old 30th Jul 2002, 22:43   #99 (permalink)
 
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This has reminded me of something I heard once over France. An (unknown) American airline asked ATC if they could route direct to Rambouillet...."may we route direct RAM-BULLIT"

France ATC: "Would that be ROM-BWEE-AY monsieur?"

Pilot: "No sir, it says RAM-BULLIT on my flight plan"

Made me chuckle!
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Old 31st Jul 2002, 09:59   #100 (permalink)
 
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"DLHxxx What is your requested level today"....

short pause....

"Ve Vill Ask de qvestions"

I nearly fell of my chair!
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