javelin

If you want a real laugh - just call the lady controller at LBA Ma'am and see what happens

Wee Jock

Seem to remember the BA Sheds were called Conservatories cos they were too posh to be Sheds...

Tee

Landing aircraft at Aberdeen on spotting the new fluorescent pink windsock,

"Nice windsock - where did you get it - Dorothy Perkins?"

Lon More

Done to death but one of the best, Aberdeen and the Effing Danair.

Coke611

I suggest you lot check out www.aviationhumour.co.uk . Theres some really funny stuff on there.

Biggin Koksy

Done by myself on Hurn wings once. Brest asked me if I had received the estimate on so and so and without thinking I replied "Affirm Brest"

Mr Chips

without thinking? You used to LIVE for a chance to say that!!!!!

NorthernSky

On the Shed topic...

It's the EFIS 360 which is the 'conservatory', surely (it's a 'glass' shed).

The speedbrake is, rightly, for our c**k-ups not anyone else's - that's why it's the 'lever of shame'.

Now, anyone going to recount the 'Coming over DODSI' story?

Deeko01

Heard recently at PF on RT a midland F100 coming in to land of an evening, controller said BMA1536 just gonna turn the lights down a little for you, the BMA replied yes thank you turn the lights down make it all nice and romantic.

Classic!

theblipdriver

...once a female trainee wanted to say "line-up behind landing fokker", and she ended saying "line-up behind f**king lander"....

cheers

Spiney Norman

BA ATP on short final with BA 737 at the holding point.....
Me: 'Speedbird XXX after the landing ATP line up runway 24'

SpeedbirdXXX: 'After the landing Skoda line up 24'

ATP: 'Whatdayamean, two screws are better than a blow job anyday'

Spiney

HEATHROW DIRECTOR

Here's one from long ago... maybe someone older than me can confirm or deny it..??

What we now know as LTCC (ex-LATCC) used to be the Southern Air Traffic Control Centre in a building on the north side of Heathrow. The name was written on the side in huge letters. At the time the Centre Superintendant was one Len Winter.

Some work was going on requiring the temporary removal of the name letters.. and Len came to work one day to find 50 juggernauts queued up outside SATCC. Some wag on a night duty had put some of the letters back.. to read LEN'S CAFE!

chiglet

A/c told to "Line up after the landing Shed" Was [Gently] reminded,
"Sir, We are a Super" Shed
we aim to please, it keeps the cleaners happy

Sheilagh Blige

Heard on 126.65 just prior to an incident occuring.....

"Speedbird 123..can we route direct DCS?.............

ATCO........"Speedbird 123 can you ask me an easier one...preferably one on sport????????"

Looked good in the transcript!!!!!!!!

Pat Pong

You have to credit our American cousins with a quick wit. This is an oldy but definately a goldie -

us pilot: "London xxx, may we route direct Stabbs?"
atc: "xxx roger, direct routing approved. Oh by the way it's Saint Abbs."

.......... short but obviously thoughtful pause .........

us pilot: "London xxx we have a further request."
atc: "xxx go ahead."
us pilot: "After Saint Abbs may we route direct Saint Rumble?"

What a beauty

QNH 1013

I've heard that an Indian Training Manual on the correct use of English RT uses the following as an example of poor RT:

Pilot (presumably American): "Stove pipe five in the slot, boots on and laced, ready to bounce and blow"

Controller: "You got the nod to hit the sod"

It amused me anyway.

HEATHROW DIRECTOR

Thinks: I'll bet there are a fair few people reading this thread who are thinking...... I was involved in the REAL story, and that's not it!!!!

javelin

Approaching BHD northbound one sleepy morning, I heard a TWA inbound from the Atlantic cleared by a squeaky lady controller direct to DIKAS.

"Say what Ma'am"

was the reply

204 Red

Another oldie but goldie, supposedly true....

Some years ago at Gatwick several aircraft have started but, for whatever reason, there is a delay in issuing any taxy clearances. Eventually a Luftie is given taxy, before the pilot can acknowledge a very clipped British accent is heard proclaiming that BA*** had started first and demanding to know why they had'nt been given clearance first. This time before the Controller can reply the Luftie Capt. says " because ve ver up very early zis morning und put our towels on zer runway first!"

Stop Stop Stop

This has reminded me of something I heard once over France. An (unknown) American airline asked ATC if they could route direct to Rambouillet...."may we route direct RAM-BULLIT"

France ATC: "Would that be ROM-BWEE-AY monsieur?"

Pilot: "No sir, it says RAM-BULLIT on my flight plan"

Made me chuckle!