Memorable converstations with the ATC

[Murray_NN]

Please can you share your experiences while on contact with the ATC, anything that was funny/serious/weird etc etc

Eager to know it!!!

[hooplaa]

Please turn to ATC forum - lovely RT

[Dr. Red]

Check out this forum:
http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/For...ML/009766.html

Cheers

[Genghis the Engineer]

When working as a flight test engineer at Boscombe Down, I went up (in a suit, and very distinctive tie) to the tower to request various special information was recorded for all take-offs and landings of a test flight (crosswind performance work) and gave them a proforma to record it all in.

I then changed into flying kit, briefed the sortie and walked out to the aircraft with my pilot. As we taxiied out, the following exchange took place

TWR: "Gauntlet xx, Boscombe Ground"
Gxx: "Boscombe Ground, Gxx, pass your message"
TWR: "We've just had your boffin up here and he wants all this stuff writing down. Do you really want it?"
Gxx: "Hang on, he's just here, I'll ask him".

G

[JB007]

Heard at LBA, lovely chap called Stan Greaveson brought in a Spitfire one Sunday afternoon and was asked by ATC to "Turn 5 degrees to the right"
Stans reply was "I'm flying this to the best of my ability, you move your chair"!!!

007

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Hear All...See All...Say Now't.

[Off Blox]

Overheard on the tower frequency at LGW in the days of Dan Air (how long ago was that):

Tower: Dan Air xxx, The runway is wet, can you take a short run for departure?

Female Dan pilot (in a rather sexy voice): Oh no, I can take the full length.....

Tower: Silence....

[Jumbo Jockey]

I think the CAA themselves publish on an occasional basis some of the more entertaining ones; on one occasion a controller told an aircraft in his zone: "for noise abatement, climb to 3000 feet". Pilot: "What's that got to do with noise abatement?" ATC: "Well, by climbing to 3000 feet you will avoid bumping into the twin coming the other way at your present level, and that will save a very big bang".


[This message has been edited by Jumbo Jockey (edited 15 September 2000).]

[Piggles]

Whilst hours building, one beautiful near zero viz day, I overheard ATC in contact with........Someone
ATC:G-XXXX, contact 12oclock, 5miles.
G-XXXX: roger, looking
ATC:G-XXXX, are you visual?
G-XXXX:Negative
(several exchanges later)
ATC:G-XXXX, are you visual with traffic yet?
G-XXXX sounding very pleased with himself)
TARGET IN SIGHT!!!!!!!
ATC apparently stunned silence, then much mirth)

[DB6]

Just last week ATC had reports of a possible attempted suicide off the Tay Bridge, and asked us to check the river as we departed or arrived. The reply from one of our number was 'Roger. Looking for floaters.'

[Skycop]

I was once cleared by ATC to "cross behind that little Fokker on finals".

I couldn't resist replying that "It looks like a big Fokker from here".

Some people are easily offended - the crew sounded decidedly grumpy as they read back their landing clearance!

[MileHi]

3 Ship military jet formation was going through the pre takeoff checks at the hold of Rwy 06 at a civilian airfield. Being a training flight this was taking a bit longer than ussual. Behind this lot was a frustated Kingair pilot not so patiently waiting his turn for departure. When this patience ran out he got on the radio and in a snotty voice transmitted "Hurry up guys, I pay for my fuel!". A quick semi-muffled response through an oxygen mask followed.... "and you pay for mine too."

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Happiness is low-level 500 kts!

[Buzzoff]

Not strictly an ATC conversation, but a BA L1011 was waiting at the hold behind a Cessna 310, which has a step which retracts when the gear comes up.

BA - "Golf XX, just to let you know that you've left your steps down"

G-XX - "Oh, nice of you, thanks - but they come up with the wheels"

BA - "Blimey, d'you get people changing their minds that late?!"

[Honest Frank]

Heard at a GA airfield;

Upon finishing his landing roll he commented to the A/G operator,

Pilot:The QFE you gave me has put me 100 feet under ground.

A/G operator:Well,in that case up periscope-180 and backtrack.

[Jumbo Jockey]

Then there was the comment, many years ago, on the tower frequency at whichever RAF airfield the Red Arrows were based at at the time, Waddington I think - The whole Reds formation sitting on the end of the runway waiting for the off, when a plastic bag belonging to A Certain Large Supermarket Chain blew past on the breeze. Says one wag: "good fod costs less when it's Sainsburys..."

[OzExpat]

Two 747s reaching runway holding points directly opposite one another at the same time. One was Qantas, the other United.

Tower : "Okay, which one of you is going to be a gentleman?"

Reply : (in very clipped British accent) "Qantas, you can go first"

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Once a king, always a king.
But once a nite's enough!

[212man]

Aberdeen some years ago. 61 has been asked to hold on base leg while two SD360s come down the ILS (taking their time). Female Air Trafficer, realising the patience of the SK61 crew pipes up with;

"Thanks for holding on so long, once my shorts are down I'll let you slip in".

I'm suprised anyone managed to land in the next 5 minutes; we were virtually incapacitated with laughter.



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Another day in paradise