Touring Pilot travel woes....

[newfieboy]

Here's one for all you touring boyos/girlies out there. Screwed constantly by the airlines going to and from work?...Yep we are constantly. Turn up at St johns airport going to work.....oh my God you checking 3xbags.....urrr yes ma'aam ya know me I do it once a month... that will be $150 charge, me roll eyes give company credit card and don't really give a ****, but pretend to listen to the one bag rule lecture.....winter gear, flight gear sleeping bag x1...not a tourist, work gear......I might as well be talking gibberish, cos no notice taken by said A/C chick. Well sir has to go oversize, ok ma'aam no problem. Security, OMG a helmet in the bag, turn bags out sir......why you have a helmet....cos I need it for work...what kinda work says the nazi....told ya last month says I...and on it goes......Read the airline boys forum, just the same for them.

Coming home after tour, Blah..... even F###ing worse. This trip, spent 78hrs trying to travel domestic Canada with Air Canada, F####ing nightmare. No explanation why flights are 2-3 hrs late and oh blimey, missed my connection, oh well sir....not our problem and on it goes....Is it just me, no, I know it isn't cos met one of our engineers going north in Toronto tonite, felt same as me. Dudes, don't know bout you guys, but I'm knackered when I get to work, after a 6 week tour, dead on my feet after the travel and airline/security hell.... What to do chaps....bugger all no doubt, and carry on private....

[DauphinDude]

How do you transport your helmet? I have an alpha eagle and I´m looking for something sturdy to transport it in. Thanks ;-)

[Heliringer]

I carry my helmet in its bag as carry on.

Newfie, I hear you mate, I love the time off that touring gives me but sometimes its so much f@@king around just getting to and from work I want to give up and work from home

[newfieboy]

DauphinDude,

Least of my worries dude trying to get home is my helmet.....more to the point is if my heart can take anymore....talk about stress,maybe should get a clause in my loss of licence insurance for security stress syndrome...........As for my helmet...I bury it in my check in these days.........Don't even try to poke the hornets nest by trying to get it carry on......

[Geoffersincornwall]

Touring woes

This won't work for everybody by I rotate on a two week cycle and for me the solution was to buy two of everything and travel with just 10kg of carry-on. Doing it this way, with on-line check-in, the journey is bliss compared with the shear mental and physical effort of going with checked bags.

Air travel used to be something to get excited about (and if you can afford business class then it is a dream) but these days it is just one big drag and I hate every minute.

G.

[Brian Abraham]

Try rocking up with a parachute. It used to be a legal carry on, but I'm sure the knuckle dragging security would have a problem these days. Anybody know?

[Milo C]

"Air travel used to be something to get excited about (and if you can afford business class then it is dream) but these days it is just one big drag and I hate every minute."

I agree. That's why i'm so happy of being a chopper pilot rather than a flying bus driver...

[newfieboy]

Geoffers,

Good idea, unfortunately my tours are always on a need to know basis.....and not being management, I don't need to know, so have to pack accordingly....but always carry a sleeping bag.... Would be nice to do 2x2 with a couple Gucci bags following me around....

[newfieboy]

Hey Brian,

Try turning up with a load of airbourne survey stuff........ Bin there, done it, got the tshirt.........Caused quite a laugh amonst our crew.....after about an hour of interogation..... Oh the joys of airport security....

[Flyting]

Count your lucky blessings......... try doing that all into Africa, without a company credit card but a bunch of $100 bills that the company gives you instead of smaller.... and then having to explain everytime when you get home where all the $$$$ have gone.... The most common thing you hear is "we don't have change for a hundred"..... money well spent

[Epiphany]

You don't want 2 weeks tours Newfieboy - 3 x as many travelling nightmares. I am normally a calm individual but these security nazis test my resolve every time - and they know it. I just read the warning notice about abusing the staff, count to 10 and give lethal looks when I am being frisked for the 4th time that day.

Do I need to take my watch off? No. My shoes? No. BING! Can you go back and take shoes off. BING. Go back and take your watch off. Take your laptop out, now turn it on. Don't take your laptop out. Open your bag sir. Do you know that you can't take that tiny $5 bottle of water through security! But I just bought it over there! ... and on it goes on...

Find my seat in cattle class. Ahhh bliss, everyone on board and I have a seat free next to me. Hang on - one last passenger. Chavvy teenage mum with vomiting, incontinent 2 year old. F*ck - can it get any worse?

Finally arrive. Talk my way through immigration nazis and wait for bag. BING BONG. Will Mr Epiphany please contact baggage desk. Sorry but your bag missed the connection. You really should leave more time for your connection you know - 1 hour is simply not enough. GGGGrrrrrr...........

[newfieboy]

Hey Ephiphany....

How bizzare, you just relived my encounter getting home tonight.....And you got the Chavvy chick bang on....sans kid, but toting multipull beers.... Hey but kept me company reliving her Essex girl days..... Thank God for Canadian Club...it dulled the monotamy some what.....ah...bloody hell just got home can't sleep,is there such a thing as shell shock for touring pilots????or post traumatic airline disorder??

[PO dust devil]

Go Brian, I reckon you'd have a parachute stashed away somewhere if any one does! It'd prolly be one from D-Day Hahhahaha!........and you'd be one of the few ppl I know who'd be wild enough to pull it off.

Not hot here ATM.

DD

[Geoffersincornwall]

Travel light

I just worked out that if I were to check in a bag for my two flights each fortnight it would cost me 24 x £50 ($75) each year - thats £1,200 !!! ($1,800).

OUCH

That would more than pay for two sets of clothes and two complete wash-kits.

Just an idea. Those costs do not of course include the medication you would need to deal with the stress of standing in the check-in queues.

G.

[Epiphany]

If you fly with a real airline Geoffers you will eventually get a shiny Silver or Gold card which will allow you to take 2 bags free of charge.

[212man]

Epihany - any chance you could drop me a PM? You're blocking receipt (I know why!)

[mickjoebill]

The wire frame mic boom on my alpha eagle was deemed a potential weapon by airport security.

Mickjoebill

[espresso drinker]

I guess you have all been too busy flying around in your rotorcraft to realise how the vast majority of other people get to fly (yes even " chavvy teenage mums" with young kids)

I can empathize with newfieboy, Air Canada aren't the best Suggestion to Epiphany, just ditch all your fluids, put everything from your pockets into your carry-on, take your watch, belt, shoes etc off and take out your laptop before you get to the security check. Simple and makes everyones journey easier (including the poor souls waiting in the queue/line behind you)

It's even more exciting when you've just visited a ballistic armour test range before taking the flight home and then they kindly tell you that there's enough residue to be picked up if you get swabbed at the airport. I've always fancied a cavity search.

[Epiphany]

Yes espresso drinker thank you for the advice. Unfortunately not all airports are the same and if (as I have done) I hold up the queue by taking everything off unnecessarily then the security despots and other pax get equally p*ssed off.

As far as fluids are concerned it is the same - no consistency. There are also airports where you can pass through security, then innocently buy some water for your flight at a kiosk near the gate and then discover another security check at the gate.

There are not many major or regional airports that I have not transited through. Don't get me started on checked baggage and carry on allowance differences either.

[Machismo]

I love the parachute one. I got past all the mouth breathers after they got noticeably freaked out when I presented them with my Automatic Activation Devices inspection card that has a picture of what the parachute will look like under the X-Ray, it then goes on to point out what each thing is on the picture. They read the card and look, uh oh, they see the word explosive on the card, swat teams start fast roping from the ceiling tiles, automated gun turrets pop up from the floor, panic ensues. I hand them the FAA letter that authorizes the carry of parachutes with AADs and goes on to tell them the charge is used to fire a cutting device in-case of an emergency. They see that little chestnut and look up again with a raised eyebrow, ummm sir this says there is a cutting device inside this? Me: there is. Mouth breather: whats it used for? Me: sigh, in-case I get knocked out in freefall it goes pow so I don't go splat. Mouth breather: Sir, will you please follow this officer? Mevisibly displeased* why not at all governor I am assuming I have been randomly selected to par take in a random search, correct? Mouth breather, errr... uhhh.... yes Sir.

I get back roomed and thoughruly worked over by an obviously unhappy overweight manager, it looked like a scene out of a movie, there was a single light on a desk in a fairly unlit room. Gestapo: So, Mr. Machismo, if that is your real name. Me: Um, what? Gestapo: What did you think you were going to do with this item? Me: Well, its used to jump from planes, I would have thought that you would have figured that out. Gestapo: WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Me: Not from this particular plane, just planes in general. Gestapo: So, why do you need to have this as a carry-on if you don't plan to use it to jump from this plane? Me: Well first, I am not here to dress down your staff that load the planes but, they are, well, not the type of people I want touching a life saving device that the most important person on the planet intends to use. Secondly, that rig you are holding cost around $5,000.00, so I would sleep better at night knowing that I have it with me, you know, just in case one of your esteemed colleagues realized what it is and, oops, your bag doesn't seem to be here Sir. Why of course it isn't. Gestapo: *phone rings* he nods as if they can see that, a mumbled OK, and, well, it seems you have friends Me: Or they looked up on that magical box you have in the corner and say that you do indeed allow this type of thing onboard. Gestapo: I am just doing my job sir. Me: No, I get it. Lots of Scotchs Irish terriorist running amock these days I know. I can only assume by your changed demanod that I am free to go Gov? Gestapo: Ummm yes sir you are.

I swear to god they drive you do drink. Then you get to the plane and the attendant says ummm is that a parachute? And yet it begins yet again....