I love the parachute one. I got past all the mouth breathers after they got noticeably freaked out when I presented them with my Automatic Activation Devices inspection card that has a picture of what the parachute will look like under the X-Ray, it then goes on to point out what each thing is on the picture. They read the card and look, uh oh, they see the word explosive on the card, swat teams start fast roping from the ceiling tiles, automated gun turrets pop up from the floor, panic ensues. I hand them the FAA letter that authorizes the carry of parachutes with AADs and goes on to tell them the charge is used to fire a cutting device in-case of an emergency. They see that little chestnut and look up again with a raised eyebrow, ummm sir this says there is a cutting device inside this? Me: there is. Mouth breather: whats it used for? Me: sigh, in-case I get knocked out in freefall it goes pow so I don't go splat. Mouth breather: Sir, will you please follow this officer? Me
visibly displeased* why not at all governor I am assuming I have been randomly selected to par take in a random search, correct? Mouth breather, errr... uhhh.... yes Sir.
I get back roomed and thoughruly worked over by an obviously unhappy overweight manager, it looked like a scene out of a movie, there was a single light on a desk in a fairly unlit room. Gestapo: So, Mr. Machismo, if that is your real name. Me: Um, what? Gestapo: What did you think you were going to do with this item? Me: Well, its used to jump from planes, I would have thought that you would have figured that out. Gestapo: WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Me: Not from this particular plane, just planes in general. Gestapo: So, why do you need to have this as a carry-on if you don't plan to use it to jump from this plane? Me: Well first, I am not here to dress down your staff that load the planes but, they are, well, not the type of people I want touching a life saving device that the most important person on the planet intends to use. Secondly, that rig you are holding cost around $5,000.00, so I would sleep better at night knowing that I have it with me, you know, just in case one of your esteemed colleagues realized what it is and, oops, your bag doesn't seem to be here Sir. Why of course it isn't. Gestapo: *phone rings* he nods as if they can see that, a mumbled OK, and, well, it seems you have friends Me: Or they looked up on that magical box you have in the corner and say that you do indeed allow this type of thing onboard. Gestapo: I am just doing my job sir. Me: No, I get it. Lots of Scotchs Irish terriorist running amock these days I know. I can only assume by your changed demanod that I am free to go Gov? Gestapo: Ummm yes sir you are.
I swear to god they drive you do drink. Then you get to the plane and the attendant says ummm is that a parachute? And yet it begins yet again....