Merry xmas! post a good joke eh?
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Scotland
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Mick & Pat hire an a/c & pilot to take them moose hunting. They bag 6 moose which they drag back to the a/c.
Pilot says "thats too heavy you will have to leave 3 behind". Mick says " we hired the same type of a/c last year & the pilot let us take them all" eventually the pilot agrees & they head off across the lake, the a/c drags itself off with feet to spare, decends into the valley & crashes into trees.
They all crawl out the wreck & Mick asks Pat "where do you think we are?"
Pat says "I don't tink we're far from where we crashed last year".
Pilot says "thats too heavy you will have to leave 3 behind". Mick says " we hired the same type of a/c last year & the pilot let us take them all" eventually the pilot agrees & they head off across the lake, the a/c drags itself off with feet to spare, decends into the valley & crashes into trees.
They all crawl out the wreck & Mick asks Pat "where do you think we are?"
Pat says "I don't tink we're far from where we crashed last year".
Moderator
Excellent Duchess Driver!
TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: The frozen north....
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This is all far too PC, about time we threw in some sexist female pilot jokes....
What do you call a blonde flying an ILS?
A non-precision approach.
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The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.
Finally, she said, “Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination.”
Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, “Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?”
When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said “Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?”
“Yes,” said the attendant, “In fact, this entire crew is female.”
“My God,” said Ed, “I’d better have two scotch and sodas. I don’t know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.”
“That’s another thing sir,” said the attendant, “We no longer call it the cock pit.”
“It’s the Box office.”
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A welcome to a new co-pilot from an old captain:
Son, your wife's legs have more time in the air than you do.
Regards
UA
What do you call a blonde flying an ILS?
A non-precision approach.
-----------------
The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.
Finally, she said, “Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination.”
Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, “Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?”
When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said “Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?”
“Yes,” said the attendant, “In fact, this entire crew is female.”
“My God,” said Ed, “I’d better have two scotch and sodas. I don’t know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.”
“That’s another thing sir,” said the attendant, “We no longer call it the cock pit.”
“It’s the Box office.”
----------------
A welcome to a new co-pilot from an old captain:
Son, your wife's legs have more time in the air than you do.
Regards
UA
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"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
And of course, although not aviation related, this one is in the same spirit:
Join Date: Aug 2007
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What's the difference between a jet engine and the cabin crew?
The engines stop whining when the aircraft gets to the gate.
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Aircraft getting vectors to the ILS.
Female ATC. "Speedbird 123 can I turn you on at eight miles?"
Speedbird captain. "Madam you can try!"
D.O.
The engines stop whining when the aircraft gets to the gate.
-----------------------------------------
Aircraft getting vectors to the ILS.
Female ATC. "Speedbird 123 can I turn you on at eight miles?"
Speedbird captain. "Madam you can try!"
D.O.
Last edited by dont overfil; 19th Dec 2011 at 15:44. Reason: Thought of another one
Join Date: Nov 2004
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All pilots marry nymphomaniacs.
After three months the nympho has gone and he is left with the maniac!!!
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How do you know if there is a pilot in the same room as you?
He'll tell you!!!
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An EL AL captain friend of mine was telling me he had his son circumcised when he was only 5 days old, and the poor we thing couldn't walk for a year after it!!!
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So strictly has come to an end for another year.
The highlight for me was when RUSSEL GRANT was shot out of the cannon with a POOF!!!
After three months the nympho has gone and he is left with the maniac!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know if there is a pilot in the same room as you?
He'll tell you!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
An EL AL captain friend of mine was telling me he had his son circumcised when he was only 5 days old, and the poor we thing couldn't walk for a year after it!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
So strictly has come to an end for another year.
The highlight for me was when RUSSEL GRANT was shot out of the cannon with a POOF!!!
