Introduction, Funny flight crews
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A RAF TriStar returning from the Falklands whose passengers had each spent 4-6 months on the predominantly male inhabited isle were greeted with
" Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to RAF Brize Norton, and for all you WRAFS on board you are now officially ugly once more!"
Allegedly ugly Squadron Leader WRAF on board objected!
" Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to RAF Brize Norton, and for all you WRAFS on board you are now officially ugly once more!"
Allegedly ugly Squadron Leader WRAF on board objected!
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Couple of weeks ago myself plus friend (wife mine!) went Manchester Tenerife at night! with SPANAIR to start our hols. First class treatment throughout, very smart clean MD83, left and arrived on time, equally very smart courteous cabin crew, lovely catering. The whole journey was very enjoyable indeed and made a nice start for our hols. Very well done SPANAIR and many thanks, I was most impressed.
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Try these for starters: 
I tried to paste the link to "s k y g o d.com" several times, but it came back as *****.com. I have a feeling that I know why this is, and it's fixable unless there is a good reason.
The Aviation Humour Collection -- aviation jokes, stories and much more!
More Aviation funnies
Erik
[This message has been edited by Airliner Junkie (edited 04 November 2000).]
I tried to paste the link to "s k y g o d.com" several times, but it came back as *****.com. I have a feeling that I know why this is, and it's fixable unless there is a good reason.
The Aviation Humour Collection -- aviation jokes, stories and much more!
More Aviation funnies
Erik
[This message has been edited by Airliner Junkie (edited 04 November 2000).]
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Arriving in BRU from BHX on SN2040 there was a PA announcement giving a list of the connections for the passengers on board together with the respective gates for departure the last one being "and finally Birmingham, for those of you who want to return there, B91".
( full marks to whoever thought this up and especially to whoever got the gate change info correct too, it saved me having to wade through the video screens. )
VnV...
( full marks to whoever thought this up and especially to whoever got the gate change info correct too, it saved me having to wade through the video screens. )
VnV...
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Arriving at Dublin years ago in a BEA Trident, and a truly appalling landing, oxygen masks dangling,crashing noises from the galley, the works. As the Hawker Siddeley Groundgripper rolled to a halt the stunned silence was broken by an Irish voice piping up with: "Are we down,yet, lads?"
Howls of (Irish)laughter,and grim lemon-sucking expressions on Brit faces...
Howls of (Irish)laughter,and grim lemon-sucking expressions on Brit faces...
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VnV2178B - at least they realized they were announcing a connection to BHX on a flight that originated in BHX.
I recently had to fly MCO-ATL, spend 2-1/2 hours in the airport to sign some documents, and then turn around and fly back to MCO.
As we were arriving in Atlanta and they were announcing the gates for the connections I heard "Orlando, Gate so-and-so". Huh? Turned to guy next to me said, "Orlando? Didn't we just leave there?" (Actually, *he* was returning to Orlando, but late that night.)
Took me about thirty seconds to realize that the person with the connection to Orlando was - me!
It *was* an 0600 flight, so I wasn't entirely awake yet!
I recently had to fly MCO-ATL, spend 2-1/2 hours in the airport to sign some documents, and then turn around and fly back to MCO.
As we were arriving in Atlanta and they were announcing the gates for the connections I heard "Orlando, Gate so-and-so". Huh? Turned to guy next to me said, "Orlando? Didn't we just leave there?" (Actually, *he* was returning to Orlando, but late that night.)
Took me about thirty seconds to realize that the person with the connection to Orlando was - me!
It *was* an 0600 flight, so I wasn't entirely awake yet!
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Hi everyone,
For giggles you cant beat:
http://my.ohio.voyager.net/~cuban8/contents.htm
Enjoy
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Flying is fun, not funny
For giggles you cant beat:
http://my.ohio.voyager.net/~cuban8/contents.htm
Enjoy
------------------
Flying is fun, not funny
Guest
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A friend of mine got onto a budget-priced flight somewhere in the continental US. As they pushed back, the Purser began her announcements:-
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've found a wallet...(sudden hush in the cabin)...now that we have your full attention (and made the usual safety announcments, then:-)...now, who would like some peanuts?"
Several pax hands shot upwards, whereupon the FAs at the front and rear of the cabin just pelted small packets of peanuts at people all over the cabin! This got gales of laughter and the flight then proceeded with everybody in something approaching a merry mood.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've found a wallet...(sudden hush in the cabin)...now that we have your full attention (and made the usual safety announcments, then:-)...now, who would like some peanuts?"
Several pax hands shot upwards, whereupon the FAs at the front and rear of the cabin just pelted small packets of peanuts at people all over the cabin! This got gales of laughter and the flight then proceeded with everybody in something approaching a merry mood.
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BA pilot who was famous for PA gags(he had to stop after one to many complaints)
My favouite,and normally in a silly accent;
"Ladies and Gentlemen,we have approx 40 minutes to run until our landing at LGW.We're about to start our decent.......so on a count of three....if you'd all like to lean forward!!!(Believe it or not,some did from time to time??)
My favouite,and normally in a silly accent;
"Ladies and Gentlemen,we have approx 40 minutes to run until our landing at LGW.We're about to start our decent.......so on a count of three....if you'd all like to lean forward!!!(Believe it or not,some did from time to time??)
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I actually posted this in another thread where we were supposed to think up of obscene words sneaked into PAs, so I turned it into a PA. But the true story goes like this:
On a British Midland flight to one of the Channel Isles back in '87, the efficient male FA was merrily and obligedly serving his small crowd with flare and style (I believe he even did away with his regular shoes for a pair of comfy garflied sleepers -he did, honestly!). All was fine, except for one loudmouth who had in fact been getting on everyones nerves ever since the gate and showed no signs of letting down.
So when this guy clicked his fingers at the passing FA to get his attention (yes! he actually did that!), the FA froze in mid-step, turned around and said in an icy tone but loud and clear all the same: "Excuse me, sir ! It would take more than two fingers to make ME come..."
His female colleague FA who brought the story back to me that evening still had watery eyes and stitches all over...
On a British Midland flight to one of the Channel Isles back in '87, the efficient male FA was merrily and obligedly serving his small crowd with flare and style (I believe he even did away with his regular shoes for a pair of comfy garflied sleepers -he did, honestly!). All was fine, except for one loudmouth who had in fact been getting on everyones nerves ever since the gate and showed no signs of letting down.
So when this guy clicked his fingers at the passing FA to get his attention (yes! he actually did that!), the FA froze in mid-step, turned around and said in an icy tone but loud and clear all the same: "Excuse me, sir ! It would take more than two fingers to make ME come..."
His female colleague FA who brought the story back to me that evening still had watery eyes and stitches all over...
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Couldn't get ANY Flight Attendants on the intercom at all one night, so had to get on the PA and make the announcement, "Sorry to bother you ladies & gentlemen, but if any of you see a F/A walking around, could you please send them up to the flight deck with a cup of coffee?"
On April 1st last year, I could help myself on the drop in to Sydney from over the ocean, "... and for those sitting on the left hand side of the aircraft, if you look very carefully you should just be able to make out the northern tip of New Zealand". Wait for a few seconds. "At this point I'd like to remind you that it's April 1st. Thank you!"
On April 1st last year, I could help myself on the drop in to Sydney from over the ocean, "... and for those sitting on the left hand side of the aircraft, if you look very carefully you should just be able to make out the northern tip of New Zealand". Wait for a few seconds. "At this point I'd like to remind you that it's April 1st. Thank you!"
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Roundhill,
That BA skipper going into JED got fired for giving totally inaccurate information - the "Hejira" Calandar is almost 600 years behind the Gregorian (it's 20/10/1421 today)
and Gregory got it wrong too; he had Jesus being born in b.c. 4
[This message has been edited by ExSimGuy (edited 16 January 2001).]
That BA skipper going into JED got fired for giving totally inaccurate information - the "Hejira" Calandar is almost 600 years behind the Gregorian (it's 20/10/1421 today)
and Gregory got it wrong too; he had Jesus being born in b.c. 4
[This message has been edited by ExSimGuy (edited 16 January 2001).]
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on the way back from vegas on a united shuttle ahaha the male, rather flamboyant flight attendant was walking down the aisle to collect cups and trash before we landed and was saying as he would hold out the bag.."cups, trash, hubcaps, MOTHER-IN-LAWS!"
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On PanAm from Rio to Miami on Christmas eve in the mid-80's, there was very, very light loading. The crew dressed up in Christmas elf costumes, sang slightly-off colored christmas carols, passed out gag presents, with the refreshments of a festive theme. No one slept. By the time we arrived, everyone was very "happy" (save the poor pilots) and the ground crew and customs/immigration people didn't know what to think.
[This message has been edited by man in black (edited 21 January 2001).]
[This message has been edited by man in black (edited 21 January 2001).]