Quite possibly one of the funniest things a passenger has ever said...
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Yeah gotta love the "Do you want to be a Commercial pilot one day" question.
One experience for me wasnt so much what i heard but a look i got one day quite a while back.
Had to fly some cops out to a remote location after a reported shooting. They were informed that their firearms were not to be loaded and stored separately from the ammunition etc to which they agreed and everything was placed in the cargo space of the P68.
After informing them we were about 5mins from the destination i heard the distinct sound of a pump action shotguns slide being worked (long time hunter so i know these sounds). I turned and looked over my shoulder to see both cops look up with something resembling the look a guilty child after being caught doing something they know is very naughty would have on his face.
Must have decided he wasnt landing unarmed if the guy was at the airport and reached over the back seat and got his Shotgun and his partners Glock...
One experience for me wasnt so much what i heard but a look i got one day quite a while back.
Had to fly some cops out to a remote location after a reported shooting. They were informed that their firearms were not to be loaded and stored separately from the ammunition etc to which they agreed and everything was placed in the cargo space of the P68.
After informing them we were about 5mins from the destination i heard the distinct sound of a pump action shotguns slide being worked (long time hunter so i know these sounds). I turned and looked over my shoulder to see both cops look up with something resembling the look a guilty child after being caught doing something they know is very naughty would have on his face.
Must have decided he wasnt landing unarmed if the guy was at the airport and reached over the back seat and got his Shotgun and his partners Glock...
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Before departure in my old GA days,often the pax would hand me their cameras so as I could photograph the group in front of the aircraft.
Trouble was all these fancy cameras had all the doo daads,but I always had to ask them to set them up & tell me which button to push.
Pax:'' Aye,guys....he can drive an aeroplane but he can't drive a camera''
Me: ''Well,we don't do a course in camera ops when getting a pilot's licence''
Trouble was all these fancy cameras had all the doo daads,but I always had to ask them to set them up & tell me which button to push.
Pax:'' Aye,guys....he can drive an aeroplane but he can't drive a camera''
Me: ''Well,we don't do a course in camera ops when getting a pilot's licence''
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The props of a PT6 on a Twin Otter are stopped in the feathered position.
Many times a pax would remark to me '' gee,ya wouldn't think that propeller would get much bite on the air like that''
Many times a pax would remark to me '' gee,ya wouldn't think that propeller would get much bite on the air like that''
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In the old days when pax were encouraged to visit the flight deck of airliners,invariably they would stand,with mouths gaping open as they looked around the various panels. Then ''Wow!! So many buttons!! How DO you know which ones to press?''
Me: ''We have to go to button school in our training''
Me: ''We have to go to button school in our training''
Pilot, you look very young. Are you properly licensed to fly paying passengers?
Oh, I'm allowed to fly people who pay and people who don't pay, both kinds. But I don't like flying people who are ageists, sizeists, pissed or unpleasant.
And did you know that the youngest pilot to shoot down a German fighter plane in the Second World War was seventeen years OLD?
(Ah, but what a marvelous thing is hindsight! And a little licence, too.)
Onetime this PF pulled off a greaser unusual for him and the older sardonic PNF said 'Are we down yet?'
Great story in Harry Purvis's 'Outback Airman' about the time his very unco co-pilot was sent back to apologise to the army brass on board for his horrific landing. Some time later one of those men down the back bumped into Harry and asked him were his landings any better? What? says Harry. Well that time at Mascot when you sent your offsider back to tell us the wingco says sorry about the landing. He's been flying a desk lately and hasn't got his eye back in.
Oh, I'm allowed to fly people who pay and people who don't pay, both kinds. But I don't like flying people who are ageists, sizeists, pissed or unpleasant.
And did you know that the youngest pilot to shoot down a German fighter plane in the Second World War was seventeen years OLD?
(Ah, but what a marvelous thing is hindsight! And a little licence, too.)
Onetime this PF pulled off a greaser unusual for him and the older sardonic PNF said 'Are we down yet?'
Great story in Harry Purvis's 'Outback Airman' about the time his very unco co-pilot was sent back to apologise to the army brass on board for his horrific landing. Some time later one of those men down the back bumped into Harry and asked him were his landings any better? What? says Harry. Well that time at Mascot when you sent your offsider back to tell us the wingco says sorry about the landing. He's been flying a desk lately and hasn't got his eye back in.
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He didn't ask any stupid questions, he didn't talk about imaginary licenses and deathtrap light aircraft, just seemed to have a genuine interest in the aircraft, what my job is like and why I do it. Nice bloke. 
Did a charter down to Mangalore with a group of ultralight and homebuilders on board for the Easter Sunday airshow.
Captain Ultralight claims the right hand seat complete with headset, to be my trusty copilot in case anything happens to me.
The first question from my man is," have you flown anything decent?"
I replied "are lets see a few C182's, a couple of nice C210's, a very nice B36, a very nice low time PA-31, a new Kingair C-90?"
He replies, " ****box spam cans, get you arse into a Skyfox something that has a bit of performance!'
Captain Ultralight claims the right hand seat complete with headset, to be my trusty copilot in case anything happens to me.
The first question from my man is," have you flown anything decent?"
I replied "are lets see a few C182's, a couple of nice C210's, a very nice B36, a very nice low time PA-31, a new Kingair C-90?"
He replies, " ****box spam cans, get you arse into a Skyfox something that has a bit of performance!'
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I replied "are lets see a few C182's, a couple of nice C210's, a very nice B36, a very nice low time PA-31, a new Kingair C-90?"
He replies, " ****box spam cans, get you arse into a Skyfox something that has a bit of performance!'
He replies, " ****box spam cans, get you arse into a Skyfox something that has a bit of performance!'
Yes, gotta love the weekend warriors. You brought your headset? congratulations, you just qualified for the back-seat, due loading considerations...
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Loading pax into a C206 for a joyflight.
Pax (in all seriousness) :''Where are the parachutes?''
Me (suppressing laughter): ''We don't have any,but there is a big beach umbrella over the back that we could all hang onto''
And that would shut them up. They thought that was for real!!!
Pax (in all seriousness) :''Where are the parachutes?''
Me (suppressing laughter): ''We don't have any,but there is a big beach umbrella over the back that we could all hang onto''
And that would shut them up. They thought that was for real!!!
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Aye ess,
Stop it you joker you!
Stop it you joker you!
It's incredible how many times I've heard "He's a pilot and he can't even..."...I just know somebody is going to say it, as soon as I take more than a second opening a beer, or stall a manual, get bowled in cricket etc etc...It's
ridiculous.
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I had a middle aged woman watch me drive a C206 & at the end of the flight she looked at me & said ''Wow,I'll bet you could play an organ''
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Picked up some punters in the courtesy bus the other day in uniform...
upon reaching the terminal i gave the usual "where to go" etc...
one guy asks "will you be flying us today?"
to which i replied "no he will" - pointing to my offsider...
Punter replies "good cause you cant drive for sh!t"
- dodged some roadkill on the way in...
to the usual questions i try to change the answer each time and come up with a few:
do you want to be a commercial pilot ?
- i thought about it but flying for free is even better
- i cant as im legally blind
- i am but just on the weekends
- you mean your not my flight instructor
- oh no i plan on driving us around today, you got a tape measure i need to check the gate for the wings...
whats the inflight movie?
-its called back of my head , starring me...
-death from above
- oh we dont ahve a movie ... just strippers
hehe you all mock the pax but it would be boring (although easier) without them
upon reaching the terminal i gave the usual "where to go" etc...
one guy asks "will you be flying us today?"
to which i replied "no he will" - pointing to my offsider...
Punter replies "good cause you cant drive for sh!t"
- dodged some roadkill on the way in...
to the usual questions i try to change the answer each time and come up with a few:
do you want to be a commercial pilot ?
- i thought about it but flying for free is even better
- i cant as im legally blind
- i am but just on the weekends
- you mean your not my flight instructor
- oh no i plan on driving us around today, you got a tape measure i need to check the gate for the wings...
whats the inflight movie?
-its called back of my head , starring me...
-death from above
- oh we dont ahve a movie ... just strippers
hehe you all mock the pax but it would be boring (although easier) without them
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When asked by a load of passengers, being escorted to the aircraft, who is going to be the pilot, I have sometimes said:
"Didn't you take the option with a pilot?"
Takes a few seconds to sink in but a great ice breaker for the nervous among them.
"Didn't you take the option with a pilot?"
Takes a few seconds to sink in but a great ice breaker for the nervous among them.