Quite possibly one of the funniest things a passenger has ever said...
Join Date: Dec 2008
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When asked where the parachutes are,I have sometimes used the line ''There is only one ....for me!''
When the pax looks bewildered I tell them ''Well,I have to be at the inquiry''
When the pax looks bewildered I tell them ''Well,I have to be at the inquiry''
Join Date: Jul 2004
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I have to admit I stole this from a fellow aviator but it's great:
When the curious pax pop the question "So, how long have you been flying?"
Take a second or so and then say "awww, I dunno... what time is it?"
When the curious pax pop the question "So, how long have you been flying?"
Take a second or so and then say "awww, I dunno... what time is it?"
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Somewhere that looks a lot better when I close my eyes
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I don't fly Chieftains (yet), but some of the boys told me this one:
You burn the auxi tanks dry (or almost) before changing to the mains, but the PA31 only has two fuel guages, not four, so you can only see the quantity in the two tanks that are selected. Of course, at some point a jittey passenger will notice the fuel gauges (situated in prime position in the centre of the overhead panel facing down the aisle toward the pax - thanks Piper) reading almost zero.
So what does my smartarse friend do when the pax taps him on the shoulder with a worried look in her eyes, he starts tapping the gauges and muttering 'sh*t, I knew I should have refuelled at Borroloola when I had the chance...!'
Works even better, I'm told, when you forget to change tanks and the first sign of low auxi fuel is surging on one or both of the donks...
You burn the auxi tanks dry (or almost) before changing to the mains, but the PA31 only has two fuel guages, not four, so you can only see the quantity in the two tanks that are selected. Of course, at some point a jittey passenger will notice the fuel gauges (situated in prime position in the centre of the overhead panel facing down the aisle toward the pax - thanks Piper) reading almost zero.
So what does my smartarse friend do when the pax taps him on the shoulder with a worried look in her eyes, he starts tapping the gauges and muttering 'sh*t, I knew I should have refuelled at Borroloola when I had the chance...!'
Works even better, I'm told, when you forget to change tanks and the first sign of low auxi fuel is surging on one or both of the donks...
Join Date: Jan 2008
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While increasing power to do the run-ups while backtracking: In extremely dopey alabama accent " Dont this thing have any more power cos it dont look like we're gonna get in the air by the end of the runway "
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Hahaha Aerohooligan, that is a good one, Ive been asked on many occasion by nervous pax in the front if we have enough fuel after eyeballing those gauges... A lot of the time I would just shrug and say "I think so" and leave it at that. 
On the really nervous ones you can actually see them relax when they see the gauges flick back to full when you switch tanks back to mains...
On the really nervous ones you can actually see them relax when they see the gauges flick back to full when you switch tanks back to mains...
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Tee Em,
There should be an entire book dedicated to 34SQN passenger comments... in fact, someone should get hold of 'The Lines' book and get it published. ;-)
The amount of VIP staffers who would ask me if I was in training to be a pilot was phenomenal. They couldn't fathom that military flight-steward could be the actual job.
I once replied to a journalist who scored a ride down the back of an F900 on an election tour, "Yes. When I serve enough tea and coffee without spilling it, I get my pilot's license. And all the General Hands, after enough toilet scrubbing, become Air Traffic Controllers. You're in safe hands up here!"
There should be an entire book dedicated to 34SQN passenger comments... in fact, someone should get hold of 'The Lines' book and get it published. ;-)
The amount of VIP staffers who would ask me if I was in training to be a pilot was phenomenal. They couldn't fathom that military flight-steward could be the actual job.
I once replied to a journalist who scored a ride down the back of an F900 on an election tour, "Yes. When I serve enough tea and coffee without spilling it, I get my pilot's license. And all the General Hands, after enough toilet scrubbing, become Air Traffic Controllers. You're in safe hands up here!"
Join Date: Mar 2010
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A friend of mine out in Africa was asked by some macho ozzy backpackers can we do something that scares us?
He was in an airvan and simply pulled the fuel gauge CB then later on tapped the gauges and told them they have a no fuel and will be going down.
After a minute he pushed in the CB in abd asked if they had been scared enough yet.
It seems they had
He was in an airvan and simply pulled the fuel gauge CB then later on tapped the gauges and told them they have a no fuel and will be going down.
After a minute he pushed in the CB in abd asked if they had been scared enough yet.
It seems they had
"I don't fly Chieftains (yet), but some of the boys told me this one:
You burn the auxi tanks dry (or almost) before changing to the mains, but the PA31 only has two fuel guages, not four, so you can only see the quantity in the two tanks that are selected. Of course, at some point a jittey passenger will notice the fuel gauges (situated in prime position in the centre of the overhead panel facing down the aisle toward the pax - thanks Piper) reading almost zero."
Not to mention the glowing red exhaust at night!!!
You burn the auxi tanks dry (or almost) before changing to the mains, but the PA31 only has two fuel guages, not four, so you can only see the quantity in the two tanks that are selected. Of course, at some point a jittey passenger will notice the fuel gauges (situated in prime position in the centre of the overhead panel facing down the aisle toward the pax - thanks Piper) reading almost zero."
Not to mention the glowing red exhaust at night!!!
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I got the usual "Wow, when did you finished school"
Me "What time is it?"
Me "What time is it?"
PAX: "I bet your freinds are jealous, you get to be out of school and down here loading the planes!"
ME: "yep, im sure they all are!"
then there face over the next few minutes goes something like:
......
Join Date: Feb 2001
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As I retracted the flaps (manual) in a PA-28 after landing the front seat female passenger said:
"Did you land with the hand brake on?"
Thanks BH . . . finger trouble or something!
"Did you land with the hand brake on?"
Thanks BH . . . finger trouble or something!
Last edited by Pedota; 11th Mar 2010 at 00:59. Reason: Incompetence
Join Date: Dec 2008
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How often do pilots get asked when walking through the terminal ''Where do we get our bags''.
Invariably we are standing under a HUGE yellow & black sign which says
<<---BAGGAGE COLLECTION
Oh,1000 obusive,sarcastic & smart comments are on the tip of my tongue, but all of them would be construed as rude & management would not see the funny side.....so I say ''Just over there''
Invariably we are standing under a HUGE yellow & black sign which says
<<---BAGGAGE COLLECTION
Oh,1000 obusive,sarcastic & smart comments are on the tip of my tongue, but all of them would be construed as rude & management would not see the funny side.....so I say ''Just over there''
Join Date: Jul 2001
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A couple from the Kimberley.
Young Nige walking a group of Bungles pax out to the 'lead sled' is asked how many engines the aircraft has. "Why madam it has but one, you can tell by the propellor on the front of the mighty sled." Madam scans the flight line and notices the P68 parked next to the mighty sled. "How will that one fly when it has no engine...?"
KNX has large tie down cables for the cyclone season. As we walked a group of pax towards them and the high winged aircraft it was great sport pointing them out. It usually went like this "Ladies and Gentlemen, just be a little carefull of the cable on the ground and..(punters look down and...trip...wait for it..) be carefull of the high wing (bang)" It was like shooting fish in a barrell. In the end we gave up pointing them out as the head trauma wasn't worth it. Just chucked it in to the general brief in the office to cover our arse.
Young Nige walking a group of Bungles pax out to the 'lead sled' is asked how many engines the aircraft has. "Why madam it has but one, you can tell by the propellor on the front of the mighty sled." Madam scans the flight line and notices the P68 parked next to the mighty sled. "How will that one fly when it has no engine...?"
KNX has large tie down cables for the cyclone season. As we walked a group of pax towards them and the high winged aircraft it was great sport pointing them out. It usually went like this "Ladies and Gentlemen, just be a little carefull of the cable on the ground and..(punters look down and...trip...wait for it..) be carefull of the high wing (bang)" It was like shooting fish in a barrell. In the end we gave up pointing them out as the head trauma wasn't worth it. Just chucked it in to the general brief in the office to cover our arse.
Join Date: Aug 2008
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British Humor - it is all in the delivery....
Dignified British gentleman visiting the United States seated in the right front seat of a Cessna 172. The airport is a remote gravel runway located on an island in the Pacific Northwest surrounded by hills and trees. The wind is blowing the tops off the whitecaps on the ocean, the trees are bending and it is continuous moderate turbulence. It’s just one of those days and we are getting beat up. The wings are rocking, the airplane shaking and it is a hand full all the way down to the runway. I taxi back shut it down, before my passenger disembarks he turns to me and says: “My, that was a sporting course wasn’t it?” It still puts a smile on my face.