Merged: Funny Stuff You've heard in skies
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Good chance if you keep a recording of next weekend you will have enough material to write a book.....
Might have to see what I can come up with for you!
J
Might have to see what I can come up with for you!
J
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Funniest things you've ever heard on the radio...
Some of my most memorable flights seem to have been punctuated by humourous RT. Australian GA is full of interesting characters with a wicked sense of humour. It's great to hear!
For example, i read a post here years ago:
A United Airlines 747 captain tries to make light banter with Sydney Approach...
Captain: "Good morning, Sydney, this is United XXX, we're 50 miles out and have your island in sight ..."
Approach: "Roger, United ... you're cleared to circle the island twice, then it's okay to land."
"Traffic NumbulWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
For example, i read a post here years ago:
A United Airlines 747 captain tries to make light banter with Sydney Approach...
Captain: "Good morning, Sydney, this is United XXX, we're 50 miles out and have your island in sight ..."
Approach: "Roger, United ... you're cleared to circle the island twice, then it's okay to land."
"Traffic NumbulWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
On Centre.
Centre Skytrans blah departed Mornington time...etc (in a female voice)
Anon: G'day Michelle....
After a lengthy silence
Different Anon: FAIL!
......And
Centre blah blah (on guard)
Guard then gets at least 4 seconds of overtransmitted 'you're on guard'
Short silence then,
(Someone making police siren sounds, followed by) GUARD POLICE! CEASE AND DESIST!!!
Centre Skytrans blah departed Mornington time...etc (in a female voice)
Anon: G'day Michelle....
After a lengthy silence
Different Anon: FAIL!
......And
Centre blah blah (on guard)
Guard then gets at least 4 seconds of overtransmitted 'you're on guard'
Short silence then,
(Someone making police siren sounds, followed by) GUARD POLICE! CEASE AND DESIST!!!
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Well I can't find it, and someone has merged the topics. 
I deleted it now to stop your whining, it was a true story and I thought an interesting one and on topic, should know better than to post here.
I deleted it now to stop your whining, it was a true story and I thought an interesting one and on topic, should know better than to post here.
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greybeard
perhaps not "In the sky" but close enough
Overheard from a de-briefing room at a large sim complex.
Old gravelly exasperated voice:
"Son please listen to what I say.....and I dont care what your log book says..
Your wife's legs have more time in the air than you!!!"
Overheard from a de-briefing room at a large sim complex.
Old gravelly exasperated voice:
"Son please listen to what I say.....and I dont care what your log book says..
Your wife's legs have more time in the air than you!!!"
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Many decades ago,Brisbane Control used to delight in getting Asian airlines to ''Report over Cunnamulla''.....''Ahhh,over Cumallulla...cullamulna...cumanulla....over Charee Myyyk Awfra''
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AC "..... gnd, ABC for ......, request airways clearance."
Silence from gnd.
AC "..... gnd, ABC for ....., request airways clearance"
More silence.
"Gnd ABC"
ATC "............Yes?" (womans voice)
".....gnd, ABC for.....,request airways clearance"
ATC "......you didn't even say goodbye this morning"
AC....annoyed voice " do we have to discuss this now???!!"
ATC, "no...we don't"
ATC.....(male voice) ABC, cleared direct .... etc etc etc
Silence from gnd.
AC "..... gnd, ABC for ....., request airways clearance"
More silence.
"Gnd ABC"
ATC "............Yes?" (womans voice)
".....gnd, ABC for.....,request airways clearance"
ATC "......you didn't even say goodbye this morning"
AC....annoyed voice " do we have to discuss this now???!!"
ATC, "no...we don't"
ATC.....(male voice) ABC, cleared direct .... etc etc etc
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Around 25 years ago when Dick Smith was in charge of the CAA/CASA for the first time I heard the following. After about 6 P M when it got quiet the international terminal tower operations were done by the main tower.
On the International Terminal building was a neon sign that said SYDNEY Kingsford Smith AIRPORT. The letters Kingsfor were missing.
A Qantas B747 Combi arrived at dusk from Auckland or Chrishchurch, landing on runway 25. Tower said to 'take next exit left to bay 7'. Aircraft came back with 'its good to see the terminal is named after the chairman on the CAA/CASA' No reply from the tower.
On the International Terminal building was a neon sign that said SYDNEY Kingsford Smith AIRPORT. The letters Kingsfor were missing.
A Qantas B747 Combi arrived at dusk from Auckland or Chrishchurch, landing on runway 25. Tower said to 'take next exit left to bay 7'. Aircraft came back with 'its good to see the terminal is named after the chairman on the CAA/CASA' No reply from the tower.
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Back in the early 70s,a Boeing 727 & a Dept of Civil Aviation(now CAA) aircraft were inbound to Brisbane one evening. Back then any Departmental employees were highly despised.The DCA pilot was being difficult,requesting this,questioning that.....
Grizzled B727 Capt "All DCA pilots are arrogant & rude''
DCA pilot "Approach,I want the callsign & operating company of that last transmission!!!"
Grizzled B727 Capt "See what I mean''
Grizzled B727 Capt "All DCA pilots are arrogant & rude''
DCA pilot "Approach,I want the callsign & operating company of that last transmission!!!"
Grizzled B727 Capt "See what I mean''
Well I can't find it, and someone has merged the topics.
I deleted it now to stop your whining, it was a true story and I thought an interesting one and on topic, should know better than to post here.
I deleted it now to stop your whining, it was a true story and I thought an interesting one and on topic, should know better than to post here.
On the airways?
I seem to remember as a young lad reading the funny radio transmissions in the back of the "Oz Aviation" mag. Why did they do away with that?
It was called on the airways wasn't it?
It was called on the airways wasn't it?
Man Bilong Balus long PNG
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Why did they do away with that?
It was called on the airways wasn't it?
It was called on the airways wasn't it?
No, I'm not joking.
Whilst it's not illegal ( as far as I know) to transmit non std R/T procedures it can be annoying at times but funny where appropriate-) 121.5 users? Don't get me started on them !!! grrrrr
Many years ago heard on ML Dep/App 124.7 (long gone now) an Alitalia 747 was cleared direct to BDG (Bendigo around 50nm nth ML) The strong Italian voice came back with......... okay cleared direct to 'Bendingo'. etc...........from some quick witted other contributor "nah mate 'Bendingo' is near Ayers Rock!!
My home Twr often says when I am handed over to them for a Ldg ...yr No 1, I have said in the past during quiet times "that's what my mum used to say"
Wmk2
Many years ago heard on ML Dep/App 124.7 (long gone now) an Alitalia 747 was cleared direct to BDG (Bendigo around 50nm nth ML) The strong Italian voice came back with......... okay cleared direct to 'Bendingo'. etc...........from some quick witted other contributor "nah mate 'Bendingo' is near Ayers Rock!!
My home Twr often says when I am handed over to them for a Ldg ...yr No 1, I have said in the past during quiet times "that's what my mum used to say"
Wmk2
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Overheard while I was manning the base station.
Inbound KingAir: (female) giving inbound call.
Company Chieftain at holding point WITH OPEN MIKE: "Have you ever seen this bird? I wouldn't mind filling her pants."
KingAir: "You wouldn't even fit into my shoes buddy".
Silence!!
Inbound KingAir: (female) giving inbound call.
Company Chieftain at holding point WITH OPEN MIKE: "Have you ever seen this bird? I wouldn't mind filling her pants."
KingAir: "You wouldn't even fit into my shoes buddy".
Silence!!
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While I'm on a roll.
We were in a Citation, following a Tomahawk (Piper) on final.( at the then called Cooly.)
TWR to T' Hawk: You have a Citation following, please expedite your approach.
T'hawk; What does expedite mean?
Tower: Look out the back window, those landing lights must be burning holes in the back of your head!!
We were in a Citation, following a Tomahawk (Piper) on final.( at the then called Cooly.)
TWR to T' Hawk: You have a Citation following, please expedite your approach.
T'hawk; What does expedite mean?Tower: Look out the back window, those landing lights must be burning holes in the back of your head!!
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A few years ago at BK:
Tower was having some trouble with someone they'd just lined up.
TWR - '...cleared for take off' - no response.
TWR - '...cleared for take off' - no response.
After a couple more attempts, and a couple of go-rounds from final, TWR gave a comms check
'...how do you read?'
ACFT - 'Read you five'
TWR - 'WELL IT'S NOT A PICNIC SPOT! Roll now or get off the runway!'
Tower was having some trouble with someone they'd just lined up.
TWR - '...cleared for take off' - no response.
TWR - '...cleared for take off' - no response.
After a couple more attempts, and a couple of go-rounds from final, TWR gave a comms check
'...how do you read?'
ACFT - 'Read you five'
TWR - 'WELL IT'S NOT A PICNIC SPOT! Roll now or get off the runway!'
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Overheard couple months ago whilst flying not far from Albury and on Melbourne Centre.
ATC "unidentified vfr aircraft in the xxx area 4700 you are in controlled airspace"
Pilot "ah yes centre this is abc maintaining 4700.. so sorry about that , i had the autopilot engaged and started to lean the mixture but then it kept on climbing through 4500 and it didnt level off"
ATC - no response.. I couldn't help but have a bit of a chuckle
ATC "unidentified vfr aircraft in the xxx area 4700 you are in controlled airspace"
Pilot "ah yes centre this is abc maintaining 4700.. so sorry about that , i had the autopilot engaged and started to lean the mixture but then it kept on climbing through 4500 and it didnt level off"
ATC - no response.. I couldn't help but have a bit of a chuckle
Years ago friend taxi's C172 out to threshold in Perth and calls tower.
Tower - "ABC clear for take-off."
Aircraft -" sorry tower, I have a personal problem and will have to taxi back in."
Tower understands problem and reply's:
"that's ok, you can do it there if you want, call when ready"
Friend sets park brake has leak on runway.
Aircraft "ABC ready for departure"
Tower "ABC clear for take Off, caution runway wet"
Tower - "ABC clear for take-off."
Aircraft -" sorry tower, I have a personal problem and will have to taxi back in."
Tower understands problem and reply's:
"that's ok, you can do it there if you want, call when ready"
Friend sets park brake has leak on runway.
Aircraft "ABC ready for departure"
Tower "ABC clear for take Off, caution runway wet"