Never believe the Aircrew when they say 'I wasn't playing with it, it just stopped working.':hmm:

Insert 'I never touched that switch' or 'It just came off in my hand' as required.

If the toilet has a door, ensure you take your headset with you in case the lock jams.

If the freight down the back of your frame is an armoured car or such like. Ensure you climb in it without notifying your crew and getting stuck in it for a while...........................

And of course conversely, TTT, never believe the subsequent NFF in the 700 :ok:

I don't do NFF's. Something can always be re-seated or 'Adjusted' or at the very least have a connector cleaned.

But turn the microphone off whilst straining!

Never put ur willy in the pee tube on a seaking in arctic conditions:{

Whilst enjoying a playful second or third Charlie or Wobbly early at an RAFG Happy Hour, if the phone rings and a posh-sounding voice announces itself as "Air Marshal XXXX, HQ STC" and asks for the Stn Cdr, do check first that it isn't 'Air Marshal XXXX' before replying "Well this is Fg Off X. F**k Off, Noddy!"

Or at least use someone else's name rather than your own....:uhoh:

('tis a true story, I am assured!).

Advise you never call out an ex-girlfriends name when current girlfriend has got your :mad: in her mouth..... :E

Indeed it is. Said F/O was 'invited' to HQSTC for a 'chat' with said VSO. So, a flight, train, cab ride later there is F/O Blogs standing on the Axeminster - hat on. After 5 minutes of nothing happening, VSO looks up from his desk and quietly says ' F**K off Noddy." Cue, long taxi ride, train ride and flight back to RAF G. Point made, nothing written down, noones career affected, respect earned. That was when the RAF was led rather than managed.

I'm glad that the tale was true - it showed both that VSOs were once Fg Offs themselves and still had a sense of humour!

I gather that said Fg Off was made to hang around for several hours in the outer office until the VSO was 'ready to see him'?

As you say, back when the RAF still had leaders.......:hmm:

Never :mad: the missus first thing in the morning .....

...... you may get a better offer at work! :E

Hey jimgriff How do you find it in arctic conditions? :eek:

If you let (then) JPs introduce you to the Station Commander at Chiv, don't assume that his name really is Harry.

(Thanks Gericault).:)

Teetteringhead!
It was only in arctic conditions that it had "shrunk" enough to get into the Seaking pee tube!!:E

Bill for new keyboard to Mr J Griff :E

If you meet someone called "Wedgie", don't ask him how he got that nickname...

Never try to eat anything bigger than your head...

(In basic training, being shown around the Sea Prince on Halton airfield, seeing a pee tube in the passenger compartment for the first time)

Never put your mouth over a pee tube, blow down it and shout 'Hello Cockpit'

...or, if you are an airsick RAF Snoop, believe a Wokka loady if he tells you the pee tube is an oxygen mask for airsick pax.:ok::)

When flying with certain ALMs, always check urinals and 'thunderboxes' for layers of clingfilm!:uhoh: