Banter? or just leg pulling?
 

Just re-reading Jerry Pook's "Flying Freestyle" and came across the time he was on 208 in Bahrain.
He asks where someone was and the reply was "He's on the roof with a rat in his mouth singing "Death to Mussolini".
This got me thinking about some of the replies that were current when I was in i.e "Have you got a...... answered by "No, but I've got an autographed picture of the Queen doing a BF on a Spitfire! or "No, but I've got a sharp piece of string in F flat". Childish maybe, but we thought we were funny.
Any others out there?
Regards, Den.

"He went mad so we shot him."

During a carpeting.

"Sir, can I be in trouble for what I think?"

"No."

"Good, because I think you're a $&£*"

No, but I've got a granny in the Gurkas

Or

Pass

You obviously think your talking to someone who gives a flying sh*t.

F*** *** you red-nosed clown

A German diplomatic spokesman on 56(F) Squadron in the 70s

Infamous F3 pilot being arrested at Cranwell by RAFP Sgt, who was reading him his rights 'everything you say will be written down & read to Stn Cdr on Monday morning Sir'

F3 mate replies -
"stop hitting me copper!!"

Brilliant.....

Falcon 109

Bless you and the horse you rode in on.

Not

"Here's 10p" (....so you can phone someone who gives a sh!t)

FURNC "Fernk" (Geehovah's is so common in the military Adventure Training world that it's just an acronym)

"4" (bollockings by the AOC were so common on one squadron I was on that anyone returning from one just gave it a mark out of 10 when they returned to the crewroom)

OC PSF and OC Accts being Monday morning briefed by OCPMS - yet another barrage of tasks to be completed in an impossible timescale - "Only one problem, Boss", starts OC PSF, "The batteries are flat". I coiuld not believe OC PMS's next question. "Which batteries?".

Inevitable reply "The ones in my magic wand". Inevitable explosion and yet another meeting without coffee for OC PSF.

"You're confusing me with someone who cares"

My last day, my very last hour with a certain international rail operator. Bloke gets off a train and whines about something so trivial and petty that it's an insult. (The train had stopped about twenty feet shorter on the platform than usual meaning that the door on the coach he was in didn't quite match up with the down escalater. The poor dear had to walk a bit.)
I listened, considered then said
"You know what, I don't give a f***".
The look on his face was priceless, I'd waited forty one years to say that.:E

Corporal self-anointed IT expert and my deputy:

"I'm not happy about that."

Me:
"You're not paid to be happy."

Boss: 5 minutes later, his ofice.

"He wasn't very happy."

Rock on Tommy, who gave a sh1t.

Boss: "...do you think I'm running a f*****g circus here?"

Melchett: "well Sir, it's sometimes hard to tell with all the clowns"

Boss: "GET OUT!"

Melchett: cue much sniggering and point made on way out.

And during my UAS days when I suddenly found myself flying with the resident Axeman on finals and ever so slightly low and aiming short:

Instructor: "You can see the fence in front of the threshold can't you?"

Melchett: "Yes sir".

Instructor: "Well I'd rather you aimed for the runway and not the fence ... or are you trying to kill us".

Melchett: "No sir, just you".

My 'attitude' (Progress-Attitude-Technique) grades took a bit of a dip that term if I recall!

Got a granny in the Gurkhas with a no shaving chit or the old fav got a Boy Scouts hat without a brim

And you can shove it where the sun don't shine

Or

Call me old fashioned, but....

Or

Sit on this and swivel ( as you give him the single digit )

"I had one, but the wheels fell off""

"No, but do you want to buy a battleship?"

What does your mother call you, Bloggs?

Heard in Bond helicopters crew room in a broad Scottish accident

I dinnae gie a f**k.

Followed in a BBC estuary english accent from a guy sitting quietly in the corner.

A Bond helicopters spokesman said today, (reverting to a pseudo scottish accident)
"I dinnae gie a f**k"

The joys of working within our diverse culture

PRICELESS!

Thanks folks:D

Someone clever but useless= like a bowler hat with sleeves.

SWO doing his rounds sees a slovenly airman some distance off.

'AIRMAN' shouts the SWO.

'SWO' shouts the airman and runs like buggery.

At a well known F4 base in the mid 70's I had the habit of ansering the line phone with 'Dogdyke pig farm, head pig speaking'.

Of course one day I had the two second silence and then 'This is OC Admin speaking, who is this?' To which I had the presence of mind to say 'I've just f....... told you, the head pig.' and quietly put the phone down followed by a rapid exit.

Investigations revealed nothing. We were a tight knit bunch.