"RAF (insert name) sperm bank, duty w*nker speaking"

Out of two, I'd give it one..

"Hellooo, this is the Doctor Pringle Home for Wayward Girls, how can I best help you?" (Delivered with a bogus Scottish accent.)

There was once an RNZAF Station Commander, a Gp Capt Doug St George, who had the habit of ringing various sections and announcing "George here, can I speak to ...", to which the usual reply was "Gidday mate, howyergoin?"

The "xxx" residence, Head Butler speaking.

Good One
 

Submarine Pen. Duty Submarine. Is that U-Boat?

Battersea Dog's Home. Duty Dog. WOOF!
Leeds Murder Squad. Who do you want Killing? Very 70's

War Department. Want a Fight?
Promise I'll stop.Getting coat now!!!

At a certain 11 Group station in the 90's the Staish had a 'distinctive' accent. I had his voice off to a tee.

0430 (having taken drink) I rang the WOC Air Ops Desk.

"Wing Ops, SAC xxxxxxxx"

"Station Commander here, xxxxxxx"

"Morning Sir"

"Exercise Mineval, execute the Station Recall"

He did, without the return check call.

Boy, did I sober up quickly. After all these years I can 'fess up. Whoops.

208Sqn, Honington, when fitting Nuke Fairings (in a hurry) to Buccs:
"We've got more than 10% of the screws in - so that'll do a trip"

..and yes, we used that phrase much more often too:)

Others I remember...

T1ts on a fish;
Chocolate Fireguard;
Rocking horse Sh1t;
Yaksh1t;
Chicken sh1t farms;

Stn Farm - Duty Pig
Stn Kennels - Duty Dog
Stn Cesspit - Duty Sh1t

Don't call me Shirley
Don't call me "Would I" Big-nose!
More tea? Vicar.
B.O.F.T.
Baby's Heads

Engines, Chief...waiting for a Bowser.


...give me another fiver minutes and I'll have some more...perhaps.

and, as Rigga well knows

"Not me Chief, I'm airframes!"


used that one meself - airframes, driver, for the use of

SWO on warpath, finds Fg Off Bloggs walking around camp in uniform not up to unrealistic standard, rests the end of his pace stick into JO's chest

SWO - "Fg Off Bloggs, there's a piece of Sh1t at the end of my stick'

Bloggs - "Not my end SWO"

A fast pacing JO exits stage left.

City Morgue....duty corpse speaking
RAF Patrington.Diversion cell mid 1960s....
Binbook phone rings,
Me,[SAC] Hellooo,this is Jiiimmmy Young
Reply, Good morning, Wing Cdr Flying here...

Surely you mean nobody squealed.

Ring Ring

"WRAF Block, duty screw speaking"

Once was involved in a fake medical procedure wind-up. The victim, Fg Off Bloggs, received a letter apparently from the RAF Chief Medical Officer, but didn't believe a word of it so phoned the number on the letter (which was genuine).
The CMO said "I send out a lot of letters, I'll check. Which Unit are you on?"

Ten seconds later the ops room phone rang
CMO "Is this a wind-up? What's the score?"

Thirty seconds later, crewroom phone rang
"Fg Off Bloggs? CMO here. This is a very important test, and I don't take kindly to having Fg Offs wasting my time with checks"

Top Notch VSO:D
Wind-Up continued to a most successful and embarrassing conclusion:E

On the phone 'Do you have any idea who you're talking to'?
No..
Well F*** Off then.. click.

Or whilst on overnight duty airman at St Mawgan..
Me: Hello is that JT T****L?
JT (sleepy): Ummmm Yes..
Me: Good Morning - it's 2 hours before your early morning call.

Or whenever anyone you know was on orderly dog and had to make a broadcast quickly dialing 252 to see if he'd remembered to take the phone off the hook...:)

Overheard one morning at a certain ATC tower where the SATCO was a S/L Dear and the watch corporal had the surname 'Darling.'

"Good morning Darling"

"Good morning Dear"

...but only once :ouch:

Bruggen about 1992 ish, the station tannoy crackled into life one monday morning for the weekly test.

"standby for a test of the station tannoy,,, 1,2,4,3,5 - 5,4,2,3,1 - tannoy unserviceable - end of test"

I believe the prankster had a chat in his No 1 with hat.

Ivor

No, but I've got a granny in the Wrens excused marching into wind.