I mentioned this one before. Checking the AWOC Computer one Saturday after the regular power runs. Ran the sheet straight to Comcen and got it photocopied and timestamped. Wish I had had me camera when I handed it in to the guardroom to duty scuffer (kept the copy just to be sure):}

But then they can create some urban legends not at our expense...

At SHAPE or such place, RAFP on gate...

Staff Car pulls up, RAFP inspects pass/id and waives staff car through..

Car moves a few feet then stops and window of backseat comes down. An irrate German senior officer demands:

"Don't you saulte German officers in the Royal Air Force?"

RAFP Quickly replies: "We don't have any German officers in the RAF!"

Got him a trip to the SBOs office I believe.. Care to comment Biggley.:rolleyes:

RAFP Newarks (anag)
 

I remember arriving back at Waddo via the TCA after 3 weeks in Pizzaland to find that our bags had been taken to a hangar for 'clearance' by our resident RAFP newarks...
There they were with their mobiles - having 'operational' conversations with each other in overloud voices sounding like Phone-In radio ("I certainly am.."), half of them in civvies, dogs pi**ing all over our bags, marshalling us behind white tapes, with no-one in obvious charge.. what an absolute shower. It was definitely a case of "let's get the Rodneys"..
And these weren't strangers - they were from our own home base..
I think it would be difficult to find a more law abiding bunch than yer average E-3D crew plus lineys.. so many overseas trips that no-one had cause to smuggle an extra bottle or 6 - and yet here were Her Majesty's Finest crawling all over us like a cheap suit.
Gits.

sv

The Scuffers may be a bunch of :mad: at times but sometimes they can provide amazing entertainment, such as one night outside the Brize bop. As the night was drawing to a close a few Airmen were a bit tired and emotional and were having a rather physical altercation outside when the trusty Snowdrops appeared to apprehend said Airmen. A long and drawn out scuffle took place as a young (almost definately acting) Cpl attempted to put the guys in the back of the astra estate, eventually after some considerable effort on the scuffers part he succeeded in getting one in the back, shut the door and made for the second offender, meanwhile, unknown to him the guy in the back of the Astra had opened the door and ran off into the night!! By this time there was a large crowd gathered outside that his 'partner' (slightly nervous looking WAF) was hysterically shouting at to behave 'or else!!'

I was amazed to say the least, i thought that during their 'extensive' 8 week Scuffer course they would have been taught to lock the car doors!?? Maybe the need for bulling boots and barrier technician training was more of a priority!!? :ugh: :E

Sorry, I know its old hat but I just love it...

Whats the difference between an RAF policeman and Adolf Hitler?

Adolf Hitler was a substansive Corporal.

We had a problem as Leuchars once during an exercise. Plod waggon was despatched to pick up bunch of enemy aircrew.. All piled into the back behind a metal grill and off went the bravest of the brave, blue light flashing.

Unfortunately they had not collected all the guns. When suggested "take us to the Russian Embassy" they stopped the vehicle and fled - blue light still one, engine running.

We broke out and then got in the front. Slight problem. We could not find the blue magic lantern switch. Every barrier we approached went up and before we knew it we were in civi-land - armed to the teeth with a coupl eof extra SLRs as well as our own SLP.

Outside the camp we turned the wrong way thus giving them time to set up a road block and redeem themselves. Now pointing in the right direction was went back passed the main gate en route St Andrews. Only the fact that we had left families at home and a jet somewhere on the airfield made us go back.

happy days.

Not really RAFP, however within the past week, very junior Army officer, however also a member of a vvvvv important family was arriving at a secret Wiltshire airbase to fly off to Germany to represent the country at the footie. Driver misses turn off for back gate and ends up at main gate. Gate guard stops Range Rover and asks for ID, out comes the ID at which point the guard is heard to say in a loud voice 'oh fcuk' its you, Royal replies, afraid so. CPT person finds whole episode highly amusing as did 'Willie boy'

Left my keys in the boot lock of the car. Next morning woke up with note through door . 'Come and collect your car keys from Pod Hq' . Bimble down and ask for keys - 'can you provide documents to prove car is yours?'
Despite knowing me and putting the note through the door have to get logbook! What a complete bunch of W*****S.

Did a day trip only a couple of weeks ago where plod, proud as punch mind you, hands over the bag of those very dangerous leathermans and gerbers and boasts how he'd also confiscated two "self administer" combo pen like syringes. He said the passenger had mumbled something about anaphalctic shock but no one was getting past him with something sharp:ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

I enquired of the chalk commander as to who said items belonged to and he explained one of his female Cpl's suffered from an extreme peanut allergy and the syringes were vital to her well being........said items returned immediately but unfortunately plod had smugly dissapeared and like a prat I omitted to submit a route stage to ensure this sort of stupidity never happens again:(

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

A B I W

Send it on a 765B via SMO.

They cannot interfere with Flight Safety or Medical matters.

If they try, or you suspect they might have tried, go straight to GFSO; copied to CFSO and IFS.

Then pop down here and have a beer? New airfield at Brive due to open next year. Perhaps all "Truckies" should check it out?

They are lovely, aren't they? One of th benefits of being in the RN is being co-opted to do something called "shore patrol". This is where us mere mortals are prevailed upon to go and provide muscle and brainpower when the Regulators can't cope - like counting past 5 without taking another shoe off. Anyway, one of the tricks was to put a guy in the back of the wagon, and if he kicked off, shout "chips", at which point the driver would hammer on the brakes, the perp would fly forward into the metal grille, and hence his face would become "chips".

Which is great when the perp is not aware of the trick....so, going home, the perp suddently braces himself and shouts "chips". Driver anchors on, regulator in the back flies forward shouting "no, not chi...." and is rendered unconscious in short order. The car behind could not hear the shout of "chips", and tries to join the perp in the back, who by now is pissing himself with laughter. The driver doesn't know whether to give first aid, take charge of the accident, or secure the perp in the back, so radios ahead saying that he "thought someone had tried to hijack the vehicle, he had one regulator "down", and had been rammed from behind...."

They tried to charge the perp with "intent to endanger life", but at the table he argued that he was only making a request for a fast food stop. And they believed me. Sorry, him. And some of the bastards never, ever, ever, forget a face!:=

Can we make this a 'sticky' please, seems that everyone has a great story to tell about what a monumentous bunch of c:mad: s the RAFP are.

Not had anyone say a good word yet which speaks voulmes.................

This thread is great!! It should be a regular fixture, how about making it a Scuffer Chunder book, a daily log of their complete incompetence and arrogance!!!?:}

Having just logged on to this web site I must admit to being saddened at the rubbish being written here. I thought that the military had moved on from the days when you got a high by slating off the different trades. Where did you make this story up from about the FS Cop wanting to confiscate beer? Your life must be so uninteresting that you feel the need to concoct an obvious untruth, perhaps (fantaman) was a typo and you meant to call yourself fantasyman!!!! This story was totally fabricated and no such incident occurred. Having also read the various replies the one quoting (RAFP as only of any use for organ donation in the time of war ) speaks volumes for the mentality of the people using this web site. When you know someone in the RAFP that has died in action thoughts are for family and friends and these comments are offensive to say the least.
If you feel that you need to use this site as a sounding off forum, then perhaps you should get a job that you are better able to cope with.

Hoping your mothers are proud of you.........


o

Some of you may remember the little "incident" involving the RAFP at Honington in 1980. It so happened, that the contractors sheds on the far side of the airfield were being broken into and things were going missing. After much investigating, and the fact that one of them "blubbed" it was found, that our upstanding lawkeepers were breaking into the contractors teabar and nicking the sweets! As with most things of this nature, this was only the tip of the iceberg and it was also found that they were breaking into the tin hanger where clothing stores kept the old bits of uniform and such like.
The clothing was ending up in an Army Surplus shop in Norwich. The whole police flight was ripped to bits and lots of them got done. I seem to remember they had a parade where a Provost "Big Un" personally ripped the rank tabs from the guilty ones. It was near anarchy for a couple of weeks until the replacements were brought in, and to the amusement of the rest of us someone had been going around with a bit of chalk writing "Have a Break-in, Have a Kit-Kat" :ok:

Trivialising anyone's death in theatre is out of order, and those comments are not in the spirit of this thread/forum and should be apolgised for.

CARAPO,

Why do you feel the need to berate the whole thread though? Are you in the RAF? After all it is a thread specific to the RAFP and if you aint RAF or RAFP why would you feel the need to read/comment. If you are offended by what you read then that is too bad, but with all due respect, this is a public forum and although moderated, people will write what they want.

You suggest that you may be ex military by your comments about how we (the military) had moved on? So what are you saying there, that it was ok for you and your ilk to slag your brethren off but we cant do it anymore?

I don't see why you think stories have been fabricated for effect, I am sure we have all got better things to do than make stuff up, and if you are/were in the RAF then you would easily be able to believe some of things RAFP are capable of. We don't need to invent stories about the scuffer's, they really are capable of dropping themselves in it.

Finally, who gave you the right to moderate this forum, accusing people of "sounding off" and changing jobs?? If you dont like the forum mate, don't read it. Simple eh?

If you are RAFP, then perhaps you would like to start the counter-argument but you are probably all to busy with 'counter-intelligence'. What an appropriately named string to the RAFP's bow.

quote:I thought that the military had moved on from the days when you got a high by slating off the different trades.



Well, it appears that you'd be mistaken!

quote: After all it is a thread specific to the RAFP and if you aint RAF or RAFP why would you feel the need to read/comment.

Because it's hilarious to read!

DS, re your following post, absolutely!

Brick,

not disputing that in the slightest, merely pointing out to our new friend Carapo that he needs to stop being so sensitive, either that or stop being an RAFP.

Long may the banter go on:E

Hear hear, well said Mr Sanchez:D :D :D

Carapo isn't one person - it's an entire shift pattern of coppers. It's taken them all week to get a reply up, as they can only be responsible for 5 keys on the keyboard each (and it's the FS job to press the "return" key).

Yes, they are stupid. I was arrested in Gib for fighting Gibbo coppers, and eventually released the next morning into the Provost custody for return to the ship. That night, I was shore patrol. I climbed into the van, and sat there waiting was the driver and crew from the night before. The best they could manage was "you look familiar, have I served somewhere with you?". It took me about 6 hours to admit that I was in the back of their van that morning fresh from the concrete Hilton.

And I got away with the charge of D&D and fighting. I was arrested with someone else who was also scrapping, and we decided to prolong the plea until the ship sailed. Once it sailed, we went up in front of the CO and pleaded "Not Guilty". Knowing full well that he would then tell us he would have to return us, plus witnesses, at our cost, to Gib to face their court, we changed our plea to "Guilty" based on the premise that it would be better to be punished by the RN than to drop ourselves on the corrupt system that is Gib law (we had a member of the crew who was pushed though a shop window by a copper, witnessed by about 10 people. He was charged with breaking and entering, and intent to steal drugs (it was a chemist). He was found guilty and fined 000s.....) He panicked as we were making the plea under duress, and ran off to phone the legal bods.

We were eventually charged with using "foul and abusive language" and fined one day's pay. Result.

Hey Beefy,

I was at Eastern Radar when thet took place. I remember every time some one went up to the canteen thay'd ask for a cuppa and a dog biscuit and got rewarded with a nice brew and a Kit Kat.

I also rmember when I was at MPA, the Scuffers took one of their dogs off for a bit of obedience training and it ran away!!

Ah, great days

:)

Doc C

Whilst on the subject, I was bimbling around MPA one snowy and windy evening having returned from the mighty Red Eagle Airways and I turned a corner to be confronted by an RAFP with the biggest, ugliest Alsatian I had ever seen. Somewhat stunned by its size and ugliness I was forced to exclaim, "My God, where did you get that ugly brute?" and the dog said "Newton."

Sorry

No, not really :) :)

Doc C

You couldn't make it up.

Didn't hear about Honington but nice to know that we were not alone at Finningley. What was worse was the night patrol was a joint RAF/RAFP. The RAFP guy was obviously the regular night watchman and the RAF guys were on rotation in the guardforce.

Yes thats right, I have nothing better to do than sit at night making up false stories about those wonderful men in their white caps! After bumping into the same SNCO later that day, I'm convinced it wasn't a one off! He really was a t:mad: t!

CARPO, have you noticed how there are 65 replies in this thread and not one of them has something good to say about the RAFP? Maybe its conincidence?

Different trades? You are mistaken old bean - just RAFP, because they are ALL a complete waste of space and money

Got called out in the middle of the night at Binbrook as plods had found a small window open in the hangar toilets. I was needed to attend to verify that all the aircraft were still there! I told him there was one less than normal - I wasn't lying, but I knew it was in another hangar!

Another incident during the Bosnia fracas. Tanker wanted to move from small military runway elsewhere to big civil runway at Pisa (better selection of pies). Plods insisted on checking security before the aircraft moved. Plod climbs off aircraft and is promptly arrested by Carabineri for illegal carriage of a firearm. Took a few days to get him sprung, but nobody was in a great hurry! Tanker moved anyway!

Unfortunatley the RAFP didn't die on an airfield he died in a tent in the desert.

Oct 2001. Pre 1st Afghan push.

Upon reading the Pre-push Op Order tasking each unit - "** Sqn will supply x amount of aircraft and x crews to be ready by...." etc etc. I stumbled upon the following line right at the bottom:

"RAF Police in theatre are to be in possession of a spare notebook"

Made us laugh, and in fact, says it all

You still do not get it do you. I am not an RAFP person, but was a very good friend of the said person that died. He was an extremely nice young man, who had every thing to live for. The Forces do not need serving members like you who do not even pocess the intelligence to work out the value of a human life. In reply to (fantasyman) I notice that you are no longer collaborating your story and have had to revert to saying that your suspicions were confirmed after a sighting today of the said SNCO RAFP. Back up your first story and you may receive a little more credability.
I also notice that the majority of the people that are slating the RAFP only do so because of the run ins. does that not tell you somthing about yourself, Like I said previously, find a job where you are better able to cope.

You could always not bother reading the thread!:bored:

it takes a certain type of person to shop their mates in for their own personal advancement........usually one that has low intelligence and wears a white hat to work.......

And CARAPO, I feel for your loss but someone can be a nice young man socially but an absolute pain in the office etc......

In the main you wouldn't trust an RAF copper as far as you could throw him.......

Do you remember an incident at Binbrook probably about 1986 when an RAFP found a large package strapped to a bowser whilst on patrol?

It's a shame he was after smarty points and placed it there himself. :ugh:

Of course the Station was at a standstill for hours. Followed by prison and dishonorable discharge for said Plod.

If you re-read the threads old boy I think you will find that they are examples of people "coping" with their jobs despite the obstacles that the RAFP idiots continually put in their way:ugh:

Definitely a RAFP. Schoolboy errors like "pocess* the intelligence" are obviously placed there to distract us whilst we "collaborate*" our stories and restore our "credability*". Or "somthing*".

Sorry for the loss, as we all are, but we deal with things like that in different ways. If you aren't one of us, then you probably can't understand it. God knows how you would cope if you ever visited ARRSE!


*For future reference:
Possess
Corroborate
Credibility
Something

At Brawdy many years ago I once went back to get something from the office after hours. Got key from guardroom, insert into lock, fumble, fumble...

"RAF POLICE - WHO ARE YOU!!" or words to that effect from inside the building. Greeted by bristling Air Vice Corporal who announces that "HI HAVE FOUND THIS BUILDING HINSECURE....", referring to the Army radio aerial lead poking out of a window. He'd managed to get his arm through, then somehow opened the main window in the JFACTSU office. "HI SHALL BE MAKING HAN REPORT" he went on. "OK, OK - it's nothing to do with me - they were still here when I left this afternoon. I'm just collecting something from my office", quoth I.

A few minutes later he reappeared. Rather sheepish looking and somewhat less aggressive...

"Err, excuse me sir, have you seen........a, errm....dog?"
"Would that be an alsatian, by any chance?"
"German shepherd, actually sir. I told him to stay when I was getting in through the window...and he seems to have f*cked off"
"Oh dear, what a pity. Will that be in your report as well?"

Never did find out what happened to War Dog Fido. But the rest of the Plod thought it was hilarious when the JFACTSU boss rang them the next day to explain about the aerial lead through the window.

Why do I have to back up my story? Why do I need more creditability?

You mention that you're not a RAFP, so why are you getting so worked up over this thread? Never mind though, keep posting because your giving me a right good laugh :}

Oh and you would be doing well to read my post again! I said it was confirmed after a sighting of the same SNCO later that day :=

and me too

There is a genuine rule in the RN which says that the only people allowed to wear tie-clips are RN Regulators. I know, because I got picked up for wearing one, and thought I would go and check the regs before ramming them up the smart-arses backside.

He was right:( - and no-one has any idea why this regulation exists, other than the regulators have a nice little crown as a tiepin which identifies them. Or perhaps reminds them in case they forget.

And speaking of drunken rocks in the Naafi ....

One time a few years ago at EGAA, a rock SAC was "chemically inconvenienced" after the Naafi hop. Naming no names, he was a fairly distinctive character, being 6' 4", of mixed race, and with the Squadron badge tattooed across the front of his neck!!

Staggering back to his block, he was stopped by Snowdrop on main gate who demanded his 1250 (ID card) which he had neglected to take with him. After some discussion, he sets about barrier and police box (by now containing A/Cpl barrier lifter AND RAFP Officer) with a handy fire-axe, before proceeding to block and drunken sleep......

.... but not for long. the SWAT Team from Aldergrove's Finest descend on the block, complete with weapons, dogs etc etc, break down SAC's door and nick him. Coversation as follows:

RAFP: You're nicked sunshine (or words to that effect)
SAC Rock: It's a fair cop guv, but how did you know it was me??
RAFP: Of course we knew it was you!! You are 6' 4", of mixed race, with the Sqn badge etc etc....
SAC Rock: If you knew who I was, why ask for my f:mad: 1250!!!!

Plods and Paperwork
 

Was at a not-so-secret Oxonian airfield that doesn't operate wide-bodies (fnar fnar!) and was sent pdq out to the desert in the wake of 9/11. I was also preparing to take up an interesting post overseas working with the USDOD, so had left my DV forms with the SNCO Plod (with a silly surname) to forward to the DVA in York. Four months later I returned to find the forms were still siting in his in-tray. When I enquired as to why, he replied that my signatures had lapsed (a 3 month life) and therefore he could not send them off. When I sugested that it was not beyond the wit of man to have explained to DVA why the signatures had lapsed (ie I was personally fighting Saddam or UBL or whoever), he replied in a somewhat supercilious manner 'that it was not his job to do so'. I reminded him that he was a SNCO but a f£%kwit (by the way, I am not conflating the two); the delay caused enormous grief for me in my new appointment with some otherwise affable American civil servants. It also necessitated DVA dispatching one of their IOs to my overseas location to carry out the interview.

Oh, he complained about my 'tone' and I had to proffer an appology. And to think that my career was hung up by a guy that probably didn't have an O level...