Not read them all but here goes anyway.

Watch this for a suicide bombing!!!

Whats that whistling? Will someone take the ruddy kettle off the stove!

"Paveway 2, Paveway 4, who's that knocking on my front door?":D

B1, B52, A10, F15, F16.............BINGO

(sings) B......L......7....5........5.. and there's no reply!

I'll get me coat..

"Osama lives at number ... eeeueggghhh".

But I have no links with the Taliban.........

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/media/dayo.mp3

But I'm British, all my family live there!

Relax! Those stupid Americans will never realise that Bush's speech writer is one of my agents ...

"Dont i just look like my twin brother"!!

Aw, chuffin' 'eck! I just forked out 40 quid for a bleedin' doorbell and you geezers kick my blinkin' door down!

Ooh, I think might need a wee lay down........

I take it you are here about the gas bill........

Take what ever you want. I don't need any more trouble....

Aw, jeez, I'd only just got the kids to sleep!

F-16? F-schmixteen!

"Mum always said treat others as you would like them to treat you"

An yo can tell dat Tony Soprano dat ma family know people. Tell him he can run......

Snort, snigger! Oh George W, you'll be the death of me!


MAPt

Yup...... yup...... ok, yup....... I'll turn the stereo down. We'll be going out soon anyway. Yup, sorry, yup, yup, ok, thanks, bye.

You idiots! I just wanted another window in the lounge! I'm not paying for all this............

What a man does with his goat is his own business, now piss off!

Guys, I'm serious, we gotta clean this mess up before the wife gets home.

Right you kids, thats the end of the chemistry set!

Wow, they sound so much closer tonight.........

MAPt

I thought you 'Extreme Makeover' folks were meant to ship me off to Florida or somewhere while you pimped out my house. Just a bit of a suprise that's all....... No I am not ungrateful, just not what I expected, thats all.

Hey not fair! I hadn't finished counting to 100! Jeez..............

You wait 'til Saddam hears about this....

Um, just before you go, can you give me a hand to get this 2 by 4 out of my butt?

Where's the dog kennel gone?

What the hell is that burning smell? Oh, it's my torso. Damn.

MAPt

Now you're getting hysterical! Your brother is the supposed carpenter, have a go at him, he said this wall wasn't load-bearing!

Now the neighbours can see right into our bedroom!

Oh well, at least we won't pay so much for rates next quarter.

I didn't say half the **** they said I said. Not even, um, jeez, nup, na, they misquoted me completely. I've a good mind to call my lawyer.

You shag one goat and you get labelled. And that's the game............

Bet you didn't get resource consent for that big hole in the street. The council are gonna have a field day with you guys.

Bet half you punks can't even grow a beard. Don't have a go..........

Honey, Oomfoofoo, just called. Her and Mohammed are staying in tonight. They'll bring the holiday snaps around some other time.

This used to be such a quiet neighbourhood. It all started with those Laden boys and their motorbikes.

You guys scared the **** of the milkman.

MAPt

What do you mean their is a shortage of virgins in heaven!

if u can find a virgin in essex you can knit fog:ok:

Then once told there was a shortage of virgins in heaven, he said wait a minute! I am not an airline pilot, you cannot change my terms and conditions! I am under contract with the highest authority, not Alpa or Balpa.
Jimmy Hoffa was not my religion from the teamsters, did he take all the virgins?
Must be some mistake!

"Can I have my Satphone back? I want to watch the football..."

Conan