Graffiti seen on a toilet door in DV Barracks, Split, written by an American...

"Where were the Brits in Vietnam?"

And the reply written underneath...

"The Vietcong were doing perfectly well without us!"

Makes me LMAO every time! :D

Oxygen Thief

(and to make up my 15 words, that favourite from stores - "No you can't have the last one, someone else might need it.")

A well loved favourite - "Goes like a belt-fed wombat"

More toilet graffitti:

"Don't beam me up just now Scottie, I'm having a shhhhh..."and the pencil line disappears up to the top of the door.

"as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike"

"as much use as a chocolate condom"

(the last was obviously thought up by someone seriously lacking in imagination! ;) )

R1

Graffitti as seen in a public toilet on the A1

"Para, para in the sky,
Living proof that sh1t can fly."

It amused me anyway.

A lot of the phrases I recall seemed to revolve around bodily functions:

Off for a bombing run in trap 1.
NBC Black in trap 1.
Fall out the officers.

Big Tudor
There is a second verse to your graffiti

Para, Para in the sky
Living proof that **** can fly

Marine, Marine in a boat
Living proof that **** can float.

Seen on the toilets at Barry Budden.

***** is like a lighthouse in the desert. Bright but ***king useless.

A common opinion is that most crab support REMFs are about as much use as a one-legged man in an arse kicking competition.

Or a trapdoor in a canoe.

...or as smart as a bag of hammers
...about as swift as mollasses

Insults
 

I'm a big fan of insults along the lines of:
"she's got a face like a box of fire damaged lego"
"she's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle"
or even "a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp"
"teeth like a bag of broken custard creams"
or maybe "a face like plasterers radio"
or some choice mother insults
"your mum owes my dog f##k money" (cheers mooner for that one!)
"your mum is my cleaner"
That'll do for now. Don't want to spoil you all.
BV
PS. Just a really offensive joke that an ex chinook crewman just told me:

How can you tell when your sister's on?
You can taste it on your dad's c##k!

Sorry!

Air to Air refuelling is like a running f**K at a rolling donut

"Time to dump down to max trap".

The story of an old bold Admiral at an RAF Mess Dinner in the 50's. Young Flt Lt hosting him asks what he would like to drink before dinner.
"I will have a gin & tonic please".
"Sir it is tradition in the RAF not to drink alcohol prior to sitting down for a mess dinner"
"Young man the RAF is not old enough to have traditions, merely habits"

"Sweating like a sailor in a maths test"

Ah, yer Mum wears comboot bats!

If flying was difficult Air Traffic Controllers would have to do it.


...........I'll get me coat;)

RAF Personnel (Non Rock, of course) – Guins

Get ready for the backlash from the horay Henry fly boys. hahaha

She had a face like a welder's bench.

Shaking like a ****ting dog,
Mad as a bucket of snakes,
Slip her a crippler,
Complete and utter Frekanoid,

He's hung like a horse......A f**king Sea Horse.

And where are all the geeky RAF'y sayings???

Lets TFR to the bar,
CSAS you later,
HLWSCU a merry christmas

The Flying Flickknife of freedom
The swing wing arrow of death
The Carbon fibre death provider
If it don't hover, there's no need to Bovver
:yuk: :yuk:

Or,

Flight safety is your pigeon...Don't let it fly away,
Never assume, it makes an ASS out of U and ME,
Horseplay is fools play, laugh? I NEARLY DIED!




I need to stop. I'm making myself feel very nauseous :yuk: :yuk: :ugh: :yuk:

Emergency state Pooh:ooh:

Tornado is a cruise missile with talking ballast