Supply Stupidities
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Real trivia ... I had a pair of aircrew sunglasses [with correcting lenses] from my brief RN days. Some years later, at Tengah, they went u/s [can't recall the exact problem] so I went to Stores seeking a replacement. "Sorry, Sir, they're not on your Clothing Card, so we can't do that."
OK, Plan B ... I return to Stores with a mate from one of the Sqns so that he can do the exchange. No problem, he gets new sunglasses. At which point the 'Not A Supplier' hands aircrew mate the old pair with a cheerful "Here you are, Sir, in case you need a replacement."
OK, Plan B ... I return to Stores with a mate from one of the Sqns so that he can do the exchange. No problem, he gets new sunglasses. At which point the 'Not A Supplier' hands aircrew mate the old pair with a cheerful "Here you are, Sir, in case you need a replacement."
I was duty man at VL one evening, for night flying. At the time, we had a T4 on detachment to Wittering for the strip-operating part of the conversion course. One of the detachment maintainers needed new batteries for his Pusser’s torch but Wittering stores didn’t have any. He therefore requested a local purchase order, so that he could get 2xU2 batteries from the NAAFI shop.
Stores at VL refused to authorise it because they had plenty of stock at base and when I remonstrated with them, they suggested that we flew some up in a Sea Harrier, as we were doing night flying anyway! I went to Cdr (S) with the problem and he rightly blew a fuse and the boys got their LPO!
Mog
Stores at VL refused to authorise it because they had plenty of stock at base and when I remonstrated with them, they suggested that we flew some up in a Sea Harrier, as we were doing night flying anyway! I went to Cdr (S) with the problem and he rightly blew a fuse and the boys got their LPO!
Mog
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Brize, requiring a headset so I could carry out runs on the VC10's, we find we are not entitled to an issue and that they were B or A stores I think.. which sort of defeated the object of the exercise as you couldn't do a run without talking to people.
Browsing through the system we found every part was a C store, I.e consumable and throw away parts, so we ordered every part for several headsets and built our own, system circumvented.
Browsing through the system we found every part was a C store, I.e consumable and throw away parts, so we ordered every part for several headsets and built our own, system circumvented.
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Avoid imitations
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- Ah, good old “C Class”, stores - disposable, non valuable, non returnable items.
I was at Odiham when the (ex Vulcan, there’s a clue) Station Commander hired out the Officers’ Mess to Mercedes for a new vehicle launch. We were unable to go in, even for lunch. We weren’t impressed because there was no aircrew feeder but we did laugh when the new Mercedes advertisement banners went up outside.
They were launching the “C Class” cars.
Apparently the build quality had gone down a little…
Learning Command had a strange sense of priorities when it came to the topic of night flying torches. It was OK to issue ab initio students with 'Provosts, Jet....Qty 1' for night flying, but torches? Err, no! We were told to provide our own, which had to be attached to our flying suits with the usual bit of string....
One chap dropped his in flight and started pulling on the string until he felt resistance. It had got caught in his lower bang seat handle which was partially out of its housing. So he gingerly replaced it and landed asap.
Another chap was given a simulated total electrics failure. From one leg pocket he produced a lantern on a croc clip which he attached to the coaming. Then he fumbled in the other pocket for a switch... The whole cockpit lit up as if a nuclear bomb had gone off - it was one of those lanterns which farmers used when hunting for lost beasts! QFI and student lost all night vision for a good few minutes, with the QFI laughing hysterically!
After a couple of nights of this nonsense, the CI decided that enough was enough and ordered that we should be issued with those official black stick torches, which were all but useless!
One chap dropped his in flight and started pulling on the string until he felt resistance. It had got caught in his lower bang seat handle which was partially out of its housing. So he gingerly replaced it and landed asap.
Another chap was given a simulated total electrics failure. From one leg pocket he produced a lantern on a croc clip which he attached to the coaming. Then he fumbled in the other pocket for a switch... The whole cockpit lit up as if a nuclear bomb had gone off - it was one of those lanterns which farmers used when hunting for lost beasts! QFI and student lost all night vision for a good few minutes, with the QFI laughing hysterically!
After a couple of nights of this nonsense, the CI decided that enough was enough and ordered that we should be issued with those official black stick torches, which were all but useless!
If, to a first approximation, light travels in straight lines, why does the RAF issue right angle torches? 
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And to be multi-directional, so when clipped to your pocket or webbing, they would point in every direction but forward where needed.
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When I was going through the JP course at Linton on Ouse, my torch (which was rectangular, about 5”x4”x1”) had one of those strange, flat sided batteries with two different length brass contact strips. It was all but useless in the cockpit, but it finally came in useful when we were “pulled” for our week long survival exercise, where we had to find our own food or starve. Our flying kit was searched for any unauthorised goodies. Any cash found on our person was confiscated and presumably put in the staff beer fund. My torch was taken, the battery removed and it was checked inside. One of my colleagues had an identical torch and had put a couple of “OXO” cubes in the bottom of his, which were taken away.
Nothing was found in my torch and it was given back to me without comment. However, thinking ahead, one evening some time before, I’d carefully peeled off the paper label from the battery, ironed a ten pound note to a suitable size, tightly wrapped it round the battery then glued the label back over it. Came in very useful later when we were able to find a farmer willing to sell us some contraband.
Last edited by ShyTorque; 15th Jan 2024 at 13:20.
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Always check…
At Lyneham on standby, I was called in to fly to Botswana to take a new engine for a SF Herc on task there. Aircraft duly loaded with a new engine and most importantly, a propellor removal device in a large wooden crate strapped to a large pallet. we subsequently routed via Akrotiri and Nairobi and arrived to find the sick Herc missing. It had been operating in a non standard manner….
Anyway as it was v hot the engine change took place at night with a local crane removing the old engine and prepared for its prop to be removed. The big box with the removal device was opened and despite much rummaging all it contained was straw! A new one had to be sent with BA via Johannesburg which took some time to arrive.
Anyway, this gave me a few days to enjoy the delights (and they were) of Gaborone with a trip to Johannesburg (another story).
So, stores had done a wonderful job in getting us to transport an empty box to the very bottom of Africa where I had a most pleasant time with a total time away of about 10 days. With my previous tour having been on the Puma, I found the way of life most acceptable.
Me
Anyway as it was v hot the engine change took place at night with a local crane removing the old engine and prepared for its prop to be removed. The big box with the removal device was opened and despite much rummaging all it contained was straw! A new one had to be sent with BA via Johannesburg which took some time to arrive.
Anyway, this gave me a few days to enjoy the delights (and they were) of Gaborone with a trip to Johannesburg (another story).
So, stores had done a wonderful job in getting us to transport an empty box to the very bottom of Africa where I had a most pleasant time with a total time away of about 10 days. With my previous tour having been on the Puma, I found the way of life most acceptable.
Me
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With my previous tour having been on the Puma, I found the way of life most acceptable.
No, neither did I.
After the “Atlantic Conveyor” sank, during the Falklands War, it was calculated that considering all the stores subsequently written off as on board the ship at the time, it would probably have gone down in the harbour where it was all allegedly first loaded.
Last edited by Senior Pilot; 20th Jan 2024 at 08:48. Reason: Fix quote
Gentleman Aviator
Came in very useful later when we were able to find a farmer willing to sell us some contraband.
He went down to the local village, and with the help of his "Wilkie Knife" (remember those?) "persuaded" a local to donate his fish 'n' chips!
He (not the local) was subsequently chopped at Valley for smoking wacky baccy..........
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I was detachment commander on a Tornado GR1 visit to Goose Bay, Canada. We needed a replacement engine (can’t remember why) so I ordered one through the system. Then I got a call from Command Supply (sic) - they would deliver the engine by rail. When I pointed out that there was no railway line that reached Goose Bay, they told me that there was a railway station on the map. Only once I’d pointed out that the line in question only ran for a few miles inland to some forgotten mining location did they agree to send the engine......by road! Despite informing them that the only surface access involved a drive up very questionable roads through countless miles of forest, they insisted that this was the cheapest way to ge the engine to us.
When the truck eventually arrived, the manifest said “2 Tornado engines” (or words to that effect). But there was only one on the flatbed truck - one had fallen off “somewhere along the road”!! So much for the cheapest option!!
When the truck eventually arrived, the manifest said “2 Tornado engines” (or words to that effect). But there was only one on the flatbed truck - one had fallen off “somewhere along the road”!! So much for the cheapest option!!
Gan, 1960's, Search and Reascue Shackleton . On walkaround the F.E. discovered a cut in one of the tyres. No problem, Gan was required to keep a spare Shack. wheel/tyre assembly at all times.
Suppliers refused to release it, because if they did they would not have one available, and that would be against the rules.
Very short discussion between the Shack. Captain, the Supply Officer and the Station Commander.
Suppliers refused to release it, because if they did they would not have one available, and that would be against the rules.
Very short discussion between the Shack. Captain, the Supply Officer and the Station Commander.
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Aldergrove, Wessex AOG for a genny, sent AOG from Odiham and arrived packed to perfection, on removing it a huge dent found in the side, the Storeman packing it had dropped it from quite a height and fearful of getting charged had packed it and sent it AOG, needless to say he did get charged and a replacement had to be sent. He had made such a good job of packing it, damage in transit was impossible.
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There is a common theme to many of these stories, that of the ‘it’s the last one so you can’t have it’ ilk. I was in RAF Sek Kong, we were deploying out to an island for a few days (Ping Chau or ‘Snake Island’ ) so I went with an other fellow to stores to get a blue holdall. The storeman handed me one but when my compatriot asked for one too he received the ‘I only have one left so you can’t have it’ reply,
No amount of arguing would make him give way, I never understood the problem but suspect that it might be that to have zero quantity in stock was against the rules or perhaps they wouldn’t know where to put them on the shelf when new stock arrived?
Many years later I was at Basrah on the C130J det. One of our ac had a problem with its Stby AI, we couldn’t snag it as that would ground the ac (it was a no go item) and it would take most of a week to get one sent out (the J supply system was meant to be a Just-in-time process from the warehouse in Wootton Basset but that wasn’t quite so effective for detached ops). We ended up flying it for ages rather than lose an important asset, I think until it was rotated back home for servicing.
No amount of arguing would make him give way, I never understood the problem but suspect that it might be that to have zero quantity in stock was against the rules or perhaps they wouldn’t know where to put them on the shelf when new stock arrived?
Many years later I was at Basrah on the C130J det. One of our ac had a problem with its Stby AI, we couldn’t snag it as that would ground the ac (it was a no go item) and it would take most of a week to get one sent out (the J supply system was meant to be a Just-in-time process from the warehouse in Wootton Basset but that wasn’t quite so effective for detached ops). We ended up flying it for ages rather than lose an important asset, I think until it was rotated back home for servicing.
I'm reminded of the cartoon showing an irate engineer at the stores hatch, with the Storeman saying "It's no good you pointing at it, the computer says it's out of stock"...
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Our inimitable Danny42C recalled a serious loss on the Brevet thread, immortalised as a sticky at the head of this forum. A Japanese air raid on his northern Indian airfield had claimed the lives of several airmen, a couple of Vengeance divebombers and his flight’s highly prized 15cwt pickup, their only means of reaching civilisation on their few days’ leave. Over to Danny, and his book In with a Vengeance:
The other loss was a most valuable item of Government property. Before you pour concrete for your new tracks and taxiways, you have to put in hardcore and ram it down. They had no steamrollers, but a Works and Bricks elephant made a very good substitute.
Jumbo marked time ponderously, helping himself to any edible vegetation within trunk reach. His mahout keeper moved him a few feet from time to time as the job required. All was calm and content. Jumbo much preferred this to hauling heavy logs in the forest, Of course he was a great favourite of all, and his mahout had nothing to do except smoke his malodorous "bidi".
Then the air raid warning came. The mahout ran for it, leaving Jumbo to his own devices. In all fairness, there wasn't much he could do other than digging a slit trench to hold an elephant, and then persuading him into it. The bombs came down and Jumbo vanished. We found no bloodstains and concluded that he had been stung by a piece of hot shrapnel
Whatever had hit him did not impede his locomotion. "B" Flight, who were untouched by the raid on the far side of the runway, saw him galloping along it with trunk, ears and tail outstretched, and bellowing with indignation. He went trumpeting off the end into the hills and was never seen again. A tracker party found no body, assumed that he had decided to give civilisation a miss. And who could blame him?
But that wasn't the end of it. This was no common or garden elephant. He was Government property, registered and on inventory. His loss must be investigated; there was an endless Court of Enquiry in which we were witnesses.
Indian bureaucracy is a wondrous thing. It rather seemed that they regarded the loss of their precious elephant as our fault, they thought that the RAF should pay for it, and I was told a trained elephant costs as much as a new pick-up truck.
How the saga ended I do not know, for shortly afterwards Stew and I, with three other crews, were posted to 8 Sqn, IAF, somewhere on the other side of the Bay.
Jumbo marked time ponderously, helping himself to any edible vegetation within trunk reach. His mahout keeper moved him a few feet from time to time as the job required. All was calm and content. Jumbo much preferred this to hauling heavy logs in the forest, Of course he was a great favourite of all, and his mahout had nothing to do except smoke his malodorous "bidi".
Then the air raid warning came. The mahout ran for it, leaving Jumbo to his own devices. In all fairness, there wasn't much he could do other than digging a slit trench to hold an elephant, and then persuading him into it. The bombs came down and Jumbo vanished. We found no bloodstains and concluded that he had been stung by a piece of hot shrapnel
Whatever had hit him did not impede his locomotion. "B" Flight, who were untouched by the raid on the far side of the runway, saw him galloping along it with trunk, ears and tail outstretched, and bellowing with indignation. He went trumpeting off the end into the hills and was never seen again. A tracker party found no body, assumed that he had decided to give civilisation a miss. And who could blame him?
But that wasn't the end of it. This was no common or garden elephant. He was Government property, registered and on inventory. His loss must be investigated; there was an endless Court of Enquiry in which we were witnesses.
Indian bureaucracy is a wondrous thing. It rather seemed that they regarded the loss of their precious elephant as our fault, they thought that the RAF should pay for it, and I was told a trained elephant costs as much as a new pick-up truck.
How the saga ended I do not know, for shortly afterwards Stew and I, with three other crews, were posted to 8 Sqn, IAF, somewhere on the other side of the Bay.
Last edited by Senior Pilot; 20th Jan 2024 at 08:52. Reason: Fix quote
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"What does that say, Laddie?"
"'Stores', Norman", says the erk.
"EXACTLY, son. If they wanted you to have it, the sign would say "Issues", wouldn't it?"
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