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Best and worst orders I have known

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Best and worst orders I have known

Old 1st Jul 2022, 21:15
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Best and worst orders I have known

Go on then, letís hear them. Verbal or written. Humorous or infuriating. From flying order books or heat-of-the-moment one-liners.
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Old 1st Jul 2022, 22:16
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Ops Briefing by the Special Agent in Charge of my Office in Subic Bay the Philippines

"Special Agent Sasless is tasked to perform an Undercover Drug Operation, posing as an drunken Enlisted Seaman on shore leave, and shall conduct a surveillance inside Marilyn's II Bar and Massage Parlor in Lower Kalaklan, Olongapo RP.

Such places were known by WestPac Sailors as" Steam Job and Blow Bath Parlors".

I was tasked to confirm reports of illicit drug dealing inside the establishment and to attempt to purchase illegal drugs and identify the seller and attempt to make further purchases in larger quantities as possible.

S/A Sasless, for the record protested he did not have any desire to perform that assignment.

The S/A In Charge said....."You shall do as you have been told!".

S/A Sasless, bowed his head in surrender and proceeded to do his Duty for God and Country.

Lordy....if the US Taxpayers knew what their money was spent on!

As that covert operation involved special techniques and procedures....I am not allowed to provide any details of what those were.

I am not making this up......it was a hard task...but I did my best to rise to the occasion and after a week....we conducted a drug raid and scored a few ounces of Pot.

The sacrifices one makes for his Country.

Last edited by SASless; 2nd Jul 2022 at 14:04.
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Old 1st Jul 2022, 23:08
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SASLess you are Agent Gibbs and I claim my $5

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Old 1st Jul 2022, 23:53
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Mark Harmon plays me.....but he is not nearly as handsome!
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 09:38
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'Draught Guiness" (one of the series late 50s, early 60s, early, possibly first, 38 Group) - Bev formation line astern, 15 seconds separation.
Scatter plan ... Lead turn port 180, No. 2 turn starboard 180 ...etc., etc.
Scatter was called and the flat cloud top was populated by steeply climbing Bevs on random headings !
The subsequent r t b was based on B & Q principles !!
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 13:24
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Best, (Nav training via a place in France noted for it's gastronomy and wines, on a beautiful blue-sky morning),"Bloggs, I want you to find their comcen and send a signal to (home base) saying we're grounded due weather and won't be back today".

I did.


Worst. "Boss, you warned us we're likely to get ramp checked there. If they do they'll pull my licence!"
"I'll take full responsibility if that happens. Now GO!"
"Boss, it's my licence on the line, not yours".
"Just go, or..."

I didn't.
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 14:31
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Best order... Stack
Worst order... a mushroom bajhi side, from the Mumtaz in Peterborough
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 14:52
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Best order: summer of 1976 at Boscombe where we were flying a Gazelle rad alt evaluation trial:

"Surely you can find the right sort of hot dry sand in this country this year. Paying Guest, I want you to take your aircraft and see if you can find some. If in a month's time you haven't been able to, I'll sign this authorisation for you to take the team to Marignane"......
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 14:57
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I can recall a very succinct "Get Out" ... does that count?
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 15:08
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9th May 1982,

“Red leader, from Command - engage!”

I did.

Mog
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 15:27
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Best order - Dagenham here is a chit go and get ten crates of tiger from the naafi. That should last a couple of days in the longhouse

worst order - Dagenham leave them on the floor they will be fine while we find river squadron

thank god for Chinese jungle stores
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 15:36
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"Jump in that Lynx and whizz it up over to the training area. We're short of anyone to go with you right now, but as you're just back from conversion you'll know how to handle anything that might go wrong." 0.2 Solo Lynx, verbal auth from CO.
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 15:58
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Best order: LCdr BPF is appointed in command of HMCS...

Worst order: A phone call from some HQ staff weinie.

Him : You are to inform Leading Seaman Bloggins that he will not be receiving his Queens Jubilee medal as was promulgated in the last message and is not to wear the ribbon.

Me: What on earth is going on !

Him: A mistake was made and not enough medals were ordered so the list of recipients has been revised. Your LS didn't make the cut on the new list

Me: But he has already been informed that he will be receiving the medal !

Him. You have your orders...
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 17:13
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RAF Germany GASOS, ď Jaguars are not to be referred to as Pussey Cats on the radio ď

Last edited by Firestreak; 2nd Jul 2022 at 17:15. Reason: Typo
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 17:25
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Another old one

"Please, note that. following several complaints, in future, ;Pongoes will be referrred to as Army Officers".........

Last edited by Haraka; 2nd Jul 2022 at 17:50.
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 17:41
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From our Air Cdre at MoD/NATS on a Friday morning tour of the offices ...

"To the Opera Tavern at lunchtime ... bring your briefcases".

One mate stayed behind to buy some kit from underspend, but turned up later.
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 19:16
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Fort Rucker, Alabama, home of Army Aviation.... Chinook Conversion Course....Four days of Mountain training in the hills of Alabama at Fort McClellan home to the Army Chemical Corps and Women's Army Corps (WAC) Training Center.

Married Guys hated it....and worked a deal with the Conversion Course Commander....the married Instructors would swap Students with the Single Instructors and no longer have to leave their conjugal beds.

Getting ordered to perform Mountain Training was really Good news.

The bad news was getting a month of mountain training as the pace of life while on detachment could become a health issue if you weakened.

Fort Rucker had about 20,000 Young Men.....and Fort McClellan had abut 7,000 young Women.....even a blind Hog could find an Acorn at Fort Mac!
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Old 2nd Jul 2022, 23:49
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Paying Guest..XX434...Pizzas,rosay,and lo-level along the `fried-egg` beaches....
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Old 3rd Jul 2022, 01:02
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Originally Posted by dagenham View Post
Best order - Dagenham here is a chit go and get ten crates of tiger from the naafi. That should last a couple of days in the longhouse

worst order - Dagenham leave them on the floor they will be fine while we find river squadron

thank god for Chinese jungle stores
The Portuguese were making a Jag model for the Sqn but hadnít got any paint, Grolsch bottles were settled on to put it in, one of the guys was given the keys and ordered to go get a number of bottles from the beer store. Naturally they were all full so he had toÖ.eeerrm empty them, several minutes later he returned with a twinkle in his eye, suitably refreshed and sporting half a dozen empties..
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Old 3rd Jul 2022, 05:26
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On a mizzuble wet low-cloud Friday, the Flight Commander declared a Flight Safety Meeting to be held at a pub in the Perth suburbs. We attended in civvies, and found, to our profound surprise, that there were ladies there who would dance and their clothes would fall off. This meeting was declared a massive success, and became a fixture if the weather looked a bit doubtful on Fridays.

Some months later, the local council declared that such ladies could not do this dance because little kiddies might look into the bar and see things that would affect them for life - "strip shows are banned." Hmmm, thinks the proprietor, and changes the dance so that the ladies come out naked and slowly put their clothes on.
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