Best and worst orders I have known
Reminds me of a route lining when an ex RN friend of mine, now wearing a uniform of a lighter hue, was reminded by the Sgt who understands these things, with a long suffering sigh.
'No sir, the correct expression is "As you were!" not "Belay my last!".'
'No sir, the correct expression is "As you were!" not "Belay my last!".'
LB....doesn't your last post here belong in the. "I wish I hand not said...." Thread?
Nigerian In Law
Exercise Reforger 87/Certain Strike:
"Sgt NEO, having upset the Commander Aviation with your backchat, it has been decided to remove you from BAOR. Start packing."
A 4 month tour in Northern Ireland followed by 20 months in Hong Kong, 8 months in Brunei, resettlement course in London and out I came.
He was a pompous idiot who wanted me to fly through (and twice asked me to) land in Danger Areas. When I respectfully pointed out the cons I was accused of disobeying an order.
I heard he became the first "home grown" DAAC and blew his own head off in retirement.
NEO
"Sgt NEO, having upset the Commander Aviation with your backchat, it has been decided to remove you from BAOR. Start packing."
A 4 month tour in Northern Ireland followed by 20 months in Hong Kong, 8 months in Brunei, resettlement course in London and out I came.
He was a pompous idiot who wanted me to fly through (and twice asked me to) land in Danger Areas. When I respectfully pointed out the cons I was accused of disobeying an order.
I heard he became the first "home grown" DAAC and blew his own head off in retirement.
NEO
20. Months in Hong Kong.....I hope you learned your lesson young Man!
Baghdad 2003:
Flt Lt Melchett - we think we’ve lost a couple of Land Rovers and their pax somewhere up in the Sunni Triangle. They were due at Taji an hour ago and haven’t been in comms. Go and find them, there’s a good chap,
Me… ‘oh fxxk.’ My orders brief - Cpl, go and sign out more ammo. How much? As much as they’ll let you take - try the US armoury, they don’t ask too many questions.
Flt Lt Melchett - we think we’ve lost a couple of Land Rovers and their pax somewhere up in the Sunni Triangle. They were due at Taji an hour ago and haven’t been in comms. Go and find them, there’s a good chap,
Me… ‘oh fxxk.’ My orders brief - Cpl, go and sign out more ammo. How much? As much as they’ll let you take - try the US armoury, they don’t ask too many questions.
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Last weeks of my service and literally days to do and I get stuck on GDT annual training, which I thought would really come in handy in about 16 days as I venture out into civi street.
For some reason the duty Rock decides we will all strip down our muskets, throw all the parts into a pile and run to the nearest fence and back, last man to cock and dry fire his weapon, all serials matching would do press-ups.
Run he commands, firke that I thinks, slowly slowly much better, off everyone goes with me trotting along last, everyone arrives back puffed and start to search for their musket parts. Rock now getting apoplectic and shouting RUN.. arriving back last I am confronted with only and all the parts serial matching ready to assemble my musket, watching everyone rushing and fumbling I take my time and finish ahead of several of the group.
For some reason the duty Rock decides we will all strip down our muskets, throw all the parts into a pile and run to the nearest fence and back, last man to cock and dry fire his weapon, all serials matching would do press-ups.
Run he commands, firke that I thinks, slowly slowly much better, off everyone goes with me trotting along last, everyone arrives back puffed and start to search for their musket parts. Rock now getting apoplectic and shouting RUN.. arriving back last I am confronted with only and all the parts serial matching ready to assemble my musket, watching everyone rushing and fumbling I take my time and finish ahead of several of the group.
Bad -
18, first lieutenant. Very remote training area on a psuedo weapons course in Northern Namibia (Then South West Africa)
RSM - Loot, you confident with that PE4?
Me - Yes, we had a course on it yesterday afternoon.
RSM - Good, get rid of all those dud and damaged 82mm mortars, RPG's and RKG 13's (all soviet stuff)
RSM (and senior staff depart for the distant main base 30km away, I'm left in charge of the camp)
It's mainly very flat and all sandy veld in that part of the world. In a small depression I piled the mortars and grenades, maybe 15 or 20 in total in a neat lattice and headed off to get the PE4. Not knowing how much to use, I took half the crate - 3kgs or 12 bricks of 225g. Packing the blocks in a pyramid atop the mound approximating the shaped charge we'd been taught. I thought it looked quite professional.
Next problem, I couldn't find any detonators of the safety fused kind left. ****!
Aha! But we still had claymores and they have fuses! Same thing surely?
Next problem to overcome was a cable long enough. We only had the 2 claymore ones. Great, join those together. 50m should be longer enough. Surely?
Sorted. I pushed the fuse into the top brick.
Behind a small raised berm about half a meter high at the very end of the cable, myself and another unsuspecting troop, lay down. Blocked our ears, opened our mouths.
HOLY ****!!!!
Later, when the RSM returned.
RSM - Nice hole! Heard it from the camp. (the crater was big enough to hide a good sized SUV)
Me - Pardon? (my ears rang for a few days after that)
18, first lieutenant. Very remote training area on a psuedo weapons course in Northern Namibia (Then South West Africa)
RSM - Loot, you confident with that PE4?
Me - Yes, we had a course on it yesterday afternoon.
RSM - Good, get rid of all those dud and damaged 82mm mortars, RPG's and RKG 13's (all soviet stuff)
RSM (and senior staff depart for the distant main base 30km away, I'm left in charge of the camp)
It's mainly very flat and all sandy veld in that part of the world. In a small depression I piled the mortars and grenades, maybe 15 or 20 in total in a neat lattice and headed off to get the PE4. Not knowing how much to use, I took half the crate - 3kgs or 12 bricks of 225g. Packing the blocks in a pyramid atop the mound approximating the shaped charge we'd been taught. I thought it looked quite professional.
Next problem, I couldn't find any detonators of the safety fused kind left. ****!
Aha! But we still had claymores and they have fuses! Same thing surely?
Next problem to overcome was a cable long enough. We only had the 2 claymore ones. Great, join those together. 50m should be longer enough. Surely?
Sorted. I pushed the fuse into the top brick.
Behind a small raised berm about half a meter high at the very end of the cable, myself and another unsuspecting troop, lay down. Blocked our ears, opened our mouths.
HOLY ****!!!!
Later, when the RSM returned.
RSM - Nice hole! Heard it from the camp. (the crater was big enough to hide a good sized SUV)
Me - Pardon? (my ears rang for a few days after that)
.But that was the limit of my interest - I was firing happily away and then part way through - I realised I was actually firing at next doors target,so I then switched to my target
Needless to say I got a bit of a roasting for bad marksmanship LOL but my neighbour got a really good score
.I had a busy last couple of weeks at Abingdon - I managed to get on a Hawk delivery flight back to Brawdy (to see some old mates) and return flight to bring in the next a/c for servicing at Abingdon.
I also had a last flight in a Bulldog with one of our very nice instructors on one of our UAS's,where he let me do the whole thing from startup to shutdown - many thanks LB - it was very enjoyable and much appreciated
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His immortal words on that last Annual firing " 20 rounds in your own time, carry on" were still been uttered by the time my magazine was empty.. he was mightly unimpressed. 
You were lucky, I got stuck on a Royal prep for the last weeks, Still I did get to do my Sunday Morning Church run up to full power on a VC10 during the Staish's verbotten church period, I don't know if God heard it, but everyone else did..
You were lucky, I got stuck on a Royal prep for the last weeks, Still I did get to do my Sunday Morning Church run up to full power on a VC10 during the Staish's verbotten church period, I don't know if God heard it, but everyone else did..
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Exercise Reforger 87/Certain Strike:
"Sgt NEO, having upset the Commander Aviation with your backchat, it has been decided to remove you from BAOR. Start packing."
A 4 month tour in Northern Ireland followed by 20 months in Hong Kong, 8 months in Brunei, resettlement course in London and out I came.
He was a pompous idiot who wanted me to fly through (and twice asked me to) land in Danger Areas. When I respectfully pointed out the cons I was accused of disobeying an order.
I heard he became the first "home grown" DAAC and blew his own head off in retirement.
NEO
"Sgt NEO, having upset the Commander Aviation with your backchat, it has been decided to remove you from BAOR. Start packing."
A 4 month tour in Northern Ireland followed by 20 months in Hong Kong, 8 months in Brunei, resettlement course in London and out I came.
He was a pompous idiot who wanted me to fly through (and twice asked me to) land in Danger Areas. When I respectfully pointed out the cons I was accused of disobeying an order.
I heard he became the first "home grown" DAAC and blew his own head off in retirement.
NEO
Honk Kong 1987; order from OC Maj Richard Cranium we will take off in the dark in the morning, no navigation lights, and practice formation flying! Now I’ve read Chickenhawk, but unlike “Dick” I wasn’t a first tour pilot.
My comments back not appreciated, and I was off to London for my resettlement course too…
