Egg banjos bounced by sarnie barmy army
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
On a V-det to Tengah the Sqn Cdr thought his OBE would be enhanced by a cocktail party with said drumsticks. They were either flown in from Biafra or we provided a month's worth of chicken supremes in the Mess as the cost was astronomic.
I had the misfortune a few years ago to be sentenced to six months in a mess in Aldershot. It was one of the most miserable places I have had to live in. The anteroom would be occupied by JOs draped over the furniture - in sports kit - scoffing plated-up meals from the kitchen, feeding titbits to their four-legged pals. Consequently the Dining Room was all but empty and mess life all but non-existent. I was SLIM and spoke with the couldn't-care-less PMC about the quality of food and lack of mess life and his response was along the lines of 'that's what they want'. Fast-forward a couple of months and a new PMC. Out went plated meals, out went relaxed dress in piblic rooms, out went the dire menus. In came a return to 'traditional' standards and what was the result? Officers made an effort to change for dinner and evening meals became very popular as the caterers improved the menu by serving piping hot freshly-cooked food by silver service (which they were contracted to do). High tea was reduced in size and scope thus encouraging members to dine later. The bar hours were altered to be open before dinner (apparently hitherto an alien concept); all in all it became a mildly pleasant place to live. Curry nights became particularly well attended.
When I transferred to the RAF in 1990, I was surprised by a number of things: flying overalls in public rooms, baked beans served a vegetable and JOs not introducing/excusing themselves from the PMC or Stn Cdr when leaving the bar. Common courtesy, I thought.
When I transferred to the RAF in 1990, I was surprised by a number of things: flying overalls in public rooms, baked beans served a vegetable and JOs not introducing/excusing themselves from the PMC or Stn Cdr when leaving the bar. Common courtesy, I thought.
Last edited by Whenurhappy; 12th Mar 2014 at 08:40. Reason: fat fingers on my 'phone.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Whyte House
Age: 95
Posts: 1,966
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
JOs not introducing/excusing themselves from the PMC or Stn Cdr when leaving the bar.
"Sorry I've p*ssed on the floor 'sir', I couldn't find you in time to excuse myself"
Standards are one thing, that's just mental! We're adults (well, most of us), not school children.
WW - perhaps I should have qualified that by saying 'at Mess events'. I would hope that if you left a dinner party, for example, you would thank your hosts and bid them good night. Again, common courtesy.
But as others have noted CRL/PAYD has done more to kill off mess life than anything else in recent decades. And yes, the author of CRL did get the OBE...
But as others have noted CRL/PAYD has done more to kill off mess life than anything else in recent decades. And yes, the author of CRL did get the OBE...
Last edited by Whenurhappy; 12th Mar 2014 at 08:41.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Later, with drink driving and dining-in nights becoming a parade I would spend an evening sipping a glass of wine, taking water rather than port, and departing as soon as the meal was over to let the drinkers get on with it.
On Port, when did they stop passing with Madeira.
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Ottawa
Age: 53
Posts: 170
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Later, with drink driving and dining-in nights becoming a parade I would spend an evening sipping a glass of wine, taking water rather than port, and departing as soon as the meal was over to let the drinkers get on with it.
The date: 1984
The Evil Deed: A Canadian Forces "box lunch". This was a white cardboard box with one sandwich consisting of mushy white bread around a lump of mystery meat and a piece of limp lettuce. It was accompanied by a mushy partly brown apple and a box of milk already past its best before date.
The Story: Us 4 Junior Officers were told we had to re-qualify on the Browning 9mm pistol. We set off to the range with an instructor and a new recruit helper and after the mornings' fun sent the helper off to the galley to get our box lunches. He stops the first galley wallah he sees and tells him he he is here to "pick up the 6 box lunches".
Our first clue something was different was the fact that the lunches were in fancy brown boxes with a decorative scroll on them. Imagine our surprise when we open the box and find a cold lobster tail, assorted nice vegetables all carved into tasteful designs, a box of exotic fruit juices, and a fresh baked jumbo cookie.
The Catch: The Defense Minister, The Chief of Defense Staff and 4 senior staffers were being flown to an out station on a CF Buffalo. Since the flight was over the lunch hour the squadron had ordered catering, six "special" box lunches to be specific......
The Next Day: I was peremptorily summoned to the CO's office
and confronted by a very angry Chief of Staff to the CDS. He accused me of stealing the "special" box lunches and embarrassing the Chief in front of the Minister by making him eat a standard CF Box Lunch.
I explained the young helper had simply taken the box lunches he was given and that if there was a mix up it was at the galley. Then because I was a Jacky young JO I added " I always thought it was OK for the senior officers to eat the same food as the troops". This statement was meant with a stony silence and a one word reply...... "Dismissed !"
I can still remember the taste of that delicious lobster tail
The Evil Deed: A Canadian Forces "box lunch". This was a white cardboard box with one sandwich consisting of mushy white bread around a lump of mystery meat and a piece of limp lettuce. It was accompanied by a mushy partly brown apple and a box of milk already past its best before date.
The Story: Us 4 Junior Officers were told we had to re-qualify on the Browning 9mm pistol. We set off to the range with an instructor and a new recruit helper and after the mornings' fun sent the helper off to the galley to get our box lunches. He stops the first galley wallah he sees and tells him he he is here to "pick up the 6 box lunches".
Our first clue something was different was the fact that the lunches were in fancy brown boxes with a decorative scroll on them. Imagine our surprise when we open the box and find a cold lobster tail, assorted nice vegetables all carved into tasteful designs, a box of exotic fruit juices, and a fresh baked jumbo cookie.
The Catch: The Defense Minister, The Chief of Defense Staff and 4 senior staffers were being flown to an out station on a CF Buffalo. Since the flight was over the lunch hour the squadron had ordered catering, six "special" box lunches to be specific......
The Next Day: I was peremptorily summoned to the CO's office
and confronted by a very angry Chief of Staff to the CDS. He accused me of stealing the "special" box lunches and embarrassing the Chief in front of the Minister by making him eat a standard CF Box Lunch.I explained the young helper had simply taken the box lunches he was given and that if there was a mix up it was at the galley. Then because I was a Jacky young JO I added " I always thought it was OK for the senior officers to eat the same food as the troops". This statement was meant with a stony silence and a one word reply...... "Dismissed !"
I can still remember the taste of that delicious lobster tail
Last edited by Big Pistons Forever; 13th Mar 2014 at 17:06.
A TRUE tale of accidental greed. Details hazy, smell well remembered.
Whilst awaiting a MQ and CallFam at JHQ Rheindahlen I lived in.
Our evening shift in the Main Met Office ended at [I think] 2100. This being after normal dinner time entailed booking a late meal, and this was done at breakfast time.
So I asked the corporal what was on offer. "Nice piece of steak sir, chips, onions etc etc". A no-brainer.
Around 1200 I wandered into the dining room for a quick lunch before work, greeted by a fabulous smell of steak, onions, chips. A no-brainer.
Did the evening shift, back on the bike downhill, and went in to dine. Fabulous steak, onions, chips as pre-ordered.
The deja vu moment took ages to happen. If I had my time all over again I would do it again, too.
When I read the sorry tales about Messes, dining and behaviour these days I thank my lucky stars that I am well out of it and had the best years. Professional RAF Mess staff, and old-school PMCs. Thanks corporal!
Whilst awaiting a MQ and CallFam at JHQ Rheindahlen I lived in.
Our evening shift in the Main Met Office ended at [I think] 2100. This being after normal dinner time entailed booking a late meal, and this was done at breakfast time.
So I asked the corporal what was on offer. "Nice piece of steak sir, chips, onions etc etc". A no-brainer.
Around 1200 I wandered into the dining room for a quick lunch before work, greeted by a fabulous smell of steak, onions, chips. A no-brainer.
Did the evening shift, back on the bike downhill, and went in to dine. Fabulous steak, onions, chips as pre-ordered.
The deja vu moment took ages to happen. If I had my time all over again I would do it again, too.
When I read the sorry tales about Messes, dining and behaviour these days I thank my lucky stars that I am well out of it and had the best years. Professional RAF Mess staff, and old-school PMCs. Thanks corporal!
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
However back in the 60s we had an outstanding Doctor who had been rushed in to uniform so quickly that he missed the knife, fork and spoon course at Cranditz. He had also not done any aviation medicine training.
It fell to us JOs to teach him etiquette and AvMed. He was an avid learner.
Now he noticed that dining-in nights, which were popular, were allocated by units and taken up by marrieds. He pointed out to the PMC that the Mess, while being the social centre of the station was also his home and it was a rank discourtesy excluding him, or any other livers in from the DI. (I did say he was an avid learner).
Thereafter all dining in places were offered to livers in and only the spare places were then offered to the livers out. It worked brilliantly.
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Ottawa
Age: 53
Posts: 170
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
PN,
Good story and that young Doctor was a quick learner.
I only left one dining-in night directly after the meal. While I was in a certain tandem rotor helicopter IPT, and for some reason that I couldn’t fathom, the section head decided to call a 3-line-whip at Taranto night at a secret RNAS airfield south of Bristol. WokkaDoctor (note he wasn't Canadian until after later) nursed one glass of wine throughout the meal and the skits, then drank water at the Loyal Toast. I waited until senior members and guests had exited the room (turning right to head for the bar), left it a few more minutes for the rest of the JOs to leave, then made a be-line for the door and turned left to the foyer just as my boss was exiting the boys room; being a bit worse for ware he started to offer to buy me a drink - without breaking step I wished him a good evening, walked briskly out of the building and drove home. Nothing was said the following Monday, I think those that stayed got so drunk that they forgot that I’d left early.
Good story and that young Doctor was a quick learner.
I only left one dining-in night directly after the meal. While I was in a certain tandem rotor helicopter IPT, and for some reason that I couldn’t fathom, the section head decided to call a 3-line-whip at Taranto night at a secret RNAS airfield south of Bristol. WokkaDoctor (note he wasn't Canadian until after later) nursed one glass of wine throughout the meal and the skits, then drank water at the Loyal Toast. I waited until senior members and guests had exited the room (turning right to head for the bar), left it a few more minutes for the rest of the JOs to leave, then made a be-line for the door and turned left to the foyer just as my boss was exiting the boys room; being a bit worse for ware he started to offer to buy me a drink - without breaking step I wished him a good evening, walked briskly out of the building and drove home. Nothing was said the following Monday, I think those that stayed got so drunk that they forgot that I’d left early.
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 206
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Only once did I ask to be excused in such a manner. In my defence, I had just broken my nose during a game of mess rugby and was quite spectacularly bleeding from both nostrils over my mess kit and the bar carpet, so no offence appeared to have been taken...
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 461
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Just seen this - Brilliant!
I've just seen this, brilliant piece of work
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OISUSSff0Zg&app=desktop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OISUSSff0Zg&app=desktop
The acid test is:
will the General be amused?
Let us hope so.
will the General be amused?
Let us hope so.
RAF Mess life was murdered in the late 1980's - I was a witness. There were 3 main killers:
1) Different rules for different people. After the 'Fighter Pilot' Beans-on-Toast incident, fast jet aircrew were required to live-in until LCR. So, a graduate fighter pilot could not be trusted to live-out until age 25, but an LAC scribbly could live out at 18. I challenge anyone to find a bigger insult within an institution. VSO credibility subterranean; and even more depressing was that your leadership actually thought it would work.
2) Mindless penny pinching. The entire point of mess life was that it was stress-free. Jobsworth systems (I won't blame the individuals) requiring you to fill myriad forms in, and taking myriad 50p's off you for services you hadn't asked for or used made mess life a pain. PAYD just mutilated the body.
3) Enforcement. The RAF decided to bring in PACE and chase down every little rule infraction. I remember my first 2am kitchen raid in 1983 - my biggest worry was slipping on the rope down from the skylight, as I would have hit Harry Staish who was leading the raid. By 1989, a colleague was involved in a kitchen raid disciplinary case that dragged on for 7 months, to no ultimate effect.
Mess membership dropped by over 50% in one year, and 75% in two - and it's all been downhill from there.
By contrast
I pitched up at an RNAS airfield with a broken jet. PMC-equivalent rigidly forbade us from using any facilities in flying kit, then immediately detailed 2 suitably sized fellow officers to provide us with regulation rig and host us for our entire stay. Proper standards. And since our jet broke whilst providing a Navy Day demo, we didn't have to buy a drink either.
1) Different rules for different people. After the 'Fighter Pilot' Beans-on-Toast incident, fast jet aircrew were required to live-in until LCR. So, a graduate fighter pilot could not be trusted to live-out until age 25, but an LAC scribbly could live out at 18. I challenge anyone to find a bigger insult within an institution. VSO credibility subterranean; and even more depressing was that your leadership actually thought it would work.
2) Mindless penny pinching. The entire point of mess life was that it was stress-free. Jobsworth systems (I won't blame the individuals) requiring you to fill myriad forms in, and taking myriad 50p's off you for services you hadn't asked for or used made mess life a pain. PAYD just mutilated the body.
3) Enforcement. The RAF decided to bring in PACE and chase down every little rule infraction. I remember my first 2am kitchen raid in 1983 - my biggest worry was slipping on the rope down from the skylight, as I would have hit Harry Staish who was leading the raid. By 1989, a colleague was involved in a kitchen raid disciplinary case that dragged on for 7 months, to no ultimate effect.
Mess membership dropped by over 50% in one year, and 75% in two - and it's all been downhill from there.
By contrast
My first experience of a none Flag wardroom was Culdrose in '76. In normal conversation, the Air Force was derided for allowing working rig (eg growbags) in their Mess. The Navy only allowed it in the ante room. I was a bit miffed at the time as I was still largely Real Air Force orientated. Years and experience, though, revealed the logic. Let go of one standard and a shed load of others follow it.
Looks like the chaps have been eating too many pies as well 
RAF fatties ordered to lose their excess cargo | The Sunday Times
RAF fatties ordered to lose their excess cargo | The Sunday Times
Al-bert wrote:
It must be such fun in today's RAF if that's the sort of thing with which the top brass bother themselves.....
Looks like the chaps have been eating too many pies as well
RAF fatties ordered to lose their excess cargo | The Sunday Times
RAF fatties ordered to lose their excess cargo | The Sunday Times