Dining In, Dining Out and Mess Fun
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Dining-in at Sleaford Tech - cast includes baby pilots & engineers. Suitably inebriated student pilot sent to get ball for mess rugby. Returns with hat (covered in shiny gold bits) he found on big table in mess entrance. Hat duly destroyed. Hats owner suitably distaught and not cheered up by prospect of lengthy, but fruitless, witch hunt to identify perpetrator! All present (only students of course) duly put on enforced alcohol-free diet for a week or two. The OC BFTS involved was the same who had the CFI 1021'd for carrying a flying suit in a coffin into the bar in Tr*nch*rd after coveralls was banned as suitable rig to wear when having a beer.........happy days
I was simply trying to stop it being perpetuated once more.
Spoilsport! As Mark Twain may, or may not, have said "Never let the facts get in the way of a good story."
However, your desire to set the record straight is highly commendable, even if it took four years.
Jack
Spoilsport! As Mark Twain may, or may not, have said "Never let the facts get in the way of a good story."
However, your desire to set the record straight is highly commendable, even if it took four years.Jack
Kodakman:
Piano burning - several Squadrons used to have an OIC piano acquisition due to the consumption rate. They'd even be shipped on overseas detachments marked "engine spares" to ensure supply.
One Brawdy Air Show party in the '80s was an excellent effort. Piano burning was banned by the PMC due to having the 'player' become a 'burner' once too often. A humongous replica was built outside on the croquet lawn from ex-Summer Ball backdrops, avtur and triggered by Canberra starting cartridges. The subsequent conflagration was magnificent, as was the response at 9am Sunday when a new croquet lawn was required, by lunchtime.
Piano burning - several Squadrons used to have an OIC piano acquisition due to the consumption rate. They'd even be shipped on overseas detachments marked "engine spares" to ensure supply.
One Brawdy Air Show party in the '80s was an excellent effort. Piano burning was banned by the PMC due to having the 'player' become a 'burner' once too often. A humongous replica was built outside on the croquet lawn from ex-Summer Ball backdrops, avtur and triggered by Canberra starting cartridges. The subsequent conflagration was magnificent, as was the response at 9am Sunday when a new croquet lawn was required, by lunchtime.
There used to be a notice on the side of the piano in the OM bar at RAF Brawdy which said something along the lines of "Should anyone consider that their ex-squadron traditions include burning pianos, you may burn this one provided that it is then replaced at a cost of £___" - and the current replacement cost was displayed under some perspex attached to the notice.
In 1976 it was around £500, if I recall correctly!
Some Lightning mob did manage to burn the 'wrong' piano at RAF Valley whilst on STCAAME det, I understand.....
As for that sector conference at RAF Leeming on Friday 29 November 1985, the cost of getting the mess table re-polished was considerable! Thanks mainly to the Lightning mob who did the 'matchstick across the top' trick on all the candles, covering the table in hot wax. Another of their gang decided to put a thunderflash into a copper plant pot on an antique table. Grab plant, pull out attached to clod of earth, insert fizzing pyro, replace in plant pot and retire to safe distance anticipating a loud bang and showers of earth......
....but that didn't happen. There was a muffled "whoomp", the plant and earth didn't move much, but the copper plant pot certainly did - downwards! It split the antique table in half as though hit by a sledgehammer - it then collapsed in a heap of wood, earth, plant and pot
. Yet more added to the overall bill, split amongst everyone who attended.
We flew back to Brize rather quietly the next day in our Mk2 Vickers FunBus (ZA141) - with navigator Womph looking very smart in green grow bag with No. 5 shoes; someone else had flown the jet up and Womph had forgotten to bring his flying boots!
Splendid event though - CC was the President for the night.
Although tricks such as nitrogen tri-iodide sandwiched between 2 layers of knee-pad hidden under the block, which makes a surprisingly loud bang when struck by the gavel before dinner (Chivenor), or cling film stretched across the ladies loo seats (Cranwell) are reasonably well known, as is enlisting a dentist to drill tiny holes in the top table's wine glasses (Honignton), a more recent piece of villainy involves fabloning 'adult material' underneath the top table's place mats (Brize Norton) - which is then revealed when the mess staff remove everything else prior to the loyal toast....
A carefully positioned piece of plastic tubing, windscreen washer pump and water reservoir connected to a hidden battery can be fun - if aimed at the PMC's trousers. In mid-speech there's just a quite whirring sound, followed by a large wet patch on the PMC's willy area.....
In 1976 it was around £500, if I recall correctly!
Some Lightning mob did manage to burn the 'wrong' piano at RAF Valley whilst on STCAAME det, I understand.....
As for that sector conference at RAF Leeming on Friday 29 November 1985, the cost of getting the mess table re-polished was considerable! Thanks mainly to the Lightning mob who did the 'matchstick across the top' trick on all the candles, covering the table in hot wax. Another of their gang decided to put a thunderflash into a copper plant pot on an antique table. Grab plant, pull out attached to clod of earth, insert fizzing pyro, replace in plant pot and retire to safe distance anticipating a loud bang and showers of earth......
....but that didn't happen. There was a muffled "whoomp", the plant and earth didn't move much, but the copper plant pot certainly did - downwards! It split the antique table in half as though hit by a sledgehammer - it then collapsed in a heap of wood, earth, plant and pot
. Yet more added to the overall bill, split amongst everyone who attended.We flew back to Brize rather quietly the next day in our Mk2 Vickers FunBus (ZA141) - with navigator Womph looking very smart in green grow bag with No. 5 shoes; someone else had flown the jet up and Womph had forgotten to bring his flying boots!
Splendid event though - CC was the President for the night.
Although tricks such as nitrogen tri-iodide sandwiched between 2 layers of knee-pad hidden under the block, which makes a surprisingly loud bang when struck by the gavel before dinner (Chivenor), or cling film stretched across the ladies loo seats (Cranwell) are reasonably well known, as is enlisting a dentist to drill tiny holes in the top table's wine glasses (Honignton), a more recent piece of villainy involves fabloning 'adult material' underneath the top table's place mats (Brize Norton) - which is then revealed when the mess staff remove everything else prior to the loyal toast....
A carefully positioned piece of plastic tubing, windscreen washer pump and water reservoir connected to a hidden battery can be fun - if aimed at the PMC's trousers. In mid-speech there's just a quite whirring sound, followed by a large wet patch on the PMC's willy area.....
Last edited by BEagle; 13th Nov 2011 at 23:28.
Gentleman Aviator
a more recent piece of villainy involves fabloning 'adult material' underneath the top table's place mats (Brize Norton) - which is then revealed when the mess staff remove everything else prior to the loyal toast...
I was flanked by attractive WRAFs who I feared (all right - hoped
) might really be strippers, but conversation proved otherwise. (But Hazel probably did the business later on.)Expecting something throughout the meal, I checked ever glass, utensil and foodstuff to no avail - and then was caught (as you suggest) when the place mat was removed. Cue apparent shock from WRAFs (yeah right) and self trying to hide the display with untidily folded arms ......
Happy Days .....
I was tasked one Christmas lunch to booby trap the Mess Pres of a certain Joint Services Officers' Mess with the foil-wrapped contents of an F77 'puffer det' taped to the underside of his place at the table. As he rose to speak, I initiated the charge whereupon he disappeared in a cloud of white smoke.
He must have briefed his relief because the following year, the new Mess Pres invited the Guest of Honour to sit in his place instead.
He must have briefed his relief because the following year, the new Mess Pres invited the Guest of Honour to sit in his place instead.
Dining-ins, Dining-outs - great fun, completely unrepeatable out in civvie street. With the flying, it really is part of great fun and companionship that we look back on. Great times.
The OCU departure at Honington - rockets firing - bit scary but we had enough to drink to enjoy the fireworks!!
I remember jumping onto the table at Laarbruch in my Superman outfit (hidden under the mess kit) when OC XV said, completely unrehearesed, that 16 looked upon us as supermen!! LOL
Plus Friday night happy hours, and piano burnings - 45-25-25, so sorry that you had to ban me from the Mess for 3 months!
I joined the commercial world and would travel 1st Class - but it was never the same. Thanks for the memories
The OCU departure at Honington - rockets firing - bit scary but we had enough to drink to enjoy the fireworks!!
I remember jumping onto the table at Laarbruch in my Superman outfit (hidden under the mess kit) when OC XV said, completely unrehearesed, that 16 looked upon us as supermen!! LOL
Plus Friday night happy hours, and piano burnings - 45-25-25, so sorry that you had to ban me from the Mess for 3 months!
I joined the commercial world and would travel 1st Class - but it was never the same. Thanks for the memories
Not that recent BEags, first happened to me more than 20 years ago at Shawbury at a CFS(H) DIN which coincided with a significant birthday of mine.
. I hate to think how/where the perpetrators obtained it, but the effect upon their victim was rather.....startling!
BBadanov,
I was at the Bucc OCU dining out at Honington and remember it well, There was a splendid model of a Bucc, equipped with four Martels, affixed to the rear wall of the dining room.
After the loyal toast a whining noise could be heard from the model and shortly after one of the Martels fired and lodged itself in the wall adjacent to the kitchen door. The perpetrator of this episode, allegedly L** W******g, had also devised a warhead, which then blew a hole in the wall. Splendid.
The rest of the evening in the bar was punctuated by various pyrotechnic events to accompany the singing and other ribaldry.
The funny thing was that the new staish, who was just about to take over, ( T***** N******s) observed all this activity with an increasing sense of humour failure. The departing staish, the young P**** H*****g, watched on with amusement as he knew he was departing the fix.
Happy days!
I was at the Bucc OCU dining out at Honington and remember it well, There was a splendid model of a Bucc, equipped with four Martels, affixed to the rear wall of the dining room.
After the loyal toast a whining noise could be heard from the model and shortly after one of the Martels fired and lodged itself in the wall adjacent to the kitchen door. The perpetrator of this episode, allegedly L** W******g, had also devised a warhead, which then blew a hole in the wall. Splendid.
The rest of the evening in the bar was punctuated by various pyrotechnic events to accompany the singing and other ribaldry.
The funny thing was that the new staish, who was just about to take over, ( T***** N******s) observed all this activity with an increasing sense of humour failure. The departing staish, the young P**** H*****g, watched on with amusement as he knew he was departing the fix.
Happy days!
After the loyal toast a whining noise could be heard from the model and shortly after one of the Martels fired and lodged itself in the wall adjacent to the kitchen door. The perpetrator of this episode, allegedly L** W******g, had also devised a warhead, which then blew a hole in the wall. Splendid.
IMMSMR, we all threw in for the repairs to the wall and the door to the kitchen... and then went to Lossie. Good bothy up there, and good Balls.
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I thought it was rocket pods rather than Martel but who cares! It was all electrically initiated with LW sitting with the battery and 2 wires ready to connect at the precise moment!
Didn't the rocket skim the heads of those present to a shout of 'Duck'!
Remember well being told at my first (operational) Dining In on my first tour that I needed to preposition my gas mask and tin hat underneath the table prior to dinner at LLK in 1972!
As soon as the glasses hit the tables after the Loyal Toast, the XV Sqn tables were rolled over to form a barricade, gas masks and tin hats adorned and then the flour bomb assault on II Sqn (on the far leg) commenced! We beat them as they didn't have any protective clothing with them!!!!!
Buccs 1 Phantoms 0
Foldie
Didn't the rocket skim the heads of those present to a shout of 'Duck'!
Remember well being told at my first (operational) Dining In on my first tour that I needed to preposition my gas mask and tin hat underneath the table prior to dinner at LLK in 1972!
As soon as the glasses hit the tables after the Loyal Toast, the XV Sqn tables were rolled over to form a barricade, gas masks and tin hats adorned and then the flour bomb assault on II Sqn (on the far leg) commenced! We beat them as they didn't have any protective clothing with them!!!!!
Buccs 1 Phantoms 0
Foldie
Nixor ut Ledo
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Not a DI but merely an extremely convivial evening in the bar of THOM at Sleaford Tech where we were in the final stages of professional training. There were two groups of us - our large and boisterous party and a more sedate, well dressed and older party.
Time came for bar closing so we passed round the hat for the barman to keep it open. The older party declined (probably past their bed time) and went to one of the booths to finish their drinks and keep a little away from the noise.
It was a bit of a surprise then when one of that party, a little while later, wanders up to the bar and orders another round of drinks. Not on. A quiet word was passed but - nothing - no contribution!
Fair game. A lot of loud and ribald comments were passed until the older party became too embarrassed and left.
Anyway, once we had all been assembled the following morning to hear the passed on diatribe from the Commandant of RAFC who had been embarrassed in front of his visiting very senior officer guests we realised that, perhaps, we ought to have recognised him from his pic in the guardroom.
It was then that I realised that, no matter how high you climb up the greasy pole, if they don't do the manners bit right at OCTU/IOT then it stands out - you can't really polish a turd even if has got gold braid.
Time came for bar closing so we passed round the hat for the barman to keep it open. The older party declined (probably past their bed time) and went to one of the booths to finish their drinks and keep a little away from the noise.
It was a bit of a surprise then when one of that party, a little while later, wanders up to the bar and orders another round of drinks. Not on. A quiet word was passed but - nothing - no contribution!
Fair game. A lot of loud and ribald comments were passed until the older party became too embarrassed and left.
Anyway, once we had all been assembled the following morning to hear the passed on diatribe from the Commandant of RAFC who had been embarrassed in front of his visiting very senior officer guests we realised that, perhaps, we ought to have recognised him from his pic in the guardroom.
It was then that I realised that, no matter how high you climb up the greasy pole, if they don't do the manners bit right at OCTU/IOT then it stands out - you can't really polish a turd even if has got gold braid.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
The incoming OC should never attend the farewell to the outgoing OC. He will learn how popular the old man was and how difficult an act it would be to follow.
He may also learn things he might better have not learnt.
I don't recall in all my time ever having an incoming boss at the farewell of an outgoing one at any level.
Mess fun, but subtle, oh! so subtle!
Training base. Big re-jigging of urinals, baths, washbasins in progress. Two naughty Met. men in short-term residence.
Students overheard, as they were meant to, the naughty men discussing how difficult life would be at 3 AM after Works and Bricks had installed urine detectors in the some of the wash basin S bends.
Six months later one of the Met. men, back again for a short stay, was solemly warned about about the detectors by a student.
Did same thing at JHQ 10 years later, and it worked again.
No fool like a young fool!
Training base. Big re-jigging of urinals, baths, washbasins in progress. Two naughty Met. men in short-term residence.
Students overheard, as they were meant to, the naughty men discussing how difficult life would be at 3 AM after Works and Bricks had installed urine detectors in the some of the wash basin S bends.
Six months later one of the Met. men, back again for a short stay, was solemly warned about about the detectors by a student.
Did same thing at JHQ 10 years later, and it worked again.
No fool like a young fool!
Victor B1a
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The Valley Piano
BEagle,
Could this be the Lightning mob in for the W/E in 1974.
Their Boss had achieved 2000 hrs. on type.
A big party ensued on the Saturday night and too many pyros were loaded into the piano. It was outside the bar on the terrace.
When it went up half the glazing dissapeared on the south side of the building.
The french doors to the bar were open and the curtains caught fire.
I got a gash ride next morning in a T5 for helping to organise the operation.
M 1.7 down the Irish Sea before Breaky is a great way to cure a hangover.
Could this be the Lightning mob in for the W/E in 1974.
Their Boss had achieved 2000 hrs. on type.
A big party ensued on the Saturday night and too many pyros were loaded into the piano. It was outside the bar on the terrace.
When it went up half the glazing dissapeared on the south side of the building.
The french doors to the bar were open and the curtains caught fire.
I got a gash ride next morning in a T5 for helping to organise the operation.
M 1.7 down the Irish Sea before Breaky is a great way to cure a hangover.
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PN, you clearly never met T***** N******* or TNT as he was known! A previous F4 man and former OC XV Sqn Buccs, he was the first GR1 Staish at TWCU. I arrived there for my GR1 Cse after TTTE and having thrown my bag in my room, grabbing a tie in my haste, rushed to the bar for a few beers with mates. TNT was there that Sunday night. He eventually came over to me and said: 'if you think that tie will help you through this course, think again!'. I had grabbed my XV Sqn tie and he had completely misinterpreted my intent, which was only to be properly dressed!
Welcome (back) to Honington, Foldie!
A man not troubled by self doubt, he did and went whatever and wherever he wanted!
Welcome (back) to Honington, Foldie!
A man not troubled by self doubt, he did and went whatever and wherever he wanted!
Last edited by foldingwings; 15th Nov 2011 at 08:18.
dmussen, I think that might have been the event! I arrived at 4FTS in January 1975 and people were still talking about the Lightning mob's villainy!
Another 'Lightning visitors v. OM Valley' happened a few months later. We'd been summoned to listen to a presentation about the Buccaneer late one afternoon. When the navigator did his bit and flashed up complicated slides about Bunt Retard, AutoDSL etc. etc., eyelids began to droop and people were in danger of nodding off in the late afternoon sun-filled ante-room....
....until, that is, with a mighty roar a departing Lightning det beat seven shades of $hit out of the mess in a long line astern tail chase. They then pulled up over Caergolliwg, causing yet more mayhem. Stn Cdr 'Tojo' stormed out of the room with a face like thunder and we could hear the phone conversation he had with the Lightning Stn Cdr from the ante-room! The ex-WIWOL QFIs thought it was hilarious - which was more than could be said for the Bucc nav!
Another 'Lightning visitors v. OM Valley' happened a few months later. We'd been summoned to listen to a presentation about the Buccaneer late one afternoon. When the navigator did his bit and flashed up complicated slides about Bunt Retard, AutoDSL etc. etc., eyelids began to droop and people were in danger of nodding off in the late afternoon sun-filled ante-room....
....until, that is, with a mighty roar a departing Lightning det beat seven shades of $hit out of the mess in a long line astern tail chase. They then pulled up over Caergolliwg, causing yet more mayhem. Stn Cdr 'Tojo' stormed out of the room with a face like thunder and we could hear the phone conversation he had with the Lightning Stn Cdr from the ante-room! The ex-WIWOL QFIs thought it was hilarious - which was more than could be said for the Bucc nav!
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Good dits, chaps! Busy at the moment, but will come up with something for you later. Cyprus Mess always a good source of fun. I tried Googling "dining-in nights" to widen your net a bit, but only found mess rules etc. Mind you, I only delved 3 or 4 pages into it.
If you publish all the stories here, no one needs to pay for the book, do they?
If you publish all the stories here, no one needs to pay for the book, do they?