Dining In, Dining Out and Mess Fun
 

I have read many accounts of hillarious activities that have occurred at Dining In, Dining Out, Mess parties, Beer calls etc. I would like to compile details of such events from those involved. Any air arm, any period. The more riotous, the better. There must be thousands of great stories out there, so please do not keep them to yourself.

Please could service personnel contact me on my email, [email protected].

Thanks very much for your co-operation.

Robert "Bob" Archer
Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk

How are we going to divide the royalties? Will it be per word in the witty anecdote or what?

Inquiring minds and all that...

Sorry, havn't thought about that. Just wanted to get hold of some of the thousands of wonderful stories. Been reading Tom Eeles book when he was at Honnie with the Bucc. Wonderful tales about Dining Out the Bucc OCU. Really funny. There must be so many more tales to be told.

Bob

Well, if you intend to publish these tales then 10% of any sales should just about cover any of my stories. I don't want to be greedy. Got to supplement my forthcoming pension somehow.

Copyright could be an issue.

Maybe trawl all the previous posts in Pprune, get names, promise cash.

The 1 Gp dining-in night deserves a whle chapter on its own.

See http://www.pprune.org/military-aircr...addington.html

:\

Great idea - especially the bit about 40% of profits to H4H!

Of course, most of these stories will have to be taken with a pinch of salt, as they will have been embellished with repeated telling and of course the perpertrators and the witnesses were already suitably imbibed at the time, therefore the details of the event should be treated as suspect on recounting ("your honour!").

Also, some details are deliberately left out or misleading in order to protect the guilty - or innocent bystanders. (You decide!).

One such episode which I can mention with some authority, although if pressed will admit that it's just hearsay ("your honour") is regarding an event at a RAF training base in the 1980s where a Friday night Dining in was made a three line whip as such events were far from popular. The mess was a dreary place built in the 1960s and looking more like council offices rather than a place of fun and jolity, and most of the pilot students would much rather be on the road to somewhere better - going to shag their girlfriends. Add the fact that the Mess was shared with engineer students who ruled the roost and made the student pilot's life miserable with every chance they got - the pressed pilots were particualarly unhappy to be there that evening.

Also, it had been decided that for ''training purposes'' the Mess should have a student PMC and it was he who would preside over the Dinner. This student was an senior engineer student who was universallyunpopulor, even amongst his enginnering peers - and as the engineers hadn't been subject to the three line whip was presiding over majority of pissed off pilots.

Now some of us pilots (not saying who) had already planned the after dinner entertainment. The student PMC owned a classic British sports car which was his pride and joy. It was considered that it would be amusing to see his face when it was declared a "burner" and even funnier when the act was done. Now, these pilots had prepared for this jolly jape by going to a scrapyard and purchasing a similar car, hastily painting it in the correct colour so that at a distance in the dark, it would look like the PMCs. Unfortunately, the scheme was good in concept, but faulty in execution. The planners had failed to anticipate the emotion of the pilot mob after such a dreary dinner and as soon as the call to burn the PMCs car went up (after the loyal toast of course) the mob immeidately acted on the call - even before the speeches. The real car had been removed from the Pseudo PMC's parking slot outside the mess, but the replacement had not yet been parked. The mob headed for the car park, found the real car and burned it!





I went back to this station a few years later, as an instructor. The event was still mentioned, but in whispers and hushed tones, as apparently the Police case was still open! :(

Nice one.

And I still wonder how the senior course got the Station Commander's car on top of SHQ at South Cerney, it was the old style round-back Standard Vanguard.

In contrast getting OC Training's mini between two trees at Lindholm was a PoP; watching him drive it out was better. MT replaced the bumpers before he was up the next day.

>In contrast getting OC Training's mini between two trees at Lindholm was a PoP; watching him drive it out was better.<

Getting our CFI's car on axle stands was a PoP. Watching him try to drive off next morning without having done a walkround was entertaining. Dire threats of groundings were vetoed by the Boss on account of the fact that the latter had assisted in the malfeasance.

Remember lifting a creamie QFIs souped-up Mini into the Mess Foyer at Syerston - the wide wheels gave very little clearance through the double-doors. :E

However, game set and match to said creamie (P*** D****k*r) who jumped in and drove it out at great speed. :eek:

The 1 Group Dinner
 

The 1 Group Dinner is a great story but is it true?

I have heard the story with embellishments over the years and met a guy who said he was researching a book about it. However, I have never met anybody who was there, nobody can give me the name of a reliable witness, there is no mention of a Group dinner in the Forms 540 of the main or contributing units and when I ask a question, the responses are all of the 'well, so and so said...........'.

The dinner must have taken place between Nov 56 and May 59 and the CinC for the period was Broadhurst and the AOC 1 Gp was AVM G A Walker both long departed.

It's a great story, strong on the action but weak on the veracity.

Old Duffer

Old Duffer,

When I was at MUAS in the late 1960s, one of the QFIs was a Vulcan pilot - P**** M***s. He was at the 1 Gp DIN and would regale us students with amusing tales of the chaos and debauchery. I particularly remember the ensuing transport shambles after all the coach destination boards had been changed. Apparently it took days to get all the crews crews back to their proper stations!

I am currently at home feeling grotty and sorry for myself - or at least I was until I found this thread and followed BEagles link. The ensuing laughter has done me the world of good although the dogs seem to be doubting my sanity and are giving me funny looks. Thank you. :D :D :D :D :D

Minis have a 3/4" clearance on each side for mess foyer doors.
We put it in, at Waddington I think, and the MT section took it out in the wee hours (without asking us to shift it) and damaged the doors in the process. They billed us, but we successfully argued that if a bunch of drunken aircrew can put it in without damage, then it was MT incompetence that damaged it.

Minis will also fit into ****** University college rooms, but you need a welding torch.:E

I had heard tell you can get minis into some bomb bays.................

Perhaps some bomber mate can enlighten us?

Corsa went through the doors at Lossiemouth and into the Bar, there was an interesting photo of 3 different Sqn bosses on the roof of said car, with the fire hose filling it up! The ensuing stand up bollocking in the OM for all who attended the lunch of the year was even funnier.

Ivor

Minis? Huh .....
 

...who was the guilty party who took a JCB up the flight of steps to the main door of the mess at St Mawgan and into the foyer?
Come Monday the JCB driver couldn't get it out and stood back as the original miscreant was summoned from the squadron to remove it. An artist at work.

The Ancient Mariner

O-D, no, all true. BB and Gus were guests and not in post. It was in 1965 as it was the 25th anniversary. It would have been around June-July and crews used to do annual refresher training at the OCU and BCBS every year and it came around like clockwork. I was at Lindholme that day and returned to Cottesmore that night.

All I will say is that we left Lindholme in sufficient time to arrive at Waddo at our designated slot time. There were 34 navs on the bus but only one staff navigator as opposed to nav radar. I remember passing the Liberal Club in Lincoln before turning left into Broadgate. We arrived at the mess with immaculate timing on the minute - only problem we were at Scampton.

This was not too important as we still had some beer remaining in the barrels that had been thoughtfully installed to deaden the pain.

Anything else you require verification I am happy to answer.

usual excuses and waivers apply

Would someone please tell the story about chain-sawing the dining tables?
Great story, best told by someone with the full facts!

Thanks,
lsh
:E

No wonder you arrived at the wrong airfield.