Marriage Breakdown and life in the Block
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Marriage Breakdown and life in the Block
As yet another statistic in todays modern military I speak as someone whose marriage has ended.
After 10 years living out in both rented places and unfurnished FMQ's I have obviously accumulated a lot of stuff.
However, I am under the impression (and hopefully someone can tell me if I'm wrong) that now I have been forced back into SLA I can expect to receive zero help whatsover in terms of Service provided storage for my worldly goods, or even a few quid to hire a van to transport my stuff anywhere.
I cannot afford to even look in a property paper down here (West London) and get moved along when staring glass-eyed through estate agents windows so my hand has been forced on this issue.
The room I have been offered in the Barrack Block is, not to put to fine a point on it, disgraceful. The fact it is in the same block I lived in 15 years ago is also screwing with my mind a little.
I'm not prepared to become a welfare case and go crying to anyone, but if the military could offer free storage just until I get my life in order and back on my feet, I think it would go a long way to keeping my morale up, therefore making me more useful in my primary duties.
I know I am not the only person in this position and this isn't so much a whinge or a cry for sympathy (from you lot? Yeah right!!) but more a plea to the 'man' to look after those of us (and there ARE a lot) that have to give everything up.
I appreciate if I was in a 'normal' job it would be daft to expect my employer to assist, but I'm sure the military has an abundance of spare space in any number of storage depots that could be utilised by people like me.
Maybe there is...and I just don't know about it, and that info doesn't get offered by our HR staff...
The pisser for me personally is that I have been selected for promotion to SNCO but as yet have no date (New Year is all I've been told) and the Sgts Mess accomodation on my particular unit is a million percent better than the hovel I am going to move into!
Is there any system in place whereby although not physically wearing the rank yet, there would be a possibility of moving into the Mess 'early' or would I just be embarrassing myself and the PMC if I even suggested it?
Would appreciate any advice - don't bother with 'toughen up and deal with it' as I can assure you I am more than capable of that, and of the self help, and taking the hit in my wallet, I just feel that its perhaps an area of duty of care that could be looked at a little.
CC
After 10 years living out in both rented places and unfurnished FMQ's I have obviously accumulated a lot of stuff.
However, I am under the impression (and hopefully someone can tell me if I'm wrong) that now I have been forced back into SLA I can expect to receive zero help whatsover in terms of Service provided storage for my worldly goods, or even a few quid to hire a van to transport my stuff anywhere.
I cannot afford to even look in a property paper down here (West London) and get moved along when staring glass-eyed through estate agents windows so my hand has been forced on this issue.
The room I have been offered in the Barrack Block is, not to put to fine a point on it, disgraceful. The fact it is in the same block I lived in 15 years ago is also screwing with my mind a little.
I'm not prepared to become a welfare case and go crying to anyone, but if the military could offer free storage just until I get my life in order and back on my feet, I think it would go a long way to keeping my morale up, therefore making me more useful in my primary duties.
I know I am not the only person in this position and this isn't so much a whinge or a cry for sympathy (from you lot? Yeah right!!) but more a plea to the 'man' to look after those of us (and there ARE a lot) that have to give everything up.
I appreciate if I was in a 'normal' job it would be daft to expect my employer to assist, but I'm sure the military has an abundance of spare space in any number of storage depots that could be utilised by people like me.
Maybe there is...and I just don't know about it, and that info doesn't get offered by our HR staff...
The pisser for me personally is that I have been selected for promotion to SNCO but as yet have no date (New Year is all I've been told) and the Sgts Mess accomodation on my particular unit is a million percent better than the hovel I am going to move into!
Is there any system in place whereby although not physically wearing the rank yet, there would be a possibility of moving into the Mess 'early' or would I just be embarrassing myself and the PMC if I even suggested it?
Would appreciate any advice - don't bother with 'toughen up and deal with it' as I can assure you I am more than capable of that, and of the self help, and taking the hit in my wallet, I just feel that its perhaps an area of duty of care that could be looked at a little.
CC
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Speak to PMA to find out your productive date of SNCO service, write a nice letter to CMC and Mess Manager and get yourself on the room list. May help with some of your storage and accommodation problems.
Sorry to hear about your situation.
Sorry to hear about your situation.
Mint with a Hole
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Comp,
Firstly, I'm sorry to hear you have been left in this situation
but I'll offer as much as I can, as I'm sure others will.
Firstly, moving into the mess early would be a no no as far as I'm aware, even though, as you say the accomodation is much much better. However, if the mess manager is approachable, tell him when you expect to come off the board, and some sketchy details of your circumstances and he may be able to give you a garage long term if available (we use our garages for storage) or see if he has a storage room for inventory and could you possibly use it as a stop gap amount of time and bung him a case of beer for his troubles.
If that is unsuccessful the only other thing I could suggest is to box it all up and ask supply to look after it which I believe they should be able to do.
As far as any other help being offered, I think you are correct in your analysis that you won't get an awful lot, sadly. But maybe someone else can be far more helpful than me!
Good Luck Mate,
Polo
Firstly, I'm sorry to hear you have been left in this situation
but I'll offer as much as I can, as I'm sure others will.Firstly, moving into the mess early would be a no no as far as I'm aware, even though, as you say the accomodation is much much better. However, if the mess manager is approachable, tell him when you expect to come off the board, and some sketchy details of your circumstances and he may be able to give you a garage long term if available (we use our garages for storage) or see if he has a storage room for inventory and could you possibly use it as a stop gap amount of time and bung him a case of beer for his troubles.
If that is unsuccessful the only other thing I could suggest is to box it all up and ask supply to look after it which I believe they should be able to do.
As far as any other help being offered, I think you are correct in your analysis that you won't get an awful lot, sadly. But maybe someone else can be far more helpful than me!
Good Luck Mate,
Polo
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I know you said you didn't want to go down the welfare route however if your location is still correct then the 'in house' SSAFA people at Uxbridge are very good and did have a good working relationship with DHE there.
Go see them...they're a nice bunch and maybe they can negotiate a garage for a while. The accomodation problem you might be stuck with until the rank tabs are firmly on your shoulder. For something like this it would be more a case of asking a mate for some help for a while rather than welfare issue and they wouldn't make a big deal out of it...Promise!
Go see them...they're a nice bunch and maybe they can negotiate a garage for a while. The accomodation problem you might be stuck with until the rank tabs are firmly on your shoulder. For something like this it would be more a case of asking a mate for some help for a while rather than welfare issue and they wouldn't make a big deal out of it...Promise!
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Depending on what the SFA situation is in the area, you might be able to apply for a surplus quarter through DHE. You pay the same rent, however if DHE needs the quarter back for a family, you'll need to vacate. I've known a couple of people who've occupied surplus quarters and none of them have ever had to vacate early.
You'll definately need the support of your CoC, i.e. a short letter from your Boss to DHE supporting your application.
You'll definately need the support of your CoC, i.e. a short letter from your Boss to DHE supporting your application.
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A friend of mine in a similar situation investigated the possibility of a Surplus FQ for him and his family but if I remember rightly the cost of it was pretty high compared to renting privately. Not sure I can remember the ins and outs of it, but I believe he found it cost-preventative.
The way I am getting my head round the whole situation is that I am thinking of the whole situation as like going on Det - living in sub-standard squalor for a temporary period of time foregoing having nice things around me.
Might even go the whole hog and ask Harry Staish if I can pitch a 12x12 on the sports field and wash my clothes in a bucket!!
Thanks for the advice guys, any more would be appreciated just so I can rest easy that I've exhausted all avenues of possibility.
CC
The way I am getting my head round the whole situation is that I am thinking of the whole situation as like going on Det - living in sub-standard squalor for a temporary period of time foregoing having nice things around me.
Might even go the whole hog and ask Harry Staish if I can pitch a 12x12 on the sports field and wash my clothes in a bucket!!
Thanks for the advice guys, any more would be appreciated just so I can rest easy that I've exhausted all avenues of possibility.
CC
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Mate,
Sorry to hear about your situation. I went through it a few years back. Don't think being a SNCO will make things better. Firstly there are no garages available to SNCOs (at least not at my unit- and thats the big one in carterton!) So you have to make do with storage rooms and no help from the mess or the SWO. I personally think this is a disgrace as singly airmen have access to garages and having earned the higher rank, the perks have dissapeared with it. Sorry to rant but it sucks. Especially as like you I had years worth of stuff. Bite the bullet and store it in a warehouse or get a garage if you can and don't let go! Good luck fella
Sorry to hear about your situation. I went through it a few years back. Don't think being a SNCO will make things better. Firstly there are no garages available to SNCOs (at least not at my unit- and thats the big one in carterton!) So you have to make do with storage rooms and no help from the mess or the SWO. I personally think this is a disgrace as singly airmen have access to garages and having earned the higher rank, the perks have dissapeared with it. Sorry to rant but it sucks. Especially as like you I had years worth of stuff. Bite the bullet and store it in a warehouse or get a garage if you can and don't let go! Good luck fella
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Charlie, Got any kids? If so then try to get a shared residence agreement, or at least some form of contact agreemnt and then get your marital cat changed to cat 3(?) - you are then entitled to a quarter for when kids visit.
As an aside - I've realized how the air force plans to survive with 41k people into the next decade: It will be populated by divorced men who are tied to BSA/the CSA/alimony and have given-up on relationships, choosing, instead to spend all their time at work. Good luck fella!
As an aside - I've realized how the air force plans to survive with 41k people into the next decade: It will be populated by divorced men who are tied to BSA/the CSA/alimony and have given-up on relationships, choosing, instead to spend all their time at work. Good luck fella!
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Charlie, check with DHE, Im single and at my last unit I lived in a low grade surplus FMQ, paid the going rate for a 2 bedroomed unfurnished house and got a 25% council tax discount as a single occupant. If you have kids then your case may be even stronger, I asked and was suprised by the result. Give it a go.
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Thanks guys - no kids involved (although enjoy the practice). As I mentioned renting is not an option with the going rate for a one bed flat above a shop 700 quid upwards in this area of London.
Asking for a posting is also not an option - as I mentioned I have been selected for promotion, so it will all depend on that, although I do have preferences noted on JPA (no laughing please!)
Agree with the point distinguishing duty of care with welfare issues, but just feel incredibly strongly that there are many of us whose marriages have disintegrated as a direct result of our careers (not blaming it all on that - but it is a very large reason) and at the very least some offer of help with either storage or some form of financial help would be a pretty good gesture and not leave you feeling so isolated and rubbish about things.
CC
Asking for a posting is also not an option - as I mentioned I have been selected for promotion, so it will all depend on that, although I do have preferences noted on JPA (no laughing please!)
Agree with the point distinguishing duty of care with welfare issues, but just feel incredibly strongly that there are many of us whose marriages have disintegrated as a direct result of our careers (not blaming it all on that - but it is a very large reason) and at the very least some offer of help with either storage or some form of financial help would be a pretty good gesture and not leave you feeling so isolated and rubbish about things.
CC
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Whilst I sympathise that your marriage has gone down the pan, maybe you are now realizing the inequality towards those who never married like myself.
Considering the number of guys in long term relationships, who are simply not entitled to a quarter and end up paying three times the price to rent, it really is about time the powers modernised their rules and accepted that not everyone wishes to get married.
Not being married costs me about £6000 a year. And don't all jump in with how much it would cost if I was - she earns a bloody good wage thanks!
Considering the number of guys in long term relationships, who are simply not entitled to a quarter and end up paying three times the price to rent, it really is about time the powers modernised their rules and accepted that not everyone wishes to get married.
Not being married costs me about £6000 a year. And don't all jump in with how much it would cost if I was - she earns a bloody good wage thanks!
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Originally Posted by glum
Whilst I sympathise that your marriage has gone down the pan, maybe you are now realizing the inequality towards those who never married like myself.
Considering the number of guys in long term relationships, who are simply not entitled to a quarter and end up paying three times the price to rent, it really is about time the powers modernised their rules and accepted that not everyone wishes to get married.
Not being married costs me about £6000 a year. And don't all jump in with how much it would cost if I was - she earns a bloody good wage thanks!
Considering the number of guys in long term relationships, who are simply not entitled to a quarter and end up paying three times the price to rent, it really is about time the powers modernised their rules and accepted that not everyone wishes to get married.
Not being married costs me about £6000 a year. And don't all jump in with how much it would cost if I was - she earns a bloody good wage thanks!
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As I mentioned earlier, it is not sympathy I have asked for, or require. It is advice on storage and/or financial help with the move.
Dragging up quotes from me that profess to marital indiscretion I feel is a little un-necessary. Although indiscreet myself in mentioning anything, it was in the context of another topic, and before this one was posted (before I needed advice)
I don't have to justify myself at all to anyone here, suffice to say that 4 months in the sandpit with 5 days PODL before 13 months on the Rock with 2 R and R trips home did not contribute to a happy and harmonious marriage.
My choice you may say, however there are many variables involved. Not bitching about it, just stating a fact.
Lets not get this personal please - if people have advice on the issues in hand then please please post them (this is all helping) but please don't comment on the moral rights and wrongs on the way my life went.
Cheers
CC
Dragging up quotes from me that profess to marital indiscretion I feel is a little un-necessary. Although indiscreet myself in mentioning anything, it was in the context of another topic, and before this one was posted (before I needed advice)
I don't have to justify myself at all to anyone here, suffice to say that 4 months in the sandpit with 5 days PODL before 13 months on the Rock with 2 R and R trips home did not contribute to a happy and harmonious marriage.
My choice you may say, however there are many variables involved. Not bitching about it, just stating a fact.
Lets not get this personal please - if people have advice on the issues in hand then please please post them (this is all helping) but please don't comment on the moral rights and wrongs on the way my life went.
Cheers
CC
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now, i may be a little sketchy on details but i hope this may be of some help. my brother was in a long term relationship but lived in a small room when on camp and when off camp lived in a boat. the upshot of this is that although he is sadly dead, thus, i can't check details with him (bob was one of the ten fine men who lost their lives on the hercules that went down in iraq). this may be station specific the solutions offered to you, as he was at lyneham. he had items that clearly he couldn't store and i'm sure that the RaF had his wordly goods from when he lived in houses in storage. i know that they have been moved from station to station, i thinkeven at one point ending up in scotland. in fact due to some difficulties they are still in possession of them. i will speak with my parents later to check the facts.
the other point is that can you not go to your local housing association and go on the list. you are a keyworker in the community and it's woth checking how you stand. you may get a house or you can do shared ownership where you pay rent as the assoc. own half the house and you have an affordable mortgage to part own the house. you will get discount if not exempt from council tax, though i'm not sure on that detail either. we are offered this, i work as an itu nurse and as keyworkers such as yourself you are supported more.
i am sorry if this no good, or even wrong, but i thought there may be some leads to look into. it's bad enough you're going through a hard enough time with the end of your marriage. really sorry to hear that. you will get through it. keep the faith!
the other point is that can you not go to your local housing association and go on the list. you are a keyworker in the community and it's woth checking how you stand. you may get a house or you can do shared ownership where you pay rent as the assoc. own half the house and you have an affordable mortgage to part own the house. you will get discount if not exempt from council tax, though i'm not sure on that detail either. we are offered this, i work as an itu nurse and as keyworkers such as yourself you are supported more.
i am sorry if this no good, or even wrong, but i thought there may be some leads to look into. it's bad enough you're going through a hard enough time with the end of your marriage. really sorry to hear that. you will get through it. keep the faith!
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Steady on, Muppet
As easy as it may well be to anonymously mock people on an internet forum, I am pretty sure that you would not be so cocky if you were in CC's position.
I have never been in the situation he has, so I watch the thread, but keep my opinions to myself. Suggest you do the the same.
CC, best of luck fella, I bet she made a crap cup of tea anyway
As easy as it may well be to anonymously mock people on an internet forum, I am pretty sure that you would not be so cocky if you were in CC's position.
I have never been in the situation he has, so I watch the thread, but keep my opinions to myself. Suggest you do the the same.
CC, best of luck fella, I bet she made a crap cup of tea anyway