Children from previous marriages

[FatBaldChief]

I'm after some info with regards to what allowances the RAF makes for serving personnel who have children from previous marriages who do not reside with them.
I have a six year old son who lives with my first wife. I travel 9 hours every other weekend to be able to spend some time with him.
What allowance, during the Posting process, does the RAF afford with regards to children who do not live with you? (Very little I presume)

I am not asking for special treatment, far from it, I would do a lot more if I had to to see my Son, but it seems to me when marriages dissolve and children are involved the RAF are not in the slightest bit interested. Is there any vehicle to inform the RAF where my Son lives and how I have contact with him? The only thing I have done is annotate on my preference for posting why I would like the areas stated and I put him down as a dependent on the front of my annual F6000.
I am not saying that the RAF was responsible for my marriage breakdown, but it certainley played a part, as I was detached on and off for 6 months of most of the years I was married. I have always done all that the RAF has expected of me, not like some OOA avoidees I have come across over the years.
Locally my management have always been brilliantly flexible to allow me to continue to be a big part of my Sons life but I am just wondering what regard is given officially.
I am sure there are many others in the same boat as me as it seems unusual nowadays for someone who has served as long as I have to be still on his first wife!

Thanks in advance Prooners

[Talking Radalt]

Have you considered dressing as Batman and scaling Big Ben?

[C130 Techie]

It may sound harsh but I doubt that the RAF are interested. Why would they be unless it directly affects your effectiveness or employability.

I am not saying that I agree with that line as I can imagine how difficult a circumstance you probably find yourself in. Its good to see that your local management is supoporting you in some way.

Several years ago I had a neighbour who was army. When his marriage broke up he gained custody of his children and had to leave the service as the army wouldn't take his situation into account.

PS 27 years in, married for 24 and still going.

[Speedpig]

If you are paying through the CSA, you can claim a reduction in monthly payments for travelling expenses to and from the meeting point.
It's not much but I'm sure every little helps.
Another way of reducing payments is to have another child!!!
I got my payments reduced by a whole £30 GBP on production of another child. Well worth the effort.
Good Luck
SP

[Climebear]

Simple answer is that the taxpayer (who funds the RAF) won't pay for you to visit your children.

If you have custody of your children (centre and prime mover of them) then you would qaulify for an FQ, and relevent allowances including Boarding School Education Allowance.

As for your situation, apart from good management by local commanders some units fund the provision of placement accommodation out of Service Funds (ie not taxpayers' money, but our own - for any journos peeking) which can normally be used for a very nominal fee. That way you can have you children visit you and not try and cram them in your room in the block/mess or use an expensive local hotel/B&B.

[Tiger_mate]

Ask the Chief Clerk, that is what he is employed for. I did get warrants when in a similar situation, but with downsizing and budget contstraints, I suspect you wont even get sympathy.

"Joint" custody should get you a FMQ/OMQ though, and unless the ex is a real b$%^, she should understand the need to provide an alternative secure home. This has got to be better than a Mess even when the kids are not there.

Happily, I am well down the road from where you are, and it gets a lot better. I now have to provide my son with "petrol money" for him to visit.

[Big Unit Specialist]

Try asking the Chief Clerk about Schoolchildren's visits, which are not just for boarding school children. However, it may be that they only apply when you are serving overseas but they do apply to children from other relationships and allow the children to travel unaccompanied on BA (a deal the mil have). It allows them 1 visit a year - yeah, I laughed too! - as opposed to the each major school holiday a year for boarding school kids......

Not that the ex-witch (still a witch but the ex) has allowed me to see the kids for the last 3 years apart from 1 1/2 hours in a contact centre but now I'm just going to get bitter. RAF advice on break up of marriage was to move out of the quarter 'cos I had somewhere to go (the mess) however, this was cr@p advice as I left the family home voluntarily and have been fighting for access ever since! What I should have done is kicked her out and told dear old PMS to sort out the screaming witch.

[Climebear]

BSU

I may have lost the point here - why would it be the RAF's job to sort out your ex when your marrage failed. Did they tell you to marry her in the first place?

I don't understand how you (or any one else) can expect your employer/landlord to deal with the consequences of your poor decision to marry the woman.

[MarkD]

Well it seems to me there are plenty of lawyers who seem to be able to force the RAF to do a lot of things that aren't in the traditions of the service - but you might have to get a sex change first!

[Big Unit Specialist]

Climebear,

I must not have expressed myself properly - when my marriage broke up I was advised to leave the quarter by OC PMS since he said that the RAF would not want the publicity resulting from my throwing the ex onto the street....... she was a pain and would have involved the media etc

ps lots of people advised me not to marry her so yes it was a self-inflicted wound....

[Red Line Entry]

I think the Services in general are tying themselves in knots over these types of issues. On the one hand, we’re all meant to be individuals and responsible for our own lives (so no more taking cheque books away from airmen with financial problems, no unofficial punishments for misdeeds, no official involvement in personal lives etc) – but on the other hand we’re still meant to be a “band of brothers” with a responsibility to look after each other in peace, and to fight and die for each other in war.

So the role and responsibility of the RAF to the individual becomes more unclear. Is the Service just an employer, or should it attempt to go further with the resulting risk of litigation when everything goes to worms?

In my experience, the RAF as a “system” has tended to take the first route, while individuals within it at unit level have tried to bridge the gap and do more to help. Often this puts the Chf Clk or OC PMS in an invidious position between enforcing the party line and supporting the flt or sqn that is trying to help one of its own.

Is the situation likely to improve? I doubt it; the more we move towards being a more litigious society the worse things are likely to get!

[Onan the Clumsy]

I notice this thread contains the following two pieces of advice:

Another way of reducing payments is to have another child!!!

you might have to get a sex change first!