Bananas and Skippers
 

Okay I'll get us back on track with one instance I remember as a new-joiner on the Jumbo...

The ever-so-appetizing fruit tray was left in the cockpit untouched by all. Skipper in the left seat, me in the right. Long-haul across the Pacific for nearly 4-hrs into my stint I casually reach for the (one-and-only) banana in the fruit tray. Skipper continues to mind his own business - clearly unimpressed - so I dig in and consume my tropical fruit. Upon throwing the peel into the bin, Skipper turns to me in all seriousness and says, "You do know you must always offer the last piece of any single-piece-fruit on the fruit tray to the most senior crewmember on board." (Obviously referring to himself). I literally thought he was joking and I let out a loud chuckle - until I realized he was serious. I had to ask if he was kidding and he said he was not. Not a word mentioned after that.

As a Skipper now nobody has ever offered me any fruit. I certainly feel his pain.

Aloha! :ok:

I been reading the thread for a while... seriously all these guys have issues. i guess higher you go.. ego get bigger and COCK..pit gets smaller:ok:

I am surprised these guys dont walk on fresh rose petals and red carpet that leads all he way to left seat..

Or get carried to the CAPTAIN seat by ground staff because captain's dont walk.

Along the same lines, in our cockpit we have 4 hangers for our jackets.
2 in plastic, 2 in wood.
One day, during cockpit preparation, a line captain told me the ones in wood are for captains only, i shouldnt use them.
I didnt answer and procedeed with loading up the FMS.
Think the look on my face must have been priceless.

Best response I'll stop answering I don't know when you stop asking questions

Mate of mine doing his Pre Final Command check in QF around 15 years ago.
" What colour socks are you allowed to wear with your uniform?" was the question he was asked. Somewhat puzzled he replied " Black or Navy Blue I think". He was then asked to display his socks, whereupon he was criticised for having " Navy Blue socks that are too faded". Unfortunately a true story.

I had an interesting question once..."Why are dogs lips always black"? Admittedly I must confess to not knowing the answer and was hoping to be enlightened with a profound and interesting answer. Alas the guy was actually looking for the answer too so I still don't know why......any ideas out there?

Another one from the Classic... having slipped a plastic bag over the seat armrest and tied a knot in the loose end during cockpit preparation as per normal, I was picked up for making the knot too small... :}

I was just going to mention the "CX trash bag knot" thing! Surprised it's taken this long.

Average speed of a swallow springs to mind.

Post IR test questions on the F4 in the UK, usual convective fog, approach lights type questions then IRE asks, "what's the name of the dog on the HMV record label?"
It was tongue in cheek and he was a top bloke. Still makes me smile.

I apply the same test to any of my questions. What is the guy going to do with that information or knowledge? If the answer is nothing then it's either a stupid question or like my F4 IRE it's for a bit of a laugh.


Answer "Nipper". Got a trivial pursuit cheese knowing that!
Message to the check pilots we're talking about here, lighten up and help your guys!

Have had a great laugh at these stories and know the attitudes well. Re the fruit basket, in the old days there was no dilemma, the FE got the banana. Was once on a line check for the FO. After arriving back at company HQ, the check captain "invited" myself (FE) and captain to debrief. After 2 hours of pulling apart ever single thing the FO did, he started on the captain. After that he started on me for 30 minutes. As I was pretty junior I thought this was the end of my career. Thought I had better see the CFE next day. Seems this checker was famous for this and I was assured that all my proceedures were standard.
I was on a captain's check (GG) when the problem of the VS thumbwheel came up. When next operated it was using the elbow. Then there was the guy who checked the insides of crewmembers hats for the bamboo ring. I'll leave that for others.

Ahh yes, the son of the 'father of the jet engine'. Apart from his trademark hat obsession and long-sleeve pedantic Britishness he had quite a sense of humour. Apparently he didn't see the funny side of this one:

F/O in a classic 747 at top of descent reduces the thrust levers to idle at that beautiful smooth rate that doesn't scare the passengers or punish the bleed valves.

Captain W., patronisingly: 'Very good, my father would have been proud of you!'

Aussie F/O: 'Oh, he worked for HAECO did he?'

Captain just before t/o puts on the leather flight gloves on a B 727
S/o having never flown with the captain proceeds to take and puts on the fire fighting gloves On the roll when S/o trims the throttles the captain came unglued
A new thread should be started or a book written . I love messing with an ass captain and then say oh sorry again and again

Capt Dart

IW deserves at least a capital "P" for his version of patronising:ok:

He wasn't alone among the chammy glove brigade but he was certainly their poster boy.

I am reliably informed that one of the "P" squadron failed his first attempt at command and this almost caused a complete meltdown. Having said that he did bounce back and was actually fun to fly with.

macgill

The best set of fire fighting gloves I have seen were the proud possession of a little Australian f/e (now living in Macau) who used to use them selectively whenever flying with any of the "P" squadron pilots. He also had the Casey Jones hat to match.:}

Don't think we've had this one yet, allegedly from "Whispering Ted" ex BA F/E.

Serious Atlantic Baron in Left Seat, junior F/O in the right, may have been VC10s.

F/O tries to communicate with the captain who refuses to acknowledge anything. Eventually Ted speaks in that voice of his that could be heard in 46K, "The C**t wants you to call him Sir."

Ex BA 747 Captain while flying KA freighters used to wear a RAF issue cape leather glove on the left hand only. Very large Dutch F/O responded by wearing the oven glove on his right!

TC watches PM finish filling out to CFP at TOC....

"This should really be done with a black pen, not a blue one."

Had a similar thing said to me by a particularly anal antipodean checker...."ah ok" says me, the quick as a flash I "borrow" his Mt Blanc..Parker or whatever the hell writing stick it was to finish the plog, and then put a smiley face on it.
My other favourite one is being told to annotate "master COPY" rather than just " master" on the plog :ugh:

After reading this I did this as a joke leaving Europe this morning, we were useless laughing for a few seconds :)

I still laugh at myself
 

My first line check to AKL many years ago. I was sitting there thinking if I had done everything correctly. The Check Capt was snoozing and the F/E was head down in his engine log. OMG after 6 hours and somewhere over Papua, I realised that I had left the landing lights on for the whole flight. Very slowly I reached up not to disturb the Capt and F/E and gently switched them off with a light cough to mask the noise. Within a nanosecond of a delay the F/E announced "Take off checklist complete" Check Capt woke up and just looked at me with one eye. I could have died there and then.......
As for that F/E, he kept reminding me for years, Top Man! Laughed every flight with him...