CRM ... Courtesy Respect Manners

[Capt Toss Parker]

Everyone knows that I've been an expert in CRM since I was in diapers ...Right?

As a team leader it's important for me to impart this knowledge with my fellow crew members so they can learn to identify problems within the workplace.

Please read this carefully and learn ... after all CRM is about Courtesy Respect & Manners!

Part One:
Identifying Workplace Bullies

Leveling the playing field

The purpose of this website is to make it a fair fight between bullies and their targets. I created it because I'm tired of seeing skilled manipulators take advantage of honest, well-intentioned subordinates and co-workers. These targets of bullying aren’t fools or doormats, but merely uninformed about the crafty ways of bullies who have spent a lifetime refining their dark arts.
Although much of the material on this website is geared towards office workers, it’s relevance is far-reaching. If you’re struggling to deal with an aggressive person in a structured environment, there is very little that won’t be useful in your attempts to cope with your situation.

Classic bully types

Four better-known aggressive personality types are commonly labeled as bullies in the workplace:
Obvious bullies in the workplace

• Easily triggered screamer
• Pushy obnoxious jerk
• Micromanaging control freak
• Arrogant self-righteous know-it-all

The stereotypical bully is a nasty, arrogant boss who is habitually critical, dominating and controlling. His overt aggression makes him easy to spot and easy to understand, though not necessarily any easier to deal with. But at least you’re not alone: others usually recognize him as a bully. They may not aid in your struggle, but at least they are not ganging up against you at the behest of the bully, or quietly undermining your attempts to fight back.

Complex and dangerous bullies

More dangerous is the skilled workplace bully. He combines two or more of these aggressive personality types, then cleverly disguises his true nature under an image of success and leadership.
Once you have suffered at the hands of a skilled bully, you are more likely to understand his true character. Typically, he is highly ambitious. To achieve his goals, he needs the cooperation of others; however, he doesn’t believe in fair exchange. Instead, he charms others for the purpose of controlling them and uses camaraderie to encourage loyalty. If necessary, he exploits weaknesses in others to change their behavior.
At the same time, he preaches teamwork and professes company values to enhance his reputation, or pretends to pursue company goals to boost his power. He is a master manipulator, constantly using stealth and deception to influence the thinking of those around him. And he does all this while intimidating, undermining and slandering everyone who stands in the way of his self-serving ambitions. With a skilled bully, nothing is ever as it appears.

The greatest challenge: covert bullies

Although it can be difficult to defend yourself against an obvious bully, it is usually a far greater challenge to deal with a well-disguised bully. We will focus our attention on these charming and powerful manipulators who attempt to bring you under their control by employing a broad spectrum of bullying strategies and techniques. My goal is prepare you for the worst type of bullying, and then if your nemesis turns out to be a weaker or less effective workplace bully, it should be easier to neutralize him.
“Victim” is a popular term to describe someone who suffers from a workplace bully’s aggression. However, anyone can apply techniques to avoid victimization at the hands of a bully. You may be a target of bullying, but you don’t have to become a victim.

Who are workplace bullies’ targets?

Although anyone may be targeted by a workplace bully, he typically chooses people who are currently under his authority, or who offer some type of weakness that he can exploit.
Being a boss means responsibility and power, including power over subordinates. This naturally provides opportunities to intimidate, manipulate and dominate others. When the boss is a bully, he exploits the situation. If he is ambitious, he believes he can better achieve his career goals through controlling his subordinates.
But a bully may also manipulate others who can contribute to his advancement, from the newest employee who unknowingly spreads malicious rumors, to the president of the company who falls for the bully’s clever deceptions.
Anyone who comes in contact with a workplace bully may become a target of his bullying, although he usually saves his worst behavior for those closest to him.

What do workplace bullies want?

Power and success

Most bullies have an intense desire to control others. This usually arises from a self-centered, self-absorbed drive to gain power and prestige, and career and financial success.
Well-adjusted people may have a similar single-minded purpose, but know they must achieve success through integrity and fair exchange with others. Their honest character demands it. But bullies, in their distorted value system, somehow feel they can only achieve great things by manipulating, intimidating or otherwise forcing others to submit to their will.

Ego-gratification

A bully may also have an insatiable hunger for ego gratification, which causes him to constantly strive to be admired and respected, or even feared, by others. An ego-hungry bully wants to be honored for his achievements, to be recognized as wise and strong.
Some workplace bullies enjoy dominating others. They get an ego-boost from the experience of cleverly manipulating people into complying with their desires. Afterwards, they bask in their intellectual superiority and political savvy, perhaps telling stories of their victories over uncooperative peers and subordinates.

Lord and master

Ultimately, a highly successful bully finds personal fulfillment in exercising power over others within the competitive environment of the workplace, where he has become lord of all he surveys.

What can you do about it?

Nothing : "Hello CX !!!"


If you are like most people, you will find yourself powerless around a clever bully. He has mastered the game of workplace politics and skillfully exploits others to his advantage. Any attempts to resist his aggression will cause the situation to deteriorate.

Self-destructive

Even worse, you may strike back out of frustration or anger, potentially ruining your job situation, or even your career. Out-of-control confrontations with a bully, or chronic complaining about the bullying, typically destroys any chance of your life returning to normal.

Years of turmoil .... ahhh yeah!

Alternatively, you could work through established channels within the system, such as filing a formal complaint with the human resources department. You may even consider engaging in whistle-blowing and lawsuits. However, these approaches tend to backfire, putting you and your family through months or years of financial and career turmoil, often with an unfortunate conclusion.

Self-reliance

But there is an alternative, more self-reliant approach. By carefully applying the strategies and techniques described on this website, you can learn to effectively deal with bullies.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you will get a bully fired and yourself promoted. Success is better defined as your ability to resist the bullying and maintain peace of mind, knowing you are standing firmly against inappropriate behavior. Then if you leave your current job--often more likely than the bully getting fired--you will still find that you are in control of your own destiny.

Getting the bully fired

Not that you can’t get a bully fired. I have personally seen several workplace bullies lose their jobs. In every case, the targets of bullying used techniques found on this website to help expose the undesirable characteristics of their nemesis. Once upper management recognized the bullying, they were smart enough to understand the resulting harm to employee morale and productivity (and thus company profits), causing them to terminate the bullies. A happy ending in these cases, though not before some serious challenges for the targets.
Unfortunately, these success stories are in the minority, particularly within companies that tend to encourage and reward aggressiveness over teamwork. Thus if you are seeking revenge against a bully, you will likely be disappointed.

Taking the high road

Above all else, you don’t need to sacrifice your own integrity and character to play this game. On the contrary, you have the opportunity take the high road in your dealings with workplace bullies. Without ever compromising your character, you can acquire an understanding of the bully, and then apply various people skills and communication techniques that can be very powerful in his extreme world of workplace politics. That is true success--though it may not seem that way if the bully gets you fired.

Level playing field

Wouldn’t it be great if more people could identify workplace bullies? Wouldn’t you like to see everyone recognize underhanded, manipulative, destructive, self-serving behaviors? On this leveled playing field, bullies could no longer act without fear of exposure and termination. They would be forced to use honest, straightforward teamwork and cooperation to achieve their ambitions, or go to another company where reality isn’t quite so dominant.

But until that happens, you will need to learn to fight back so you don’t become another victim of workplace bullying.

[Capt Toss Parker]

Some more reading for you chaps!

Workplace bullying is invisible

Are you surprised that no one can see widespread bullying but you? In this distorted reality, all common sense seems displaced by the almost magical power of a charismatic workplace bully.
When you point out his subtle manipulations, no one takes you seriously. When you report his mistreatment of you, people assume you misunderstood the situation. Even worse, they accuse you of doing something that justified his outburst (“You should be more careful not to trigger him”). When your co-workers have become unwitting accomplices to his devious tactics,(Dick Hall) ... you know you are in a toxic workplace.
A skilled workplace bully can adapt to the company culture in a way that makes his destructive behaviors virtually undetectable to bystanders. Perhaps over time he will bully enough people to widely expose his true character, but it is more likely that he will cause the termination of anyone who speaks up, leaving only a trail of disgruntled ex-employees.
If you are in a toxic workplace, don’t fool yourself into thinking you can accomplish much by fighting the bully. You will probably be better off just acknowledging that the people in charge have limited mental capacity and go find a healthier, happier place to work. ....... YES!

[Capt Toss Parker]

Did you know that I penned the catch phrase "Same Team Same Dream"?

He micromanages you

Rather than teaching you to perform your job independently, a bully frequently bothers you about specific tasks, interfering with the normal, logical process of your work. Or he badgers you to achieve an unrealistic level of perfection. When you achieve a high standard of quality in your work, he finds problems or makes changes anyway.
You may continue to strive to do your job well, using common sense to ignore his added wasteful tasks so you can focus on efficient, meaningful results. But rather than recognize your pursuit of excellence, a bully reprimands you for disobeying his highly specific orders.
A micromanager may never fully communicate your role and responsibilities, leaving you to figure things out on your own. But later, in a frenzy of activity, he complains you are failing, then proceeds to dictate your detailed tasks. He can be very dramatic in claiming to be the only one who knows how to run things around the company, perhaps saying: “I can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?”
An insecure or incompetent micromanager tries to stop you from using independent judgment and initiative. He doesn’t want to see you succeed because you are a threat to his position in the company. Most likely, with enough experience, you could do his job better than him, and he knows it. From his perspective, holding you down is his only way of surviving.
In order to formalize and enforce his micromanagement, he may create or implement strict measurements of your performance. He then threatens to hold you accountable. “Accountability” thus becomes another weapon in his overall pattern of harassment. When you resist his tightening control, he uses the dogmatic concept of accountability to punish you or have you fired.
When confronted by a peer or superior, a bully justifies his micromanaging behavior by blaming lazy, stupid, incompetent subordinates. Nothing is ever his fault.
He dominates conversations

He controls people by controlling conversations. He won’t allow his monologues to be interrupted, but in contrast cuts off others before they have a chance to articulate their positions. He refuses to explain things clearly, but accuses others of obfuscating a point, even when they have been thorough and articulate. He switches to new topics over the objections of others, but lashes out when someone else tries to switch to a new topic over his objection.
He prevents your communication with important people

If you are outspoken, he excludes you from key meetings. If you want to speak directly to his supervisor, he insists that all discussions must go up the chain of command (through him). And if you complain about his behavior to upper management, he launches an all-out attack on your character.
He calls on you to fulfill your duty

When you won’t agree to do things his way, he says you are ignoring your duty as a company employee. He then threatens to hold you accountable for irresponsible behavior or inadequate results, which he has defined according to unrealistic standards. If he is more subtle, he inserts the phrase “You should” before many of his demands, implying that since these are obviously your personal responsibility, ignoring them would be a clear failure on your part. Of course, your “duty” is always consistent with his selfish objectives.
He is very territorial

He fiercely protects his turf (department, projects, staff). He is outwardly indignant at intrusions, perhaps saying: “You’re trying to undermine my efforts to build the department.” At the same time, he is eager to steal someone else’s resources. But he downplays his attempts to “borrow” projects and staff from others, saying in his defense: “We’re all on the same team here.”
He uses your emotions to control you

He controls people by controlling their emotions. He wants you to crave his camaraderie by providing you with a sense of belonging, the feeling of being an integral part of the team. He may be lavish in his praise and promises, particularly during the honeymoon period of your relationship. But he is insincere, and his underlying intention is to exploit your emotions.
When you see through his manipulations and begin to resist his control, he suggests that others don’t think very highly of you. “But they don’t know you like I do” provides him cover for his attack. His underlying message is that he is your only true supporter, so you had better make him happy.
If you continue in your refusal to cooperate, he threatens loss of camaraderie. his basic message: If you don’t do what he wants, you will be failing him and your peers; then you won’t be part of the team anymore--the camaraderie will be gone. “Come on, be a team player,” he might say; “we all need you to get with the program.”
Once he actually withdraws his friendship and support, he flaunts his camaraderie with your peers, trying to make you jealous. Through this game, he subtly attempts to pressure you to return to the fold, and to all the benefits that accompany your submission to his authority.
If you continue to resist, he switches tactics, causing you to feel fear, guilt, shame, jealously or hate. Relief from painful emotions, and return to positive ones, await you. All you need to do is submit to his dominance.
His affection and support come at a price

As a corollary, he offers a fulfilling friendship and long-term relationship, making it clear that these are rewards for obeying him. He initially supports you within the company, but this is conditional upon your loyalty towards him. He does you favors to cement your friendship, and then later claims you are indebted to him. Over time, you will discover that there are always strings attached to his “giving” nature.
He wants to control how you work and play

He micromanages your daily routine, perhaps by chastising you for being twenty minutes late to work, or dictating the precise time for your lunch break (though you are in a work environment where exact schedules aren’t necessary). He may ruin your weekends by creating arbitrary Monday deadlines. He may even dictate company-related training and leisure, including seminars, get-togethers after work and company team-days or retreats.
He wants to live you life for you

He tries to make key decisions about your future, such as important work assignments, transfers and training. When you ignore his advice, he says you are making a serious mistake. when you continue to defy him, he says you are damaging your future.
To satisfy a bully, work must appear to be your only priority in life. It won’t bother him to see you sacrifice your family, your health, your happiness--as long as it brings you under his control.

[411A]

...after all CRM is about Courtesy Respect & Manners!

Your first mistake.
I means...my way or the highway

[buggaluggs]

I thought it was ' Cockpit Remains Mine '

[AAIGUY]

Like the ****** who not to long ago asked me where my 'hat' was.. and I had to inform that KA don't wear hats.. huffed and puffed away.. whats it to him??

Honestly..

[boocs]

Not wearing hats is the best cost saving measure KA have ever made!!
b.

[Basil]

Not wearing hats is the best cost saving measure KA have ever made!!

Can't remember, do you get black leather jackets as well?

Happy 13th anniversary of the Great Takeaway

[Feather Boa]

I believe our previous CP thinks we should be wearing Stetsons, Boots and Spurs.

Fx

[Capt Toss Parker]

1. Image vs. reality

A manipulative bully is preoccupied with image, particularly his own. He wants to be viewed as highly competent and successful, selfless and noble, a true leader who only wants what is best for the company and the people who work there.
The reality, however, is vastly different. If you see through his mask, a disturbing truth appears: he is scheming and deceitful, driven by an obsessive desire for power, prestige and money.
His outward image is intended to convey virtue and self-sacrifice:
“I care about you. I care about the company. Trust me.”
But what he is actually thinking he would never say to your face:
“You don’t have my savvy, intelligence and strength. You aren’t aggressive and competitive, so you must be weak. I’m going to discover where you are vulnerable, and then use that to control your emotions and behavior.

“I will make you help me become more successful. I may cause you some pain, but that’s okay, because that’s my ‘tough management’ style. And if you don’t cooperate, I’ll make sure you don’t succeed here, or perhaps even get you fired.”
2. Center of his own universe

A manipulative bully never sees things through the eyes of others. That would require empathy, which he lacks. Instead, he creates his own reality, in which he is at the center.
What truly matters to a manipulator?

His own ambitions are most important, particularly financial and career success. He may also seek a vaunted status or even fame (at least within his vocation). He enjoys being the center of attention and wants everything to revolve around him. He derives satisfaction from successfully dominating others.
Why are some manipulators so self-absorbed and aggressive?

Self-absorption and aggressiveness often stem from a lack of control over impulses. When a manipulator lacks internal brakes (which occur naturally for those who are self-aware and care about others), he learns that pleasure comes through impulsiveness and aggression, especially when applied with a keen understanding of human weakness.
Or past successes may have taught him how to control the behaviors of others through exploitation of fear or guilt. Children learn quickly when guilt-ridden parents allow themselves to be manipulated into rewarding bad behavior, or when a weaker peer submits to dominating behavior.
Then as the bully embarked upon his career, he discovered these skills helped him succeed. His success fed his ego and increased his self-absorption, making it easier for him to justify this aberrant behavior as perfectly acceptable, even desirable.
Does a manipulative bully care about other people?

He only cares to the extent others can gratify his ego and help him succeed. Absent are the healthy relationships of mutual respect. He may experience the beginnings of selfless affection for someone else, but sooner or later his ego reasserts it primacy.
But why does a manipulative bully seem so concerned about people close to him?

He may seem concerned for the well-being of others, but usually this reflects a sense of ownership of those he dominates. In reality, he only cares about how they impact his power and reputation within the company. And his affection is conditional upon whether the people he “owns” continue to feed his ego. Disrepect him, even unintentionally, and the positive relationship is instantly destroyed.
Why is a manipulative bully so anxious to control the people he “owns”?

A bully never wants to look ineffective and powerless. In his thinking, if he can’t control the people close to him, upper management won’t view him as a strong leader. So he becomes frustrated when you show any independent thinking or actions that might threaten his control and tarnish his image.
Why is a manipulative bully so hot-and-cold in how he treats the people he “owns”?

He fluctuates wildly in his treatment of people he “owns” because his possessiveness leads to pride of ownership. When one of his possessions does something right, it gratifies his ego. But when he believes someone has made him look bad, he gets angry. And if he feels betrayed, he becomes jealous and retaliates.
But doesn’t a manipulative bully have normal relationships with others?

His relationships are never normal because they are defined by the power and control he has over others. In essence, he treats people like things, never respecting their rights as fellow human beings.
How does a manipulative bully develop such lasting relationships?

He knows how to gain power over others and keep it. He exudes charm and confidence in order to attract those who are naive or emotionally needy, providing them with friendship and camaraderie, or enticing them with promises of future rewards. His followers may stay loyal for many years, or even over their entire careers.

Doesn’t a manipulative bully feel bad about hurting and exploiting others?

He has no respect for people who are emotionally weak and vulnerable, so he doesn’t feel bad about exploiting them. At the same time, he believes that his superior intellect, uncommon wisdom and noble ambition justify his aggressively controlling other people. By forcing them to follow his leadership, he is doing them a favor (in his thinking). As the center of his own universe, he is very good at rationalizing his behaviors so that he feels noble and even heroic.

There's just so much correlating material I just don't know when to stop!

[Neptunus Rex]

Toss sir,
Are you perchance studying for an external MBA?

[Bob Hawke]

So your plan is Toss; get these bastards into management and training in order achieve the most manic airline in the world?

Is it working?

[126.9]

Plagiarism

Copying and pasting other people's work without consent, Tosser, is plagiarism.

[Neptunus Rex]

Copying one person's work - plagiarism
Copying several people's work - research
Toss is a research scholar

[Capt Toss Parker]

Mr. 126.9

Externally referenced material is "Quoted" so no I am not trying to plagiarize

Think of it more as an educational program for (select) Ding Bat senior managers stuck in the dark ages.

Link

[bogie30]

There's nothing like holding a grudge, hey Toss. Keep grinding that axe.

[bila]

Capt Toss Parker

Well said, very true! Very educational at least to be aware of the reality in present day business.

bogie 30

There's nothing like holding a grudge, hey Toss. Keep grinding that axe.

All that been said is a reality in most airlines and organizations whether you like it or not. A reality check.

[flap relief]

Sad but true

Unfortunately most of what alias Cap Parker has quoted is vividly true in our workplace.

I'm certain most of us who have been here for more than 10 mins can think of examples.

Now where did I put my Bollocking tie?

relief