Did you know that I penned the catch phrase "Same Team Same Dream"?
He micromanages you
Rather than teaching you to perform your job independently, a bully frequently bothers you about specific tasks, interfering with the normal, logical process of your work. Or he badgers you to achieve an unrealistic level of perfection. When you achieve a high standard of quality in your work, he finds problems or makes changes anyway.
You may continue to strive to do your job well, using common sense to ignore his added wasteful tasks so you can focus on efficient, meaningful results. But rather than recognize your pursuit of excellence, a bully reprimands you for disobeying his highly specific orders.
A micromanager may never fully communicate your role and responsibilities, leaving you to figure things out on your own. But later, in a frenzy of activity, he complains you are failing, then proceeds to dictate your detailed tasks. He can be very dramatic in claiming to be the only one who knows how to run things around the company, perhaps saying: “I can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?”
An insecure or incompetent micromanager tries to stop you from using independent judgment and initiative. He doesn’t want to see you succeed because you are a threat to his position in the company. Most likely, with enough experience, you could do his job better than him, and he knows it. From his perspective, holding you down is his only way of surviving.
In order to formalize and enforce his micromanagement, he may create or implement strict measurements of your performance. He then threatens to hold you accountable. “Accountability” thus becomes another weapon in his overall pattern of harassment. When you resist his tightening control, he uses the dogmatic concept of accountability to punish you or have you fired.
When confronted by a peer or superior, a bully justifies his micromanaging behavior by blaming lazy, stupid, incompetent subordinates. Nothing is ever his fault.
He dominates conversations
He controls people by controlling conversations. He won’t allow his monologues to be interrupted, but in contrast cuts off others before they have a chance to articulate their positions. He refuses to explain things clearly, but accuses others of obfuscating a point, even when they have been thorough and articulate. He switches to new topics over the objections of others, but lashes out when someone else tries to switch to a new topic over his objection.
He prevents your communication with important people
If you are outspoken, he excludes you from key meetings. If you want to speak directly to his supervisor, he insists that all discussions must go up the chain of command (through him). And if you complain about his behavior to upper management, he launches an all-out attack on your character.
He calls on you to fulfill your duty
When you won’t agree to do things his way, he says you are ignoring your duty as a company employee. He then threatens to hold you accountable for irresponsible behavior or inadequate results, which he has defined according to unrealistic standards. If he is more subtle, he inserts the phrase “You should” before many of his demands, implying that since these are obviously your personal responsibility, ignoring them would be a clear failure on your part. Of course, your “duty” is always consistent with his selfish objectives.
He is very territorial
He fiercely protects his turf (department, projects, staff). He is outwardly indignant at intrusions, perhaps saying: “You’re trying to undermine my efforts to build the department.” At the same time, he is eager to steal someone else’s resources. But he downplays his attempts to “borrow” projects and staff from others, saying in his defense: “We’re all on the same team here.”
He uses your emotions to control you
He controls people by controlling their emotions. He wants you to crave his camaraderie by providing you with a sense of belonging, the feeling of being an integral part of the team. He may be lavish in his praise and promises, particularly during the honeymoon period of your relationship. But he is insincere, and his underlying intention is to exploit your emotions.
When you see through his manipulations and begin to resist his control, he suggests that others don’t think very highly of you. “But they don’t know you like I do” provides him cover for his attack. His underlying message is that he is your only true supporter, so you had better make him happy.
If you continue in your refusal to cooperate, he threatens loss of camaraderie. his basic message: If you don’t do what he wants, you will be failing him and your peers; then you won’t be part of the team anymore--the camaraderie will be gone. “Come on, be a team player,” he might say; “we all need you to get with the program.”
Once he actually withdraws his friendship and support, he flaunts his camaraderie with your peers, trying to make you jealous. Through this game, he subtly attempts to pressure you to return to the fold, and to all the benefits that accompany your submission to his authority.
If you continue to resist, he switches tactics, causing you to feel fear, guilt, shame, jealously or hate. Relief from painful emotions, and return to positive ones, await you. All you need to do is submit to his dominance.
His affection and support come at a price
As a corollary, he offers a fulfilling friendship and long-term relationship, making it clear that these are rewards for obeying him. He initially supports you within the company, but this is conditional upon your loyalty towards him. He does you favors to cement your friendship, and then later claims you are indebted to him. Over time, you will discover that there are always strings attached to his “giving” nature.
He wants to control how you work and play
He micromanages your daily routine, perhaps by chastising you for being twenty minutes late to work, or dictating the precise time for your lunch break (though you are in a work environment where exact schedules aren’t necessary). He may ruin your weekends by creating arbitrary Monday deadlines. He may even dictate company-related training and leisure, including seminars, get-togethers after work and company team-days or retreats.
He wants to live you life for you
He tries to make key decisions about your future, such as important work assignments, transfers and training. When you ignore his advice, he says you are making a serious mistake. when you continue to defy him, he says you are damaging your future.
To satisfy a bully, work must appear to be your only priority in life. It won’t bother him to see you sacrifice your family, your health, your happiness--as long as it brings you under his control.