x/c
 

Preparing his solo x/c the student comes up with the following question: "So, what are you going to do while I'm out all by myself?" "Well", I reply, "I'll sit back, relax, have a good cup of coffee and wait for you to come back."

"Now that is so mean, I have to do all the work and all you do is either point at the instruments or drink coffee.":D :ok:

Returning to Jandakot,(West Australia), from the east with student on navex. Student completed 1st solo nav yesterday.


Student: Can we go back the same way we came out of Jandakot

Me: No way, Jose' - that arrow on the map says outbound traffic only via Armidale

Student: Maybe that's why they were all screaming at me yesterday!!

happy days,

Friend of mine, ex fighter jet driver, while giving duals on piston plane with his very first civilian student, after numbers and numbers or circles, was asked by the old fellow controller:

Do you plan to land soon ?

And he answered: Why ? Still I have fuel....

Funny Comments
 

When I left the aircraft in order to send my student on his first Solo he moves his equipment aside in the back seat. When I asked him what he was doing he asked " are you not sitting in the back" ?

Some things were not meant to fly.
Had a B767 F/O (who had obtained his cpl in a western country) the other day doing his first annual proficency check in the simulator after being checked out.
He was asked to do the take off performance calculations.
Runway 18 in use, wind 240degrees at 10knots.
Calculations were done, but he based them on a 5knot tailwind.
It took 10 minutes to convince him the wind blew "from" and not "to"
Needless to say extra training was recommended.

This thread is great! I'm the editor of the BWPA newsletter, and I'd like to use some of these as fillers when I have the odd half page to fill. Does anyone mind? If so, let me know, and I'll make sure I don't use yours.

ice in the desert
 

My early flight training in the states, had done all the ground school previously, and learnt that ice was bad, so to my amazement turned up at the airport in Scottsdale to find ice on the warrior, so being a very switched on sort of guy I searched high and low for de-icer, in all the tubs were the screen cleaner and fuel sample bins were kept and couldn't find any, so turned to instructor and said "where's the de-icer?" to which he looked towards the mountains, pointed to that big ball of fire, and said, "in Arizona, we use that as the de-icer!" I felt a fool!

Words from the back.
 

Was flying a UH-1H for a loadmaster training sortie some years ago and the flight was an NVG sortie.

The loadmaster trainee had only done one sortie on NVG prior and was just getting used to the depth perception issues. Whilst on approach to a pinnacle he gave a brilliant running commentary of how far to run and how far below to the pinnacle which finished in a very confident:

"Five, four, three, two, one....sir good five foot hover"

The words from the front were "RADALT reads 130 mate"

Without missing a beat the response was:

"Copy 130, come down one hundred and twenty five"

Whitehorse
 

Student doing his prestart checks on his third flight gets as far as priming the engine.

Student "how many shall I give it?"
Me "two should be enough"
Student "is that enough for a one hour flight?"

is i time or tyne!?
 

Had my instructor exam on monday, had to teach steep turns, and of course had to demonstrate how to recieve a flight information service, map reading, and medium level turns, all going fine, when i hear leuchars saying "time 10:15", i was the only one on frequency that i could hear of so assumed it was for me, so i looked at my watch, and it said half 11, so i said to the examiner, "whats he on about, its half 11!" to which i got the response, " no, the tyne pressure setting is 1015!" i still passed!

As my instructor is a gentleman (:hmm:) and has resisted the urge to put any of my MANY comments on here - I thought I'd do the latest for him.

On doing a touch & go after a full flap landing, I took off again and forgot to take off one stage of flap. I know that dropping flap at the wrong time could result in sink, which would not be good too near the ground, so lever in hand I said.......... "Can I let one go???"

He creased up!!!!!!!!




Glad to be of service in the smile department :O

The good old days of having PanAm in Florida it was not uncommon to hear students who were about fourth in line for departure insist they were number one and ready for departure. Also very common to hear them say:
"Pan Am 45 Me Land now!"
when requesting landing clearance.

Student "Fort Pierce Tower, N5489 12miles NW with Tango request rejoin for fullstop 14"

ATC "N5489, Fort Pierce Tower, Join the left downwind for runway 32"

Student "N5489 Request rejoin for fullstop 14"

ATC "N5489 Runway 32 is in use, report left downwind runway 32"

Student "N5489 Request Runway 14"

ATC "N5489 Runway 32 is in use, report left downwind runway 32"

Student "I am on Cross Country and my instructor told me I must land on runway 14"

ATC "N5489 Runway 32 is in use, you can't land on 14, join the left downwind for runway 32 and report downwind"

Student "Request runway 14"

ATC "I'll tell you what N5489 fly Southbound until I tell you to fly Eastbound for runway 32"....

Whilst I was busy making a prat of myself at the Charlie 1 hold in G-BNFR a friend of mines student who had been instructed to make an orbit on the downwind leg and report it complete announced to Tower "G-BOLW coming out of orbit"

While practising PFL's near Point Cook and over the Melbourne sewage works...

Me 'Geez you can really smell the sewage works today...'

Instructor 'Sorry mate, let one slip...'

After a trial lesson with a student keen to help out, suggested he fetch the chocks for me. As he hovered, chocks in hand, I prompted him to put one each side of the nosewheel. Which he did. Literally....

Indian instructor colleague of mine to ATC: 'Can we have the runway lights turned down a bit please; I'm getting suntan here and I'm already black.'

My best rival to that:

On final approach, ATC ask if I can accept a displaced threshold abeam the first exit as an engineer is working on the PAPIs. At half a mile, he offers me full length as the engineer has finished. My reply, 'I can see he's finished; looks like he's taken all the red bulbs out and put white ones in'. After a long pause, I hear the reply, 'Very good...'.

And told to me by my first instructor:

ATC: 'Report passing abeam Spanhoe' [unlicenced field near Wittering]
Student: 'Wilco' [turning to instructor still with PTT depressed], 'Where the f**k's Spanhoe'
ATC: 'In your 11 o'clock Sir, range 4 miles.'

Student who was about to practice an engine restart in flight said "Do i need to call clear prop before starting?"

Taxying back to dispersal after a session of circuits and bumps with a mainwheel squeaking away student asks "Whats that making that noise?" My reply was "Oh i thinks its probably the brake sticking slightly, I will report it to the engineers when we get back" Trainee replies " Could we just put some oil on it?" :ugh:

One of the students at EGKB.

After take off

Instructor “ John you’re doing 85 kts, we should be climbing at 75”
Student “OK” and still continues.

After instructor repeats himself few times, student maintains attitude a retards throttle to idle trying to slow down.:ugh:

Same student on a different flight.

After take off and climb out: -

Instructor “John turn right heading 320”
Student “OK” and still continues.

Once again instructor needs to repeat command few times and then student puts his hand on DI and turn DI to 320 continuing to fly on 210…:ugh:

After 40 hours with no chance for solo he finally gave up.
:}

May not a student but.....
 

Heard recently
Farnborough Radar "G-hows your father did you do any flight planning at Shoreham?"
G-hows your father "Affirm (but in a puzzled tone)"
Farnborough Radar "Did it include flying into the Gatwick Zone? Turn right heading 270"

I get one.
I asked to an instructor a friend of mine a few months ago, "how was your day ? etc"

he replied " well, sometimes I am fed up... you know what? a student pilot asked me a stupid question:

" what do you do when you have an engine failure ? do you try to climb higher ?"

:} :D

I can tell you, it was unbelievable to hear that...

Could the student be referring to trading speed for height, i.e. using those few seconds whilst losing speed between cruise and glide speed (approx. 20 - 30 kias) to pick up 100 - 200+' in a straight climb whilst using the time to switch on the fuel pump, change tanks, apply carb heat and commence trimming for the glide (which then starts at a greater height AGL)?

Just a thought.

Funny Comments made by students
 

Student under pressure pre solo doing pre-landing checks:-

'No arse looticles'

and another,although not exactly funny, by a student from somewhere in xxxxxx being monitored on a controlling frequency on his first solo x-country:-

'I am in de cloud'(sic)

He survived this incident with a lot of help, but not the course!

Took a student on his first Navex today. Descending back into our base he asked "how the f**k do you do all that on your own then?!!!!!!"

.." anyway I've bought a jet and would like to do my PPL in your Twin please...":ouch:

I must dmit I took this from another posting but think it is 100%:

Tower (to student on approach)
"G-** wind 160 at 15 knots, no need to confirm"
Stude:
"Wind 160 at 15 knots, no need to confirm G-**"

Simulated forced landings years ago -

Student: "Would you turn on the landing lights for a dead stick landing in the dark?"

Me: "Probably".

Student: "What happens if you don't like what you see?"

Me: "Switch them off".

Student: "Better to have engine failures during the day then . . "

Me: "Unquestionably". :rolleyes:

GQ.

Two incidents, one fairly recent:

Tower to student: "Say Position."
Student on Solo: "uhh... position?"

and then the other day

Tower to student: "Say altitude."
Student to tower: "Altitude."

I'm sure you've all heard students getting radar and radio around the wrong way many times before, nothing new there, but has anyone else had a student talking to XX Rodeo? :ok:Yeeehaw!!

Quote: -Tower to student: "Say altitude."
Student to tower: "Altitude."

aclark79 - this one can be made to go on for a bit:

after "Say speed", "Say heading", "Say altitude" to which the responses, predictably, are "Speed, Heading, Altitude", comes "Say Cancel IFR" to which the very prompt reply is "Three four zero knots, one niner five degrees, flight level three five five"! :)

GQ.

Sorry not a student quote but a pax comment about 5 months ago:

Landing into bush strip Botswana with the stall warning blaring.

Passenger behind me sees antelope at the end of the strip and says "oh were you hootin at those animals right there??"

interseting!!:ugh:

Ic_aerobatics
 

I had one recently who did the same (pull the power back on the good engine) - except he was an ATPL FO and we had 300 bodies in the back of the Sim! The Economics of Supply and Demand guaranteed his pass!!
And, before you shoot barbs in my back. I was the one pushing it up ASAP.

Now, here is a scary thought: He will be up for Widebody Command in 3 years and guess what?????

He will be flying you around shortly after..

George Semel
 

Dear George, (#17)
Your guy now is flying a wide-body Airbus in the Middle-East!
You think I jest? heh, heh, heh

Stalling
 

This made me smile this afternoon.
At the end of a climbing, descending and turning lesson I always demonstrate a power off/ clean stall so that the student knows what to expect during the next lesson. While pattering my way through the signs and then the symptoms of the stall my student very enthusiastically said, "Yeah, you can really smell it can't you". ???:rolleyes:??? I then pointed out that stalling was all about lift (or a lack of it) and that it would be a good idea for him to read chapter ten before his next lesson. I didn't like to ask what he could smell.
:)

Not a student FI experience but myself and a mate returing from a business trip into a Controlled International Airport, we had just landed and I was about to shut down when I got the following radio call from the tower.

Tower "xyz cleard to land number one"

Me "Tower xyz has landed 5 mins ago and is about to shut down"

Tower "oh..... Disregard"

I guess it was a slow day on top of the stick.

Instructor Chat (funny)
 

A 152 comes in to land at rochester during a circuit detail (bounce bounce bounce) when the plane comes to stop the instructor jumps out and sends his student off solo. When questioned by another instructor why he sent his student solo after a landing like the reply came "whith landings like that iam not f***ing staying in there".:E

Me to student when turning finals No 2.

"if you call finals now they'll say "callsign xx continue approach"

Student then calls:- "callsign xx continue approach" followed by chuckles from the tower. :ugh:

In one of our ground courses, pretty sure it was in tech cause it is tech related question, a student asked "do planes have gear boxes"

Not a student, but an elderly PPL overheard while I was in the circuit:
[PPL] - "Tower, G-XXXX, Information B, request taxi"
[Busy controller who'd been just about to clear a 737 to land]: "G-XX, taxi S1 for 27, QNH 1024, standby for the readback"
(You've guessed what's coming)
[PPL, slowly and deliberately] - "Taxi to holding point Sierra One for runway two seven, Q-N-H One Zero Two Four, standby for the readback, G-XX"
(And the 737 PNF just had time to utter the word "Classic...." before a very late landing clearance.)