Funny comments made by students
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New Zealand
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May as well add this in too...
Outside flying I sometimes deal with a yearlong uncurrent PPL with about 150 hours. The amazing thing about this particular PPL is that he's one of those rare ones who knows everything there is to know at such an early level of experience. For that reason he will not stand being corrected by anyone of any experience level, and rightly so. He enjoys giving me lectures using the most painful nerve-twanging half-baked terms and facts, and any attempt offer him some furthering or angling-conversation-toward-the-physically-possible is cut off with a "Yep, yep" and change of subject.
I usually avoid flying discussions with him (such as: now did you know a jet engine has fans in the front AND back? The back one's for cooling or a similar purpose, it gets extremely hot in those things you know, hotter than a car engine, you wouldn't want to stand behind it). But, recently, he dragged me into a lecture about stalling, and he introduced me to this checklist you do before practicing it, which isn't written down because you can just call it HASELL to remember it.
"Height, Altitude, Stress, Elevation, and I forget the other two..."
Outside flying I sometimes deal with a yearlong uncurrent PPL with about 150 hours. The amazing thing about this particular PPL is that he's one of those rare ones who knows everything there is to know at such an early level of experience. For that reason he will not stand being corrected by anyone of any experience level, and rightly so. He enjoys giving me lectures using the most painful nerve-twanging half-baked terms and facts, and any attempt offer him some furthering or angling-conversation-toward-the-physically-possible is cut off with a "Yep, yep" and change of subject.
I usually avoid flying discussions with him (such as: now did you know a jet engine has fans in the front AND back? The back one's for cooling or a similar purpose, it gets extremely hot in those things you know, hotter than a car engine, you wouldn't want to stand behind it). But, recently, he dragged me into a lecture about stalling, and he introduced me to this checklist you do before practicing it, which isn't written down because you can just call it HASELL to remember it.
"Height, Altitude, Stress, Elevation, and I forget the other two..."
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: england
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A particularly 'challenging' student has finally got to the nav stage, and after a marathon (what seems like) 3 hour calculation of the route to be flown, we end up on the home leg ground speed calculation.....which turns out to be 125Kts.
The immortal line is then uttered
"Can the aircraft take it?"
My ribs still hurt now thinking about it.
The immortal line is then uttered
"Can the aircraft take it?"
My ribs still hurt now thinking about it.
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At the risk of being non-PC my favourites are from when I taught Japanese and Chinese students in Australia. In addition to the usual student foolery there's the added element of mis-translation.
First one. Japanese student, practice engine failures/glide approaches. He conducted several perfectly executed examples during which all checks and radio calls were made and the aircraft was always going to make the field. To be honest I was beginning to hate the guy he was so good. "Obviously no problems there" I said "One more and we'll call it a day but this time imagine you have passengers on board." I retarded the throttle saying "Simulated engine failure". He paused briefly before miming tying on a headband and saying "Passengers, prepare to die. Banzai!!"
Chinese student we'd nicknamed Dr Death. Out on a cross-country exercise starting at sea level (Coolangatta, east coast of Australia), almost due west over the Dividing Range for a touch and go at a bush strip (elevation 600' or so) before heading off to a (then) CTAF and home. Inbound to the strip the guy was a mess. Got lost several times in the space of 45 minutes, R/T a nightmare, he was overloaded from the moment he started the engine. After the slam and go at the strip he immediately initiated a turn on to his outbound heading. There was barely enough height to prevent the wingtip striking the ground so I levelled the wings and asked "What about the 500 foot rule?". His reply, "Altimeter says 630 feet".
First one. Japanese student, practice engine failures/glide approaches. He conducted several perfectly executed examples during which all checks and radio calls were made and the aircraft was always going to make the field. To be honest I was beginning to hate the guy he was so good. "Obviously no problems there" I said "One more and we'll call it a day but this time imagine you have passengers on board." I retarded the throttle saying "Simulated engine failure". He paused briefly before miming tying on a headband and saying "Passengers, prepare to die. Banzai!!"
Chinese student we'd nicknamed Dr Death. Out on a cross-country exercise starting at sea level (Coolangatta, east coast of Australia), almost due west over the Dividing Range for a touch and go at a bush strip (elevation 600' or so) before heading off to a (then) CTAF and home. Inbound to the strip the guy was a mess. Got lost several times in the space of 45 minutes, R/T a nightmare, he was overloaded from the moment he started the engine. After the slam and go at the strip he immediately initiated a turn on to his outbound heading. There was barely enough height to prevent the wingtip striking the ground so I levelled the wings and asked "What about the 500 foot rule?". His reply, "Altimeter says 630 feet".
navex
Join Date: Apr 2006
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Dont know if this one will get past the censor but here goes, one particularly busy Saturday one of our instructors spent ages looking for a particularly untalanted student, he was eventually found sitting in a C152 with a huge tuna & raw onion sandwich half devoured & a cockpit that smelt like Hinge & Brackets pi55pot! This instructor who didn't suffer fools very well glared at the poor sod who suddenly realising the error of his way stammerered 'eh you don't mind do you' ? Then came the immortal reply ' well you fly like a fanny so you might as well smell like one'
Join Date: Aug 2006
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Not particularly funny ha ha but I did have a newish student say something with a fair amount of insight... " Don't you think that the Cessna 152 is a magnificent piece of engineering?". I actually paused and had to conceed the point. The amount of abuse it puts up with is insane. Nail on head methinks! 
Oveur Out
Oveur Out
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While working as a FAC in Vietnam, I worked with some pilots from other countries. Many NEVER wanted to admit they didn't know something.
We were droning along at a low altitude with me in the right seat, the fellow pilot.. the student.. in the left seat. We are in a skid, the stall warning is going off and we are in a 30deg bank.
I said, "XX, do you hear that horn?"
Yes..
"Do you know we are near the stall?"
Yes..
"Do you know we are in a skid?"
Yes..
"Do you know that if we stall we are probably going to spin?
Yes..
"And that we are below the minimum spin recovery height so we are probably going to die?"
Yes...
"I have the airplane."
Yes, you have the airplane.
We were droning along at a low altitude with me in the right seat, the fellow pilot.. the student.. in the left seat. We are in a skid, the stall warning is going off and we are in a 30deg bank.
I said, "XX, do you hear that horn?"
Yes..
"Do you know we are near the stall?"
Yes..
"Do you know we are in a skid?"
Yes..
"Do you know that if we stall we are probably going to spin?
Yes..
"And that we are below the minimum spin recovery height so we are probably going to die?"
Yes...
"I have the airplane."
Yes, you have the airplane.
Join Date: May 2004
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Even though I posted this in Oh Ma Gawd it is worth repeating.
Me this morning, on FI course, up at 3000', over a VERY rural part of the English countryside, doing PFLs.
FIC - 'Have you got a suitable field?'
ME - 'Yes'
FIC - 'Which one'
ME - Pointing in rough direction - 'That green one with the trees'
Punch me quick!!!!
Me this morning, on FI course, up at 3000', over a VERY rural part of the English countryside, doing PFLs.
FIC - 'Have you got a suitable field?'
ME - 'Yes'
FIC - 'Which one'
ME - Pointing in rough direction - 'That green one with the trees'
Punch me quick!!!!
Join Date: Dec 2001
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Another circuit bashing detail with a below-average student.
During the pre-flight briefing the student says: "I've memorised the Before Take-Off Checks and the Downwind Checks."
Instructor: "You only need to memorise the Downwind Checks, the Before Take-Off Checks are always read and actioned from the checklist"
On the first circuit towards the end of the downwind leg, the aircraft pitches violently nose-up and then rolls rapidly to the right. Instructor recovers and shouts: "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?"
Student: "Sorry, I mixed-up the Downwind Checks with the Before Take-Off Checks and instead of checking 'C' for carb heat I checked 'C' for controls."
During the pre-flight briefing the student says: "I've memorised the Before Take-Off Checks and the Downwind Checks."
Instructor: "You only need to memorise the Downwind Checks, the Before Take-Off Checks are always read and actioned from the checklist"
On the first circuit towards the end of the downwind leg, the aircraft pitches violently nose-up and then rolls rapidly to the right. Instructor recovers and shouts: "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?"
Student: "Sorry, I mixed-up the Downwind Checks with the Before Take-Off Checks and instead of checking 'C' for carb heat I checked 'C' for controls."
I had something like this in a heli. . the guy mixed up pre-flight checks with pre-start checks!!! - Rotors at flying rpm and he goes for 'full and free movement'!
Kinda gets your attention
Kinda gets your attention
Join Date: Apr 2006
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Heres another true story. I was on a navigation test with a particularly'laid back' character who dispite briefing certainly was NOT looking out or pointing out other traffic. As conditions very quite murky my own head was going around like something off the Excorcist. Imagine my surprise when matey pipes up with ''oh look, theres Billy Kray''
I thought a) how has he seen an aircraft before me b) where is it as it must be close as he even knows who is in it & c) who the f@@k is Billy Kray anyway.. As I feverishly searched the sky for this conflicting traffic It dawned on.... We were in fact routing towards the town of Billericay!.
Oh how I laughed (later!!)
I thought a) how has he seen an aircraft before me b) where is it as it must be close as he even knows who is in it & c) who the f@@k is Billy Kray anyway.. As I feverishly searched the sky for this conflicting traffic It dawned on.... We were in fact routing towards the town of Billericay!.
Oh how I laughed (later!!)
Join Date: Feb 2000
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Not so silly you know - if you paid half as much for your car as you did for the plane you would expect aircon, surround sound, GPS, sunroof, and individual DVDs and reading lights in the pax seats