Yukky PA's
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Yukky PA's
Do you cringe when you hear the first sacharine sweet welcoming PA from the head honcho in the cabin which starts off with "Ladies and gentlemen - Boys and Girls". (Notwithstanding there is no one under 20 years of age aboard)
.
Then after the Purser (or whoever) has made that opening PA you can bet that the captain and/or the first officer will come up with "Ladies and Gentlemen - Boys and Girls" yada yada yada..
Then for the next bloody two hours every PA is prefixed with Ladies and gentlemen - you've got it right first go...."Boys and Girls !@&*#+%# -followed by (from one of the blokes in the cockpit) an interminable chat-fest on the current and future weather en-route and destination, followed by a solemn promise to up-date you on the terminal weather asap with an exhortation to sit back and relax and enjoy.
Even heard one chatty cheerful twit of a captain tell his Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, that because of the forecast bumpy ride into Melbourne he took no responsibility for any injuries to them during a descent if they did not have their seatbelts done up nice and tight. Injuries on descent!! The poor old dear in the seat next to me nearly wet herself with fright at that gem.
Where are the mature, no bullsh--t PA's of yesteryear?
.
Then after the Purser (or whoever) has made that opening PA you can bet that the captain and/or the first officer will come up with "Ladies and Gentlemen - Boys and Girls" yada yada yada..
Then for the next bloody two hours every PA is prefixed with Ladies and gentlemen - you've got it right first go...."Boys and Girls !@&*#+%# -followed by (from one of the blokes in the cockpit) an interminable chat-fest on the current and future weather en-route and destination, followed by a solemn promise to up-date you on the terminal weather asap with an exhortation to sit back and relax and enjoy.
Even heard one chatty cheerful twit of a captain tell his Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, that because of the forecast bumpy ride into Melbourne he took no responsibility for any injuries to them during a descent if they did not have their seatbelts done up nice and tight. Injuries on descent!! The poor old dear in the seat next to me nearly wet herself with fright at that gem.
Where are the mature, no bullsh--t PA's of yesteryear?
Nunc est bibendum
Only ever heard one QF skipper use 'boys and girls'.
Detest, detest, detest, 'settle back, relax, and enjoy the flight'.
Do promise to update ETA and actual weather they will find 'if leaving the terminal' on descent.
Believe it or not, customer feedback indicates that they do want to know ETA, weather, and any points of interest on final. It is pretty rare when I'm travelling that every person with a window seat doesn't have their nose against the window havinga look outside so why not telling them what they will be looking at.
Also, international and domestic flights need different sorts of PAs due to different clientele. My monday morning SYD-MEL PA is pretty different to my Saturday arvo MEL-OOL!
Sometimes we just can't win though!
Detest, detest, detest, 'settle back, relax, and enjoy the flight'.
Do promise to update ETA and actual weather they will find 'if leaving the terminal' on descent.
Believe it or not, customer feedback indicates that they do want to know ETA, weather, and any points of interest on final. It is pretty rare when I'm travelling that every person with a window seat doesn't have their nose against the window havinga look outside so why not telling them what they will be looking at.
Also, international and domestic flights need different sorts of PAs due to different clientele. My monday morning SYD-MEL PA is pretty different to my Saturday arvo MEL-OOL!
Sometimes we just can't win though!
I don't want to be the best pilot in the world - Just the oldest
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"Ladies and Gentlemen, Girls and Boys - please standby for a demonstration of mature no bullsh_t PA announcement by Centaurus." 
Last edited by Islander Jock; 16th Jun 2002 at 13:47.
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Whinging now about "Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls"!
Yeah, certainly one of those major problems facing society and the aviation industry.
Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls we have yet another winner for the "Get a life Mate".........."CENTAURUS"
Yeah, certainly one of those major problems facing society and the aviation industry.
Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls we have yet another winner for the "Get a life Mate".........."CENTAURUS"
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....no, much worse...
was on a AN flight one day when the FO come on over the PA with a voice that made him sound like the host of an American 70's game show. After the usual details he continued with
"and Suzie and the rest of the girls down the back will continue to give you service that shines on Ansett, one of the worlds great airlines and a memeber of The Star Alliance".
It was so cheezy that people were openly laughing for the next few minutes.
I am guessing that this guy now works in radio or TV as a voice over bloke.
was on a AN flight one day when the FO come on over the PA with a voice that made him sound like the host of an American 70's game show. After the usual details he continued with
"and Suzie and the rest of the girls down the back will continue to give you service that shines on Ansett, one of the worlds great airlines and a memeber of The Star Alliance".
It was so cheezy that people were openly laughing for the next few minutes.
I am guessing that this guy now works in radio or TV as a voice over bloke.
Grandpa Aerotart
One of the things I do NOT miss about airline flying is giving bloody PAs. In fact the only thing I miss less than giving PAs is listening to Spruccy's PAs Mate you're a good bloke but your PAs are nauseating!
I remember my first sector under training in a PX Dash 7, with the Fleet Captain no less. "Ok Chuck...time for you to do a PA".
"A WHAT? No sorry....don't do them!!!"
"Ya bloody do now!!!"
All I ever gave was,
"Ladies and gents welcome aboard flight xxx. Flight time today will be 3 hours...our track takes us west across the GAFA and we expect to have you disembarking at yyy. I'll get back to you around top of descent with an update of our arrival time and the weather. Thankyou.
I had to laugh late last year. We had finally got the airshow working in the Falcon and it was all set up with any info the people in the back could want. One of the Doctors we regularly fly with came forward and said "when are we getting there Chuck?"
"I have no idea....what does the TV in the back say?"
"Hang on Chuck I'll check!"
20 months a Captain/CP/Head of Cleverness and while I'm informed by our ever zealous resident F/O that a PA system exists I'm yet to discover how it works in the Falcon....BLISS.
Chuck.
Mate you're a good bloke but your PAs are nauseating!I remember my first sector under training in a PX Dash 7, with the Fleet Captain no less. "Ok Chuck...time for you to do a PA".
"A WHAT? No sorry....don't do them!!!"
"Ya bloody do now!!!"
All I ever gave was,
"Ladies and gents welcome aboard flight xxx. Flight time today will be 3 hours...our track takes us west across the GAFA and we expect to have you disembarking at yyy. I'll get back to you around top of descent with an update of our arrival time and the weather. Thankyou.
I had to laugh late last year. We had finally got the airshow working in the Falcon and it was all set up with any info the people in the back could want. One of the Doctors we regularly fly with came forward and said "when are we getting there Chuck?"
"I have no idea....what does the TV in the back say?"
"Hang on Chuck I'll check!"
20 months a Captain/CP/Head of Cleverness and while I'm informed by our ever zealous resident F/O that a PA system exists I'm yet to discover how it works in the Falcon....BLISS.
Chuck.
Last edited by Chimbu chuckles; 16th Jun 2002 at 15:21.
Bottums Up
Centaurus,
Bumped into a group of pax last week, whilst enjoying a bevvie or two with the F/A's.
Pax offered their (unsolicited) opinion that they really enjoyed the PAs about points of interest enroute: Finke Rvr, Gosse Bluff, Uluru, etc etc.
I guess 'cause we hear them or give them all the time it's a bit hard to objectively know what the pax do want.
As Keg says, it's unusual not to have lots of noses pressed up against the window. Best effort I heard was paxing on an AN 727 service BNE - DRW in '94 or '95. The skipper did a great job!
Bumped into a group of pax last week, whilst enjoying a bevvie or two with the F/A's.
Pax offered their (unsolicited) opinion that they really enjoyed the PAs about points of interest enroute: Finke Rvr, Gosse Bluff, Uluru, etc etc.
I guess 'cause we hear them or give them all the time it's a bit hard to objectively know what the pax do want.
As Keg says, it's unusual not to have lots of noses pressed up against the window. Best effort I heard was paxing on an AN 727 service BNE - DRW in '94 or '95. The skipper did a great job!
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Had a skip years ago that used to be nicknamed "FM" as he was always on the P.A.
I asked him why he chatted so frequently as all the pax were surely, at that time of the day, going to be businesspeople.
"Nah", he assured me, "they love it". Just then the hostie brought in a note for him (as it turned out, from one of our pax).
Without opening it, he handed it over to me and said, confidently, "here, you read it...I get these thank-you notes all the time."
I opened it. It said, simply:
FOR GOD'S SAKE, SHUT UP.
True story.
I asked him why he chatted so frequently as all the pax were surely, at that time of the day, going to be businesspeople.
"Nah", he assured me, "they love it". Just then the hostie brought in a note for him (as it turned out, from one of our pax).
Without opening it, he handed it over to me and said, confidently, "here, you read it...I get these thank-you notes all the time."
I opened it. It said, simply:
FOR GOD'S SAKE, SHUT UP.
True story.
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I guess to a degree it depends on the route you are flying,tourist orientated v business, however when you travel in the back and are unfortunate enough to strike a pilot that does enjoy the sound of his own voice, the majority of pax don't listen or just wish he would go away.
The eta is important to most and the tourists like things like Ayres Rock, Lake Eyre pointed out but the reality is that anything smaller than that they won't see anyway!
Very annoying when the movie is interupted with use less information. Especially when the f/a's normally turn it on so that you miss the last 5 mins anyway. Whats with that, you can venture off on a 4hr flight, 1 hr into the flight you get the news, absolutely fab or something of the like more breaks then the movie which doesn't finish! Unbelievable, must have an agreement with Birch Carol and Coyle. You want to see the end you have to go to the movies!
The eta is important to most and the tourists like things like Ayres Rock, Lake Eyre pointed out but the reality is that anything smaller than that they won't see anyway!
Very annoying when the movie is interupted with use less information. Especially when the f/a's normally turn it on so that you miss the last 5 mins anyway. Whats with that, you can venture off on a 4hr flight, 1 hr into the flight you get the news, absolutely fab or something of the like more breaks then the movie which doesn't finish! Unbelievable, must have an agreement with Birch Carol and Coyle. You want to see the end you have to go to the movies!
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The P. A’.s that I enjoy most are those inadvertantly given out on Centre frequency. :o
The next best P A’s are those given on Company frequency.
(But how come it so funny when someone else does it but not when you do?)
The next best P A’s are those given on Company frequency.
(But how come it so funny when someone else does it but not when you do?)
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This is a bit off the subject but when I was a young person I was lucky enough to go to the USA. It was at the time when the DC 10s (I think) were having heaps of problems with cargo doors and the like, around the late seventies, I think. A few had fallen out of the sky with great loss of life so public confidence was very low in these aircraft. To build up that confidence the powers that be decided it would be good if all the pax could watch the landing and take off from behind the crew-real time. There was a large screen with the Capt. etc all looking professional and busy and oh so happy that they were flying in this aircraft. I don't know whether this still happens today but, going by the reactions of all the pax in the aircraft I was flying on, I'd be surprised if it did. Every time the Capt. turned around and smiled into the camera and told us what was going on there was an audible groan from the pax (those that weren't crying or screaming that is,) and some pax were heard to yell when heading in for a landing " turn around-look where you're going" A more terrified lot of pax you never did see.
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Heading down to Melbourne from Sydney at night recently as a slf. Just as we were coming into Tullamarine the FO gets on the PA, usual yada yada, including "Ladies and gentlemen there is a beautiful view of the lights of Melbourne from here in the flight deck tonight".
Brilliant. Just what I wanted to hear - NOT!
Brilliant. Just what I wanted to hear - NOT!
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Last time I flew Qantas from SYD-BNE it was the last flight of the night on a 762. On approach into BNE the SO made the following PA:
"Folks this is the second officer speaking, we are now well into our approach to Melbourne this evening where the local time is seventeen minutes to nine in the evening. The weather looks fine and its a pleasant 15 degrees on the ground. We should have you arriving right on time. On behalf of Captain *** and First Officer *** on the flight deck with me tonight, I'd like to thank you for choosing Qantas and our partners at Star Alliance, we look forward to your business again soon. Good Night".
Just a few corrections:
1. We were approaching Brisbane
2. It was nine minutes to ten
3. Qantas is Oneworld
I guess it had been a long day!
"Folks this is the second officer speaking, we are now well into our approach to Melbourne this evening where the local time is seventeen minutes to nine in the evening. The weather looks fine and its a pleasant 15 degrees on the ground. We should have you arriving right on time. On behalf of Captain *** and First Officer *** on the flight deck with me tonight, I'd like to thank you for choosing Qantas and our partners at Star Alliance, we look forward to your business again soon. Good Night".
Just a few corrections:
1. We were approaching Brisbane
2. It was nine minutes to ten
3. Qantas is Oneworld
I guess it had been a long day!
Grandpa Aerotart
A few years ago a handfull of us deadheading home to Cairns from Port Moresby on the last flight of the day, ETD 1830 ish. F/O doing the PA and with his usual slowtalking, somewhat uncultured countryboy accent.
"AH gdevening laydies and genlemen, welcum abord Air Niugini flight XX to Cairns. Our track this evenin takes us south past Osprey Reef, so named because from some angles to actually looks lika Osprey!, which you will see on the left hands side of the aircraft...ohh... no... yas probably won't 'cause it's dark! Well as we discend inta Cairns you should get a luvely view of the lights of the City out the right hand side of the aircraft....well actually it's a little cloudy so yus probably won't. Anyway flight time is expected to be 1 hour 25 so we'll havya disembarking around 8 oclock....thankya.
The guy concerned is a top bloke and we were nearly in stitches in the back...well except for a couple of captains who took PAs, and themselves, way to seriously
Chuckles.
"AH gdevening laydies and genlemen, welcum abord Air Niugini flight XX to Cairns. Our track this evenin takes us south past Osprey Reef, so named because from some angles to actually looks lika Osprey!, which you will see on the left hands side of the aircraft...ohh... no... yas probably won't 'cause it's dark! Well as we discend inta Cairns you should get a luvely view of the lights of the City out the right hand side of the aircraft....well actually it's a little cloudy so yus probably won't. Anyway flight time is expected to be 1 hour 25 so we'll havya disembarking around 8 oclock....thankya.
The guy concerned is a top bloke and we were nearly in stitches in the back...well except for a couple of captains who took PAs, and themselves, way to seriously
Chuckles.
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First sensible topic I've seen on this site. PAs DO suc.k, big style.
I was forced to fly with The Red Rat Foetus recently and the retard in the front LH seat implored me to, "sit back, relax and enjoy the flight." Since I had previously sworn never to take that again, it earnt him a chinese burn and kick in the ars.e in the gate-lounge where my mates were all waiting for him. And since we were all staying in the same pub, we hooked in again later on AT THE BAR!!!
Me? I don't do PA but if I did I would kick ars.e at it.
oh yeah, my thoughts: No one wants to hear your voice despite what the pud-pullers down at HQ tell you after their "surveys". The boffins aren't smart enough to realise the only spankers who can be arsed answering those surveys are the same tools who like to hear endless BS from the cockpit. They are a minority. No one else gives a flying red rat's foetal ars.e about how many metres we are above the earth's crust. All they wanna know is when the hel.l they can peel themselves outa their ars.e-grooves and get off.
I was forced to fly with The Red Rat Foetus recently and the retard in the front LH seat implored me to, "sit back, relax and enjoy the flight." Since I had previously sworn never to take that again, it earnt him a chinese burn and kick in the ars.e in the gate-lounge where my mates were all waiting for him. And since we were all staying in the same pub, we hooked in again later on AT THE BAR!!!
Me? I don't do PA but if I did I would kick ars.e at it.
oh yeah, my thoughts: No one wants to hear your voice despite what the pud-pullers down at HQ tell you after their "surveys". The boffins aren't smart enough to realise the only spankers who can be arsed answering those surveys are the same tools who like to hear endless BS from the cockpit. They are a minority. No one else gives a flying red rat's foetal ars.e about how many metres we are above the earth's crust. All they wanna know is when the hel.l they can peel themselves outa their ars.e-grooves and get off.