"Hello, I am calling you from Microsoft...."

[BEagle]

Has anyone else noticed a recent increase in these stupid calls from India or wherever, from people purporting to be 'Microsoft service engineers' or similar? They try to get you to access your computer management, so that they can scare you into downloading some spurious cr@p from some dubious source....

Of course, it's all bolleaux. I managed to spin one wanquerre along for a good few minutes earlier today, until I got bored and told him to $od off and annoy someone else. But the next one was given a message I was once advised to use in order to get rid of Asian cold callers - something like "Bag jow, tum kala sur!". No idea what it means though - can anyone elucidate?

Is there no way of stopping these pests?

[Milo Minderbinder]

I identified the bitch who is behind one of these scamming companies in this thread
http://www.pprune.org/computer-inter...hone-call.html

Phone her and tell her what you think of her

[vulcanised]

When I have the time/inclination I string them along, ending with questions like "So, you're saying I need to buy a computer then?"

[Blues&twos]

The last one I had on the phone had the audacity, after ten minutes telling him lies, of saying "You are wasting my time". I replied "I think you'll find you're wasting MY time". There waz a long pause, then he said "F### off" and rang off. Still makes me laugh weeks later.

[R J Kinloch]

Go to a site called " Swearasaurus" and learn some Hindi swearwords.
That really annoys them.

[M.Mouse]

My record for keeping one of these scammers on the telephone is approaching 25 minutes! I was not busy and I hate both the cold calling and the fact that they are not even offering a decent product but frightening the gullible and unwary into purchasing rubbish 'security' software.

The call in question I pretended that i couldn't understand what she was saying and made her spell everything she asked me to type. When we finally got to the part where she asked me to log on to a particular website I told her I couldn't do that because they were a bunch of scammers.

The girl was obviously under training because a male interrupted and started shouting abuse and threatening to 'come and f*** my mother/sister/wife'. He was apoplectic with rage. It didn't help that his ranting caused me to start laughing and still makes me smile with satisfaction some weeks later.

[Blues&twos]

My manager got a call at work telling him had compensation waiting for him "for that accident you had in the last three years". When asked for details he said "I got my penis caught in a car door. It wasn't my car though, will that affect my claim?" It still amazes me how long these people will continue with the call, even after something so outrageously unbelievable is mentioned. Are they paid by call length??

[Tableview]

shouting abuse and threatening to 'come and f*** my mother/sister/wife'. He was apoplectic with rage. It didn't help that his ranting caused me to start laughing and still makes me smile with satisfaction some weeks later.

I do this with Nigerian scammers. I get them to call me (expensive UK personal number) and keep them on for ages while I just make them repeat everything because I can't hear them properly, they run out of prepaid credit and have to go and get another card, etc ....... Eventually I ask them if they really thought I was going to fall for their pathetic scam ........ and then I get the comedy show and the abuse as above!

[Load Toad]

If it's a cold caller (calling during my family time) or a scammer I find telling them to F off works.

[FullOppositeRudder]

There must thousands of people involved in this racket for it to be on the scale it apparently is .

There is almost an epidemic of this in going on in 'my' part of Australia. I get one of these about every three weeks.

Last night it was mentioned amongst a group of friends during coffee and almost everyone had been confronted with one of these calls in the past few weeks.

A few days ago we were at relative's place (normally vacant) doing some spring cleaning, and there were three such calls in the five hours we were there.

The tragedy is that some people must actually believe them and go along with the scam. Otherwise it should have died off by now.

[Tableview]

The more people wind them up and waste their time and resources, the sooner it will die out. It will move from being a low risk/high gain operation to a high risk/low gain one. Then they will just invent another form of scam!

[Milo Minderbinder]

"There must thousands of people involved"

There are

"some people must actually believe them"
Many do. Never ever underestimate the naivety of the great public at large.
But its a numbers game - at Indian pay scales, if only 5% of the "customers" bite, then the conmen are ahead

Look at that link I posted earlier - thats a decent sized company. Its not a three man plus dog setup. Its a proper fully tooled up call centre dedicated to the scamming arts, with staff trained in deceit.
As I said before - call the bitch and personally tell her where to get off, if she feels threatened then maybe it will stop. Or at least maybe her company will stop...

[Keef]

They got to the point here that it wasn't amusing any more. When the next thick Indian accented female started the "Microsoft Department" spiel, I told her to stop wasting my time and hers, and hung up. She rang back and gave me a tirade of insults, including some very imaginative ones. I just hung up again. She didn't call back.

My wife has had a few when I've not been around. She asks them how it can be, since she doesn't have a computer.

I've also done the "I can't find that screen on my Apple Mac" thing. That prompts an instant hang-up at their end.

It's useful that Milo's found one of the outfits doing this. I suspect there will be more than one, though.

[A A Gruntpuddock]

I usually just put the phone down until it goes silent, then replace the handset.

[TWT]

My uncle used to launch into Gaelic when he heard the familiar accent.'Click'.

[stewmath]

My aunty used to use the whistle down the phone trick, i personally turn up my speakers and load the buffy swears keyboard website

[Capot]

It still amazes me how long these people will continue with the call, even after something so outrageously unbelievable is mentioned. Are they paid by call length??

You need to be careful when inventing these stories, fun though it is.

I was called at an idle moment by a Tracey who said she was calling about my recent accident. "Good Lord" says I, "that was quick, it only happened this morning".

She asked if I had suffered injury, so I said I had terrible whiplash. She brightened up and asked for full details, so I said I was driving along in Bristol and passing under a footbridge when someone dropped a banner they were attaching which covered my windscreen, so I lost control and went into a fish 'n chip shop at 40mph, demolishing the counter.

"Were there any injuries" she asked, and I told her that I had the aforementioned whiplash, but I couldn't speak for the two customers who disappeared under the car, or the fish fryer who I'd seen falling into the tub of boiling fat. I explained that I thought it best to leave the scene quickly, so I had done that.

She asked who was responsible for the banner, and I said that I only had a quick look, but it seemed to be advertising an open day of the Bristol Progressive Prostitute Group. "Can you spell that, please", she said.

She then asked I had reported it to the Police, and I explained that I had not because the car was stolen and I had no insurance.

"OK" she said, reading the script, "You clearly have a strong claim for compensation and I'm going to send the file to our solicitors, who will be in touch".

The problem is that they rang the next day to progress the case, and I maintained the story, with embellishments on each repetition. After 6 weeks of this I asked the idiot if he didn't think it was a bit improbable, and when he said no I explained, as to a child, that the story was invented.

That was in February, and they still call every couple of weeks. At no time have I detected even a tiny hint that they realise the story is a fiction, and are just winding me up.

Never again will I try to plumb the depths of these cretins' credulity, avarice and stupidity. I have learned my lesson. It is bottomless, and I am paying a heavy price for a few moments enjoyment..

[Slasher]

I usually string an Indian chick along by first asking her for her name, then
abuse her to stop ringing me because "I know for a fact" she's screwing my
wife's brother. This gets a laugh sometimes if the argument progresses and
I put her on speakerphone so the missus can join and get bitchy about her
shagging her bro with his present "scrotum fungus" (or other penile problem
that comes to mind) complaint.

[vulcanised]

It can also be effective, with a female caller, to 'go all pervy' and insist on details of what they are wearing, followed by their sexual preferences and experiences.

This is no effort for some people.

[BOAC]

I just cannot believe the Oozlum bird has reached into the dark recesses of this forum too.

This must be the 8th or 9th identical thread on this topic. Anyone heard of 'search'?