When I was a F/O, passenger once said to my female Captain "does he (meaning me) let you do much of the flying?" She was fairly unimpressed but remained polite throughout.

Thick Passenger
 

On a BA short haul(50 mins) flight to a European destination:

CC: Gives all day deli bag tojewish lady pax containing a(veg) sandwich, cake etc.

two rows later she calls CC back

Pax: I can't eat this it's got bacon in it
CC: It's the vegetrian option Madam so that is not possible.
Pax: Points to deli bag and says" It says so here!"
CC: No Madam that says Ba.com!

Thick on purpose
 

My latest attempt to get myself immortalized in these pages failed miserably:

During boarding for a transatlantic redeye, I was seated right behind the boarding door; a flight attendant was seated in the aft-facing seats right in front of the boarding door. Passengers were boarding through the door between us.

Me: "Gee, are people going to be coming and going through this door all night? That'll make it hard to get any sleep."

FA, without betraying even a hint of a snicker, "No, sir, as soon as we finish boarding we'll close the door, and it'll stay closed for the whole flight. "

I complimented him on his professionalism, and explained that I had been trying to get my moment of fame in "thick passenger comments." He laughed, and said, "I must be tired or something, I just answered your question without even noticing that it was completely insane."

30 years ago I worked for Transamerica, based at LGW. As my job did'nt normally deal with passengers I was not issued with a uniform.

For the first few years I lived in London so used the Gatwick Express which was covered in ad's for the BAA duty free shop.

Given the no uniform I was asked at least once every month if I knew where the duty free coach was on the train. Normally large American males.

There was one time when I had to deal with some pax, one of our 747's diverted into LGW with a problem while enr TLV-JFK. We had less than 30 mins notice and had been unable to get a pax service rep in. Got a call from our handling agent, pax being a pain and could someone from the company attend the aircraft. Only two of us in the office as it was a weekend so spin the coin and I lost.

The problem was this pax wanted to get off the aircraft but it was parked in a high sercurity area and so he was unable to leave. Got to the aircraft and explained why he could not go down the pax steps. That did'nt work so I pointed out a policeman (armed) and said "If anyone get off this aircraft without a suitable pass that officer has a shoot to kill policy". That worked. :E

This happened to a friend.

Boarding a loco, dozens of tagged trolley bags waiting to be taken to the hold as no overhead locker space.

Two young males board and ask the Cabin Manager:

" Hello, we were asked at check-in to volunteer to put bags in the hold"

"Ok, what can I do for you?"

"Well, which one would you like us to take first?"

They thought that they were expected to carry bags down the stairs to the hold. How sweet :)

Ha... That one made me chuckle!

I have not had anything said to me recently that is worthy of this thread...

This involves a gate agent and not only cabin crew, and not the kind of thick passenger who is funny in a cute way, but the slightly annoying, rude kind... I was a student, waiting to board an early morning flight from OSL to ZRH. After the annoucement that the flight was overbooked, there was a brief moment of total silence - enter the thick passenger: from 10m away, trying to look very important and busy, wearing a slick business consultant style suit and tie, he shouted out loud in his most impatient voice, for everyone to hear, adressing the tall and very handsome gate agent - "Hey you, Tarzan! I have a full price business class ticket, and I'm in a hurry, you better give me a seat right now!"

I instinctively made eye contact with the gate agent, to show my solidarity, and apologize on the other persons behalf. The gate agent briefly looked at me, smiled, and carried on doing his job, professionally and efficiently, unaffected by the rude guy.

After all passengers with assigned seats had been boarded, I was called over to the desk, and got an upgrade to business, which he handed to me with a big smile. The guy who had shouted "Hey you Tarzan" was completely ignored, and was left standing there.

I certainly didn't expect to get on that flight myself, I had the cheapest possible student fare, and no assigned seat. Unlike all the business people on the early morning flight, I wasn't in a hurry, and being a student, I would have been happy to wait for the next flight, and simple meal voucher would have been more than enough to make my day; but of course joining the plot as it unfolded was more entertaining :)

Later, the Maitre de Cabine (SR cabin manager) apologized to me - very unnecessarily, but again very professional - that they didn't have enough business meals, and gave me a full size bottle of champagne, Nicolas Feuillatte. I kept it for a long time, and later used it for a special occasion, with a toast to the gate agent, cabin crew, and a special toast for the thick passenger.

I hope the guy who "volunteered" not to board the flight learned his lesson...

Deptrai
A good story and I would like to think more airline staff would work that way, but unfortunatly in this world currently, good behaviour seem,s out of fasion for both some passenger and indeed some staff. Hope you enjoyed the champagne !.

Question from last nights flight...

"What's that?"
"Macaroni Cheese, Sir"
"Oh. Has it got cheese in it? I don't like cheese...."

Well if they were American the answer should have been ' no sir it just contains lots of fromage so don't worry'.

Well he was very perceptive on one thing....we are all going to die.

I must admit I have felt the same way after eating out in India.

Prior to me in working in Airlines...as Travel agent USA....
 

I have for the past 35 years been in some manner, in the Travel Industry.
I previously worked for a Consulate dept in the USA and had a call from a MID WEST travel agent. Now we all know what Americans are like with their Geography.
They all skipped that class:)
Agent: Could you please book my client a return journey on the Ferry between New Zealand and Sydney Australia.

Me: AAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Please Hold. Why cant Americans get a grip on the Rest of the World.:confused:

Me: Mam, I'm sorry to advise you that the Distance between New Zealand and Australia is a Four Hour flight. Let me say that it would be like a' Ferry Service' between Honolulu and Los Angeles.

Mid West Travel Agent : Ohhh I see.Just make it one way Then. :ugh:

Jet lag 001
 

Thank you for that post ! Made me laugh out loud !

Deptrai, this reminds me of a story I heard once.

Similar person, full of self-importance, sitting in Economy. A young student is allocated the seat next to him and sits down quietly. Said "suit" calls over the crewmember and causes a scene stating that he was told at check-in that the seat next to him would be empty (check-in presumably just said that they would try to do this, but no guarantees.) The crewmember has a word with the CSD who comes over to the young student and informs him that there is a spare seat in Business Class if he would care to change. He does so, no fuss, extremely grateful. Meanwhile the "suit" is causing another scene, saying that it should have been given to him as he is travelling on business etc, etc, etc....... Crewmember calmy says to him, "Sir, we have managed to arrange for the seat next to you to be empty, as you requested. have a nice flight."

Oh to have been a witness to that.

Flight Deck to Cabin
 

Couple years ago flying a Four hour sector at night .

Two hours into the flight, moderate turbulence.. We put the seat belts on..

CC calls inter phone : " Is that for landing ? "

Irritated with the dumb question we say Yes :ugh:

CC made all landing announcements and secured the cabin , called us back and gave us the Cabin Galley Secure Check .

The head crew looked like a red tomato for the rest of the flight .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another one :

Seat belts on for moderate turbulence .

CC calls : Can we allow washrooms one at a time ?

Me : Do they generally go two at a time ?

CC : Hehe

Me : Does the procedure allow you to allow washrooms ?

CC : No

Me : Then my answer is No as well :ugh::ugh::ugh:

Moronic comment overheard in a restaurant near Welwyn Garden City the other night. Four chavs at another table ruining the atmosphere of what was a quiet pleasant environment. One particularly loud and downmarket female is sharing her relationship difficulties with the surrounding area.

"......... 'e committed suricide free times in one mumff while I was going out wiff 'im, din 'e?"

I couldn't blame him for trying!

Ninja - you is gonna get banned for making comments about CC like that :E

They don't like it up 'em Cap'n.

Not so much a thick passenger comment but quite funny.

Years ago on a flight out of LHR we had a large party of young language students.


One pressed the call bell and eager to try out his newly learnt English skills he asked the Steward in very heavily accented and laborious English "Pleeze I would like a glass of orange juice thanking you"


The steward in complete dead pan mode lifted his left arm looked at his watch and said " ten past three".


The expression on the poor lads face was amazing and you could see his lips moving as he silently tried to remember the correct words!

Just sharing my experience Sisemen.. No one can or should ban me for that..

Cheers Mate !!

Me: "Are you going to Delhi or Mumbai?"
Pax: "Goa"
Me:
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y10...s/facepalm.jpg
Me: "One more time, are you going to Delhi or Mumbai?"
Pax: "Goa"
Me: "Lets try this again. Which of the following choices applies to your journey; Delhi or Mumbai?"
Pax: "Mumbai"
Me: :D