Only yesterday I had some one calling me a fu"£$&g queer in russian, because i asked him to put his seat upright for landing. I don't speak russian but a pax who did 'kindly' translated it for me.

Did the "slf" comply?

Can you report such abuse to the airline you work for?

Oh Virginia...
 

Most pax are fine but there are a few who I want to http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/censored.gif

Well, I knew it was getting tough in the airline world but really!........................any chance of leap-frogging the queue??

:ouch:

Warning! Minor thread drift alert
 

This one didn't quite make it to the cabin. Well not at the time anyway.

I'm a Clinic Representative for a tour operator and doing my rounds yesterday visited one young lady who was in bed and with the obligatory IV line hanging from a pole dripping goodness knows what into her vein. When I asked how she was I got the standard reply of, "I just want to go home." Well it was departure day for her so we'll excuse it. So I asked what the doctor had to say when he did his rounds and again the standard reply of, "He wants to keep me in a bit longer." Well, it is a private clinic and the insurance company are paying, and to the bean counters a hospital bed is like a taxi with the meter running.

Then she left me gobsmacked by departing from the script with, "If I promise to go straight to hospital when I land, can I take this with me on the plane and go home tonight?"

'This' it turned out, was the IV line complete with stand. I thought she was joking so joined in by saying that I thought she might have a problem getting through security as there was more than 100 ml in the bottle.

"I hadn't thought of that," she said. "Can't you ask them to put it into smaller bottles!!!".

This particular pax will be appearing on a flight near you any day soon so I would steer clear of PFO for a while. ;)

Just a funny story based on real events
 

An old friend who once held a rather Senior ground management postion for a large 'national' carrier which liked 'to fly to serve' recieved a letter (many years ago) from a rather irate Amercican lady who had transited through his airport some weeks earlier.

Content of the letter went something like this: (names of airports and individuals have been changed to protect their anonymity!)

To The Manager

Dear Sir,

I arrived in Glasgow on the evening of the 20th December 19XX onboard the Northwest Airlines flight from Boston on my way to visit my sister at her home in Stornaway for Christmas. Upon landing we were ushered onto a coach which was parked alongside our aeroplane (long forgotten term once used to describe things with wings that fly!). It was very dark, cold, wet and windy and I walk with the aid of a stick I was not at all happy that we had to walk some distance to board the coach. After what seemed a very long wait the conductoress (another quaint old name) closed the door and we began to move.
What happened next almost caused me to lose control of my bowels (old lady reference to sh***** ones pants). you can imagine my utter shock and bewilderment when our small coach lept into the air and the driver introduced himself as Captain Speaking here!

She went on to demand an explanation and apology for the stress she suffered. Seems she thought the Shorts 360 she had been transferred to was a coach that would transfer her to another widebody for the final part of her trip. little did she know when it (her coach) moved off it was actually taxying to the end of the runway!

Poor old soul, bless :)

The customer is always right
 

That old saw has been revised to align with reality.

It now reads:

"The customer is always a customer"

In other words you want them to spend more of their money with you, now and in the future

If we are to bring reality to bear, perhaps the adage should be "The right customer is always right."

However, the rightness or otherwise of customers is a red herring in this excellent thread.

What the avid readership (OK, me) wants is a bit of light relief from the doom and gloom in the media right now, so come on guys, surely some of us SLF must still be brightening your days. Or are we all being a lot more careful with what we say on board in case we see ourselves in this thread??

Meals
 

Although not related to the aviation industry, My sister told me the following as she is ex-cc and I thought I would share this from a good few years ago. She swears it was true.

During a flight from Man on a Dan-Air or Britannia flight, (Sis worked for both) the vegetarian meal being served was particularly grim. Some pax had suddenly become carnivores when they realised how bad the veggie meal was. Unfortunately there was not many spare meals, so eventually my sister served a local low life the veggie option (which had been requested), but news had already got to him and he refused it. As there were no more non-vegetarian meals available, she apologised and tried unsuccessfully to pacify him. He became extremely abusive and eventually brought my sister to tears. She was unable to resolve the problem and informed a more Senior CC. He stated he would deal with the pax and the conversation apparently went something like this:

CC: Excuse me Sir, what is the problem?
Pax: There is no bleep bleep meals.
CC: Well sir, that is because you ordered a vegetarian option and there are no other meals left to provide an alternative.
Pax: I didnt order any bleep bleep bleep etc etc veggie meals and your airlines bleep bleep awful and I want the meal with meat now.
CC: Well, i'm awfully sorry, I will take a report from you and look into it. However I'm dyslexic (He wasn't) and I would like you to spell out the words for me to write down if that is okay.
Pax: Explains the situation,spelling out words (to the best of his limited ability)
CC: But sir, you have appeared to have left out the letter F in 'meat'.
Pax: But theres no 'F' in meat.
CC: Exactly Sir!

This met with loud laughter and applause from pax within earshot. The pax apparently was quiet as a lamb after this.

:*

This thick pax should have known better, as he was staff, (like myself). Was trying to get back to SYD from MEL after the F1 race quite a few years back. Very full. A very impatient staff pax behind me in the queue at the gate counter.

I inquired about the jump seat availability and was told that there were quite a few people that had already inquired. I told her thanks, I mite just stay another day and began walking away. Impatient Staff Pax (ISP) immediately says to the girl at the gate counter (GGC)

ISP "I would also like to inquire about the jump seat"?
GGC "As I just informed the previous gentleman, there are quite a lot of staff who have already requested the jump seat...."
ISP "well how many of these jump seats are there anyway"?

Ahh, makes you proud to be English!

...after reading a few comments about Americans here, thought I'd add this story.

Whilst not involving pax / planes, I thought it was funny and was told to me by a French Avionics engineer. He and his workmates were in a pub in France somewhere enjoying a few beers when in walked this american....

Yank (speaking in a very slow condescending manner) "excuse me. My car has a flat tyre. Does anybody speak English"?

One of the French engineers replied "Yes. I speak English"
Stood up, cleared his throat and said in a slow condescending manner

....."F#%K OFF"!

French 1, USA 0.:ok::ok::ok::ok::ok:

I beg to differ here. NOT ALL the money the airline uses to carry out its operations comes from pax. On LCC's that may perhaps be the case, but on charters and mixed-mode flights, that is certainly NOT the case. Customers yes, pax, no.

In many mixed-mode cases, the money earned through the pax on the a/c is LESS than the money earned by the tons of cargo under their very feet. In the case of charters, if I want to be pedantic, YOU, the SLF, don't pay the airline... the TOUR OPERATOR does and hence the TOUR OPERATOR is the customer, not you. And the tour operators and freight customers don't ask those kind of dim questions that are being giggled over here.

So stop being so up your own behind, please. You are embarrassing to those SLF who take this thread for what it is... a bit of a giggle. Remember the old adage: "If you can't laugh at yourself, how can you laugh at all?"

S.

Air "Ice Cream" Rage
 

I love watching people standing t a bulk head on a night flight, just gazing into the darkness. So dazed and belwildered. It is not natural to be trapped in such a confined space for so long. No wonder people come out with some strange things...

On a recent flight to HKG:

Passenger comes running into the galley screaming!
PaxA: I've just been attacked!
Me: By who?
PaxA: The passenger sitting next to me. Please go, she will try to steal my bag!

I leave the pax in the galley with another crew member, and proceed to the pax's seat where I find a little chinese lady wiping ice cream off her shirt. She doesn't speak any english. So I ask one of our HKG crew to help translate. Turns out she had accidently elbowed the screaming pax, but in retaliation the screaming passenger threw her half melted ice cream at the lady and then got up and ran to the galley.

The HKG crew member moved the ice cream covered lady to a whole spare row in the front of economy, and the screaming passenger was reunited with her single window seat, her bag, and her ice cream. She was not bothered by the little chinese lady anymore. No charges were laid against either party!


On another flight:

During a night flight.
Man: Excuse me, we got up to go to the toilet, and now there is someone sitting in our seats.
Crew and pax proceed to the seats in question...
Crew: Are you sure these were your seats?
Man: Yes.
Crew: Excuse me madam, but are you sure you're in the right seat.
Woman looks up at the man.
Man: Oh never mind, it's just my wife!

you are not alone
 

Ok, I am SLF and read this thread with amusement but I am reminded by my son of my own Thick passenger comment.
A few years ago we were flying from Heathrow in Club World to China, a long planned and awaited holiday.
On arrival at the Club World check in, we were greeted with “Good Evening Gentlemen, and where are you flying to today?”
Me, mind now totally blank, my destination having gone clean out of my head, had to turn to my son, “where we going?” He said China which I then repeated to the BA staff.
I was stone cold sober, not on medication of any kind afterwards I often wondered what thoughts had gone through the girls mind. Halfway round the world and he does not know where he is going, good job he is not travelling alone.

The year 1963, BOAC Heathrow to Boston, my first flight. As an engineer I am interested in looking out but once at cruise altitude decide all a bit boring and out with book. Now this is february and there are 6 passengers on this flight
all scattered around economy class. Very pretty CC comes and sits next to me,
( I was only 22 years old ). "Would you like to come up to first class, because if all six of you do so, then we will not have to walk so far and you get free drinks."
Oh happy days.

Sevorg, Dont worry, Im cabin crew, I get my roster sometimes up to two months in advance....AND I REGULARLY FORGET WHERE I AM GOING!!!

Are there any more crew out there like me who for some daft reason try looking out the window to see where we are when we are making the arrivals PA??? Like looking out the window is going to help...what am I looking for??? THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN!? :ugh:

Where are we going?
 

During the cruise. I once had to check the flight paperwork to see where we were going and it was my sector. Mind you had flown three different countries that day...

From Steamhead:
The year 1963, BOAC Heathrow to Boston, my first flight. As an engineer I am interested in looking out but once at cruise altitude decide all a bit boring and out with book. Now this is february and there are 6 passengers on this flight
all scattered around economy class. Very pretty CC comes and sits next to me,
( I was only 22 years old ). "Would you like to come up to first class, because if all six of you do so, then we will not have to walk so far and you get free drinks."

Then you woke up?

Actually, I've done that on a very empty flight myself on Xmas day coming back from BGI.

We were empty in FIRST, so we moved CW pax to First, WT+ in CW and WT into WT+ (if they wanted to) - then had all of WT for crew rest. It's not very often we get a chance to do that and everyone was happy.

Back in the 707 era, my company was asked by a tobacco advertising firm if they could shoot some scenes with actors dressed up as pilots. This was done at night in a dark area away from the hangars. Actors entered the flight station and I wandered back into the First Class cabin to find the make up lady sitting there [with a ton of make up on her own face !!] smoking a cigarette. I asked nicely for her to put it out as it was against civil aviation regulations to smoke on the ground. Her reply was, 'But we are at 30.000 feet'. Asked nicely again with the question to get same reply. So I went and found my companies public relation man, who was hanging around and told him the problem. He had a word with her, I do not know what he said but she put out the cigarette.

Happened to me.
Arrived at Las Vegas outside checkin desk on the way home through Chicago to New York then UK.

Chappy askes my destination, i say in a slight panic as my mind goes blank Las Vegas....?
Back came the reply... "Gee man youv,re made it!"