I believe that on flights out of LBA, the Air Doris's offer beans on toast as an alternative to fish, chips and mushy peas. :ok:

As in this?

I've had a passanger ask me for breast milk for her baby?? hmmm What the?

A pax asked me for Valium. Yes, Valium.
Wait just a minute love, I'll just grab my prescription book and sign you a Valium or two.:ugh::ugh:

"What do you mean there are no sandwiches left, can't you make some more?"

Sandwiches in question cost £3.50 and were horrible stodgy things too.

Here is the scene, flying from North African departure point to London destination.

Rear toilet on aircraft out of action owing to a rather bad leak which had caused around 2 inches of water to accumlate, which obviously mean't toilet had to be locked out of action.

Pax informed over PA that owing to a technical problem (i.e. the leak) the rear toilet would be out of action for the remainder of the flight.

Extremely stuck up female pax stops me and says to me "This is intolerable that the toilet is out of action - will it be fixed before we land?"

My response "Yes Madam, the plumber is arriving in half an hour" and walked off. :E

She sat down looking happy with herself thinking she had got a result :\

The other day... another fa and myself are going through the cabin collecting rubbish, feral woman pax and equally feral about 7y/o kid are sitting in their seats and she hands me a clear bag. Kid is playing with a lifejacket...
The mother says "he's playing with the present he found under his seat". After the other fa has words to both of them about not opening the life jacket, mum asks "well can he keep it?":ugh:

Our cabin crew had a brilliant one this evening:

Elderly lady, possibly one sandwich short of a picnic, gazes out of the Q400's window and calls the number 3 over: "Why is that other plane flying so close to us?" CC checks the view and replies "That's one of our engines madam."

Same lady is asked as she disembarks if there is someone meeting her. The reply: "I'm okay thank you, I've already eaten."

Bless. :ok:

Me : Would you like a Banana Madam ??
(Handing it in plain view 1 Meter from Face)

PAX : What is it ??

Me : Its a Shoe, would you like one ??

Me the other day, having just said over the PA what fresh items we have including the fillings, takes trolley out and asks the first pax "Any drinks or snacks?"

PAX - "What flavour panini have you got?"
Me - (Thinking FFS having only just said :rolleyes:) "Mozzarella & Pepperoni or Mozzarella, Tomato & Basil"
PAX - "I'll have the bacon"

I wanted to hit him over the head with the panini! :ouch:

Same thing
 

Getoutofmygalley, i have this everyday:}

After saying over the PA "Have a look at the back section of the Inflight Magazine, you will find our Menu Card with a wide range of drinks and snacks you can chose from..."

Set up the trolley, the crew gives out magazines. Me to Pax: Would you like any drinks or snacks?
Pax with magazine on his lap: What do you have?
:ugh::ugh::ugh:

I'm SLF. On a european flight some years ago the crew embelished the safety drill somewhat with things like... "in the event of an emergency, such as running out of Martini an Oxygen mask, in a fetching yellow colour..." and "....pull down on the natty little red toggle...." etc..

Anyway by the end about a dozen of us were laughing our heads off but the rest of the flight simply hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary going on.

I was a pax travelling from Melbourne to Dubai on an Emirates flight. (A340-600) It was a direct flight, 22hrs long. Everyone was off to sleep. I was travelling in eco. The pax in the seat front of me, put his seat back. I decided to do the same. The pax behind me told me that I shouldn't put my seat back because he has no room for his legs. The pax behind me was a 6 foot 2 inches tall guy. I felt a bit sorry for him,so I tried sleeping with the seat upright.

I slept for about 20mins. It was the worst position to sleep in. The pax behind me had gone to the lav. I decided to recline my seat back a bit. I made sure it wasn't all the way back. I doozed off.

I then woke up to someone kicking the back of my seat. The rear pax was angry that I had put my seat back and was trying to push my seat forward with his knees. I told him, that everyone has to compromise in some way. He then got up and whacked my headrest. I pressed the ding dong button. I waited and waited. Then waited some more. I pressed for the FA again. Still no one. Finally, I grabbed the attention of an english male FA who was walking past my seat. I told him what the problem was. He then had a chat with the rear pax.

About 2 mins later, he came back to me and said if I wouldn't mind moving to another seat to the back of the plane. I had no problem and I moved. I ended up sitting beside a pretty emirates airhostess who was off duty and was on her way back to Dubai.

Forced to speak Engrish
 

DXB-HKG on Birdseed Airways in economy years ago served by the 'national' crew during dinner service:

national crew : Samb or Lamon?
staff travel mum : errrr, Salmon please
me : ...and I'll have Lamb, please
national crew : NO! Choice is Samb or Lamon!
staff travel mum : errr, Samb?
me : ummm, Lamon?

at least we'd get one of each ;)

Pax: I am not travelling with this airline again because i can't do the seatbelt up they make you feel fat.

Me Thinking: No luv your just fat

PA: Sandwiches selling onboard todays flight is this, this and this etc.

Set up trolley in 2 mins.

Serve first pax. So what sandwiches do you have. Well we have....

Serve pax sitting next seat. So what sandwiches do you have???

Seriously.


Pax. Where do you put the rubbish on this airline

Me Thinking the same place as any other.

=)) cp fox
 

How about "i can't do the seatbealt up can i have an extension" (sitting in an emergency exit row)
Me : I'm sorry but if you need an extension you have to move, this is an emergency exit row and i need ABP's to sit here in case of an emergency.
Pax: But i have a prosthetic leg, i need the extra leg room!

WTF????:ugh:

ABP Means

Annoying Bastard Passengers

Not my own
 

A classic from 'Airline' in the year it featured Britannia

Flight from Salzburg to Luton:

CC - "Anything to drink sir?"
Pompous Old Man - "Schnapps Please"
CC - "I'm sorry sir, we dont carry Schnapps"
POM - "You mean we have just departed Austria and you dont carry Schnapps"
CC - "Yes sir, just as we departed Luton this morning and we dont carry Vauxhall Cars"

If only I was that quick!

Great thread!

I’m not CC myself but this story was told me by a friend (female) who flew Gulf back in the 80’s

American husband and wife ( who were both enormous ) on London bound flight – somehow they make it known that both of them are medical doctors.

15 minutes after takeoff.

Wife pings call button.

PAX: Excuse me I have to take a pessary in a minute could you follow me into the bathroom and help me please?

C/C: Sorry madam why can you not do that yourself?

PAX: Because I CAN’T REACH!!!

( This is undeniable as her backside is h-u-g-e )

C/C: But your husband is a Doctor Madam, why can’t he do it?

PAX: Because he DOESN’T WANT TO!!!

C/C: Sorry madam I am your flight attendant – not a nurse! (Walks away).

( I wonder if PAX would have provided disposable gloves for the job!!!)