Best, most embarrassing or funny PA speech?
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Best, most embarrassing or funny PA speech?
Now. I often get "oral dyslexia" at the end of a long duty, but pride myself on quite a nice PA. HOWEVER, I've heard some shockers and brilliant ones in my time.
Any contributions?
"It's normal procedure to dim the cabin lights for a night-time landing, this is both for safety regulations and to enhance the appearance of your cabin crew!"
I've been saying this for years and no-one's ever picked me up on it!!! Just proves no-one listens!
Any contributions?
"It's normal procedure to dim the cabin lights for a night-time landing, this is both for safety regulations and to enhance the appearance of your cabin crew!"
I've been saying this for years and no-one's ever picked me up on it!!! Just proves no-one listens!
My worst one was a refuelling announcement on a turn around...
I got through the first bit ok, (seatbelts unfastened, remain seated with the aisles clear etc)...
Just before the end of the PA, I was distracted by the Captain - and in complete 'auto mode' after the brief distraction (about 20 seconds), I returned to the last line of the PA:
'Please dont strike matches - Thank you!'
Needless to say the pax (who were regulars and knew me) had a bit of a laugh.
Then theres:
Welcome to XXX, the local time here is September 1954.
I got through the first bit ok, (seatbelts unfastened, remain seated with the aisles clear etc)...
Just before the end of the PA, I was distracted by the Captain - and in complete 'auto mode' after the brief distraction (about 20 seconds), I returned to the last line of the PA:
'Please dont strike matches - Thank you!'
Needless to say the pax (who were regulars and knew me) had a bit of a laugh.
Then theres:
Welcome to XXX, the local time here is September 1954.
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Climb-out, 3rd stretch of the day, after a long winter week with much delays, de-icing, missed slots and various cock-ups.
*Ladies and Gentlemen, the fasten seat belt will shortly be switched off. We do recommend that you keep your seat belt fastened as long as you remain in your seat pocket*
*Ladies and Gentlemen, the fasten seat belt will shortly be switched off. We do recommend that you keep your seat belt fastened as long as you remain in your seat pocket*
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I overheard a complete pre departure pa last week, and I am sure that the pax did give "Louise in the cabin" thier full attention.
So did everybody else tuned into Manchester Ground at the time. The sarcy comments did flow after that one!
So did everybody else tuned into Manchester Ground at the time. The sarcy comments did flow after that one!
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Worst PA I've heard yet was a skipper briefing the pax prior to a transatlantic charter. Flight to Sanford, Florida and the cabin crew were already concerned about at least one pap who had a very intense fear of flying.
Capt: "Good morning everybody, Captain XXX speaking. Welcome aboard this XXX flight to Sanford. Before we get underway, I'd like to remind you all to keep the cabin tidy. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, it's my aeroplane, not yours. Secondly, as I'm sure you are all aware Air France recently crashed at Toronto requiring 300 passengers to evacuate the aircraft before it caught fire......"
(there then followed a lengthy lecture about keeping the cabin tidy and the aisles clear and how the CC aren't here to clean up after you).
Even the CC were all stood shaking their heads in uncomfortable embarassment at this one. I'm sure his heart was in the right place, but he was definitely sitting on his brains.
Capt: "Good morning everybody, Captain XXX speaking. Welcome aboard this XXX flight to Sanford. Before we get underway, I'd like to remind you all to keep the cabin tidy. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, it's my aeroplane, not yours. Secondly, as I'm sure you are all aware Air France recently crashed at Toronto requiring 300 passengers to evacuate the aircraft before it caught fire......"
(there then followed a lengthy lecture about keeping the cabin tidy and the aisles clear and how the CC aren't here to clean up after you).
Even the CC were all stood shaking their heads in uncomfortable embarassment at this one. I'm sure his heart was in the right place, but he was definitely sitting on his brains.
ECON cruise, LR cruise...
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"Roger, Vacate D4, contact Ground 121,70, XYZ123...Ground, good morning, XYZ123 vacated D4...Ground, XYZ123, vacated D4!"
For some reason I never got an answer - how rude!
Damn that ASP
- brgds fm
Empty
For some reason I never got an answer - how rude!
Damn that ASP
- brgds fmEmpty
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Best I heard...
A member of cabin crew asked if a Mr X could make himself known. When the man pressed the call button she ignored it and made the call again only a bit louder...
CC: Could Mr X PLEASE make himself known!
Mr X (at the back waving his hand) : "I'm here"
CC: "Would everyone please look round at Mr X"
Pause while whole cabin goes silent and turns round
CC: "This is Mr X. He's been two timing my friend and I just wanted to make him especially welcome"
A member of cabin crew asked if a Mr X could make himself known. When the man pressed the call button she ignored it and made the call again only a bit louder...
CC: Could Mr X PLEASE make himself known!
Mr X (at the back waving his hand) : "I'm here"
CC: "Would everyone please look round at Mr X"
Pause while whole cabin goes silent and turns round
CC: "This is Mr X. He's been two timing my friend and I just wanted to make him especially welcome"
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"Ladies and Gentlemen, we will soon be arriving in the Isle of Man, for those not familiar with the island the local time is .... about 50 years behind everyone else !!, cabin crew - 10 minutes to landing"
I believe the captain was given a severe ear-bashing.....
Also after an 8 sector day . . . . .
'' Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope xxxxx and xxxxx have looked after you well in the cabin, for those passengers carrying on to Plymouth, we'll be on the ground no longer than 10 minutes but for those getting off at Newquay - thankyou for leaving us . .(loud tut followed by giggles) . .oh grief . .sorry ....flying with us''
I believe the captain was given a severe ear-bashing.....
Also after an 8 sector day . . . . .
'' Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope xxxxx and xxxxx have looked after you well in the cabin, for those passengers carrying on to Plymouth, we'll be on the ground no longer than 10 minutes but for those getting off at Newquay - thankyou for leaving us . .(loud tut followed by giggles) . .oh grief . .sorry ....flying with us''
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On a flight from LCA to LHR:
"Ladies and gentlemen, todays in flight entertainment is the movie Garfield, if you wish to listen to it you will find a headrest in your seat area"
well of course you will...
"Ladies and gentlemen, todays in flight entertainment is the movie Garfield, if you wish to listen to it you will find a headrest in your seat area"
well of course you will...
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The same thai guy again (above) "Ladies and Gentlemen, as we are now taking on new fuel do not use your phone or LIGHT FIRES on the aircraft. (I just love flying with this fellow, cracks me up)!
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Kind of similar to what worst-class said.
On a flight from JFK to LAX on song
"Ladies and Gentelmen at this time we have started our descent into Los Angleles International Airport....to enhance the natural good looks of our cabin crew, we will now be dimming the cabin light..."
On a flight from JFK to LAX on song
"Ladies and Gentelmen at this time we have started our descent into Los Angleles International Airport....to enhance the natural good looks of our cabin crew, we will now be dimming the cabin light..."
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My memories of the worst/most embarassing PAs always started with "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome aboard your Qantas 747 Super B!!!". And then went on and on and on.......
QF crew I'm sure you know who.......
QF crew I'm sure you know who.......
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cwatters, I'm rolling on the floor right now.....!
Of course no one need mention all the "heavy breathing" PAs that those nasty crew pull on unsuspecting newbies.... the shade of red they turn is quite fascinating to see!
Of course no one need mention all the "heavy breathing" PAs that those nasty crew pull on unsuspecting newbies.... the shade of red they turn is quite fascinating to see!
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Newbies
As you crew at the front well know, answering the interphone countless numbers of times to reset those pesky IFE seat numbers can become more more than tedious! So to break-up the monotony, I sometimes answer, instead of name, position etc as per protocol as ,
"Hello pizza-hut / kfc, can I take your order?"
OK not exactly hilarious but friendly and the newbies laugh anyway. Well, the other day I was especially bored and when the 200th call came through I answered,
"Hello this is the front cabin, there's no-one here at present to take your call, but please leave a message and your position abd we'll get back to you. BEEEEEEP...."
The problem being, he left a message and then hung up before I could reveal the joke! Is that funny or scary? he's actually been with the company about 18 months!!! I explained that none of our aircraft have answer-machines...hope it sank in!
"Hello pizza-hut / kfc, can I take your order?"
OK not exactly hilarious but friendly and the newbies laugh anyway. Well, the other day I was especially bored and when the 200th call came through I answered,
"Hello this is the front cabin, there's no-one here at present to take your call, but please leave a message and your position abd we'll get back to you. BEEEEEEP...."
The problem being, he left a message and then hung up before I could reveal the joke! Is that funny or scary? he's actually been with the company about 18 months!!! I explained that none of our aircraft have answer-machines...hope it sank in!