Two radar controllers side by side, one male, one female, working the sequence.

M: (Wanting an early turn for his traffic) "Can I turn hard right inside your Shorts?"

F: "You'll have to buy me dinner first!"



In a similar vein...

Very attractive new controller wearing sprayed on stretch jeans signs on and plugs in.

Rather paternal Centre Supervisor wanders over to say hello to the new girl, observes skin tight pants and says "Goodness, how do you get into those?"

She says "Dinner and a drink usually works!"


:D

AA

B727 skipper (peeved) to Approach:

"Confirm you want us to follow a Twin otter?"

Approach in warm comforting tones:

"Oh, no, you're following a Shorts 360, he's following the Twin Otter!"

LLZe:D

apocryphal story from the 60's

Aeroflot routeing to EINN and then to Cuba at time of tension...

"Aeroflot 123 do you carry transponder?"

"Negative sir, ve only carry agricultural equipment"

and

on Red 3 EGAA to EGGP!!

"Preston this is Cambrian 123 is FL80 available?"
"Cambrian 123, Preston, Affirmative climb to FL80"
"Negative Preston, we don't want FL80, just wanted to know if it was available!"

;)

Just the other day.

LGW Twr: "Jetset ***, Tower"
Jetset FO: "Go ahead"
LGW: "What's the wind like up there?"
Jetset FO: "Just fine thanks"

FK27 outbound from EGBB has an unusually good rate of climb, sufficiently good in fact that the following conversation took place.

Me: "xxx123 check your aircraft type is a Fokker Friendship?"
A/c; " Affirm London... (pause)... GTI."

Made me chuckle :-)

Also; In the days that the Red Devils used to parachute over Queens Parade and work TMA south for entry into controlled airspace, a Quantas jumbo on a SAM departure on a sunny day reported "Hey, London, there's an aircraft on our left hand side and there's people falling out of it."

Aware of the presence of the BN2 used by the team (GORED), the controller replied "is it a red islander?" The Quantas then replied "Blimey, that's a good radar!"

The best for me was an ATCer:

"XXX123 standby for an immediate descent!"

:eek:

R/T Gaffes
 

Once had this one :

Me : "G-AA what is your present position"

Pilot "2 miles north of Swinton INTERCOURSE"

(Swinton Interchange is a VRP in our local area)

Left me wondering was on the pilots mind !!

:rolleyes:

'Rescue ***, you're identified, the Yarmoth regional is...immaterial, however the Humber regional is 1003'

It took a while for them to do the readback, can't imagine why.

A/C reports on frquency climbing to FL 200

ATCO "XYZ123 cleared FL300 and report to London on 123.34"
A/C "Climb FL300 and call 123.34, that was quick"
ATCO "always is..."
A/C "oh, poor girl, give her my number"


:D

Or the new Eurocontrol ACAS II bulletin which talks about a conflict induced by a BAe 146 having good climb performance!!!

ATC Humour
 

Two from the 60's

Lady Pilot in the FIR: London, whats the regional QNH?

FIR Controller: XXX Mb.

LPIFIR: What's that in inches? I've got an
amercan altimeter!

FIR: 29.23 inches.

Voice from the Blue: Gosh! You'd better give her that
SLOWLY London!

From the days when visual climbs were legal!

Radar: AirFrance XXX, what are your flight conditions?

AF: In and out of ze bottoms.

Voice from the Blue: Vive Le Sport!

Both quoted from IPCS Magazine "On Watch" so they must be true!

not that funny
 

its not that funny but i remember this one from a bbc series a long time ago called diamonds in the sky, this was at ohare

tower"united 123 whats your position"
united 123"im taking off" well it made me laugh! and you probably had to watch the programme to find it funny.

An Editor from Private Pilot Mag. has written an article about the Shorts 360 - i'm gonna paraphrase the funny stuff :)

"We were flying island-hopper service in a shorts 360 .... Number two holding short, behind us, was a Continential 737-800 .... one of the pilots keyed the mic and said to me and Joey, 'Hey, you guys build that thing yourselves?' .... joey and i exchanged the look that flight crews have probably exchanged since the first Shorts hit the line. As in ... you wanna respond to this morning's put-down, or shall I? ..... We could have said, 'Dont laugh; its paid for.' .... or 'Opps, they forgot to take our airplane out of the box.' .... or 'I may be slow, but i'm ahead of you.' .... or 'We've had five beauty queens from Osaka in our shorts this week, over' "


:D

Me, doing circuits with instructor in very hazy conditions...
 

Tower: "Nxxx, cleared touch and go, two five right."

Me (prim and proper voice): "Cleared touch and go, two five right, Nxxx (undetected stuck-mic, me with growling tone to my instructor...) YEAH! If I can see the DAMN RUNWAY!!!!"

Instructor instantly pounces on switch on yoke infront of a startled me, whilst guffawing with laughter!

:o :o :o


(Well, my instructor was pissing himself! :rolleyes: )

An RAF fighter-controller conducting practice intercepts in the Nicosia FIR tx'ing to the lead of a pair of F3s :

"... Eagle 01, your target 350/10 heading south. Mission : intercept, identify and report, acknowledge."

"...Eagle 01 roger, fox 1 !" :eek:

Doh !

Happy waypoints
 

Years ago flying around the Indian Ocean I was amazed to find the 3 waypoints 200nm northwest, north and northeast of Gan where respectively WHATA BUMMR and MOMMA. How did that one get past the waypoint name allocators in Montreal?

Great pages, thanks everyone who's contributed.

waypoints
 

sorry to sound serious but since when did icao have any say over what reporting points are called? as far as im aware the only rule there is about naming them is that they must have 5 letters and at least one vowel. but has anyone noticed dandi and beeno in the north sea?

I also think (although I may be wrong) that a/c routeing via BEENO and DANDI also encounter KOMIK.

The waypoint thing goes on and on. There are two approaches into airfields near Boston - here are the waypoints

ITAWT
ITAWA
PUDYE
TTATT
IDEED

and

HHAMM
BURGR
FRYYS

Yep, someone has a sense of humo(u)r depending on which side of 30W you inhabit.

You'll actually find one called "SATAN" here in the US. dont know exactly where though.

Imagine hearing this, "Proceed direct to SATAN". Thats one clearence i'd refuse :p

Funny story from a lad I did CPL/IR training with, who once asked a female RAF controller for MAX PENETRATION. Cue fit of giggles from her.
It was a good while later til he realised he should have said MATZ!

Still like the Heathrow depature " Virgin with the tight slot!"

Not so funny......Me trying to be accommodating to Air Traffic after being cleared number 1 to final;
"Want me to do an orbit so you can get the Speedbird away?"
"Roger, thanks G-**** you are number 7!"
"Hope I didn't key the mic for my response!!"

LJ