Heard in the Brussels sectors in Maastricht.

Pilot: Good afternoon Maastricht, this is Air India (AIC) XXX FL330 routing to KOK

Controller: AIC XXX, Hello, you are identified. Confirm your routing later is via BOMBI?

Pilot: No, it's not bumpy, it's smooth.

Spotted in the "Readback" column of Nats News.

Oh controller, who sits in the tower
Hallowed be thy sector
Thy traffic come, Thy instructions be done
On the ground as they are in the air.
Give us this day our radar vectors
And forgive those who cut us off
And deliver us not into adverse weather
But deliver us our clearances.

I would love to know who to credit that to, but no mention was made in the column.

Cheers!

Foxy

ATC Humour
 

On LGW Ground a few years ago just after BAW transferred a number of long haul routes from LHR, most flight crews seemingly of the 'Captain Speaking' plummy accent ilk:

"BAW XXX Ground, hold short of Taxiway 4, traffic on your stand has a thirty minute slot delay"

"Ground, BAW XX, thirty minutes? Where does that leave us then?"

Anonymous voice believed to be a Monarch 757:

"In the ****....":

D

Dude there is like a whole thread for this.

Dear Topzalp

Forgive him, he's probably just a Eurocontroller....

But how well trained then :E

Apologies if this has been on before.

Several years ago, Speedbird 747 approaching Bankok after a relatively long overnight sector.

Speedbird:Bangbird radio, Bangbird radio, this is Speedkok123
Bangkok radio:Errr, say again?
Speedbird:Bangbird Radio, good evening, this is Speedkok123

Unaware, or prehaps unwilling, to correct obvious mistake, r/t conversation got back to business and slightly more mundane!

Ground - "Ryanair 123, are you ops normal?"

Ryanair 123 - "[pause] .....Affirm"

Ground - "Just wondered. I've never seen you taxi so slowly!"

:)

Witty Retorts
 

Not quite along the same lines as the ATC Humour thread! It's just I'm one of those people who can think of something great as a reply to a balls up by a pilot, but unfortunately it only comes in to my head 5-10mins after the moment has passed! Any hints or 'off-pat' replies from some more experienced members of our brethren? :ok:

Any witty retort that doesn't fall into "standard phraseology" would be seen as highly unprofessional and should be frowned upon. :E

Jerricho,wonders will never cease.You mean to say the Canadians have actually managed to teach you how to use standard phraseology!What are they doing that we weren't,or is it the lovely warm summer you've had thats helped you to see the light?

Blimey, Jerrico... you haven't donned a suit and clipboard by any chance have you?

And here I find replies from 2 of the worst offenders for non-standard, non-MATS phraseology ever. It's a disgrace.

And if my memory serves me correctly, you BOTH worked on the same Watch.......hmmmmmm

:p

High level inbounds EHAM have a requirement to be FL260 22 nm N of EEL, tacking about 200; in practice FL 260 at EEL is OK although some pilots push this to the limits with R.O.D. of =/- 4000fpm, to considerable annoyamce when we were busy.

This lead to the instruction, "The number is 260; either descend to it, or turn to it." i.e., expect radar vectoring to the back of the queue. It worked for a whle.

Lon More, here before Pontius was a Pilot or Mortus a Rigger

forgive him...
 

He workED in the DECO sectors...

This happened at an airport located at the south western part of norway a few years back.
A little background info first, this airport is located near a beach which is used for kites of all sorts and shapes. Drage is the norwegian word for kite, however drage can also be translated into dragon if your vocabulary is a bit off the mark:

TWR: "KLMxxx, cleared to land, caution DRAGONS on short final"
KLM: "Cleared to land, say again last part?"

Still makes me laugh :)

This was heard at Farris APP a few months back.
At ENSN a DHC2 is lobbing out skydivers, a WIF is inbound ENTO to land. I couldn't resist the temptation, this was heard on the radio:
Farris: "WIFxxx, tfc is a beaver"
WIFxxx: "Farris, we got the beaver in sight, biggest one i've ever seen" :D

Last night, working London Mil.

'London - Kestrel XXX I would like to go down please.'

'Kestrel XXX - I wish my wife would say that a bit more - cleared FL 110'

There were some gems coming from one of the ORD local controllers last night. He was busy and seemingly pissed off at the same time. I see where those lists of top 10 txmissions come from annually.

Vampy

the "Grasscuttings" page in the GATCO mag aways offers up so real gems.

The grasscuttings in GATCO mag are the ones that are printable....:uhoh: