Me: "KLM...... continue approach RWY.., number 4, number 3 is the one in front of you."

KLM.... "Where else would he be?"


:ooh: :8 :O

A BAL taxying out at Manch....nothing in front of him....
"BALxxA No 2 for departure"
"Where's No1?"
"Look to your right, he's on the runway"
The "Unusual" B747 had missed the only taxiway during WIP, and had to backtrack
watp,iktch

Last year mid-summer, warm day; me calling FSS for a pre-flight brief NAPF- KEYW

"I'd like a standard brief for an IFR flight to Key West from Naples please".

"Sir... I have to tell you, IFR is not recommended today.... It is lovely out there, you should be looking out of the window!"

2D

Yesterday, near the Humber...

"Aircraft flying North up the Trent, 2700', Humberside Approach, Are you on this frequency"

"Aircraft flying North up the Trent, 2700', Humberside Approach, Are you on this frequency"

"Aircraft flying North up the Trent, 2700', Humberside Approach, Are you on this frequency"

"Humberside Approach G Sxxx, pass your message"

"G Sxxx, squawk ident.... big brother is watching you!"

Made me smile anyway!

When training for my PPL at GLA.

ABC123 ... Request touch and go Rwy 23.

TWR123... Cleared to land initally due to wake turbulance.

I held on the runway waiting for my take off clearance, then over the R/T I heard an Easy jet which had lined up say "Have you broken down son":ugh:

And then after waiting a few more minutes, off I went.

Danish Humor
 

I heard this one from a friend which is a Captain for a Danish airline.........

This cargo plane came in every night and had been the only plane comming into Billund airport at that exact time for years, I guess it was the same pilot flying the plane because he started saying his callsign as " Billund Approach, Guess Who"
The controller surely thought it was funny the first couple of days when he started it, but after a few weeks the controller had enough so one night that same cargo plane came at the same time as always and the pilot called " Billund tower, Good evening guess who" The controller then turned the Runway lights off and calmy replied " Funny mann in the sky, Guess where"

This is an old one used world wide. I saw it used back in 1972 at a Navy tower one evening...

regards

Scott

If Carlsberg wrote jokes ......

One of the local CFIs did the same to me last winter when on downwind in a PA34.

"Bardufoss TWR, guess who"

Ah, caramba! This is too good to be true i say to myself, and hit the master off button on the light control panel. (kills ALL airfield lights)

And I say with a giggle: "Guess where"

Ahh, good one this. :E



.......just one tiny problem: I had in my excitement forgot that there was more then this aircraft under my control, namely a P28A from same company on taxi to parking. He found himself in pitch black, and started yelling accordingly on the freq.......


Oooops...... :O :O

Heard at a large airport in the North West of England.......

Ryanair lands and proceeds to slam on the breaks stopping about a 1/4 of the way down the runway.......our hero in the tower,

'RyanairXXX, after you've scraped your hosties off the cockpit door, contact ground on.........'

Great Stuff!

Did the same thing, half a world away and 20 years ago. :( Seemed like a good idea at the time...

For BHD from Guernsey on an IR training trip last week, in a PA34, callsign 'Fasttrack xx'. At FL100 just handed on to London Control:

US: London Control, Fasttrack XX, FL100 direct Berry Head
Him: (Long Pause) er, Foxtroxt Sierra Tango xx was that?

US: Affirm London, it's Fasttrack xx, FL100
Him: Confirm Your callsign?

US: FASTTRACK xx
Him: (deadpan voice) Ah, roger fasttrack xx, it was the 160kt groundspeed that fooled me...

Much appreciated by all on board hee hee

ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

In an afternoon of slot problems and congestion on the ground...

Alitalia:- "Alitalia xyz, do you have any good news for us?"

Delivery:- "It's nearly my birthday..."

;)

I am sure everyone heard this one

American Airlines pilot was set to retire after this last flight. Upon taxiing for departure he stated to the Toronto (YYZ) tower.

"Well after 30 years, this will be my last take off as a professional pilot. I just want to thank you folks up there for all the help over the years. You have been the second best controlling service in the world"

ATC reply's:

"Well thank you" pause for a moment
"May we ask who is number one in all your travels?"

Captain reply's:

"Everyone else"

Yesterday when at Sheffield i was calling sheffield radio and when reading back the QNH i responded:

QNH 2005 G-LT!

D`OH! :rolleyes:

Don't worry... It just shows what High Pressure you're under!!!

:\


...Taxi!!!!

Here´s a little addition to the famous "Fokker" related snappy answers:

acft climbing out of Frankfurt to Switzerland, overtaking a Fokker 5o in the climb.

Pilot 1: Is that an old Fokker?

Pilot 2 (flying the FK50, moaning) It´s the oldest Fokker that is flying in Europe!

Controller: We therefore gently call her the Mother Fokker!

Training the blonde :)
 

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"