Paddington*

After good, careful vectoring by an ATC officer onto the ILS:

Me "Thanks for a great turn-on"

Two seconds later, my face turns a subtle shade of red

:o

Dohh!

Capt Homesick

I've posted this one before but never mind....
(At Vero Beach, a/c calling for rejoinwere expected to say on the first call whether it was to land, or to join the circuit)
N9248H (young oriental voice): "Cherokee 48H Webasso Bridge request join."
VRB ATC: "Roger 48H what are your intentions?"
N9248H: "I stay FlightSafety one more year, then go fly China Airlines!"

ehwatezedoing

Also posted this one before....& still love it:

departure taking care of one CF-18 after an airshow:

ATC:"-Allouette 22, what's your heading!?"
CF-18:"-........"
ATC:"-Allouette 22, what's your heading!?"
CF-18:"-......................."
ATC:"-ALLOUETTE 22 DO YOU COPY???"
CF-18:"-...... aaaaaah, we're not heading...... we're climing....."

cojones

Speedbird 147 working Jeddah Control.
"Speedbird 147, you are cleared to Bahrain Inshaalah, call for descent."
"Ummmmmmmm"
"Speedbird 147, you are cleared to Bahrain Inshaalah, call for descent."
"Ummmmmm, Speedbird 147, our destination is Bahrain International????"

Slickster

German controller at LGW:
"Delta 123 I cleared you to G1 you've gone past that and are now at J3"(cue frustrated German accent)

reply-"Gee m'aam, was I married to you once?!"

LAN

CPH during late evening hours. A Shorts SC-7 is "Cleared to land 22L, after landing left via 12 to South", which is some 900 m. after the threshold.

Short lands in 600 m, turns off at a taxiway and calls TWR :

"Aaaarrh, TWR, DTR541...sorry, folks...we didn't make it"

air vent

Anyone got any good/funny stories about things that have happened in the past - either on the RT or in the ops room/tower?

evenflow

Is it really that bad down there?

theblipdriver

the best thing i heard in my training (we almost had to stop the exercise - we bursted into laughter) was during practising weather avoidance headings in an early stage of the ATC school. trainee wanted to say "to circumnavigate adverse weather fly heading...", but he finally said "to circumnavigate adverse wedding....". then the coach replied quite quickly "who are you talking to, your mother-in-law?"

this was our best one...

cheers

Tapster

In training on the Sim back in the 60s as a cadet someone who is now very senior, but a vgood controller and manager, was overheard to say "GABCD Have you just turned left on to a right hand heading?"

theblipdriver

some other good ones from our training:
during emergency training: one acft cruising at FL330, crossing traffic at FL310, and (murphy :-) the upper one had a engine failure. so the pilot reported "DLH123, engine failure, leaving FL330 for 220", then the atco-trainee screamed "negative!!! maintain FL330!!!"

or another one , a B747, wanting to climb to FL350 from FL310. trainee asked "SIN123, ready for higher?" "SIN123 affirm", atco: "roger, then..." then he realised he had opposite traffic at FL330 "maintain FL310!" must have been a bloody disappointment for the 747! but the funniest thing was then the reaction of the coach (can't be translated..."sowas nennt man pilotenverarschung!!!!!")

was the best time of my life the training in ATC.

cheers,

eyeinthesky

Emergency training: 737 with double engine failure.
Lady approach controller: "Descend to altitude 2000ft, QNH 1004"

and then...??

short&shapeless

The scene:
Many moons ago in Germany, sat in Ground with the sky full of Harriers - Tower controller screening VERY attractive female U/T (yes I know it was the RAF but she was ). SATCO (who liked to think himself a bit of a ladies man) walks in, makes a big play of sniffing the air and states "that smells nice, what have you got on?" IMMEDIATE response from Tower controller "well I've got a hard on - but I didn't know you could smell it! " Cue me on floor and SATCO departing very red-faced.

Barnaby the Bear

<Falling about laughing>

chiglet

Heard at Brum,1970
A [very] broad Northern accent...
Birmingham Approach, I've just flown over your airfield, and I'm lost. Can you tell me where I am Please?
At Manch...[Irish Airline]xxx you are No 2 in traffic
Roger, is that No 1 in front?
In the RAF, Lightnig pilot ZZZ22 Fire one fire two
Female trainee Roger 22, understand both missiles fired
Sme Trainee..zzz343, you are entering my dark area
343, it's ok, we'll be careful
we aim to please, it keeps the cleaners happy

Standard_Departure

Overheard on Arrivals Freq.

PILOT: Arrivals, ABC123, what is our position in the sequence ?
ATC: Aaah lets see, ABC123, I have you pencilled in at number 2, but I do have vacancies at numbers 5 & 7.

short&shapeless

The Scene - same day, same team, not long recovered from 'hard on' call.

Dutch Mil Heli, callsign 'S69' calls for recovery.

Attractive U/t (still flushed): "sara...." "no.. seemer sick...." "no saver sex..." "oh this is no good I can't get my tongue around this callsign"

Suprised look on her face when she turns round to see everybody else in stitches - she did go a lovely shade on rosy pink though!!!

theblipdriver

it's not funny for everyone (especially for pilots...but what do they do in this forum anyway? ) : our first IFR-Voice lesson: "the two most important rules for an atco: ONE: never apologise on frequency and TWO : never call a pilot "sir"! let THEM feel YOU superior......."

cheers,

5milesbaby

During a day of just listening in during training, big delays had developed due to bad weather. A/c on departure, running late due to inbound holding, decided to please us with his cabin message over the RTF.
Pilot: ".............and we apologise for the late running of this service. Due to Air Traffic restrictions the a/c was late arriving at LHR."
Controller: "Lying bastard"
Pilot: (very quiet)"Sorry"

Bright-Ling

short&shapeless

Hey, was said suave SATCO (and now LTCC employee?) talking about a Red haired lady maried to puma jock??