Examiner to candidate after an IR renewal where the ILS was dreadfully executed:

"Hmmmmmm. Most people wouldn't have done it like that....."

An optimist is a helicopter pilot that smokes and thinks he's going to die of cancer.

flingwing207,
We all know it is the drink that will kill him.

Makes me chuckle
 

“When I die, I want it to be like my grandfather, quietly in his sleep…………..

Not like his four passengers, who went down screaming !!”

Don't squat with yer spurs on!

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.

If you realize you are digging yourself into a hole....first thing to do is stop digging.

Even bad guys have good days.

Among the many postings scrawled on the wall of the hangar loo at the NT epicentre of mustering in OZ (while doing my slave time a long time ago) was this.

"Once I couldn't even spell engineer and now I are one"

Just joking guys-love your work:D

That other saying " Just keep your eye on it", was also the standard engineer reply to pilot questions of snags. So much so they created an unofficial company T-Shirt with that very slogan across the back.

The three most useless quantities in aviation:

1. The sky above you
2. The runway behind you
3. The fuel left in the bowser

Also known as ARIAs by Uncle Roger of Flight International, (Always Remembered Instructors Advices) were:

From an R22 instructor in Queensland, spoken with a woman's strident Queenies accent, "I don't like going backwards in confined areas" as yours truly was doing same,

And from the same woman, "I don't like flying 40 knots over water" Well remembered advice.

Also from Jimmy Procter of BA whenever there was a weather related accident, "Should have been in the tea bar...".

A helicopter does not fly. It beats the air into submission.


"Kick the tires, light the fires, brief on guard, first off is lead."

Check 6

:ok:

Over heard on the intercom of a large aircraft whilst taxying in.

"Did we touch down, or were we shot down?"

"Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines"

Check Six.....That was SOP for tactical emergency flights in my Hook unit in 68-70!:ok:

If all you can see through your canopy is the direction you were previously traveling intermingled with dust, and all you can hear is commotion from your co-bubba, things are not at all as they should be.

My first instructor said this, and it has stuck in my head.
"A helicopter is like a dirty B****, she does what she wants to do, but you have to make her do what you want to do!"
:O ;) :} :}

Using the Cyclic:
If you push the cyclic left, the helicopter goes left.
If you push the cyclic right, the helicopter goes right.
That is, unless you keep pushing the cyclic all the way right, then you will probably go left while the helicopter swaps ends.

Instrument Flying
 

From one of our test pilots..."There's no big trick to instrument flying: Just remember to keep the dirty side down." :}

"Ask 6 helicopter pilots a question, and you're sure to get at least 7 different opinions." ;)

From a test pilot who obviously didn't subscribe to the "keep-flying-it-to-the-bitter-end" school of thought:

When it's all going horribly wrong and there's nothing else you can do, then unstrap, turn around, drop your trousers and sit on the cyclic. It won't help you, but it'll give the Accident Investigation Branch (or NTSB, or whoever you have in your neck of the woods) something to think about...

I saw this above the urinal at the FBO in Winchester (OKV) today, and thought it was pretty funny...

ATTN: Pilots

Pilots with short pitot tubes and low manifold pressure, please TAXI UP CLOSE!

I heard this from a 500 pilot:
If you can stand in it I can land in it.

Always Remembered Instructors Advices
 

Dave Mallock (Malarky Jim) of RN fame,

"Go the way you're pointing, and point the way you're going" :ok: