Airline Pilots and Divorce
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Airline Pilots and Divorce
Hi,
I'm just starting out on my airline career, and I have noticed a worrying trend amongst the Captains I fly with: a lot of them (I would say 60%) are divorced, or in the process of divorce, and some are on their second or third marriage.
This is a much higher ratio than the national British average (1 in 3 roughly).
Can anyone who has been through the experience shed light on why this happens? Obviously the life-style plays a major role. I'm looking for individual experiences, what happened, why and what (maybe?) could have been done to prevent it. It's easier on an annonymous website to divulge details than face to face in a small flight deck!
The reason that I'm asking: I am in a very serious relationship that I would give anything to make work, and in addition carry on my other love in life, flying.
Thanks.
I'm just starting out on my airline career, and I have noticed a worrying trend amongst the Captains I fly with: a lot of them (I would say 60%) are divorced, or in the process of divorce, and some are on their second or third marriage.
This is a much higher ratio than the national British average (1 in 3 roughly).
Can anyone who has been through the experience shed light on why this happens? Obviously the life-style plays a major role. I'm looking for individual experiences, what happened, why and what (maybe?) could have been done to prevent it. It's easier on an annonymous website to divulge details than face to face in a small flight deck!
The reason that I'm asking: I am in a very serious relationship that I would give anything to make work, and in addition carry on my other love in life, flying.
Thanks.
airing cupboard
Been there, got the t-shirt. She got everything else.
(Warning - Humour alert not to be taken seriously)
Heard a great Country and Western song recently. The title
was "If I'd shot her when I met her, I'd be out of Jail by now!"
Made me smile ...........
Hope your career and relationship keep in close formation.
Been there, got the t-shirt. She got everything else.
(Warning - Humour alert not to be taken seriously)
Heard a great Country and Western song recently. The title
was "If I'd shot her when I met her, I'd be out of Jail by now!"
Made me smile ...........
Hope your career and relationship keep in close formation.
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Rod Stewart had it right- 'just find a woman you don't like and give her a house!'.
There's chicks galore in aviation (unless you're into cargo). The one you meet at 20 and fall in love with very often is not the one you want at 40. It happens. Don't fight it. I stayed with Mrs. Notso Mk 1 for too long and it got me nowhere but a vastly more expensive D settlement. Just go where life blows you.
There's chicks galore in aviation (unless you're into cargo). The one you meet at 20 and fall in love with very often is not the one you want at 40. It happens. Don't fight it. I stayed with Mrs. Notso Mk 1 for too long and it got me nowhere but a vastly more expensive D settlement. Just go where life blows you.
George Bernard Shaw's advice to anyone contemplating marriage was "Don't".
Reminds of a mate who wanted to become an airline pilot (he succeeded) but when he spoke to the Chief Pilot (then) of leading UK leisure airline for advice, said CP commented "Why do you want to be an airline pilot - there are only two things that pilots get, divorces and piles!"
Reminds of a mate who wanted to become an airline pilot (he succeeded) but when he spoke to the Chief Pilot (then) of leading UK leisure airline for advice, said CP commented "Why do you want to be an airline pilot - there are only two things that pilots get, divorces and piles!"
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As has been said many times, if it flies, floats or (ahem) 'engages in sexual activity', rent it, don't buy it!
Had two marriages, and the pressures of (in the first) military life and (the second) airline lifestyle were just too much for the respective wives. Maybe it's something about the personality of pilots that predisposes us to give more attention to the job than we do to our spouses, but it's certainly true that relationships and aviation don't mix well.
Of my colleagues in Virgin, I can think of only a handful that have maintained a marriage from before they joined. And no, it's not necessarily the presence of beautiful hosties that dooms us to failure!
Had two marriages, and the pressures of (in the first) military life and (the second) airline lifestyle were just too much for the respective wives. Maybe it's something about the personality of pilots that predisposes us to give more attention to the job than we do to our spouses, but it's certainly true that relationships and aviation don't mix well.
Of my colleagues in Virgin, I can think of only a handful that have maintained a marriage from before they joined. And no, it's not necessarily the presence of beautiful hosties that dooms us to failure!
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Not quite airline standard yet, but hoping to get there. But I already want to ship the wife off. She doesn't understand the whole pilot thing, and doesn't want to. It's not that I force it on her either, she just doesn't care for it (or me)!! I say if flying is truly your passion go with your heart. You can always buy a wife later.
"Mildly" Eccentric Stardriver
Your problem here is that you have two loves in your life. One thing is for sure, the flying one won't go away. My only advice is to work your best on the other one. Hopefully your partner understands, especially if you don't live aviation 100% of the time you are at home.
For your own part, the best thing is to avoid the tempation. A shared bottle of wine under the palm trees can sound fun, but it's very easy for things to get out of hand.
Good luck. I'm on my second marriage, to someone totally unconnected to aviation, and I'm determined this one will work. It has done for nearly fourteen years now.
For your own part, the best thing is to avoid the tempation. A shared bottle of wine under the palm trees can sound fun, but it's very easy for things to get out of hand.
Good luck. I'm on my second marriage, to someone totally unconnected to aviation, and I'm determined this one will work. It has done for nearly fourteen years now.
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A shared bottle of wine under the palm trees can sound fun, but it's very easy for things to get out of hand....
Herod said it all .Better avoid temptation!
At this point it would be interesting to see where the divorce
rate is Higher:
Long Haul or short haul pilots.
Just a curiosity guys.....
(I've been a short haul only guy and I feel to mix the profession with marriage is often difficult for our partners.
I don't even want to know how it will be on Long haul !!)
Herod said it all .Better avoid temptation!
At this point it would be interesting to see where the divorce
rate is Higher:
Long Haul or short haul pilots.
Just a curiosity guys.....
(I've been a short haul only guy and I feel to mix the profession with marriage is often difficult for our partners.
I don't even want to know how it will be on Long haul !!)
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airing cupboard
Maybe the reason why so many pilots’ marriages end in divorce is because the whole personality profile of an aviator does not cater for long and intimate relationships.
After all, the average pilot is an egocentric know-it-all, introverted load-mouth and anal-retentive busybody. And those are his/her more endearing qualities.
Since I am one of those myself and since I have also been married and divorced I think I know what I am talking about. Partners want commitment, pilots enjoy freedom. Spouses crave attention, pilots have a very short attention span, we need diversion otherwise we get bored. A relationship means long-time planning and expectations, the average pilot these days works 2 or 3 years for the same employer and than gets sacked, the company goes bankrupt or merges with an other entity etc etc etc. i.e. no security or steady future outlook. It forms our collective character. It is what makes us so interesting as conversation topics but keeps us from initiating close, intimate and long-lasting personal relationships.
For your sake I hope you’re different.
dnx
Maybe the reason why so many pilots’ marriages end in divorce is because the whole personality profile of an aviator does not cater for long and intimate relationships.
After all, the average pilot is an egocentric know-it-all, introverted load-mouth and anal-retentive busybody. And those are his/her more endearing qualities.
Since I am one of those myself and since I have also been married and divorced I think I know what I am talking about. Partners want commitment, pilots enjoy freedom. Spouses crave attention, pilots have a very short attention span, we need diversion otherwise we get bored. A relationship means long-time planning and expectations, the average pilot these days works 2 or 3 years for the same employer and than gets sacked, the company goes bankrupt or merges with an other entity etc etc etc. i.e. no security or steady future outlook. It forms our collective character. It is what makes us so interesting as conversation topics but keeps us from initiating close, intimate and long-lasting personal relationships.
For your sake I hope you’re different.
dnx
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Sorry to go against the flow, but I've been married for 31 years and still very much in love with Mrs A. (I've been flying longhaul for 35 years).
At a recent reunion of my 1968 Hamble course, over three quarters of the guys were still on wife No 1.
Airclues
At a recent reunion of my 1968 Hamble course, over three quarters of the guys were still on wife No 1.
Airclues
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Well it is true that a lot of pilots suffer from AIDS.
Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome = AIDS.
Had it myself once. Cured now.
Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome = AIDS.
Had it myself once. Cured now.
Whatever happens,.. happens!
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Well, I guess I'm one of those boring ones
This August it will be 33 years of continous warfare...err I mean wedded bliss for my Wife and me.
I've also had the same flying job for 25 years, so maybe I just don't like to keep changing things?
Of course, I spent quite a bit of time to look for a good woman and found one, I do not feel responsible if she did not look for a good man.
Many of my colleagues that have gone trough divorce, seem to get on better with their first wife's now then they did when they were married and it looks to me like some wouldn't mind trading back.
This August it will be 33 years of continous warfare...err I mean wedded bliss for my Wife and me.
I've also had the same flying job for 25 years, so maybe I just don't like to keep changing things?
Of course, I spent quite a bit of time to look for a good woman and found one, I do not feel responsible if she did not look for a good man.
Many of my colleagues that have gone trough divorce, seem to get on better with their first wife's now then they did when they were married and it looks to me like some wouldn't mind trading back.
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'THE AVERAGE PILOT , DESPITE THE SOMETIMES SWAGGERING EXTERIOR, IS VERY MUCH CAPABLE OF SUCH FEELINGS AS LOVE, AFFECTION,INTIMACY AND CARING.
THESE FEELINGS JUST DO NOT INVOLVE ANYBODY ELSE.'
-- US NAVY TIMES
A liitle lightener to kick off with.
Interesting topic , flying and divorce , I don't think we should take it too seriously , we are not that different to most guys , just have more toys and earn money doing our hobby.
I personally have 'failed' twice at the marriage bit. The first time was a problem of being too young ( 21 and 19 ) we married for passport/visa reasons before we had time to realise we were only in it for the passion ( we have just met up by accident after 27 years and get on really well - even her hubby likes me !! )The 2nd time was the serious one but sadly she fell apart after i dragged her back to UK from Africa ( where she had grown up , as had I ) with 3 kids in tow , no nanny etc and while i was happy as a P.I.S with my flying/golfing life , she was not and disappeared down a brandy bottle. My kids are well balanced , we have never ever argued over them and have remained good buddies.
A recent relationship has foundered on the fact that I do not have 3 out of 4 weekends off a month ( she is a London based workaholic who needs to be pampered at weekends ! ).
So , pilots need to marry a practical broadshouldered type of girl who is quite ok with periods on her own without becoming paranoid over the nightstops-with-pretty ladies . She needs to have a life of her own and trust you implicitly ( this should be both ways ) Just make sure of some quality time together on a regular basis , cross your fingers and accept ' que sera sera '.
With my record you may think I am probably not really qualified to comment , but I do know when an 'aviation' marriage is going to work and I do know that there are many happy ones these days because people are more open about what they want before tripping down the aisle. I am still looking !!
BONNE CHANCE
THESE FEELINGS JUST DO NOT INVOLVE ANYBODY ELSE.'
-- US NAVY TIMES
A liitle lightener to kick off with.
Interesting topic , flying and divorce , I don't think we should take it too seriously , we are not that different to most guys , just have more toys and earn money doing our hobby.
I personally have 'failed' twice at the marriage bit. The first time was a problem of being too young ( 21 and 19 ) we married for passport/visa reasons before we had time to realise we were only in it for the passion ( we have just met up by accident after 27 years and get on really well - even her hubby likes me !! )The 2nd time was the serious one but sadly she fell apart after i dragged her back to UK from Africa ( where she had grown up , as had I ) with 3 kids in tow , no nanny etc and while i was happy as a P.I.S with my flying/golfing life , she was not and disappeared down a brandy bottle. My kids are well balanced , we have never ever argued over them and have remained good buddies.
A recent relationship has foundered on the fact that I do not have 3 out of 4 weekends off a month ( she is a London based workaholic who needs to be pampered at weekends ! ).
So , pilots need to marry a practical broadshouldered type of girl who is quite ok with periods on her own without becoming paranoid over the nightstops-with-pretty ladies . She needs to have a life of her own and trust you implicitly ( this should be both ways ) Just make sure of some quality time together on a regular basis , cross your fingers and accept ' que sera sera '.
With my record you may think I am probably not really qualified to comment , but I do know when an 'aviation' marriage is going to work and I do know that there are many happy ones these days because people are more open about what they want before tripping down the aisle. I am still looking !!
BONNE CHANCE
Chilled
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It sounds like you will be fine airing cupboard, lets face it - very often the third wife syndrome is an incurable case of grass is greener (very often is when its just been laid) and is not at all unique to the pilot fraternity. Divorce isn't a symptom of flying, you love your work and that is bound to show at home, if she loves her career/life as much as you do then it is probably going to be a very supportive environment.
Personally I dont think its a worrying trend either. Lets face it - better off with a "period of life partner" than you are putting up with what once worked in the name of continuity for both involved, and if it isn't going well at home, work is the first place that its going to show (esp if work involves aforementioned palm tree scenario). Failed marriage is rarely something either side are proud of, and it's always a complex task to consider why certain things happened - let alone how to put them straight. But if you have an attitude that says "I would give anything to make this work" and your partner does too - you are both very lucky.
Personally I dont think its a worrying trend either. Lets face it - better off with a "period of life partner" than you are putting up with what once worked in the name of continuity for both involved, and if it isn't going well at home, work is the first place that its going to show (esp if work involves aforementioned palm tree scenario). Failed marriage is rarely something either side are proud of, and it's always a complex task to consider why certain things happened - let alone how to put them straight. But if you have an attitude that says "I would give anything to make this work" and your partner does too - you are both very lucky.
Humorous thread drift alert!!!
Once asked a senior colleague how long he had been married. he replied " We have had 5 very happy years"
"Been married 32 years mind you!!!!"
Once asked a senior colleague how long he had been married. he replied " We have had 5 very happy years"
"Been married 32 years mind you!!!!"
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It really does depend on a lot of things, not least what each of you are like as individuals and what you both want from your relationship.
(If she wants your house, car and a nice boat for her place in the Med, then I suppose you're doomed).
I've been with Mrs WD for 14 years. We met when I wor nobbut a lad and looking to join the RAF as a pilot. I wasn't selfish enough to risk our relationship whilst I pursued the only career I ever wanted, so dumped the RAF idea when I left the UAS during my second year at uni. It was a hard decision to take.
But, I don't regret that decision for a minute. In fact, 12 years later, here I am with my CPL looking for my first airline job. We've spent huge amounts of time apart during my training, and we still don't have any money to show for full-time careers. It certainly hasn't been easy getting here, but we've never been happier.
As for any extra-marital naughtiness, well I'm butt ugly and skint, and so far the only girl (other than my splendid missus) who showed any interest in me in the last 14 years was crazier than a ****house rat and damn near half my age. Hardly think the hosties are going to be queueing up at the door for this old fart.
(If she wants your house, car and a nice boat for her place in the Med, then I suppose you're doomed).
I've been with Mrs WD for 14 years. We met when I wor nobbut a lad and looking to join the RAF as a pilot. I wasn't selfish enough to risk our relationship whilst I pursued the only career I ever wanted, so dumped the RAF idea when I left the UAS during my second year at uni. It was a hard decision to take.
But, I don't regret that decision for a minute. In fact, 12 years later, here I am with my CPL looking for my first airline job. We've spent huge amounts of time apart during my training, and we still don't have any money to show for full-time careers. It certainly hasn't been easy getting here, but we've never been happier.
As for any extra-marital naughtiness, well I'm butt ugly and skint, and so far the only girl (other than my splendid missus) who showed any interest in me in the last 14 years was crazier than a ****house rat and damn near half my age. Hardly think the hosties are going to be queueing up at the door for this old fart.
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not a pilot, but in love with one
Reading this thread made me want to walk out on my pilot boy friend, which makes me wonder why he would have forwarded this to me to begin with.
I think pilots tend to over estimate their position on this planet. I mean, you fly planes not save lives. The thing that gets to me the most is the way my bf makes decisions without first consulting with me. It is very presumptuous...and RUDE!!!!!
The personality type that makes a good aviator, needs to understand that their significant others are not planes that need to be commanded by them. We are human beings with wants and needs, and if you can just think of it that way, divorce would not be so prominent.
That said, some of the comments here are very enlightening, and help me understand him a little better.
I think pilots tend to over estimate their position on this planet. I mean, you fly planes not save lives. The thing that gets to me the most is the way my bf makes decisions without first consulting with me. It is very presumptuous...and RUDE!!!!!
The personality type that makes a good aviator, needs to understand that their significant others are not planes that need to be commanded by them. We are human beings with wants and needs, and if you can just think of it that way, divorce would not be so prominent.
That said, some of the comments here are very enlightening, and help me understand him a little better.
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Culture Freak,
If I can take issue with one aspect of your answer. By doing our jobs properly we can save hundreds of lives at a time.
As far as I am aware, Surgeons dont have to be professionally examined and risk their livelihood twice a year either.
If I can take issue with one aspect of your answer. By doing our jobs properly we can save hundreds of lives at a time.
As far as I am aware, Surgeons dont have to be professionally examined and risk their livelihood twice a year either.